How to not get jealous of other people's success?
Replies
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jennifer_417 wrote: »Weight loss surgery isn't exactly the "easy way out." There is a lot they have to sacrifice to have the surgery, and they have to be very careful afterwards, as well. So, while it mays seem effortless, it isn't really.
I don't get it. Why couldn't a person sacrifice eating cheeseburgers and go about it without the surgery? It's a bit stupid to make it sound like they're working real hard to lose weight when they were assisted in the process through surgery.-2 -
Sersly? A flag?
I'm just being honest. If you can't see its apples and oranges for yourself or that you have no place judging, your "friendship" with this person is over. You can't be happy and supportive for her (rendering you useless as a friend) and she will only continue to anger, hurt, and enrage you (unwittingly with her success).
So just cut your losses and move on...in short.
Just. Break. Up.-1 -
This is the attitude of a winner.dakotababy wrote: »I find it helpful if I am jealous of another's success is to become successful myself. Bigger house? Get one for myself. More muscle? Get more. Can run faster? Practice, get it.
Winners will find a way while losers will find an excuse...and be jealous of anybody who reaches a goal!
We do not have to be that person!
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Pinnacle_IAO wrote: »
This is the attitude of a winner.dakotababy wrote: »I find it helpful if I am jealous of another's success is to become successful myself. Bigger house? Get one for myself. More muscle? Get more. Can run faster? Practice, get it.
Winners will find a way while losers will find an excuse...and be jealous of anybody who reaches a goal!
We do not have to be that person!
Or it's a road to never being satisfied. Somebody out there will always have something you don't. Whatever happened to figuring out your own goals and going for it?
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I'm not saying that a person couldn't just do CICO to lose weight. I'm just saying that surgery isn't the "easy way out," the process is more difficult than most people realize. Throwing around the word "stupid" is unnecessarily combative. The point was to keep someone from being jealous of someone else's "easy" weight loss by letting her know it really isn't that easy.williamwj2014 wrote: »jennifer_417 wrote: »Weight loss surgery isn't exactly the "easy way out." There is a lot they have to sacrifice to have the surgery, and they have to be very careful afterwards, as well. So, while it mays seem effortless, it isn't really.
I don't get it. Why couldn't a person sacrifice eating cheeseburgers and go about it without the surgery? It's a bit stupid to make it sound like they're working real hard to lose weight when they were assisted in the process through surgery.
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Right, the most miserable I have ever been was when I compared myself to others.Pinnacle_IAO wrote: »
This is the attitude of a winner.dakotababy wrote: »I find it helpful if I am jealous of another's success is to become successful myself. Bigger house? Get one for myself. More muscle? Get more. Can run faster? Practice, get it.
Winners will find a way while losers will find an excuse...and be jealous of anybody who reaches a goal!
We do not have to be that person!
Or it's a road to never being satisfied. Somebody out there will always have something you don't. Whatever happened to figuring out your own goals and going for it?
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tiffanymariearpaio wrote: »Someone I know has gotten a weight loss surgery and they are losing weight really fast without really trying.
They have taken the step to have their body altered so they eat much less. That is an effort. If they don't follow through they won't lose weight or keep it off. They are probably having to think a lot about what they can eat.
You are losing weight by eating less without being surgically altered. Different way of doing it. I would say not having surgery is easier on your body even though losing weight may take longer. Do you want to have surgery? I don't.
Be glad they are doing something to improve their life. Be glad you don't have to take that step to lose weight.
I'd stop comparing to others. Some people will lose faster than you and some people will lose slower.
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@tiffanymariearpaio What they did depends on the surgery. A Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) is basically turning the stomach into a tube by cutting away the excess. This is great for those who need to lose less than 100lbs and have no other health issues. A Roux-n-Y bypass (RNY) is where the top of the stomach is cut away and made into a small pouch. A section of bowel is diverted (bypassed) to cause calorie (and vitamin) malabsorption. This is the procedure for those with more than 100lbs to lose or those with additional health concerns.
In weight loss mode, the person eats less and loses weight. In maintenance mode, they eat a little more and stay at their goal weight. Just like everyone else. The mechanisms of the weight loss mode are a little different for surgery patients, but basically... eat less and lose weight. They simply have a smaller stomach, so eating less is a little easier. VSG patients don't have malabsorption issues like RNY patients, so it's considered a little less radical.
You do the best you that you can. In the end, you'll be a healthier you and probably more so than her.
Your blog is really interesting. I've only read the 2014 entries but you have a lovely way of writing, and the level of detail is really informative @2Poufs0 -
You didn't necessarily answer my question. If it isn't an easy way out, what is it then? It isn't easy to do CICO either yet many have done it without having surgery to do it...I think those people are the real success stories, not the ones who use surgery to lose weight. I could understand surgery for loose skin but not to lose weight.jennifer_417 wrote: »
I'm not saying that a person couldn't just do CICO to lose weight. I'm just saying that surgery isn't the "easy way out," the process is more difficult than most people realize. Throwing around the word "stupid" is unnecessarily combative. The point was to keep someone from being jealous of someone else's "easy" weight loss by letting her know it really isn't that easy.williamwj2014 wrote: »jennifer_417 wrote: »Weight loss surgery isn't exactly the "easy way out." There is a lot they have to sacrifice to have the surgery, and they have to be very careful afterwards, as well. So, while it mays seem effortless, it isn't really.
I don't get it. Why couldn't a person sacrifice eating cheeseburgers and go about it without the surgery? It's a bit stupid to make it sound like they're working real hard to lose weight when they were assisted in the process through surgery.
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I haven't read all the comments, but OP in my case heckkkk there is absolutely nothing I would feel jelous about weight loss surgery, no thanks, I've lived that with some family members and it's not as pretty or ideal as you would think, I've chosen the slow way because no surgery would haved teach me what I know now.
In fact I know people who have told me that they are jelous of normal people and they miss eating like normal.
Focus on you, you are going to get there!0 -
jennifer_417 wrote: »Weight loss surgery isn't exactly the "easy way out." There is a lot they have to sacrifice to have the surgery, and they have to be very careful afterwards, as well. So, while it mays seem effortless, it isn't really.
Yep, 100% that^^0 -
it says you have 94lbs to lose, i lost 90lbs in 2 years (with 60 of it coming in 6 months). It's not that long of a process and it's much more rewarding to earn your new body and develop healthy habits that you'll carry with you forever.
plus, you should only be competing with yourself, who cares about anyone else...and i'm sure that surgery was also quite expensive...so there's that too.
Well said . I had a friend who had the gastric bypass and lost over 150 lb in a year. I used to go a watch soccer with him , and over the week's he looked more and more haggard. He told me he found it really hard. Gradually he got lighter and started running and playing team sports himself and recovered better after that. I was and still am obese I was tempted by his rapid weight loss. However I made the
decision to go for the natural route as I feel that It sets you up better for later life by re-educating you for the long term. Since then I have lost about 66lb and have got maybe 85lb more to go although I think I'm going to go for a body recomposition style from now on to build strength and flexibility too.0 -
it says you have 94lbs to lose, i lost 90lbs in 2 years (with 60 of it coming in 6 months). It's not that long of a process and it's much more rewarding to earn your new body and develop healthy habits that you'll carry with you forever.
plus, you should only be competing with yourself, who cares about anyone else...and i'm sure that surgery was also quite expensive...so there's that too.
Well said . I had a friend who had the gastric bypass and lost over 150 lb in a year. I used to go a watch soccer with him , and over the week's he looked more and more haggard. He told me he found it really hard. Gradually he got lighter and started running and playing team sports himself and recovered better after that. I was and still am obese I was tempted by his rapid weight loss. However I made the
decision to go for the natural route as I feel that It sets you up better for later life by re-educating you for the long term. Since then I have lost about 66lb and have got maybe 85lb more to go although I think I'm going to go for a body recomposition style from now on to build strength and flexibility too.
Yeah, there's definitely the rest and recovery associated with surgery, not to mention the risks of any surgery up to and including death. That's a heck of a lot of trouble just to go the easy way out, in my mind
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@tiffanymariearpaio What they did depends on the surgery. A Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy (VSG) is basically turning the stomach into a tube by cutting away the excess. This is great for those who need to lose less than 100lbs and have no other health issues. A Roux-n-Y bypass (RNY) is where the top of the stomach is cut away and made into a small pouch. A section of bowel is diverted (bypassed) to cause calorie (and vitamin) malabsorption. This is the procedure for those with more than 100lbs to lose or those with additional health concerns.
In weight loss mode, the person eats less and loses weight. In maintenance mode, they eat a little more and stay at their goal weight. Just like everyone else. The mechanisms of the weight loss mode are a little different for surgery patients, but basically... eat less and lose weight. They simply have a smaller stomach, so eating less is a little easier. VSG patients don't have malabsorption issues like RNY patients, so it's considered a little less radical.
You do the best you that you can. In the end, you'll be a healthier you and probably more so than her.
Your blog is really interesting. I've only read the 2014 entries but you have a lovely way of writing, and the level of detail is really informative @2Poufs
Thanks. I hope that the blog relays information in an easy-to-understand manner. I hope people can relate to what's going on with me and learn something too. Plus, I get to talk about poop, because there's not enough TMI online!
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williamwj2014 wrote: »jennifer_417 wrote: »Weight loss surgery isn't exactly the "easy way out." There is a lot they have to sacrifice to have the surgery, and they have to be very careful afterwards, as well. So, while it mays seem effortless, it isn't really.
I don't get it. Why couldn't a person sacrifice eating cheeseburgers and go about it without the surgery? It's a bit stupid to make it sound like they're working real hard to lose weight when they were assisted in the process through surgery.
People that think surgery is the easy way out have obviously never been around someone that has had WLS. It is far from easy. Issues with the VSG surgery ..... vomiting because you ate 1/3 cup of food vice 1/4 cup. Vomiting because a particular food didn't sit well in your new digestive tract. The feeling of cement in your stomach from certain foods. The dumping syndrome you get if you drink too soon after you eat. Not being able to eat and drink at the same time (no drinking 30 mins before a meal and no drinking 30-60 mins after a meal). If you want to go out with friends/family you have to analyze your meal .... Will this sit well in my stomach? Will this make me vomit? Want a social drink? Not if you need/want to eat. Plus alcohol will hit you harder and faster so having a social drink maybe out of the question period. Your hair falling out from lack of nutrition. The lack of appetite you have but still have to drink at least 64oz of fluids and get in a minimum of 60g of protein. The massive painful constipation you have to deal with, for most on a regular basis. That's not everything but just some of the things I can recall off the top of my head. It is a life altering decision. This doesn't include the risk you are taking with the actually surgery, possible post op complications, and/or the mental aspect either. You can go through all of this and still not lose all or any weight because WLS surgery is just a tool. If you still continue to make poor choices you can still gain weight, yes it takes more effort to gain but I know people that have. This is life long so I would beg to differ with anyone saying this is the easy way out.0 -
To the OP, your thoughts/feelings are honest, good for you for owning it enough to talk about it and forget the snarks with their sanctimonious finger wagging.
It's easy to feel a twinge of envy, the reason the diet industry is a billion dollar a year is because we've all tried to find the "easy" way to lose weight. When someone comes along with what, on the surface, appears to be an easier solution who wouldn't share your sentiment inwardly?
However, the important thing to remember is that a leaner/thinner/healthier body is a reflection of a persons lifestyle; it is the primary motivator of those of us who are in the process of losing weight but it is only the outward sign of our actions and choices. For those of us who have made choices in the past that led to an outward reflection we didn't/don't want we have a learning curve, a big one, regarding eating and movement and balance and the choices we need to change. This learning curve is no easy feat; when you've spent most of your life bouncing on and off fad diets or yo-yo dieting or maybe never really trying that hard at all you have very few tools in your arsenal when you really commit to change.
-Portion control.
-Input vs. output.
-Calories derived from fats or from carbs?
-Is the light/diet/low-fat version of this really better?
-If I go to Pizza Hut with the family for dinner, wtf am I going to eat for breakfast and lunch and not feel hungry all day?
-Do I really need to drink that much water? Every day?
-I've completely blown my decent eating habits today and I'm running on three hours of sleep, guess there really is something to that whole get-a-good-nights-sleep thing.
-I can skip my evening walk one day, I'm sure it wont hurt just once...
That is a very, and I mean VERY, small list of all the things we learn along the way. Things we need to learn, for success in loss as well as maintenance. We learn to seek out a pita or soup or salad for lunch when we were running late and couldn't pack one for work because a Big Mac just isn't worth it. We learn to drink water until reaching for it becomes so ingrained in us that other beverages almost seem like special occasions. We learn that movement is key, thank you plateaus, because if you don't jump on the exercise band-wagon at the start, watching the weight loss slow down to a snails pace changes your mind about that. In turn it makes you feel better and it motivates you even more to stay on track with food choices or grants you the ability to enjoy something extra. We rejoice when we see reward for our effort (I'm referring more to NSV, but numbers work too) and lament when we falter and see the results of that instead.
Now, that may all seem very rudimentary, but before you say, "well, duh!" understand that long, arduous, pain-in-the-*kitten* journey is the crux behind your leaner/thinner/healthier body. Without it... well, that's why so many are pointing out about your friend likely gaining it back. If you never learn to grab that pita or soup or salad because you'll only eat half that Big Mac anyway what tools do you have for maintenance? You're not just going to eat less and less forever. Simply being unable to eat a large quantity of food in one sitting will net you results initially sure, but our species learns through trail and error; blessed is he/she who can be told how to make healthier choices for life to ensure continued weight loss/maintenance success without learning it for themselves. And anyone with that ability wouldn't have a weight problem to begin with, would they?
Don't revel in this, that's not the point, it wouldn't be much of a great moral story if the tortoise snickered at the hare's loss in the end; just keep in mind that your friend has been denied the ability to learn all the lessons you are learning now through cause and effect.
While that may seem like little consequence, would you rather take a year to get there and be confident, feeling good, and in total control when you arrive? Or would you rather get there right now and make questionable choices, not be very sure in what you are doing, and possibly start taking extreme measures (such as skipping eating altogether) out of fear and ignorance that the weight will come back if you don't?
Because only one of those paths has a real chance of being attainable for the rest of a persons life.
The other one is a band-aid on a broken leg.
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i'm kind of cursed with jealousy in general, so this is what I do -- try to keep the focus on my own improvements, and then (and this is kind of magic cause I don't really even believe in it but it works) I pray every day for two weeks that the person I feel jealousy for will be blessed and find their path -- I have never held on to jealousy for a person if I do this. Right now, a friend went on a drastic diet and lost 70 pounds (fast, but without any surgery)-- I must confess I'm jealous (and she also kinds of lords it over every body). So I am just keeping my focus on my much slower (1 lb per week) weight loss using CICO/exercise here, and I am using the (even if I don't believe) prayer magic thing, and its getting better, and I bet it will be gone like my other green monster stuff in 2 weeks.0
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