The downside of being fit and in shape...

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  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
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    dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »
    Tedebearduff wrote: »
    dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »
    After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..

    Time to move out?? you are 24 .... should of been gone 2 years ago IMO.

    I'd speak with your parents about how you feel.
    This is when I stop by and talk to her on the phone

    I can tell you from experience, this will only get better when you stand up to them. How would you react if anyone else called you a *kitten*? Probably with anger and horror, right? Your parents deserve no less. They'll either cut it out or you may end up breaking ties indefinitely but you should not allow the behavior to continue.
  • CardiLuxe
    CardiLuxe Posts: 89 Member
    edited September 2015
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    Who cares.
    You're 24 and a woman and its time to stand up for yourself and make everyone respect you.
    You earned that body.
    And I know from my own experience that family does indeed get jealous when you become better than them.
    Sorry to say but my Mom acted jealous even though she never once put me down.
    So you have to ask yourself,
    Are you going to let these negative influences put bugs into your head until you feel like you have no support system and sabotage yourself?
    Or are you going to take a stand as a 24 year old woman and give your parents the choice of either respecting you and your decisions
    Or take your space?
    The choice is yours and I know you want your parents around.
    But if your parents can't respect you,
    How will you expect anyone else to?
    Home is were the heart is.
    And it may be time to pack your bags and put boundaries between you guys if they choose not to have some respect.

    Take it from me. I'm 22 and live in Canada alone.
    No headaches or disrespect. I'm close with my family, but its time for ME now and to make my own life.

    So I hope that your family will choose to support you. Because disrespect just isn't worth damaging your spirit when you can finaaally feel beautiful. It's your time. xo
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    Your title is wrong. It should be "The downside of having terrible people as parents."

    OP, you are an adult. You don't have to associate with people who treat you poorly, family or not. I would suggest telling your parents that the next time they make negative remarks about your appearance, you will cut the conversation short and refrain from talking to them. It's up to you whether you want to put a time limit on the timeout but keep in mind that people your parents' age generally don't change their ways. Then, when they make a remark, which they definitely will, hang up or walk out and stand by the no contact rule. You will probably feel bad about it at first but after a few weeks you'll feel a lot better.
  • janjunie
    janjunie Posts: 1,200 Member
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    I'm only saying this because you mentioned church. Ask your parents if Jesus would approve of their judgements and name calling......I'm sorry you have do deal with this from family. Congrats on your loss.
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    Just move out.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
    edited September 2015
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    The impression I'm getting is that you are surrounded by horrible people and need to stop caring about what horrible people think of your appearance. You are 24. You can wear whatever you want.
    What you wear or your weight does not reflect how much sex you are having or with whom.
    If someone ever called me a *kitten*, slut or prostitute because of my clothing they would be out of my life that day. I don't care if I was wearing a bikini to church and they had given birth to me. It is not acceptable to talk to people that way.
  • kiittenforever
    kiittenforever Posts: 479 Member
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    Your 24 years old. Live your life. Ignore them.. if you have to bring your sexy and slutty outfits in your purse to avoid their criticizing and confrontation do it. Your probably looking really sexy.. flaunt it. See ya.
  • kiittenforever
    kiittenforever Posts: 479 Member
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    There just jealous anyway because you look good. Your 24 do what is best for you.
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
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    kiittenforever wrote: »
    Your 24 years old. Live your life. Ignore them.. if you have to bring your sexy and slutty outfits in your purse to avoid their criticizing and confrontation do it. Your probably looking really sexy.. flaunt it. See ya.

    What? :huh:
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,988 Member
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    jemhh wrote: »
    Your title is wrong. It should be "The downside of having terrible people as parents."

    OP, you are an adult. You don't have to associate with people who treat you poorly, family or not. I would suggest telling your parents that the next time they make negative remarks about your appearance, you will cut the conversation short and refrain from talking to them. It's up to you whether you want to put a time limit on the timeout but keep in mind that people your parents' age generally don't change their ways. Then, when they make a remark, which they definitely will, hang up or walk out and stand by the no contact rule. You will probably feel bad about it at first but after a few weeks you'll feel a lot better.

    Cosigned.

    I had a friend who succeeded setting boundaries with an abusive parent by ending the conversation whenever he got verbally abusive, and what you are experiencing qualifies as verbal abuse.

  • MonkeyMel21
    MonkeyMel21 Posts: 2,395 Member
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    kiittenforever wrote: »
    Your 24 years old. Live your life. Ignore them.. if you have to bring your sexy and slutty outfits in your purse to avoid their criticizing and confrontation do it. Your probably looking really sexy.. flaunt it. See ya.
    lmao, I don't get the feeling, at all, that she's going for "sexy, slutty outfits".
  • honkytonks85
    honkytonks85 Posts: 669 Member
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    dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »
    After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..

    That you are being slut shamed has nothing to do with you being fit. Many women of all sizes experience slut shaming. The problem is the toxic people you have in your life. You need to ignore them and do what feels right for you.
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,725 Member
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    You have to look them square in the eye and tell them the name calling has to stop. No discussion, no negotiations, nothing. If they're trying to drive you away they're doing a really good job of it, because that's just plain nuts!
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    I was in my early forties by the time I realized that I could do what I want and my parents couldn't do a thing about it. What can I say? I was a late bloomer. I suggest this book, "Toxic Parents"

    http://www.amazon.ca/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407

    By the way the first time I lost weight my mom tried to sabotage me by suggesting I was anorexic and trying to feed me every time I went over. It finally dawned on me that by getting skinnier than her I became a threat. It was disheartening.

    You will need to set firm boundaries with your parents if they hope to see you regularly.

    You may need to ditch that small town, too.
  • Blackdawn_70631
    Blackdawn_70631 Posts: 283 Member
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    I am so sorry to hear that. Know exactly how you feel. I'm in the same situation myself.
    Just ignore them and strut your stuff. You've worked hard for it.
  • rosebarnalice
    rosebarnalice Posts: 3,488 Member
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    You and your parents have boundary issues, and, as others have suggested, at your age, it's OK to have your own identity separate from your parents. If I had lived I my 20s by my parents' script, I would not have become the person I am.
  • Grinder777
    Grinder777 Posts: 21 Member
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    rosebarnalice wrote: »
    If I had lived I my 20s by my parents' script, I would not have become the person I am.
    Bingo^^

  • Asher_Ethan
    Asher_Ethan Posts: 2,430 Member
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    Ugh I understand you care what your parents think. Unfortunately, parents don't always know best. Just ignore the hurtful things they say or wear completely conservative outfits when you go and visit them
  • cmtigger
    cmtigger Posts: 1,450 Member
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    jgnatca wrote: »
    I was in my early forties by the time I realized that I could do what I want and my parents couldn't do a thing about it. What can I say? I was a late bloomer. I suggest this book, "Toxic Parents"

    http://www.amazon.ca/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407

    By the way the first time I lost weight my mom tried to sabotage me by suggesting I was anorexic and trying to feed me every time I went over. It finally dawned on me that by getting skinnier than her I became a threat. It was disheartening.

    You will need to set firm boundaries with your parents if they hope to see you regularly.

    You may need to ditch that small town, too.

    This is a very good book.
  • GaleHawkins
    GaleHawkins Posts: 8,159 Member
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    @dedicatedfitness3244 welcome to MFP forums.

    Wishing you the best solution.

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