Someone close destroying my confidence, the push I needed th

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  • registers
    registers Posts: 782 Member
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    Oh I dunno, maybe you should listen to him. He sounds exactly what woment want ;-)

    Not every woman, but every woman I wanted... i pretty much had a good positive relationship with them. Trying to think of the women who I have been attracted to, but it lead to nothing... I guess it would be the woman i never approached. But honestly, Once I get to know them, I am really not interested anymore.
  • suzitkd
    suzitkd Posts: 110
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    Sounds to me like you have a special lady who is brave enough to actually tell you how she feels. All too often people can never do that! Has she said she doesn't want to continue the relationship with you? Has she given you an ultimatum? Or did she just say that she would fancy you more if you shed the pounds? There's a big difference there! My own husband has been overweight since we met - and is now working very hard to shed the pounds, and I personally can't wait to see the result! Is that wrong? It didn't stop me wanting to get together with him in the first place, or falling totally in love with him, but yes, at the back of my mind I always knew I would have preferred him to be slimmer - but that certainly wasn't my top priority. I never actually came out and said it - because he has always made it clear that he wants to be slimmer, and I think we both knew that I would want it too - doesn't it go without saying? I mean, overweight or slim and ripped - really? Is anyone going to say, no I'm sorry, you're too slim and ripped for me, I want you to put on a few stone... sorry.!!!! Tell me - did you ask her what she felt about your figure or did she just come out and say it? Either way, I think you should use this as motivation and not let it be the big deciding factor in your relationship - ultimately you both have to love each other for who you are and look past skin deep.
  • msminyon
    msminyon Posts: 32 Member
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    Tell her she could use a little toning up also and then ask her what time she's like to hit the gym...lol. If she would like you slimmer , make her aprt of the work out process so she can see how hard you are working. my hubby runs with me sometimes and understands how hard my runs can be.
  • pyrowill
    pyrowill Posts: 1,163 Member
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    Sounds to me like you have a special lady who is brave enough to actually tell you how she feels. All too often people can never do that! Has she said she doesn't want to continue the relationship with you? Has she given you an ultimatum? Or did she just say that she would fancy you more if you shed the pounds? There's a big difference there!

    She is special, and no she didnt give me an ultimatum, she said how great we are that she loves me, have amazing chemistry, and thinks I'm gorgeous, BUT doesnt know how much she fancies me in that way cos of body. Im glad she said how she felt, really I am. She said she hadn't said anything cos a few months ago I was really into getting back into shape, but since I hit a low and stopped I guess she thought enough is enough, gotta tell him. And I don't know if its the biggest priority, she says she can 'often' look past that. But its a big priority still. I don't blame her, physical attractiveness is a huge deal.
  • KariAmbriz
    KariAmbriz Posts: 7 Member
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    She is special, and no she didnt give me an ultimatum, she said how great we are that she loves me, have amazing chemistry, and thinks I'm gorgeous, BUT doesnt know how much she fancies me in that way cos of body. Im glad she said how she felt, really I am. She said she hadn't said anything cos a few months ago I was really into getting back into shape, but since I hit a low and stopped I guess she thought enough is enough, gotta tell him. And I don't know if its the biggest priority, she says she can 'often' look past that. But its a big priority still. I don't blame her, physical attractiveness is a huge deal.

    Maybe it was just the push you needed?
  • suzitkd
    suzitkd Posts: 110
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    Yeah, physical attractiveness can be a big deal - but don't forget the mental state of mind that goes with it - confidence. If you had given up on yourself that also speaks a little of your state of mind doesn't it? Maybe it's not just the change in your body shape she's wanting to see, but she also wants to see the more motivated you - the one who is up there and ready to make a change, the one who is proud of the way he looks - I think this can be the biggest change we make, bigger even than the physical one, and it's effect on who we are should not be underestimated. I agree that encouraging her to join you on your journey is a good idea - bring her along on your workouts, cook and eat healthy meals together - become a team! That way you can both be proud of your progress. Good luck.
  • msminyon
    msminyon Posts: 32 Member
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    also I suggest, keep a list of little things you can do for yourself to feel better. I have a couple of outfits I wear that always make me feel better...I'm sure there are tons of things people do for themselves to feel better......
  • pyrowill
    pyrowill Posts: 1,163 Member
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    Suzitkd you are so right
  • yellowpear
    yellowpear Posts: 137 Member
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    I agree yellowpear, but it's hard not to let their comment 'get to you' when their opinion seems to be the only one you care about. ANyway, point taken on chin, using it for more self motivation. Job done I hope!

    Yeah.. that's right take it as a self-motivation.
    I know it's hard. I had struggled with it. It will make you so depressed. But then I thought why should I allow it to effect me. They say that because they have a problem with treating their loved one. Not because we have a problem. So take it as a 'challenge' & don't ever let it stop you from reaching your goal.
    You can also tell her to give you all the push you require that will help you in the process. Tell her that soon you will eventually reach the goal weight and she is going to be proud of you. But till then ask her to give you all the support & to avoid all the negative stuff. If that doesn't work, then don't be bothered about it.
    Take care & wish you all the luck in the world.

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