advice...

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thecanface
thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
in Chit-Chat
thanks!

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  • fitnessjch
    fitnessjch Posts: 449 Member
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    You need to be there fir your boyfriend at his uncles wake. No matter how much you dont want to be.
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
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    hey i need advice on something that has nothing to do with weight loss..

    so Boyfriend has been thinking its cute go out and get drunk 5 days in a row coming home late, having me go pick him up at 3 am when i have to work the next day, etc... i am NOT extremely pissed, or completely ignoring him because he doesnt do it often, and he is just usually at his cousins or brothers house, and one of his uncles was in town and thats what his uncle likes to do, but he is the LAST person i want to be hanging around lately.. i just dont want to see him or be around his family (multiples of him lol) so i was like you wana go out and drink all night, then go.. i have my own things to do and worry about, just leave me alone.. I was hoping he would be gone by the time i got home today so i wouldnt have to talk to him... BUT he had an uncle pass away this weekend and the wake is today... from 5pm to 8pm, and he's telling they are getting together at his cousins house after, and that i should get out of work early. I get home at 6 and really didnt want to be w/him and really wanted to go to the gym... so would it be f'cked up if i avoided him and just went to the gym, or do you think i should go to the wake at least?? i feel bad not going, but I just dont want to talk to anyone... or be around them especially..

    help!!!!
    First...talk it out with your BF. Second...go to the gym. He is a big boy and can figure it out.
  • kjb0976
    kjb0976 Posts: 68
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    If you don't go it will make a statement that could ruin your relationship. However, from the way you worded things, it sounds like you might be done with the relationship anyways. If you really care about him, I would go and be supportive. If you don't care if it causes the relationship to fizzle, I would state my reasons why you aren't going and then go to the gym!
  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
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    You need to be there fir your boyfriend at his uncles wake. No matter how much you dont want to be.

    yeah... i know :(
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
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    Well do you want to be with him anymore?
  • dianaclopez89
    dianaclopez89 Posts: 23 Member
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    You should go to the wake. How would you feel if your uncle died & he didnt go to the wake because he had to go to the " GYM ". Pissed .
  • husker_gal
    husker_gal Posts: 462 Member
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    Sometimes to make a relationship work you have to deal with an uncomfortable situation. I would say go to the wake and just be there for him and his family. Then sit down with him and just tell him that you want to do your own thing when he does his so he can't rely on you to be at his beck and call when he goes out. Relationships are about compromise and if you both don't give a little it won't work out. Best of luck! :flowerforyou:
  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
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    You should go to the wake. How would you feel if your uncle died & he didnt go to the wake because he had to go to the " GYM ". Pissed .

    yeah i thought about that!
  • Mixmode
    Mixmode Posts: 332
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    You need to be respectful to the family and go to the wake, then address the other issues later for sure.
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
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    You should go to the wake. How would you feel if your uncle died & he didnt go to the wake because he had to go to the " GYM ". Pissed .

    yeah i thought about that!
    Yeah...what they are saying. I scanned the post (tl;dr) and missed the going to the wake part.
  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
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    Sometimes to make a relationship work you have to deal with an uncomfortable situation. I would say go to the wake and just be there for him and his family. Then sit down with him and just tell him that you want to do your own thing when he does his so he can't rely on you to be at his beck and call when he goes out. Relationships are about compromise and if you both don't give a little it won't work out. Best of luck! :flowerforyou:


    you know, your comment about compromise is what gets me... when he was drunk one night i was trying to reason with him and asked him to compromise with me on going home at 2 am so i can get my rest for work tomorrow, since i did everything he wanted to do without a word.. and he wanted to cry and whine about he wanted to stay out... he called me 15 mniutes later to go get him. at this moment compromise is not something i am willing to do with him.
  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
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    so if i go to the wake, is it okay if i skip the cousins house thing????

    PLEASE SAY YES!!!
  • clermonm
    clermonm Posts: 4
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    One thing I've learned over the past 2 years is that it IS OK to listen to yourself and how you feel and it IS OK to say NO if really, you'd just feel bad about saying yes. However, remorse should not eat at you if you say no. You have to be confident enough in yourself to listen to that little voice inside that is pleading not to go and not feel guilty. That's easier said than done, but trust me, you'll feel soooo much better in the long run! In the end, the only person with whom you'll always end up with is YOURSELF, thus making YOU the most important person in your life. Of course, you have to make concessions in life, but you should never feel like you give more to others than to yourself.
    One thing I like to do when I'm in thin kind of situation: I meditate a couple minutes then try to imagine myselft saying yes to the person, then saying no. Live it and FEEL every emotion that comes up. Which ever makes me feel better is the right choice. If you do too many things making you feel bad, you'll stack up and something's gonna break eventually.

    That's how I see it...and I've given all of this A LOT of thought, work and money to finally be able to say yes to myself by saying no to others.

    Good luck!
  • StacyD015
    StacyD015 Posts: 62 Member
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    Hey

    I would spk to ur bf tell him how your feeling. Maybe even show face at the wake and leave early and go to gym aswell. Sounds like u need ur own space for a while, :flowerforyou:
  • Yahalla
    Yahalla Posts: 7
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    My advice...put yourself in his shoes. Would you want him there with you at your Family member's wake, regardless of how he feels about the fam? You may be thinking...but I don't go out drinking until all hours of the night with my family...but that is NOT the issue. The issue is that you need to be there to support him, if you would expect/desire the same from him. This is not about his family, this is about being there as a support system to help him through his grief.
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
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    so if i go to the wake, is it okay if i skip the cousins house thing????

    PLEASE SAY YES!!!
    I am unfamiliar with wakes. The cousins thing? Is that vital? If not, you went to the wake to pay your respects, balance would be to go to the gym.
  • husker_gal
    husker_gal Posts: 462 Member
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    Sometimes to make a relationship work you have to deal with an uncomfortable situation. I would say go to the wake and just be there for him and his family. Then sit down with him and just tell him that you want to do your own thing when he does his so he can't rely on you to be at his beck and call when he goes out. Relationships are about compromise and if you both don't give a little it won't work out. Best of luck! :flowerforyou:


    you know, your comment about compromise is what gets me... when he was drunk one night i was trying to reason with him and asked him to compromise with me on going home at 2 am so i can get my rest for work tomorrow, since i did everything he wanted to do without a word.. and he wanted to cry and whine about he wanted to stay out... he called me 15 mniutes later to go get him. at this moment compromise is not something i am willing to do with him.

    I've been in that situation when I was dating my now husband. Reasoning with a drunk person is a lost cause. IF you are going to do it then wait til he is sober. I'm not saying to compromise on when to pick him up. Just tell him straight out that you aren't doing it anymore. He is a big boy and can be responsible for finding his way home or he'll have to stay the night at whose ever house he is at. He needs to work with you on it too. But it sounds like you are done with the whole relationship.
  • Jizes318
    Jizes318 Posts: 409 Member
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    I would go to the wake and afterwards go do what you want/. Pay your respects, support him and the family then go do "you" time. He is having plenty of "his" time.
  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
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    I would go to the wake and afterwards go do what you want/. Pay your respects, support him and the family then go do "you" time. He is having plenty of "his" time.

    "He is having plenty of "his" time." you're certainly right about that!!


    Thank you all.. i think i knew the right thing to do.. i just needed someone to reassure me.. and tell me i 'd be a b'tch for not going lol
  • thecanface
    thecanface Posts: 1,180 Member
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    If you don't go it will make a statement that could ruin your relationship. However, from the way you worded things, it sounds like you might be done with the relationship anyways. If you really care about him, I would go and be supportive. If you don't care if it causes the relationship to fizzle, I would state my reasons why you aren't going and then go to the gym!

    well we've been together for over3 years, live together, i love him to death.. all that.. so this wouldnt be enough for us to even think about not being together..

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