The downside of being fit and in shape...
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lmao, I don't get the feeling, at all, that she's going for "sexy, slutty outfits".kiittenforever wrote: »Your 24 years old. Live your life. Ignore them.. if you have to bring your sexy and slutty outfits in your purse to avoid their criticizing and confrontation do it. Your probably looking really sexy.. flaunt it. See ya.0 -
dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..
That you are being slut shamed has nothing to do with you being fit. Many women of all sizes experience slut shaming. The problem is the toxic people you have in your life. You need to ignore them and do what feels right for you.0 -
You have to look them square in the eye and tell them the name calling has to stop. No discussion, no negotiations, nothing. If they're trying to drive you away they're doing a really good job of it, because that's just plain nuts!0
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I was in my early forties by the time I realized that I could do what I want and my parents couldn't do a thing about it. What can I say? I was a late bloomer. I suggest this book, "Toxic Parents"
http://www.amazon.ca/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407
By the way the first time I lost weight my mom tried to sabotage me by suggesting I was anorexic and trying to feed me every time I went over. It finally dawned on me that by getting skinnier than her I became a threat. It was disheartening.
You will need to set firm boundaries with your parents if they hope to see you regularly.
You may need to ditch that small town, too.0 -
I am so sorry to hear that. Know exactly how you feel. I'm in the same situation myself.
Just ignore them and strut your stuff. You've worked hard for it.
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You and your parents have boundary issues, and, as others have suggested, at your age, it's OK to have your own identity separate from your parents. If I had lived I my 20s by my parents' script, I would not have become the person I am.0
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Bingo^^rosebarnalice wrote: »If I had lived I my 20s by my parents' script, I would not have become the person I am.
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Ugh I understand you care what your parents think. Unfortunately, parents don't always know best. Just ignore the hurtful things they say or wear completely conservative outfits when you go and visit them0
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I was in my early forties by the time I realized that I could do what I want and my parents couldn't do a thing about it. What can I say? I was a late bloomer. I suggest this book, "Toxic Parents"
http://www.amazon.ca/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553381407
By the way the first time I lost weight my mom tried to sabotage me by suggesting I was anorexic and trying to feed me every time I went over. It finally dawned on me that by getting skinnier than her I became a threat. It was disheartening.
You will need to set firm boundaries with your parents if they hope to see you regularly.
You may need to ditch that small town, too.
This is a very good book.0 -
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Whether or not you dress like one, nobody should be saying that to you. Your parents certainly should not be calling you names.
Move out of the house.0 -
dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great.
They are trying to control you. Put downs are a classic tactic. I imagine that your change upsets them - how dare you take control yourself? What next? From what wild spring did this change come?
The best thing you can do for yourself is keep being amazing - you sound it. How do you respond when they call you names/make comments?
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dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed
That's so wrong. Why are people always shaming sluts? It's terrible.
What?0 -
How do you live in the 1950s when it is the 2010s?dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »0 -
OP, I would certainly stay away from parents who spoke to me like that. Nobody has the right to talk like that to anyone else.
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dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed
That's so wrong. Why are people always shaming sluts? It's terrible.
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I think your problem has nothing to do with your weight.0
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Setting boundaries with your parents is your best move. If the conversation moves toward insulting your clothing (or anything else about you), end it. Walk away, hang up the phone, do not respond. Continue until they get the point.0
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I think your mother is a teeeeeeeny bit jealous of you.0
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How do you live in the 1950s when it is the 2010s?dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »
It could be because I don't live in a fashion conscious city. many are overweight and wear yoga pants all the time0 -
Your title is wrong. It should be "The downside of having terrible people as parents."
OP, you are an adult. You don't have to associate with people who treat you poorly, family or not. I would suggest telling your parents that the next time they make negative remarks about your appearance, you will cut the conversation short and refrain from talking to them. It's up to you whether you want to put a time limit on the timeout but keep in mind that people your parents' age generally don't change their ways. Then, when they make a remark, which they definitely will, hang up or walk out and stand by the no contact rule. You will probably feel bad about it at first but after a few weeks you'll feel a lot better.
Yes, i agree with this^^.
If you still live at home, move out asap!0 -
dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »
How do you live in the 1950s when it is the 2010s?dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »
It could be because I don't live in a fashion conscious city. many are overweight and wear yoga pants all the time
So, hold on a minute. Where you live yoga pants are fine, not sexy and acceptable but a skirt just above the knee is the work of the devil?
Clearly, I am sure you can fathom that none of this makes any rational sense and attitudes like that should be laughed at for being complete nonsense.
You should resist anyone trying to foist their morality and false piety onto you through the use of shame. I'm all for respecting my parents but respect goes both ways. Except them to show some to you.0 -
Yoga pants and the shaming that I believe comes from a kind of over-fastidiousness, brought to mind this lady:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/rossalynwarren/a-christian-blogger-stopped-wearing-yoga-pants-for-her-husba0 -
When I was a plump young woman in a conservative religious community, I was counseled about my jiggly breasts. When this sort of fastidiousness sets in, nobody is the winner.0
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If you are that opposed to their views, you need to either confront them and get them to stop making those remarks, or stop communicating with them.
Personally, I'd move somewhere more open-minded. I kind of want to know where this is so I don't ever move there. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure it's nowhere I would ever consider moving anyway.0 -
When I was a plump young woman in a conservative religious community, I was counseled about my jiggly breasts. When this sort of fastidiousness sets in, nobody is the winner.
...
My brain cannot even with that.
You have absolutely no control over that! What did they want you to do, tape/ace bandage the hell out of them???
As for the OP: Unfortunately, since you can't control other people and can only influence yourself, you have two options 1. Do what makes you happy and stop worrying about what other people think 2. Cater to their opinions and wear whatever they deem acceptable (at least part of the time).
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dedicatedfitness3244 wrote: »After a year I have went from 165lbs to 135lbs. I am 24 years old. This is the smallest I've been in my adult life and I feel great. I look better in all of my clothes, post photos of myself online and enjoy the increased energy. However there is a major downside to being slim which is I am often slut shamed by my mother and others in my community. She has been calling me a *kitten* and a slut. I have worn casual dresses that were form fitted but came below the knee and have had my mother show absolute disapproval. Even though I'm slim, I'm still curvy and my body itself just doesn't seem appropriate to her. There's not much I can do and I don't think I should compromise my feminity and wear a potato bag. I'm also young and I don't want to dress like a church marm but at the same time I do realize I need to keep things classy which I do. But just the disapproval I get from her when I wear a knee or slightly above knee length skirt is hurtful. Even my father has called me a prostitute. The clothes I'm wearing is rather on the conservative side, a denim mini skirt with a blouse. I guess the only way a woman can come across as chaste is to be fat and overweight? Because that is the impression I'm getting..
envy is a deadly sin isn't it. either way its always difficult to deal with and envy is very destructive.
protect yourself and see the people who hurt you verbally and emotionally less often. maybe once a month for lunch in a public place./0 -
+1 to the advice not to tolerate insults or abuse from anyone, including parents.
In addition: Some people and even cultures feel that sexuality is so shameful, so dangerous, that they see it *everywhere*, even places where it *isn't*. Hiding one's body in mummifying clothes, or fat (but not, apparently, 'lasciviously' jiggly fat!) becomes a way of burying sexuality; any act that makes one potentially more attractive (whether attractiveness was its motive or not) can be perceived as a sort of sexual overture. Often, special onus is put on women to repress any hint of sexuality because (it is alleged) 'men are weak and can't control themselves'.
This is (IMO) disordered thinking. Since you seemingly grew up in a sea of such values, you're lucky you haven't become infected with them.
Be who you are, and good luck navigating the difficulties with your family.0 -
Regardless of what its for - fitness, career, personal choices, whatever - DO NOT TOLERATE INSULTS FROM ANYONE!!!
Its sad that your parents of all people are not supportive of you being healthy. But that is on them, not you. I agree with the folks saying you are an adult and need to distance yourself from anyone who is that negative of an influence in your life.
Losing weight, being fit and wearing clothes that fit DOES NOT make you a slut, a *kitten*, or anything else. It makes you someone who has worked for her fitness and is dressing for her body type.
Congratulations on your success. Do not let others take that away from you!0
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