The New Normal - 33, Male, Oregon

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zappetto
zappetto Posts: 3 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Hello MFP!

I'm doing something I wouldn't normally do and taking a chance to put myself out here. The truth is, I desperately need someone... ANYONE... who can relate to me and my struggles. I am encouraged by what I see already posted, so I am taking a shot myself.

I've been down this road before. Four years ago, after finally finishing college (Culinary School included), I took control of my life and managed somehow to lose 140 lbs. Looking back now I am in awe of myself because I'm not really sure how I did that. Yes, I ate less and exercised A LOT more. I am willing to do those things again, but this time feels so different... so hopeless.

The last few years has been rough for me. It started with a trip to the hospital after losing consciousness while exercising. I was shocked to learn that I had stage 2 cancer and I was to immediately begin treatment. I was lucky in that I passed out which made the doctors look really closely to figure out why and I received an earlier diagnosis than I otherwise might of received.

Fast forward a year and a half and I found myself in remission status after a hard fought battle. A week after my new lease on life I happen to wake up with the worst head ache I have ever had. It lasted about two weeks before I drug myself back into the ER to see what was going on. A scan of my brain revealed I had an Arterial Dissection near the base of my skull and it would need surgical intervention. So I went under the knife to have the artery repaired to reduce the risk of stroke.

That was a year ago in September and I find myself here right now, in perfectly good health, but completely miserable. I re-joined my gym about four weeks ago but I just can't find the motivation to get there. I finally found a great job after about three years of disability/unemployment while recovering. But I find myself exhausted and down right scared to go back and face anyone.

People are always asking if life is "back to normal" yet. I don't think life will ever be what it was. I'm looking for a new normal. I want to shed the pressure of everything I accomplished last time and start fresh, with a fresh attitude and positive outlook.

Thank you for reading. All friend requests will be approved. :smiley:

Joe

Replies

  • Annr
    Annr Posts: 2,765 Member
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    Well Joe, as a fellow Oregonian hi there, and yep its tough to go thru a crisis and not be changed forever. My husband got a new liver at OHSU and I have realized that he will always be my survivor, just as I am in supporting him thru it all. What helped me was getting a journal and just writing all the messy stuff that I was dealing with. Then either burn the negativity of it, or shred it like my therapist did, and release those ties. Experiences, bad ones, shouldn't define you, they are just your life history.
    Celebrate your defiance nature of beating the odds, and coming out victorious! Find things that make you, YOU. You will find your passion and walk the life of a healthy person. Physically you are healthy, but mentally you are timid, which is normal. It's harder to make an attempt,
  • zappetto
    zappetto Posts: 3 Member
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    Annr wrote: »
    Well Joe, as a fellow Oregonian hi there, and yep its tough to go thru a crisis and not be changed forever. My husband got a new liver at OHSU and I have realized that he will always be my survivor, just as I am in supporting him thru it all. What helped me was getting a journal and just writing all the messy stuff that I was dealing with. Then either burn the negativity of it, or shred it like my therapist did, and release those ties. Experiences, bad ones, shouldn't define you, they are just your life history.
    Celebrate your defiance nature of beating the odds, and coming out victorious! Find things that make you, YOU. You will find your passion and walk the life of a healthy person. Physically you are healthy, but mentally you are timid, which is normal. It's harder to make an attempt,

    Thank you! :smile:

    It is almost easier to heal physically than it is to heal mentally and emotionally. Doctors give you a treatment plan for your physical body, but there really isn't a care plan for one's mind after the world falls apart. Yes, counseling is available and I for sure will be seeing one.

    Thank you for your kind words!
  • serenere
    serenere Posts: 70 Member
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    Hey Joe, first of all congrats for be healthy again. I can somehow relate a little bit. A few years ago, after recovering from a car accident where I could die, I become depressed. In the process of "going back to normal" I almost dropped from school and gave up on everything that I considered important in my life before.
    Thinking back of that time, I was sick before the accident. I already had plenty of doubts about my future, my relationship and other life circumstances that made me have a stressing hard time. As crazy as it could sound, that accident was a way out from that. During that time, I had to focus only on my health, and all the other problems seemed irrelevant. But when I finally fully recovered I started to get anxious again. I forgot about what I felt before and so I didn't know that going back to that would have been so hard.
    I don't know if you can relate with any of that, but considering that you lost a lot of weight before getting sick, I think maybe you felt somehow the same. I don't think the point is going back to normal. You do not want to go back to a place where you felt sad or insecure. Let the past be the past. Do not go back to anything. Just go forward, like you already did.

    The best of luck for this weight loss new adventure, feel free to add me :)
  • jme53404
    jme53404 Posts: 2 Member
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    I often wonder what normal is. It always changes both good and challenging... so I guess its up to finding the new normal or better yet a great normal. ask yourself what do you have control over that is going to make you truly happy inside ... make a list and then write another list of all of the things that suck your energy out...what are you able to eliminate and I mean by sucking your energy it can be small things like the floor mats in your car that are dirty and when you look at them you think to yourself ugh I should really clean those. the more you remove from your ugly list the more room you have for your fantastic list. it sounds like you're doing great and you're just getting your footing going again you're tough and a survivor.

    You should be so proud of how far you have come my lists might sound a little silly but somehow it always seems to work for me

    I think we all get a little lost now ae 'mfeel little hopeless I was having one of those days until I read your post and I realized my own drama is pretty simple compared to yours and I need to get over myself and just stay focused I'm small achievements a small achievement today was logging my food and staying within calories anyway this ramble has gotten a lot longer than I intended I wish you greatness male 33 in Oregon sincerely female 37 Wisconsin
  • WildEssenceXO
    WildEssenceXO Posts: 64 Member
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    Shooting ya a request!! Hello to you! We are in this journey together. :)
  • Annr
    Annr Posts: 2,765 Member
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    life is always influx, always changing adapting.
  • Tblackdogs
    Tblackdogs Posts: 324 Member
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    I am touched by your story. Can't relate but as a mom, I feel for you. What I can offer is the assurance that no one's life is perfect and that life continually changes. Don't stress about going to the gym or "getting out there." Concentrate on being as happy as you can be. Feel good about getting up every morning, smile at people you see on your way to work, do the best job you can at work and if you're up to it, connect with people. Maybe volunteer at a soup kitchen or in a local school if your schedule allows for it. Watch funny t.v. shows, read good books and enjoy being alive. Wishing you the best!
  • PinkPixiexox
    PinkPixiexox Posts: 4,142 Member
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    Joe, You're inspirational and a fighter.
  • zappetto
    zappetto Posts: 3 Member
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    Wow! I wasn't prepared for this type of response! Thank you everyone for your kindness. Yesterday was a great day and I look forward to what is to come. :smiley:
  • littlelambert2015
    littlelambert2015 Posts: 3 Member
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    Your story is touching. The more people I meet in this world I realize we all have a story and if we as humans open up and listen to each other we will quickly find that we are all very similar despite obvious differences. I lost both of my parents by the time I was 21 years old, I felt like an orphan and I gained about 120 pounds in the few years following their deaths. Sadly my younger bro gained about 300. Clearly we both turned to food and bad habits to dull the pain. We were also very inactive and just kind of floated through life in a daze... Searching for the new normal. Over the years I have found that I was self sabotaging.... I never realized it but I was. Both of my siblings still do. After years in a bad marriage and a career that kept my focus off of my health and well being, something literally just clicked one day when writing in a journal. I realized that everything I was writing that I was sad or disappointed about in my life, I could change. See I didn't have cancer, or a near death experience... I was perfectly healthy besides obesity and my mental state. I'm the strong one in my group always have been probably always will be but what clicked for me is that I was being strong for everyone but me. I was giving in relationships and friendships but would not accept. The day I decided to take my life back literally started a sequence of events I can't begin to detail on an open forum but I will summarize for you.... I started losing the weight, I left my bad marriage, I set healthy boundaries at my job and in poison like relationships and I started focusing on me and my son. For the past 8years or so things consistently get better. I am happily married with one additional child now and healthier than I have ever been. I couldn't ask for a better man than my husband and we have recently moved to oregon. I quit a 17 year job and decided to stay home and be with my kids for now. Things are awesome and I'm constantly reminded of my many blessings .... All of this said, I would be a total liar if I said I never feel sorry for myself, I never cry and wish my mom and dad had met my husband or my kids for that matter. I can't say I don't self sabotage now and then and have to kick my own butt back into gear. There is no new normal for you bud just as their isn't for me...there is only this life and what we make of it and as long as we have another day to be the best us we can be...we have to try!!!! Keep the faith and keep your chin up...you don't have to figure anything out overnight. Be patient with yourself and kind to yourself and don't let the negative voices win. At the end of the day it is just your mind deciding which thoughts to let win. You can do whatever it is you chose to do...I'm still working on my journey as well and I assure you that as strong as I am and as many people in my life view me as a rock .... I have my days....with a seemingly perfect life and surrounded by all the beauty in lake oswego oregon, I still have my days.... You will too and that's ok, but make the good ones count and just keep working on you. The rest will come.

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