Attention from Men is Messing with my Diet

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deearra
deearra Posts: 8
in Motivation and Support
Over halfway to my goal and men are starting to notice me again. Yes, of course, I like the attention, but I'm pretty sure one of the reasons I gained the weight was to keep men away. Not that I had any big man trauma, but I like my independence. I honestly didn't think at 62, they'd be buzzing around me, but lucky me, they still do. The problem is that I am having a hard time staying on my diet lately. I seem to want to shut myself in on my boat and have this huge need to eat. Last night, I ate a whole package of no fat, no sugar chocolate pudding over a big bowl of strawberries. I thought it was only 180 calories, but found out this morning that didn't include the skim milk. Oy.

I put up a new "main" profile pic just now. I was on that boat day before yesterday taking pics of a band playing on my dock. The base player stopped and said, "we should be taking your picture." The music stopped and he snapped this pic on my camera. I was trying to be calm but was shocked, embarassed as well as flattered. It was a mix of emotions that made me see red.

It's got to have something to do with men. Their attention spins me off course. I can't be the only one with this problem. I know it doesn't sound like a problem, but it feels like it could take me right back to 235 lbs or even more. So I'd love to hear from other women who might understand what I'm talking about.

Replies

  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
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    No offense but have you sought therapy? This kind of reaction is very unusual, especially for someone that says they don't have an man trauma. Independence is one thing but you have a very powerful aversion.
  • jlewis2896
    jlewis2896 Posts: 763 Member
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    This is interesting to me. Is it just men, or is it a social anxiety in general??

    I think I have an idea of what you mean -- I enjoy attention but at the same time get offended if people flirt overtly with me. I have been known to become short and quick-tempered with guys whose intentions I mistrust, but this is a self-defense mechanism. What you have going on sounds like it's hurting you more than helping you.

    Either way, it's a beautiful picture that they took of you, maybe they see that freedom and independence in you and admire it -- it is quite picture-worthy.

    Good luck getting to the bottom of this!
  • jenjenlv
    jenjenlv Posts: 42
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    I think there might be more to what you're saying here besides independence. I get independence and I get that you want to be single, but then you should just kinda be giggling at the men who want you and can't have you, not go to the point where you want to basically binge to keep them away...

    You say you want to be single, but do you maybe not feel strong enough to turn someone who you are falling for away? Maybe you're scared to get to the point of needing or loving someone who might hurt you, who might get you into bad eating habits again? maybe you're afraid of meeting someone who might take you to the point of not wanting to be single anymore? ... Just feels like there is more... If not, just be proud that they like you and want you and giggle when they can't have you!...

    Not judging or anything, of course I don't know you.... just my two cents...
  • karatsd
    karatsd Posts: 35
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    I don't think this reaction is really that uncommon, especially for women you have not felt beautiful or deserving for most of their lives. What if you get all of this attention from men now that you are thinner but you learn that you are still not happy with yourself? Or what if your fat kept you "hidden" just enough? Yes, therapy might help your journey to self-discovery and question about aversion to men. But it probably has more to do with YOU and your underlying self-esteem than with men. EVERYONE has or has had esteem issues in their life and therapy is not necessarily the only way to come home to yourself. Well, I usually don't spew all of this "advice" and psyco-babble to anyone, let alone someone I don't know....I just have this sense that maybe someone out there needs to hear this....YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND WORTHY OF BEING BEAUTIFUL AND YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN!
  • Jena_72
    Jena_72 Posts: 1,057
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    No offense but have you sought therapy? This kind of reaction is very unusual, especially for someone that says they don't have an man trauma. Independence is one thing but you have a very powerful aversion.

    Just because you say NO OFFENSE doesn't make it not offensive!! Geesh way to make her feel worse! I never say things like this but if you didn't have any HELP to offer her(as she asked) than why say anything at all?
    Deearra, I am sorry your having some problems figuring stuff out and NORMALLY that's why one would turn to the forums. I would say this STRESS makes some people(a lot) of people eat. Many times binge eat ( I can say this with 100% certainty! ) It is all about recognizing triggers and figuring out how to deal with them. New found attention CAN cause stress as many of us over 20 something years old understand. Many times it takes a long time for our minds to catch up with our new body. I don't think you need therapy (unless YOU feel it would be a useful) just need to recognize the triggers and accept that your a new you and that hopefully one day the attention won't cause you so much stress. I hope this HELPS! ((((hugs)))):flowerforyou:
    p.s. You really do look great! Maybe take that picture and place it around the house so you can start seeing (and accepting) the new you!
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    I hate attention from men, but not enough to want to put weight back on, I like how I feel thinner. I can do stuff, and my body works.
  • disneyval
    disneyval Posts: 18
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    I have to say that you are an inspiration (attracting men like flies at 62 - you go girl!) and an enigma! You sound like the independent sort who makes decisions for yourself. (Who sails to Mexico by themself?! Wow!) Don't worry about the men - you can beat them off - worry about your health! The healthy you are, the more independent you will be. And the longer you'll be around for your cat. (:
  • valerieheat
    valerieheat Posts: 17
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    i have experineced the same thing. When I start to lose weight I notice that I start to get more attention too. I don't think I gained weight to repel men, I doubt if you did either. The weight gain for me was due to emotionally eating. I guess getting into shape does garner more attention, but you can perhaps focus on the fact you are becoming a healthier you and celebrate your results. Just ignore the extra attention from men if that's not a topic of interest right now, but keep up the good work for YOU~!
  • TheKitsune6
    TheKitsune6 Posts: 5,798 Member
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    No offense but have you sought therapy? This kind of reaction is very unusual, especially for someone that says they don't have an man trauma. Independence is one thing but you have a very powerful aversion.

    Just because you say NO OFFENSE doesn't make it not offensive!! Geesh way to make her feel worse! I never say things like this but if you didn't have any HELP to offer her(as she asked) than why say anything at all?

    I didn't say "no offense" because it's an offensive thing to say, but that sometimes people will take offense where none is meant. This situation is the latter. What I said was in no way an attack and can be likened to someone posting in the forum for medical advice and instead of answering suggesting they go see a doctor. I helped her more because I'm genuinely concerned for her well being based on the information that was given me and instead I suggested seeing a professional that would genuinely be able to help. I do not appreciate you attacking me or the perfectly valid advice that I gave.
  • deearra
    deearra Posts: 8
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    I have to admit that I got really worried when I saw your response. I didn't expect there to be a whole lot of women who had my experience since male attention is one of the great benefits of weight loss. Happily there were others who offered me a lot of encouragement. I think it might be difficult to find a therapist in Mexico who would understand my problem, in English, and my Spanish is not that good yet. Thank you for your reply though.
  • deearra
    deearra Posts: 8
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    You are right and I do feel good about my accomplishments. As for my cat, she is captain of this boat, owns the portholes, and is the perfect furry partner. She also doesn't require a locker (closet) as a man would. Space is precious on a sailboat.
  • Swimgoddess
    Swimgoddess Posts: 711 Member
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    I had one hell of a bombshell body/appearance when I was younger which made me a bit of a social outcast among girls and I was always skeptical of the guys who wanted to be around me because I never knew it they liked me for >me<. The easy solution was to pack on some comfort poundage to try to come across as more "normal". Even colored my blonde hair expresso-brown and avoided getting tan like the plague. I seemed to make a lot more girl friends as the more average me and heck, guys my own age seemed to find me more approachable (vs. the creepy way to old guys who circled like sharks when I was "not average"). Then I joined the military and learned the art of confidence, humor, how to put men in their place and keep them at a distance. It still didn't teach me a thing about getting along with my own fairer gender but I learned how to cease to care. Now the only females I get along well with are either active/former military, or out of the closet in a butch kinda way like my Sis-in-law (not that I'm attracted to women; I might be a Kinsey 1.5, but when I fantasize, women are simply not in the picture.) Aside from online, I'm the typical girl-without-girlfriends and because I'm married, having platonic relationships with men independent of my hubby is highly frowned upon. So yeah, when I start getting sneered at by chicks because I took the time to dress to the nines, or guys are being overly forward and I'm afraid my hubby will get the wrong idea, it becomes very tempting to revert to plain Jane and tone everything down... I'm not sure if that's the case with you, but I certainly hear ya!

    I've always thought I had the mental mindset to just take off on a boat alone and have limited interaction with the outside world; just unfortunately was never born with the inner ear for it, lmao.
  • konalin
    konalin Posts: 1
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    Oh my gosh Deearra, i stumbled upon this, and I can so relate to it! I am pushing sixty and lost a lot of weight and face the same struggle of dealing with men again. I am up in the middle of the night with a stomach ache from eating a huge burger - yuck. I have packed on pounds over the past two months, after working closely with a man on a remodel project. I had a "relationship" with him last summer, and he is trying everything to get me back - very manipulative and predatory in a loving way (romantic etc). Man that sounds sick! He has some huge problems! I feel like I have huge problems for being even attracted to someone like him! I do not have a great track record in the man department and I want that to change! I honestly feel like he could steal everything that I have worked for. He has been pressuring me so hard to be with him, and I know he is wrong for me, and will take away my hard earned independence if I give in. Part of it is that I want the "love" and comfort, and feel weak like I could slide down and just be taken care of, but in truth, and historically what happens with me is that he is the one who I will end up taking care of! Sometimes I feel so strong and sometimes so weak. He has asked me to marry him and pressures me in all kinds of ways. I know I have to stay strong, but I have comfortably packed on this weight to try to keep him and all men away - for sure. I was feeling so good physically, it is discouraging to be uncomfortable again. I am so grateful that soon I will be away from him, and moving back to my other home where it feels safer, and where I have men friends who treat me with respect and do not pressure me. I know what to do, but this was good to vent! I love that we are independent women! It has become the best time in my life! I am looking forward to getting away from him, and back into shape for me! No more fear! I am strong and can do this!
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    As I gained weight, male attention dropped away. And while I miss it, I realized that in some ways it made me feel safer. Less hassled. Shielded. I was more able to draw into myself - which isn't necessarily a BAD thing, but it makes socializing difficult.

    I just want to say that I get this.
  • Matt_Wilken
    Matt_Wilken Posts: 188
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    So does this mean I should start ignoring woman from now on?

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