How can I help my sister help herself??

GGMarie1501 · June 2011

Ok so I'm very very concerned about my sister. She's almost 300 pounds.. maybe plus or minus a few. Anyway, she's afraid to lose weight because she doesn't want loose skin hanging on her. Does this really happen?? With me my skin goes in when my body does so I don't know. Also, how can I motivate her to lose weight once her baby is born?? She will have a total of 4 kids under 4 and I'm really worried that if she keeps on she will miss out on alot with them..

Any advise??

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I think a few have given me an idea.. I wish I could just get her back and forth to the local gym but we're like 45 minutes away. Anyway, she's uhh.. let's see I'll be 23 this Nov.. Her B-day is in Oct. which means she'll be 25 this year.

I don't know how affective leading by example will be. I've always been the skinny one and only just gained weight after getting married and giving birth. So I've had some major life changes, and I'm going to reach my goal weight. I wish I could connect with her on a friend level instead of her skinny spoiled little sister.. That's how she sees me most of the time because I am married and I do have support for myself and my kids and hers is very limited. She made her own life choices, but I'm trying to help as much as I can.

koosdel · June 2011

Lead by example.

dumb_blondes_rock · June 2011

well ask her if its healthier to be 300 pounds or to have some loose skin? And does loose skin mean that your life will be cut short by decades as 300 pounds does? And be as supportive as you can....give her recipies, or work out with her

Pebble321 · June 2011

Don't nag, you can't make the decision to change for someone else.
Just look after your own healthy lifestyle and be ready to help IF and when she asks.

katheern · June 2011

If you lose weight the healthy way (about 2 lbs a week) there is very minimal loose skin because your skin will readjust at the same time. Like other people were syaing though, is it worth her health and potentially her life to stay that weight so she doesn't have loose skin? That said, she has to make the decision herself and no matter what you say she won't do it until she decides she wants to.

Heather75 · June 2011

Lead by example.

This.

igora_soma · June 2011

It's nice to hear that you care enough to ask how to go about it the right way. It must hard to see that, especially since she has little ones. Maybe invite her over for dinner or take her some really healthy food after she has the baby? I think the lead by example suggestion is really a great idea.

If you do say something she may take it the wrong way, so you've got to be careful. Maybe just keep sharing how great you're doing and she'll be inspired by your motivation and courage.

Good luck!

jamaka1 · June 2011

tis is a benefits vs risk situation, she gotta decide

alsnipes · June 2011

First, get her on here to make her aware and hold herself accountable for her decisions. She doesn't have to join the community.. i didn't for a little bit. She can stay completely private about her habits but if she can physically see what she is doing it may have a great effect.
Do everything with her. As in, offer to help her with everything but be her subtle conscience. Go grocery shopping together so you can look at labels together.
BUT!!!!! If you feel her pushing you away, back off a little to see if she's pushing for independence or pushing to hide.
If you can get the ball rolling for her with a diet change, then later on you two can work on the exercise.
Look up 5K's in your area and start going to them; you can even make it a girls outting, NO KIDS. that way you can look forward to the events as alone or bonding time.

If y'all are geographically seperated, it may be time to dip into savings to go see her once a month to accomplish these tasks. Ask yourself this question: $300 for a ticket of $3000 for a casket.

jamiefire7 · June 2011

Maybe talk her into a friendly competition. Something motivating not negative!! For instance the first one down 20 pounds gets a Target gift card for 20 dollars. She may definitely lose the weight faster and you may be out 20 dollars but it would be worth it. Once the ball gets rolling for her maybe she will notice how good she feel and keep up the work to lose the weight. I agree though, nagging won't get you far and will only drive a wedge between the two of you

beerbomber · June 2011

Whoever said about losing weight slow that skin will adjust is correct and only way her skin will be loose loose if she looses it fast by gastric bypass, stomach band, ect and then the fact is they have surgery for loose skin you don't want to have surgery for heart attack you don't come out feeeling as good

guppygirl322 · June 2011

Wow, I would think that health would be a bigger motivator than loose skin, ESPECIALLY if she has children. Carrying around that much extra weight WILL cut her life short and she will be missing out on so much with her children. She is also setting a really bad example for them as far as diet goes. She will be setting them up for a lifetime of habits exactly like hers.

Loose skin can be removed. That is the LEAST of her worries at 300 pounds.

Be supportive and help show her the way. Taking that first step on a weight loss journey is the hardest.

MelissaL582 · June 2011

In my opinion, you can't make anyone lose weight until they are ready. It took me awhile to realize this is what I wanted for myself and I dedicated everything to it. I've been on MFP since January and my family has seen my progress. Lots of my friends think I'm taking something to lose the weight, but it's just counting calories and working out like we all are. I've tried getting my sister to lose weight but she'll start and won't finish it..she reminds me of how I used to be. I'm not giving up on my sister but I'm not going to nag her. When she realizes she's too big, I hope she takes the steps to lose the weight. Maybe with your sister having 4 kids soon, she will realize she's carrying too much weight to keep up with her kids. I have 3 kids myself and at my heaviest I was 237lbs and that was exhausting. As for the extra skin, she just might have lose skin hanging but I'd rather have that than all the weight.

Athena413 · June 2011

You CAN'T help someone that refuses to help herself. It must be her decision. I agree to lead by example. And what's worse for her...loose skin or all of the SERIOUSLY expensive and miserable health problems that come along with being overweight? You can fix loose skin...you can't necessarily fix heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc... once it's gone too far. And how old is your sister? The younger you are, the more elastic your skin is and will firm up as you slim down...

SweetP88 · June 2011

I agree with those that say to lead by example....you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. She must want to help herself as well!! Maybe if she sees that you are changing your life and your body for the better then it will make her think!!

fteale · June 2011

I don't think you can make other people change, and it won't get you anywhere if she is feeling pestered. It is almost impossible when you have very young children to find the time or the energy to exercise.

If she wants to sort herself out, she'll do it in her own time, but I don't think you can interfere. I would not have taken kindly to any of my sisters suggesting I needed to lose weight when my children were small. It just wasn't a practicality.

She probably need not worry about loose skin, though. Most people find their skin shrinks with them. It's only a problem if you have stretchmarks (like I do, all over my tummy).

How can I help my sister help herself??

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