How do you deal with unsolicited workout advice?

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Replies

  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
    sheermomentum wrote: »
    After reading the updates to the original post about what happened and how it unfolded, it really sounds like your friend was trying to show off a bit. And she was probably making assumptions about her level of knowledge and ability relative to yours. And it was probably based partly on your weight, bcuz that's normal (stupid and unfair, but normal). But maybe it was also based partly on the fact that she has been working out for a longer time? Dunno. You'd have to judge that for yourself. However, if you want to be friends, then you do need to address the situation a little more head-on, if it comes up again. I don't think its unreasonable for you to simply explain that the gym is your "me time." But conversing with them at the gym in a friendly way, or at work about exercise, shouldn't cut too much into your alone time. This will probably be easier after you establish openly that you like to be focused on the workout at the gym, and not spend too much time socializing. And if they give you tips, just keep responding honestly, and make a conversation of it - even if the tone coming at you is condescending. I'm sure you can explain why you do what you do, and perhaps as you demonstrate your own grasp on the situation, they will come to respect you more (with regard to exercise). If you keep your own temper and separate the attitude from the information, then you can better decide if they are sharing good information or not.

    To be honest, they could have been making assumptions about the level of knowledge simply based on using the hip abductor/adductor machine. It is basically useless except in specific circumstances that are usually sport-specific or rehab-specific.
  • tennisdude2004
    tennisdude2004 Posts: 5,609 Member
    whee1234 wrote: »
    So, I've made a couple new friends at work (yay!). When the three of us had coffee the other day, I confided in them about my recent 50 lb weight loss. I still need to lose another 75-100 lbs, as I'm a 5'7" female who weighs 230 lb.

    They both immediately offered to work out with me. They're both super fit and one said that she was 'almost' certified as a personal
    trainer.

    I thanked them and smiled, but never intend to take either of them up on it. I hate the idea of working out with other people. My workout is my personal time. I want to listen to music and run on the treadmill and then use whatever weight machine I feel like using at the time.

    The other girl (not almost a personal trainer) works out at my 24-hour gym. She saw me on the hip-addiction/abducction machine and came over to say hello. Then she said that the machine I was on only worked a very small muscle group and that she could show me what to do if I ever wanted her to. I gave her a cold-eyed smile and thanked her. Then I stopped talking in a way that made it obvious I was waiting for her to leave. I don't want to workout with her.

    I really don't. How do I say "Back off, *kitten*" without using the words 'back,' 'off,' or '*kitten*?'

    I like having coffee with these girls, and talking about work, and one of them hosts really awesome after-work parties on Fridays.

    Also, I pick a different weight machine to do every day. And I workout 6 days a week. So not hitting the right muscle groups isn't a huge concern. Just saying.

    Probably a simple 'well meant' thank you would have sufficed and then just gone about your business.

    Just joking - you should have told her to mind her own business and get the hell out of your face.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    If she was so outsandingly rude and condescending, then why didnt you emphasise that aspect in the OP. It seems now everyone else agrees they didnt find as posted what was wrong with what happened or the advice, that only then the rude and condescending comes out.

    She could have easily apologised because she hadnt realised how sensitive you are and how badly you took it. There would be no reason from what you wrote that the girl in question would be rude to you and she was offering to help based on her experience. It wouldnt surprise me if it was about the adduction machine and something she had fallen into when she first started working out. You are very defensive OP. Its cool you prefer working out on your own, but chill out imo.
  • Cherimoose
    Cherimoose Posts: 5,208 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Be objective and not subjective. While you may not want to work out with them, she actually gave you correct information.

    About the hip-adduction/abduction just working a small muscle group? Are you saying there are better machines to use for this or that you just don't get a good bang for your time buck?

    A lot of what I do in the gym is to compliment my yoga practice (and swimming) so I do use these machines and am interested in hearing more.

    I think Ninberbuff would agree it's an inefficient use of time, but it's also not a very functional exercise. Outside the gym, that muscle doesn't work in isolation - it coordinates with dozens of other muscles. Also we tend to do things standing and unsupported, which works the body differently than seated. That's why machines tend to be poor for functional strength. Lots of discussions already exist on machines vs. freeweights, if you want to read more. Basically, standing freeweight and/or cable machine exercises complement yoga & swimming better. Try to follow an established program for best results. :+1:
  • SaffronSunrise
    SaffronSunrise Posts: 182 Member
    I like to use the machine backwards. It looks strange, but it hits my glutes.
  • oh_happy_day
    oh_happy_day Posts: 1,137 Member
    VintageFeline wrote: »
    So she went out of her way to fully explain the reason why she was recommending the machine was ineffectual and that you would get better results elsewhere/with a different method? We take advice from our baggage and you took this the wrong way I think. She was doing her damndest to make sure you knew why she was making a suggestion, not "going on and on". It's an approach I and I'm sure others have used in similar situations so that we're not that person who just strides up, tells you what you're doing is pointless and disappears again without any explanation as to how they arrived at their viewpoint.

    I think you need to check yourself a bit. We all take things the wrong way sometimes because of our hang ups and insecurities but if we just think about it a bit after the fact we can see we misread the whole thing and there's no need to be quite so upset about what is actually a nice thing someone was trying to do.

    ^^ this. It's very possible that she DOES know more than you about exercise and fitness. And so what?! That doesn't make you or your achievements any less. Your weight loss is fantastic and you should be proud of the effort you've put in. But don't push people away, especially if they're people who might have something helpful to add.

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