The downside of being fit and in shape...

After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..
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Replies

  • IsaackGMOON
    IsaackGMOON Posts: 3,358 Member
    Your parents sound horrible.
  • Alyssa_Is_LosingIt
    Alyssa_Is_LosingIt Posts: 4,696 Member
    Meh, wear what you want.

    Who cares what anyone else thinks about what you wear? You're a grown woman.
  • siluridae
    siluridae Posts: 188 Member
    Time to stop talking to the parents then.
  • siluridae wrote: »
    Time to stop talking to the parents then.
    True but I also get a bit of disapproval from others in my community. I live in a conservative region where the average woman is overweight after having kids.

  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    That's certainly not normal where I live (or even in the more conservative areas where I grew up and have relatives). Just try to ignore it, and I'm sorry you have parents who would speak that way to you.
  • arditarose
    arditarose Posts: 15,575 Member
    Umm...I'm trying to think of advice for you. Hold on...

    But congrats on your loss!
  • siluridae
    siluridae Posts: 188 Member
    It's hard to change social values, And frankly, those people are probably all adults. If they haven't learned manners by now, it's probably not gonna happen anymore.
    Not much to do other than move away to somewhere people keep their opinion to themselves.
  • yesimpson
    yesimpson Posts: 1,372 Member
    I'm honestly amazed losing 30lbs makes people feel they can call you a slut. You think you've heard everything.

    Well done OP for working hard and feeling proud of your achievement. Carry on wearing clothes you like and expressing yourself how you want to.
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,178 Member
    After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..

    The bad news are your parents are abusive. The good news are you are an adult and can move away from them - and if you cannot financially, then start saving. And if it is normal for people to act this way where you live, seriously consider moving in a different city.
  • cmtigger
    cmtigger Posts: 1,450 Member
    That's not normal parent behavior. Your parents have issues. (Mine do too, it's no fun). They should be happy that their child is healthy, not try to stop it.
  • Alyssa_Is_LosingIt
    Alyssa_Is_LosingIt Posts: 4,696 Member
    I live in a conservative town in a conservative state. I have two kids. I'm supposed to be (according to various folks) too old for:

    1. Red lipstick and/or winged eyeliner
    2. Nail art
    3. Short shorts/mini skirts
    4. Cursing

    I don't give a feck what anyone thinks. I will wear and say whatever I want.

    That's the beauty of being an adult.

    You do you and stop worrying about worthless slut-shamers.

  • jdleanna
    jdleanna Posts: 141 Member
    Is everyone where you live a horrible person? I vote for moving.
  • Tedebearduff
    Tedebearduff Posts: 1,155 Member
    After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..

    Time to move out?? you are 24 .... should of been gone 2 years ago IMO.

    I'd speak with your parents about how you feel.
  • sakurablush
    sakurablush Posts: 104 Member
    Ironically I thought being a slut meant you had to sleep with a lot of people. I had *no* idea it had anything to do with losing weight! /eyeroll.

    Seriously, what a vile place to live. I'd be tempted to make a few sniping comments as to their weight, but I don't think that's going to help any. I guess try to blank them out, consider moving the F away from that place and enjoy your new figure? Those people are a complete buzzkill and depressing after doing all that work to make yourself healthy - my sympathies.
  • Azuriaz
    Azuriaz Posts: 785 Member
    Ask trusted friends whose clothing you like. Go shopping with your friends. Your parents are probably just worried some creeper will come after you. News for them: creepers will go after anyone they see as an easy target.
  • cnbbnc
    cnbbnc Posts: 1,267 Member
    Well, you're a big girl now and perfectly capable of choosing your own clothes. It's hard to hear a parents disapproval, but this sounds like they are having a hard time not being able to control what you do anymore....seeing as your grown. That's their issue. Not yours.

    If I were you I would be setting up some boundaries with them now as far as what's appropriate to say and what they get to have opinions on. If you don't, what will they interject with when you want to get married (if you're not now) or you have children? You can do it respectfully, but still being firm.

    As far as the neighbors go....screw them. Seriously. Who cares? If all they have going on is criticizing you, then let them have at it.

  • threadmad
    threadmad Posts: 190 Member
    Sounds kinda like my family. I spent my life doing things to please my mother, and longing to hear her praise, just once in a while, instead of the constant fault finding. When she died, I realized how much of my life had been spent ignoring my needs and trying to please her. I love her still, and I miss her a lot, but I had to learn to be me. Try to find something about your mother to love and respect. Hang on to that, and do your best to let the negative comments and attitudes go down the drain. Others in your community will learn who you are by your words and deeds, and will appreciate you. I know the negative comments hurt, but remember, they are not YOU.
  • cmtigger
    cmtigger Posts: 1,450 Member
    After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..

    Time to move out?? you are 24 .... should of been gone 2 years ago IMO.

    I'd speak with your parents about how you feel.

    I had moved out at that age, but if I stopped by, my dad would send me home "to change." In high school he complained that I wore clothes that were too baggy and no guy would like me, fashions changed and my clothes were too revealing.....

    Yet after I gained some weight due to physical issues in the last 15 years I'd get lectured on how obesity is ruining our country.

    My parents just have issues.
  • Grinder777
    Grinder777 Posts: 21 Member

    I had moved out at that age, but if I stopped by, my dad would send me home "to change."

    you are simply an idiot, the time to move out is 18-19. As for the girls the time to look up miniskirts is 18-78 ;)
  • After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..

    Time to move out?? you are 24 .... should of been gone 2 years ago IMO.

    I'd speak with your parents about how you feel.
    This is when I stop by and talk to her on the phone