weight loss depression

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Help! Whenever I try to lose weight I feel like I'm losing a huge part of my life. My friends are all foodies and a huge part of my social life comprised of eating out. Now I avoid all social gatherings because the temptations are too strong. I feel so isolated and miserable now, wondering if losing a few pounds is worth being alone. My friends have never struggled with their weight and don't understand what I'm going through. I've tried suggesting more physical activities but then they usually want to incorporate food into it i.e. a hike becomes a picnic.
To top this all off, I'm starting to feel less good about my body. At 165 I felt a little chunky but it was all in the right place. Now down to 157 all I see in the mirror are the places where I still need to lose.
I'm lonely, hungry, and unsatisfied. Can anyone remind me why it's with it? I wasn't unhealthy at 165 (my doctor said I had great numbers for all the tests) but I wanted to be slender for once In my life. In my future I see myself waking around my house in skinny jeans but I'm eating a carrot and I'm all alone.

Replies

  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
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    You don't need to crawl under a rock when counting calories. This is a lifestyle not a diet. I'm a foodie and have not changed a thing except I eat less of everything.

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1

    You can do this!!
  • jennismagic
    jennismagic Posts: 243 Member
    edited September 2015
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    You're putting a lot of pressure on yourself, which will naturally lead to depression and ultimately failure in your healthy lifestyle efforts. The key, for me at least, is to not think about it. I've lost nearly 50 pounds, and have over a hundred more to lose, and if I think about it, I'll get discouraged about my progress and go lay in bed with a bag of Oreos. If I don't, if I just focus on the exercises I enjoy, the way I look in my new clothes, and the meals and foods that I've come to love, it gets much, much easier to handle.

    I also don't deny myself anything. My friend and I had a pizza and wine night last weekend, and I let myself have some. It was actually my suggestion, because I knew I wouldn't go overboard. I know it's a tired thing to say, but really, allowing yourself little indulgences as you strive for better health really does help you feel good about what you're doing.

    When I first started out, I was living on salads and green smoothies and hating life. I eventually figured out that I could enjoy everything my friends, family, and coworkers wanted me to share with them if I just planned accordingly If you go out somewhere, ask the server for a takeout box so you can put half of the meal away for later. Also, come armed with good stories and conversation topics, as just sitting and talking throughout the meal will give your body time to realize when it's full and tell you to stop eating.

    As for your body image issue, I'm still learning how to deal with this, so someone else is going to have to pick up the torch. I do know that obsessing over what you want to look like (e.g. being slender) is detrimental to your efforts. Rather than focusing on being slender, you should just want to look healthy, and there is no set standard for that. Also, looking good in what you wear is a better milestone to strive for, because as you're on your way to your goal, you'll learn to appreciate what you currently look like.

    Finally, taking pictures of yourself at regular intervals (for me, it's monthly) and comparing them will help more than you think. If you allow yourself to be in the moment, to appreciate yourself as you are right now, this whole thing will get easier.

    Also, you may want to get a journal. I purchased a fitness journal from fitlosophy a few days ago, and it's already been a huge help to me.

  • girlwithLion
    girlwithLion Posts: 8 Member
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    You definitely need to not isolate yourself. I understand how going out with friends and going to parties and things are a temptation, and I agree, it is hard. I've had a couple of church outings and things with friends that have made it hard for me. One trick I'm learning is planning out my food intake for those days. For example, the day of the benefit dinner at my church, I knew it would be lasagna and I knew I'd want dessert. So I entered a portion of lasagna into MFP and about 300 calories for something sweet (like pudding or a cupcake). That helped me better plan what I should eat for breakfast and lunch and how much I should work out if I wanted to "splurge" more calories on dinner that night. And then when I went, that lasagna was SO GOOD *and* it was gluten-free (I hardly ever get to have lasagna because of a gluten sensitivity) so boy howdy, did I want to get up and get seconds!! But I kept telling myself, "I've had enough to eat. Food is not life. I will be so glad I stayed at my calorie goal later..." And I focused on visiting with people or listening to the music. And then I went home!! And I was literally beside myself with joy because that was the very first event like that where I had to fight temptation and I DID it *and* I wasn't miserable!!!

    So a couple tips from that experience:
    1) plan out your meals for the day before you ever take a bite
    2) work out enough to eat the foods you want to eat that day
    3) train your brain to recognize food as good but only necessary in smaller amounts
    4) that first social gathering is THE HARDEST but when it's over and you see how you exercised self-discipline by choosing a long-term goal over a short-term goal, you will be so happy and it will make the next time a teensy bit easier.

    There was another day I saved up 430 calories for the end of the day so I could have two servings of my favorite of ice cream that night with my family. Do you know, I barely finished it!!! I mean I finished it but by the end of it I was like, "I so would have been plenty happy with one serving. Good grief."

    Moderating your portions for the sake of your calorie budget changes the way you look at food and want food. It's hardest that first week. But I'm in week two and already passing up a lot of food I was struggling with in the first week. And the thing that keeps me going is knowing that when I switch from losing to maintaining, I'll have a little more in the budget to work with, calorie-wise, so someday I'll get to have some potato chips, etc.

    I basically see this time as a time of hitting the reset button on my life and focusing less on food and more on what else I enjoy -- reading, sitting in the sun, inventing tea concoctions, and more.

    I hope you'll find your spirits lifted and be able to enjoy time with your friends, without feeling like you have to enjoy the same amount of food as you did before.

    Sorry for the ramble!! Best to you and please keep us updated here as to how you're doing!! ♡
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
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    Lifestyle change. You are going too far too one extreme.
    I'm lonely, hungry, and unsatisfied
    No need to be.
    You can eat with your friends just in moderation.
    If you want more calories then move more or juggle your calories better.
    Also if you want shape then lift heavy things.
  • TehLaughingDog
    TehLaughingDog Posts: 200 Member
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    I often struggle with depression (which caused me to balloon up) amplified by the stress and the seriousness of trying to lose weight. It broke me psychologically and now I'm starting at a much worse place than I was before weight wise and blossomed a couple psychiatric disorders. It's not practical to be so stressed and can do more damage in the long run.

    Have fun. You're making a positive change in your life and should enjoy the ride. You'll make mistakes and you'll rebound so much faster. Just have fun, don't take it so seriously, and you'll realize that one day you're where you wanted to be and happy.
  • Notaphase
    Notaphase Posts: 81 Member
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    Thanks guys for all the tips and support. It helps just to know there are other people who know what I'm going thru. It's true I have to keep remembering this is a lifestyle change and I have to figure out how to have a life while changing my eating habits. Thanks everyone!
  • angelexperiment
    angelexperiment Posts: 1,917 Member
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    Its about willpower when you go out. Eat the healthier options. Eat half portions. Talk to your friends and plan accordingly.
  • fiddletime
    fiddletime Posts: 1,862 Member
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    I also input calories before I go out to eat. The hard thing is to eat what you put in though. But it gets sooooo much easier after a couple of successful outings. It's all about moderation. Obviously we all have struggled with that. Moderation doesn't mean starvation or isolation though. It can be kind of fun to commit to eating only one French fry to you friends' two or better yet, giving half your fries to your friend who's on a diet and got a salad instead, and looks miserable! (Yes, I've done that- guilty as charged).
  • ManiacalLaugh
    ManiacalLaugh Posts: 1,048 Member
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    Is there anyway you can steer your events to food places that allow you to plan ahead? (i.e. food places that have healthy food you know you can track, or places that [at least] have nutritional calculators and information online?) That way, you can pre-plan and pre-log, which, trust me, helps a lot with willpower.

    Also - picnics are a great idea! You can bring your own food in your own portions. If they try to make it a potluck, bring something to share that fits your allotment and politely insist that while you appreciate everyone chipping in, you'd rather stick to your own portions.

  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,716 Member
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    Help! Whenever I try to lose weight I feel like I'm losing a huge part of my life. My friends are all foodies and a huge part of my social life comprised of eating out. Now I avoid all social gatherings because the temptations are too strong. I feel so isolated and miserable now, wondering if losing a few pounds is worth being alone. My friends have never struggled with their weight and don't understand what I'm going through. I've tried suggesting more physical activities but then they usually want to incorporate food into it i.e. a hike becomes a picnic.
    To top this all off, I'm starting to feel less good about my body. At 165 I felt a little chunky but it was all in the right place. Now down to 157 all I see in the mirror are the places where I still need to lose.
    I'm lonely, hungry, and unsatisfied. Can anyone remind me why it's with it? I wasn't unhealthy at 165 (my doctor said I had great numbers for all the tests) but I wanted to be slender for once In my life. In my future I see myself waking around my house in skinny jeans but I'm eating a carrot and I'm all alone.

    I'm sorry you're struggling, but this last sentence made me laugh! You won't be alone eating a carrot, let me assure you. You've received a lot of good suggestions so far. One thing I will add is "mindset". You can go out with your friends and eat the food you want to eat that fits into your calorie goal, but if you have the mindset that you are depriving yourself or being left out that will lead to failure. These changes you are making are positive ones and need to be thought of a such. Just keep at it!
  • shelleygold
    shelleygold Posts: 178 Member
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    I can totally relate to the sense of being confronted when my body has changed dramatically due to weight loss and weight gain. Body image is tricky stuff.
    I just wondered if some of you might join my discussion group on Depression and Weight Gain because your points are so relevant. Only if you have time. Thanks