Online Dating and Weight Loss

I say date when you want to date. it could be a little fun at least talking to people, even if you're not comfortable meeting up at the present.

First of all congrads on the already weight loss. I think you should start now, maybe you will find someone that is more interested in deeper things. I guess I have seen if your in shape etc people will just want you physically you know. Sometimes its good to wait on the right one than to mess with the wrong ones. But do what you feel is right if your not comfortable, then wait.

Agreed....date when you want to....don't put a time line on it. Something might fall into place and usually it does when your least expecting it.

I met my boyfriend (and likely future husband) on OKCupid.com at my current weight. I filled out my profile and chose my favorite pictures and then went with the "if you are going to reject me cuz I'm overweight you aren't worth my time" attitude. I wouldn't say I'm super confident, because I'm not, but that was more of a practical idea to me. My boyfriend has seen me gain and lose weight in the time we have been together and has loved me all the way through it. He knows how I feel about my body and is supportive of my desire to lose weight for my own health reasons.
With all that said I say that if you want to start dating, go for it. At least you might make some friends and at most you might fall in love. I definitely agree with using a free sight though, but I may be biased Just remember that you are a great person who deserves a great relationship, and you have already made a lot of progress. Dating at any weight isn't easy, so remember that being thinner won't necessarily make it exponentially better. Congrats on the weight loss and good luck with the future!

sounds like you are a nice person so do what is right for you it matters more what you want an think at this point, get comfortable in your own skin first and love who you are now , because later when you find that special person it will still be you just smaller , you have a great personality that is a huge start in any relationship.

In my personal experience, no man ever even looked at me when I was overweight....I was the fat funny friend. It's not till I lost weight at 17/18 till I had my first kiss/bf. I think it all depends on what you are looking for. If you would like to date someone like yourself on a weight loss journey I would include it in your profile. If you meet someone that is over weight and not trying to loose it, it may not help your weight loss efforts... everyone needs support. This is sad, but when I bust out an old picture and show it to my husband, the reaction I usually get is, "holy ****." lol I think it's up to you, but my type is not overweight...and I think I had to be on my husbands "level" when I met him...I don't think he would have been interested otherwise...men are too visual in the begining.

Good luck on whatever you decide to do

Go for it, I complained to my ex hubby once about gaining some weight once and he gave me great advice "some dudes are into that" lol not put in the best words, but I take that to mean that there is someone for everyone and thats alway stuck with me. Plus, I've tried internet dating and have had luck....if anyone is ever rude, just block them from your profile and your mind

Go to the mall or grocery store or someplace and look at couples. Most of them aren't Brad & Angelina. People of every size, age, shape, color, height, weight, etc. fall in love every day.

That said, I run a dating advice forum - have for 11 years - and you've got to have a thick skin for online dating, no matter who you are. It's perfectly normal to have to write to women first. It's rare for women to write to guys. I wish it weren't true, encourage women all the time to be more proactive, but that's the way it is. Also, it's perfectly normal to have a very low response rate when you do write to women. Maybe 10% will write back. Don't take it personally if you don't hear from them.

Lots of guys really wish women would at least write, "Thanks for writing, but I'm not interested," but it honestly doesn't cross a lot of womens' minds to do that. They think from their own perspective that they'd rather NOT know if or why someone isn't interested. Or they think about how often it is that a guy will ask for a girl's number, say he'll call, and then fall off the face of the earth. And on the flip side, there are way too many times that women will write a polite, "No thanks," and have the guy argue with her about it and even insult and harass her for it. A friend of mine was told she was a c-word (yes, THAT c-word!) for rejecting a guy! (Way to prove her instincts dead on!!!)

When you write your profile, proofread, proofread and proofread again. You know the old saying, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression?" Online, you have every opportunity to make that impression perfect, so don't have a ton of typos or write like it's a drunken text sent at 3am.

Read other guys' profiles and avoid the same old cliches that everyone uses, like long walks on the beach or candlelit dinners. Write about what makes you unique... what makes you special. Sound happy, upbeat, and excited to get to know new people. Show your personality and character. Talk about the things you love. I've often thought it's not even a matter of what you say, as how you say it. If you sound passionate about your hobbies - whether it's running or nature or music or comic books - that kind of enthusiasm is contagious.

Use photos that interesting. Not just a webcam self-portrait. No one looks good in those. Have your friends snap some pics at a bbq or while hiking or something. And SMILE! :happy:

Always remember theres a somebody for everybody maybe you will end up meeting someone who's in the same weight loss journey as you are... good luck!

Just a piece of advice though, don't mention that you're trying to lose weight, it will just show an insecurity and women want confidence.

I disagree, taking care of yourself is something to be proud of. If your health is one of your priorities these days, having a partner who also cares about their health will be a great bonus.

Look at the number of women on here who complain that they're trying to eat more healthily but their boyfriends / husbands aren't supporting them at all. I reckon a woman who is overweight and trying to lose weight would LOVE to have a partner who shares her goals - and there are literally millions of women out there who are struggling to lose weight!

I definitely wouldn't say that you are "trying" to lose weight though, that really does sound weak.
I'd say that you have moved to eating a healthier diet and as a result you are losing weight.

Damn double posts...

i met my boyfriend (hopefully husband) on eharmony. I was 30lbs heavier. I have always been confident until a horrible break up left me hurt and depressed. I started my online dating with match.com... however this site allows you to pick and the guys to pick you... i found this left me with many creepers. eharmony is a much safer site in my opinion. Because it does cost a bit more i was confident that they guys i met would actually be interested in me and in a relationship instead of just a random hook-up.

all the best to you! and remember that the sexiest thing about you is your confidence!!

This topic is about a month old now, but I just found it today so I thought I'd add a few comments. Also, if the OP has an update, I'd love to hear it.

I really think that deciding to do the online dating thing should happen when you are feeling confident - if you can do that at your current weight, that's great, but if you are having any self-esteem issues right now I'd wait.

My reason for saying this is that I set up an OkCupid profile a little over a month ago, and now that I've been talking to a few guys for a while, I find that I am afraid to meet them in person because I'm convinced that when they see me, they will be disappointed. I did put up what I think are accurate pics weight-wise, but they were taken in the winter, and I'm fairly covered up in them, and now it's the summer, and I can't exactly show up in a sweater and coat! : ) I really, really (really!) wish I was one of those people who could just say, "Screw it - if they don't like me because I'm 20lbs overweight then they suck!" but I'm just not there right now. There is one guy in particular who I've really enjoyed talking to, but he is very athletic, and I just can't stand the thought of him being disappointed by my appearance so I keep turning down his requests for dates. At this point, I wish I just would have waited until I was feeling more confident in myself because there's no way in hell I'm going to tell him, "Oh, let's meet in a few months when I'm skinnier," (I like to keep my raging insecurity to myself, thank you! - well, outside of MFP, I guess) so now I'm either going to have to suck it up and meet him when I feel bad about myself or just blow him off, which sucks because he seems like a great person and won't know why I'm doing it. : (

Sigh. So really evaluate your own confidence level. What's funny is that the reason I signed up to begin with was to boost my confidence - which worked at first because women traditionally get a lot of messages, and I was no exception. But now that it's coming to a point where I can't hide behind my witty emails, I'm terrified, and it's hurt both myself and possibly others (though I may be giving myself a little TOO much credit here, ha ha). I hope you have more confidence than me, though, and you're able to enjoy yourself and meeting people at any weight! It's really a much better way to live, and maybe some day I'll get there too.

Given my insecurity-laden post from a few days ago, I thought I'd post an update. I actually went on a date with the guy after all, and it went great. I'm 90% sure we'll see each other again. Who knew? : )