I really cannot believe it

Three years ago I made the decision to create a happier, healthier me. Fluctuating between 90kg and 98kg I was miserable, but made a solid commitment to myself to make a positive change. In the first year I managed to lose 13kg although looking back I don't believe my heart was really in it. Then I discovered My Fitness Pal, and so began the real beginning of my journey. At 85kg I began to log everything I ate and all my exercise, and found that being accountable really made me extra conscious of what I put in my mouth. I was astounded and horrified to discover the nutritional content of some of the things I was eating, and MFP has thankfully opened my eyes. Two years later I have lost another 31kg bringing my total weight loss to 44kg. I currently hover around 54kg and haven't felt this good in almost 20 years.

There are so many things I cannot believe. The journey itself has certainly had its ups and downs but I have come to realise that if I do fall off the wagon, I just have to get back on. Simple as that. Nobody can do this for me, only I can help myself. I cannot believe that I'm able to walk into a shop and buy anything off the rack that takes my fancy. And it will probably look OK. I cannot believe that every morning when I get dressed it is a pleasure, not a nightmare, and I find myself actually caring about the way I present myself, which hasn't happened in such a very long time. I cannot believe how easy everyday tasks are when you weigh almost half your body weight, and I also struggle to understand how I really didn't see myself as obese.

However the one thing I cannot believe is that people I haven't seen in even a few months are astounded at how I look now, because I am still learning to look at myself differently. It's sometimes hard to see the new me in the mirror because some days all I see is big. But I'm getting there. It's definitely been a very long road but one I am so proud to have walked, and only now can I begin to be proud of the determined, confident and happy person I've always wanted to be.