Hello ! Ed recovery
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Devlinthegreat
Posts: 8 Member
Alright , I want this to be as short as possible but I'm sure it will be a little long winded . There will be possible ED triggers
Starting back to when I was a kid I always had weight issues . I had a fast metabolism though so my eating didn't get serious and become a problem at first because I never put on weight.
Then In 7th grade I broke 100lbs ( that sounds ridiculous but it's tries) and I was devastated but I was in 7 th grade and perfectly healthy my mom wouldn't let me diet( not that I needed it) so I began starving my self . It was effective I maintained a weight of 120lbs for years buy going through fake eating process as I called it .
I wouldn't eat unless I was at a friends house over night. ( which was rare ) eating the dinner my mom made on certain nights ( every so often my mom made us all eat at the table ) if I did eat I ate a lot and enjoyed it then I'd go throw it up. I did this often and I loved being little I love size 0 pants I liked it all.
Skip ahead to college my first year I maintained my golden weight of 120 still . Keeping up my eating charades then I met my current fiancé .
I love him to death but I know my weight gain is due to our relationship.
Not negatively . But once we started dating I binge ate . I ate when we out at his house at mine constantly I felt like I was finally allowed to do that he made me feel like I was beautiful and I was allowed to finally eat and boy did I eat .
Flash to now (about a year and a half )
I weigh a Chubby 180 .
I don't mind the weight gain. I only want to lose 20 or so pounds.
I noticed I couldn't stop eating when he offered me food and since we spend a lot of time he was constantly feeding me ( not on purpose) and I wouldn't deny it .
Now I've calmed my eating a lot and I'm slipping into my old habit of fake eating and I do not want to do that . I want to do this a nairmak way I want to work out I want to eat healthy and drop weight normally and not beacuse I'm starving
Starting back to when I was a kid I always had weight issues . I had a fast metabolism though so my eating didn't get serious and become a problem at first because I never put on weight.
Then In 7th grade I broke 100lbs ( that sounds ridiculous but it's tries) and I was devastated but I was in 7 th grade and perfectly healthy my mom wouldn't let me diet( not that I needed it) so I began starving my self . It was effective I maintained a weight of 120lbs for years buy going through fake eating process as I called it .
I wouldn't eat unless I was at a friends house over night. ( which was rare ) eating the dinner my mom made on certain nights ( every so often my mom made us all eat at the table ) if I did eat I ate a lot and enjoyed it then I'd go throw it up. I did this often and I loved being little I love size 0 pants I liked it all.
Skip ahead to college my first year I maintained my golden weight of 120 still . Keeping up my eating charades then I met my current fiancé .
I love him to death but I know my weight gain is due to our relationship.
Not negatively . But once we started dating I binge ate . I ate when we out at his house at mine constantly I felt like I was finally allowed to do that he made me feel like I was beautiful and I was allowed to finally eat and boy did I eat .
Flash to now (about a year and a half )
I weigh a Chubby 180 .
I don't mind the weight gain. I only want to lose 20 or so pounds.
I noticed I couldn't stop eating when he offered me food and since we spend a lot of time he was constantly feeding me ( not on purpose) and I wouldn't deny it .
Now I've calmed my eating a lot and I'm slipping into my old habit of fake eating and I do not want to do that . I want to do this a nairmak way I want to work out I want to eat healthy and drop weight normally and not beacuse I'm starving
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Replies
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Good Morning
,
I feel like I can relate... I too am still struggling from ED recovery.. I feel like it is a life long battle...
I want to say as long as you feel beautiful and comfortable in your own skin that's all that matters, but I know that doesn't help... What I always try to remember is if I starve myself, I WILL binge... then starve myself... then binge... so it's a vicious cycle. Try to eat small healthy meals every 3-4 hours, always carry something with you, load up on the lean protein and vegetables. ( I know you know all of this)....don't starve yourself of any certain food group or that is what you will binge on, just keep moderation in mind... have that slice of pizza, have a piece of cake.. just make it small and you will feel satisfied but not guilty for 'over indulging' .... I hope I helped a bit... I know it's not easy.. but you can do it !!! 0 -
Hi!
First of all, you have a unhealthy relationship with food and you need to address that before you start any kind of 'diet plan'. You have obsessive tendencies when it comes to eating - I feel it has to be one extreme or the other with you and I don't think it's wise beginning another weight loss plan until you've spoken to a professional about your past and the reason for your food issues. You need to get to the bottom of this. Food is not the enemy, nor is it something to reward yourself with and binge on. It fuels us and keeps us alive. It is there to enjoy in moderation but not to abuse. I wish you the best of luck in speaking to your Dr and I hope to see you back here with a clear mind.0 -
PinkPixiexox wrote: »Hi!
First of all, you have a unhealthy relationship with food and you need to address that before you start any kind of 'diet plan'. You have obsessive tendencies when it comes to eating - I feel it has to be one extreme or the other with you and I don't think it's wise beginning another weight loss plan until you've spoken to a professional about your past and the reason for your food issues. You need to get to the bottom of this. Food is not the enemy, nor is it something to reward yourself with and binge on. It fuels us and keeps us alive. It is there to enjoy in moderation but not to abuse. I wish you the best of luck in speaking to your Dr and I hope to see you back here with a clear mind.
I appreciate your input but i don't really need it.
I know why i do what i do.
I've seen doctors and ive never been told anything i didn't already know on my own.
I have a "clear mind" If i didn't i wouldn't have made a account and i wouldn't have made this post.
Do not speak to me like you know me personally.
Do not speak like because i shared a tidbit of info you know my mind set.
This is what im going to do regardless0 -
Be careful! myfitnesspal is a big trigger for people with an ED history!!! Seeing a professional who knows your background is the best way to lose weight in a healthy manner, both mentally and physically.0
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Devlinthegreat wrote: »PinkPixiexox wrote: »Hi!
First of all, you have a unhealthy relationship with food and you need to address that before you start any kind of 'diet plan'. You have obsessive tendencies when it comes to eating - I feel it has to be one extreme or the other with you and I don't think it's wise beginning another weight loss plan until you've spoken to a professional about your past and the reason for your food issues. You need to get to the bottom of this. Food is not the enemy, nor is it something to reward yourself with and binge on. It fuels us and keeps us alive. It is there to enjoy in moderation but not to abuse. I wish you the best of luck in speaking to your Dr and I hope to see you back here with a clear mind.
I appreciate your input but i don't really need it.
I know why i do what i do.
I've seen doctors and ive never been told anything i didn't already know on my own.
I have a "clear mind" If i didn't i wouldn't have made a account and i wouldn't have made this post.
Do not speak to me like you know me personally.
Do not speak like because i shared a tidbit of info you know my mind set.
This is what im going to do regardless
Then why post if you are not taking advice. You have ED and you need help with this!0 -
Devlinthegreat wrote: »PinkPixiexox wrote: »Hi!
First of all, you have a unhealthy relationship with food and you need to address that before you start any kind of 'diet plan'. You have obsessive tendencies when it comes to eating - I feel it has to be one extreme or the other with you and I don't think it's wise beginning another weight loss plan until you've spoken to a professional about your past and the reason for your food issues. You need to get to the bottom of this. Food is not the enemy, nor is it something to reward yourself with and binge on. It fuels us and keeps us alive. It is there to enjoy in moderation but not to abuse. I wish you the best of luck in speaking to your Dr and I hope to see you back here with a clear mind.
I appreciate your input but i don't really need it.
I know why i do what i do.
I've seen doctors and ive never been told anything i didn't already know on my own.
I have a "clear mind" If i didn't i wouldn't have made a account and i wouldn't have made this post.
Do not speak to me like you know me personally.
Do not speak like because i shared a tidbit of info you know my mind set.
This is what im going to do regardless
Wow I didn't expect such a rude response from you.
I was mainly looking out for your best interests, not attacking you.
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PinkPixiexox wrote: »Wow I didn't expect such a rude response from you.
I was mainly looking out for your best interests, not attacking you.
I wasn't being rude . If you interpreted it that way then that's unfortunate ( it's fairly easy to mistake emotions online) it wasn't my intention I was being dead serious. I thought I got my point across and that's all I wanted to do .
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queenliz99 wrote: »Then why post if you are not taking advice. You have ED and you need help with this!
Referring me to a doctor isn't help to me. I appreciate the sentiment but it is far over done.
I already mentioned, I've been to the dr and done that. So that's not much help is it . Are you picking up what I'm laying down ? C:0 -
Devlinthegreat wrote: »queenliz99 wrote: »Then why post if you are not taking advice. You have ED and you need help with this!
Referring me to a doctor isn't help to me. I appreciate the sentiment but it is far over done.
I already mentioned, I've been to the dr and done that. So that's not much help is it . Are you picking up what I'm laying down ? C:
People are trying to help you. You are being rude, despite how you try and insist otherwise.
I'm not sure why you would make a post if you don't want people to make a comment.
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Welcome! Thank you for sharing your story. Your struggle and history with an ED is very similar to mine. It is wonderful that you are recognizing it earlier than I did. I would like to say that at the age of 48 I am “cured” but as the other post mentioned, it seems to be a lifelong battle. Mine began around 14 as a result of OCD tendencies, a dislike for my muscular build/developing early, and a tough time expressing myself. My struggles have been purging, restricting, with occasional binges. Although I have come to realize that what I considered a binge was really just eating, bad eating, but eating.
It is still a struggle. I have gained a bunch of weight while fighting the ED brain, dealing with an injury, pesky menopause starting, a boyfriend who loves to nurture with food, stress (boy, do I have a long list). I am so much stronger now. Tough times come up, but I feel SO much better.
A few things that have worked for me while dealing with the ED:
-Eat several meals throughout the day, rather than a few big ones. The feeling of fullness triggers me big time. I also avoid major trigger foods during difficult times. Last night I ate pasta and boy did I want to come out of my skin. Surprising that it still happens, but I was feeling stressed. I walk away after meals and do something to take my mind off of the desire to purge and occasionally just tell the BF. Getting it out in the open helps.
-Allow myself treats but in moderation. I have small bowls that I fill with treats and I sit with it and eat them slowly.
-I stay away from logging calories and paying attention to calorie burn when I am thinking about restricting. It can be a slippery slope with my ED. Instead I focus on moderate, healthy eating and regular limited exercise.
I am venturing back down the heavy strength training road again and plan on following the eating plan. Lots of food and muscle swell. It is tough for awhile with the ED brain, but worth it. It was life-changing when I did it before. Discovering I could eat a bunch of healthy food, change my body, and love my body
Here’s to our health! You got this!!!
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Welcome! Thank you for sharing your story. Your struggle and history with an ED is very similar to mine. It is wonderful that you are recognizing it earlier than I did. I would like to say that at the age of 48 I am “cured” but as the other post mentioned, it seems to be a lifelong battle. Mine began around 14 as a result of OCD tendencies, a dislike for my muscular build/developing early, and a tough time expressing myself. My struggles have been purging, restricting, with occasional binges. Although I have come to realize that what I considered a binge was really just eating, bad eating, but eating.
It is still a struggle. I have gained a bunch of weight while fighting the ED brain, dealing with an injury, pesky menopause starting, a boyfriend who loves to nurture with food, stress (boy, do I have a long list). I am so much stronger now. Tough times come up, but I feel SO much better.
A few things that have worked for me while dealing with the ED:
-Eat several meals throughout the day, rather than a few big ones. The feeling of fullness triggers me big time. I also avoid major trigger foods during difficult times. Last night I ate pasta and boy did I want to come out of my skin. Surprising that it still happens, but I was feeling stressed. I walk away after meals and do something to take my mind off of the desire to purge and occasionally just tell the BF. Getting it out in the open helps.
-Allow myself treats but in moderation. I have small bowls that I fill with treats and I sit with it and eat them slowly.
-I stay away from logging calories and paying attention to calorie burn when I am thinking about restricting. It can be a slippery slope with my ED. Instead I focus on moderate, healthy eating and regular limited exercise.
I am venturing back down the heavy strength training road again and plan on following the eating plan. Lots of food and muscle swell. It is tough for awhile with the ED brain, but worth it. It was a life-changing when I did it before. Discovering I could eat a bunch of healthy food, change my body, and love my body
Here’s to our health! You got this!!!
The only thing different for me is I think it helps me if I know what I'm eating and how much I'm eating . It makes me feel like I'm not binging or starving . It helps me think I'm on the correct track !
Thank you so much for the comment. And good luck to you !
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PinkPixiexox wrote: »People are trying to help you. You are being rude, despite how you try and insist otherwise.
I'm not sure why you would make a post if you don't want people to make a comment.
I don't mind if people comment.
Two people have said there comments and they were nice and helpful
¯\_(ツ)_/¯0 -
Devlinthegreat wrote: »PinkPixiexox wrote: »People are trying to help you. You are being rude, despite how you try and insist otherwise.
I'm not sure why you would make a post if you don't want people to make a comment.
I don't mind if people comment.
Two people have said there comments and they were nice and helpful
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I am nothing BUT nice and helpful.
I am sad for you and was simply looking out for your best interests. You chose to retaliate in a not-so-nice way when I was giving you advice based on my own ED experience. It's a struggle and I don't want you getting sick. You took it the wrong way and that's a shame. But I hope you find peace with your ED and wish you luck in your journey.0 -
PinkPixiexox wrote: »
I am nothing BUT nice and helpful.
I am sad for you and was simply looking out for your best interests. You chose to retaliate in a not-so-nice way when I was giving you advice based on my own ED experience. It's a struggle and I don't want you getting sick. You took it the wrong way and that's a shame. But I hope you find peace with your ED and wish you luck in your journey.
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[/quote]
The only thing different for me is I think it helps me if I know what I'm eating and how much I'm eating . It makes me feel like I'm not binging or starving . It helps me think I'm on the correct track !
Thank you so much for the comment. And good luck to you !
[/quote]
You are most welcome! I also find counting helps and plan on starting again. For me numbers can be a tricky thing with my obsessive nature. I get to feeling all powerful and the habit of playing with the puzzle comes into play. I think it is a wonderful tool and the routines are helpful. I have always loved them a bit too much.
All the best, keep your chin up, and I am here to support you!
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Devlin... Have you talked openly and honestly with your fiance' about your history of this? If you are finding you have the issues when you are together, maybe you can beat it together? Sounds like you have had medical attention for this in the past and you're definitely done with it.
I don't think anyone here is attacking you, but maybe we don't have enough of the whole story to give wise advice and when it comes to what you are calling "fake eating" that sounds so serious, it's a dangerous thing to just give out opinions etc. and the most sound advice we can give is suggesting professional help. Again, you've made it clear that you've been there & done that. So hopefully you are sharing this openly with people that you know love you and support you. Wishing you the best.0 -
maggiemay530 wrote: »Devlin... Have you talked openly and honestly with your fiance' about your history of this? If you are finding you have the issues when you are together, maybe you can beat it together? Sounds like you have had medical attention for this in the past and you're definitely done with it.
I don't think anyone here is attacking you, but maybe we don't have enough of the whole story to give wise advice and when it comes to what you are calling "fake eating" that sounds so serious, it's a dangerous thing to just give out opinions etc. and the most sound advice we can give is suggesting professional help. Again, you've made it clear that you've been there & done that. So hopefully you are sharing this openly with people that you know love you and support you. Wishing you the best.
My fiancé knows yeah . He does help me and he is supportive and he does try but he isn't perfect and neither am I we both slip up.
I don't think people are attacking me :0
I've been to many doctors. And I am done with it . I've never been to a doctor who helped more than I've helped my self.
I have told this to people closest to me and they each help in there own way .
Thank you for the comment .0
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