I'm so sorry - I need to vent

jessicacurrey5
jessicacurrey5 Posts: 4 Member
edited November 24 in Motivation and Support
Ok, I am very frustrated and I HATE THIS. Seriously, it needs to be easier than calorie counting. 3 years ago I lost 60lbs by calorie counting and working out. Now I am in college and I need to work out. I get that and its something I do whether it is Yoga, Stretching or going for a walk - Just because, I enjoy it. However, I have gained weight.

This summer was fun! We were always boating, swimming, fishing, bon fires aaaand.... I drank a lot of alcohol and yes to much. I shouldn't be doing that either but, I just wanted to have fun and vent out my past year of being dedicated and serious to studies and work. I've had a baby almost 2 years ago and it shames me to say that I can't fit into my pregnancy pants.

Right now - I dislike myself... I don't hate myself cause, I love me. But, apparently I didn't love me enough to avoid gaining this sort of weight.

Its hard to lose weight! SUPER HARD. Maintaining weight is easy but, losing ...omg. Now here I am having to face my demon of eating healthy and needing more intense workouts to lose the weight I need. My goal was to be like 5 sizes smaller than I am right now and that just makes me wanna give up.

I did this to myself and I need to accept that. Stop complaining and whining and just get back on the horse. I just really hate that I have another thing I need to put on my plate. My life already is just overwhelming in the responsibility department.

I want quick, fast, easy meals. Quick fast easy weight loss. Quick fast easy family meals. I'm a mother of three as well. So, yes... I feel horrible to. My oldest daughter has gained some weight this past year. I personally feel responsible for my daughters weight gain. She doesn't understand and shes so young. I hate that she feels like she is "fat" and I hate that she has my characteristic of hating to work out. Its the sweat...it tickles and is icky. Stupidity really. Maybe, its a princess sort of type of personality that I just need to get over. Like, I hate uncomfortable temperatures... Some people have their windows open in the summer and me - I have my air conditioning on.

I purchased an elliptical (preowned) and it broke on me within 2 weeks of ownership. So, I'm super depressed about that. I am just going to have to come up with the cash and purchase an elliptical brand new. I'd like to say I could get to the gym but, that honestly isn't to possible. Plus, I hate going outside in the Winter early in the morning to get to the gym. ...lol, I just purchased a car and it doesn't have remote start.. I got a quote for it $530...not happening.

In the long run, it isn't working out that is the issue. I can do pilates and get another elliptical at home. Its the diet. Its figuring that all out and not feeling hungry. Its the constant hate of going to the grocery store to purchase more grapes cause, we just eat the hell out of them. So that is just a daily chore almost. We are very picky about how fresh they are.

Sadly, I consume like 2 rock stars in one day. I need to cut down or eliminate my caffeine intake but, I just feel like I NEED it. I can't imagine accomplishing what I do accomplish without it. By the end of the day (9:30 I pass out cold) I know they say that you can get your energy from working out and eating food.. I just don't see it and I didn't see it when I lost my initial weight anyways. Over the past years I've gained back 30 lbs. I almost wish I could just go under the knife and boom be done with it. But, I have a feeling that isn't the answer either. Something that sounds to good to be true...usually always is.

So yes, this is my rant and I know better.. just devoting the time to figuring out my meals for my whole family- budgeting it - going to college - going to work - being a mother - doing my internships - and maintaining a healthy household ... I feel overwhelmed. I'm sure, I'll figure it out... as I REAAALLLY want to... just right now because, I don't have the immediate answers... I am complaining about it....venting.

If only I could place a book under my pillow and absorb all the information to be able to have all the answers the next day... Wouldn't that be nice?!

Replies

  • North44
    North44 Posts: 359 Member
    You do sound quite overwhelmed and also like you have a lot on your plate- work, school, kids. Maybe you should tackle one piece of the weight loss puzzle at a time instead of all at once. For instance, find a fitness regimen that works with your lifestyle and budget and just do that for while- months even- until it becomes more of a habit. Don't overdo it- just something maintainable for the long run. Then you could work on just building up your meal rotation for your family. Don't worry about calories and weight loss and all that. Just get into a nice routine. Then you could start to log in MFP. Start the process of mindful weight loss once you have other helpful habits established.

    Good luck on your journey- all the best!
  • FGTisme
    FGTisme Posts: 87 Member
    Venting always OK...better than trying to feel better with food!

    You have done this once and can do it again. Take inventory of your life and figure out where you can get more organized, or remove some from your day to day schedule if need be.

    When my kids were younger, once a month cooking helped me. I didn't use it for everyday, but it was very nice to come home and have dinner a few easy steps away from being completely done. Plus, you can buy items when they are on sale in bulk and save some $.

    http://www.keeperofthehome.org/2014/03/getting-your-healthy-kitchen-under-control-with-freezer-cooking-65-recipes.html

    Google search for healthy once a month cooking for more choices.
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    Feel better? Unfortunately it is not easy and yes you need to find enough love for yourself to take care of you. I know I have 3 children also and know that I spent so much time on them that I forgot me for a bit and gained a ton of weight (265 at my worst). I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism when my youngest was 3 but that did not wake me up. Finally when the doctor threatened to put me on a ton of different medications for pre-diabetes, high cholesterol and increasing my thyroid medication did I finally realize that I need to take care of me. You can do it. I use the website Eating Well for tons of healthy, easy and cheap recipes and meal plans.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    Being a mother is all this and more. Weight loss is 80% food intake. You are stressing about working out. Movement is necessary and important, but first things first, I'd put a curb on the calories. That means plugging all your stats into MFP which will give you your calories per day. You need to buy a digital scale and start weighing and measuring all your food. Try to stay within your calories for each day. If you are able to excersise, log it and you will get more calories to eat. This will not be a fast fix. You will need patience. If you do all this you will be a success and your family will hopefully follow you. Best of luck. Let us know how it goes. B)
  • ManiacalLaugh
    ManiacalLaugh Posts: 1,048 Member
    edited September 2015
    You definitely sound overwhelmed. Maybe take it a step at a time. Real success comes in the long term anyway, so if you're not ready to jump in with both feet, start by making manageable changes and add more in slowly.

    May I make a recommendation for one of the first steps? Cut the alcohol down or out. It hides soooo many calories. One bottle of normal beer is equal to 1/4 of my daily intake. I can't imagine how slow the weight would come off if I drank more regularly.

    You can also set yourself mini goals. I've found that helps. Tell yourself, "By Nov.1, I plan to have started some sort of regular exercise routine. By Dec. 1, I will have gotten back into the habit of logging my food and cut myself a 250 calorie deficit. By Jan1, I'll be at a full 500 calorie deficit and cut back on caffeine."

    Obviously, that's just an example, but I would swear by mini goals. Biting it off a chunk at a time got me started at a time when I wasn't super motivated to do anything about my weight - and that was almost 100lbs ago.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    I can so relate to being READY to lose the weight (usually while staring in the mirror) while dreading the time and effort it will take (while staring in to the refrigerator).

    I suggest breaking down this lifestyle change in to little bitty pieces and however you can manage it, remember your mirror resolve when in front of the refrigerator (or campfire). Can you make as many of these lifestyle changes as simple as possible, integrated in to your life the way it is?

    Weirdly, I am most concerned about the Rock Stars. The way caffeine works, you got your benefit with your first two drinks and you've simply been maintaining ever since. If you get past the withdrawal, you won't need them any more. Perhaps time your withdrawal on a long weekend where you don't have a lot of schedules and plans.

    I don't want any little girl dreading exercise. If she's running around, it's during play time.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    Sometimes it helps just to type it all out. Do you feel better?
  • MariliaPa
    MariliaPa Posts: 42 Member
    Hey Jessica,

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us.

    I know exactly how you feel - weightless is hard work and gaining the weight back on seems like the easiest thing in the world.

    I know how you feel - I'm doing the whole thing again after yet another period of gaining back lost weight.

    Don't know is this helps, but you are definitely not alone in this and your frustration is understandable.

    I'd agree with what the girls said above- you need to start with small changes, take it one step at a time. If you try to do too much at once you will fail.
    Once, I cut my calorie intake down to 1000Kcal, started meal prepping and exercising twice a day all at once - I ended up having 3full days of incontrollable binge eating after a week of hard work.

    As said before, weight loss is 80% about food intake so maybe focus on that first and then add the exercise and everything else in the mix?
  • Qskim
    Qskim Posts: 1,145 Member
    I found it useful to ponder the "future me". How would she handle these situations, the chaos? Then I worked towards that. I also gave up a timeline of when this happened - took away t hat pressure. I just knew if I made choices based on the behaviour of the future me, day to day that it would add up and I'd arrive. Something like this...

    http://body-improvements.com/2015/07/20/honoring-yourself/
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