Need some major advice/non weight loss

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LaDawn74
LaDawn74 Posts: 132 Member
in Chit-Chat
Its a VERY long story.......

Ex has primary residence of the girls (18, and almost 16)

Last yr he had to move to Missouri to take care of his Mom

They stayed with me in Ks. He has NEVER given me his address or his new cell # when he changed it. 16 yr old put it in my phone.

I'm a caregiver 24 hrs days 2-3 days.

Now he's saying that I have to change my schedule to just weekends because HE doesn't want her home by herself.
If I DON'T HE'S going to make her move there. She tried goin to school there and HATED it. She's going to be a Jr.

We live in a very small town of 800.

She's a GREAT kid.

Do any of you think its wrong for her stay home alone? I'm talking about during the school yr?

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  • cbratthauer
    cbratthauer Posts: 228 Member
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    If it's a small safe town, umm no. I was staying home alone with my brother when I was 12. Besides, I don't know how it works exactly but isn't 16 old enough for her to decide who she wants to be with? Legally wise I mean? Not sure like I said I don't know the laws. But I definitely don't think 16 is too young to be home alone, she's old enough to drive, get a job....
  • DarthCeltic
    DarthCeltic Posts: 1,274 Member
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    I say in most states the law states that children can be home alone after age 12.. 10 in some.. so i think 16 year old is just fine.. i mean shes legally able to operate a motor vehicle.. i think being at home is fine..
  • kathyhull
    kathyhull Posts: 327 Member
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    Tough situation all the way around. I guess my first question would be for him. Do you know why he's worried? Has she told him or done something to cause him to mistrust her? or to worry about a specific person or problem? If so, maybe some open dialog (recent divorcee here so I know how difficult that can be!!!) might help to resolve his concerns. But you know your kids best. I would not have trusted my older son home alone without supervision for long periods of time - trust issues and he panics easily. I trust my younger one home alone. He's very level headed, doesn't panic as easily. He makes mistakes (stuffed the washing machine to beyond its capacity in order to be done witht he laundry by the time I got home - burned up the belt instead) but he calls me, confesses immediately, apologizes, and is willing to listen to what to do next. But, in the end, you may need legal help with this. You may have to go to court and allow the judge to make the ultimate call - sucks I know. I wish you strength and courage in working through this in the best interest of your daughter.
  • luv_lea
    luv_lea Posts: 1,094 Member
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    I think 16 years old is far old enough for her to be staying home by herself. I was 12 (maybe even younger) when I stayed home alone, even watching my brother who was 2 years younger than me. As others have said, she is old enough to operate a motor vehicle, she should be considered old enough to stay home alone. And as far as I know (in my state-MO) 13 is the age that a child can choose which parent they want to live with (in a custody battle). Not sure what laws in KS are~maybe you could check into such things or talk with a lawyer just in case?? Also-in state of MO, 17 (a year off from your daughter) is considered legal age to move out on your own-without your parents input/permission. Again, not sure the laws in your state, but, I def. think she's old enough.
  • cjjones007
    cjjones007 Posts: 602
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    I say in most states the law states that children can be home alone after age 12.. 10 in some.. so i think 16 year old is just fine.. i mean shes legally able to operate a motor vehicle.. i think being at home is fine..
    While I also agree you should do your best to attempt to find out what his concerns are if nothing else in an attempt to demonstrate that his opinion matters - I agree about the age range...
    Check with the state of Kansas and MO to see what they say on the matter - if neither state has a requirement that is close to 15 - then I'm not sure he has a legal argument - but custody stuff is always a little weird...
  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
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    i had my own place with my 18 y/o sis when i was 16.she is old enough to have a job, she is old enough to be home alone.
  • california_peach
    california_peach Posts: 1,858 Member
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    I think 16 is more than old enough to be alone. At 16 you can drive and have a jobl. Try and get to the root of why he is asking for you to make the change. Hope it all works out for you and your girls.
  • shifthappens2011
    shifthappens2011 Posts: 25
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    Do you mean that she is alone 3 days in a row?

    I know others are saying that legally it's okay but I don't think it's safe. Sorry, but too many times when things go very bad with teens it's because they are left alone.

    If I understood it correctly and she is alone 3 days in a row, would it be possible for someone to check in on her in the evenings? I understand it may not be possible to have a care giver who's there all the time (and I don't think that's necessary) but since the Dad has given you this opening maybe it would be a good time to find someone will be popping in unannounced occasionally to check on her. Good teens can find trouble too. And I just think it would be best for a teen that age to know that someone might be dropping in unannounced to see how things are going. And then have someone you trust (female sister, cousin, best friend) do it.
  • LaDawn74
    LaDawn74 Posts: 132 Member
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    My days are usually Thurs Am- Sun Am. Unless she wants to hang out with friends or go to the football games, I go get her on Fri nights or Sat AM.

    Sometimes I will work Wed-Sat just so I can have the weekend off with her.

    She's involved in sports. Bowling and track

    At the age of 13 they can decide who they want to live with.

    He just wants to be controlling my life with them.

    He hardly texts or calls her or replies to her when she calls or texts him.
  • LaDawn74
    LaDawn74 Posts: 132 Member
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    When he was here one time, he stopped by to see her for 10 mins and he hadn't seen her in over a month at that time.
  • nikkischmitt79
    nikkischmitt79 Posts: 8
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    16 is definitely not too young to stay home alone. My baby sitters are only 15 and I trust them completely. I was 12 when I started staying home by myself for the summer and I turned out fine.
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
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    I was 7 or 8 when I was home alone with my younger sister, of course we lived out in the middle of nowhere. Usually girls are baby sitting by that age. I think he wants her with him and just trying to make your life difficult.
  • BigBeaver
    BigBeaver Posts: 858 Member
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    She's 16, staying home alone in a town of 800. Nope I don't see the problem. She is old enough to take care of herself at this point. I am sure she has your number as well as all emergency numbers. Also check into it legally, many states have laws given your daughter plenty of rights to choose and do what she wants as far as emancipation(but not to that extreme, I just meant choose where she lives without having to adhere to your ex's will). Good Luck!
  • UpToTheChallenge
    UpToTheChallenge Posts: 247
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    I'm 21 so I can offer advice on part of your daughter. Being home alone at 16 taught my responsibility. I would walk or bus home from school. Get inside and lock the door. I tidied up around the house, did dishes, etc. and then would watch TV or do my homework. I never thought "wow, I'm home alone, let's do something stupid!"
    16 years old is old enough to know. Maybe set some rules - don't open the door to a stranger, etc. Other than that, I don't see why not, unless you and your ex have trust issues or past reasons to think this is an issue.
  • Heather75
    Heather75 Posts: 3,386 Member
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    I was babysitting at 13. Surely a 16 year old is responsible enough to be home alone.
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
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    OMG... 16 is more than old enough to stay home alone. My parents went to ATLANTIC CITY FOR 4 DAYS and I stayed home by myself when I was 14!!! Good Lord!!! This guy is off his damn rocker. I suggest a date in court.
  • FitJoani
    FitJoani Posts: 2,173 Member
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    16 year olds can drive a car ALONE...so they can sit in a house ALONE...I did it when I was a kid Heck I was about 12 or 13 when I did it
  • LaDawn74
    LaDawn74 Posts: 132 Member
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    I just filed papers to change custody to me since she has been living with me since September.....

    She told him flat out that she is NOT moving there...she tried it there for 3 wks and HATED it.....

    she got carsick there even she was DRIVING because of the hills and curves.....


    I'm sending the papers to his old atty...as I don't have an address on HIM.....he has NEVER given me his address..not even when she was living there......and I don't know if his atty knows how to get ahold of him....

    if it hadn't been for my daughter, I wouldn't have his new cell phone number either......

    And if something was to happen to her, I can leave work and deal with it....its not like I can't leave work....and she does have a friend whom she can go stay with if she doesn't want to be home alone......

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