neighbors comments...what would you do??

hiphop10
hiphop10 Posts: 135 Member
edited November 25 in Motivation and Support
hey can someone help me out a little bit here please......

I have lost 50 pounds and I feel great!.... :):) my doc is happy and I'm down to my proportionate weight.. :):)

however a neighbor came up to me and said "What the he..ll happen to you! Are you sick? you lost weight!"

I was so confronted and I felt I was being trespassed against...I don't know how to explain it.
I did not want to argue with this overweight lady...she looks about nearly 100 over her weight.

I felt she was pushing me to say something nasty to her...but I refrained myself

and I said I lost weight because I was tired of being fat! So tired of the fat! so I did something about it.
and my doc is happy with me. How do you speak up to such people who say things like that?

this neighbor only knew me when I was 50 lbs over weight. so she never knew me in my skinny years.
I get fumbled and don't know what to say to people who come outa the blue and say not nice things.
...her words were hurtful..why do people talk like that?
I truly wanted to tell her she is overweight and it is unhealthy
but I thought not to be rude...


I worked very hard to be where I am now and I feel great. All my friends congratulate me even my kids. :):):):)

Replies

  • VeloRat1969
    VeloRat1969 Posts: 18 Member
    The best advice I ever received about how to respond when I don't know what to say, is to respond as if they said what I wanted to hear, instead of whatever they said. So: "What the he** happened to you?! Are you Sick? You lost weight?" Gets "Thank you for noticing! I feel great!".

    Leaves them scratching their heads, mostly... but it's fun.
  • Becoming_A_Butterfly
    Becoming_A_Butterfly Posts: 2,534 Member
    You really don't owe her any comment or response at all. The people who matter, like your doctor and friends and kids and you, are proud of you and happy with your weight loss, so your neighbor's input doesn't matter a whole lot.
  • Breeli0519
    Breeli0519 Posts: 63 Member
    Some people just have no tact. Answer honestly, if you feel compelled. Or since her question felt intrusive as to the state of your health, a simple "no, not sick" is all she needs to know.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    First of all, congratulations! You should be happy and enjoy your success. Unfortunately, a lot of people just don't know what to say and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. Your neighbor's comment was blunt and asking if you're sick is none of her business. However, sometimes we take things personally when it really wasn't meant that way.

    I'm glad you didn't respond angrily because she probably had no idea how rude her comment sounded. Is she like that all the time with other people? No excuse, but I'd just let those comments bounce right off of you. No need to internalize, analyze, or let them affect you emotionally. People say the wrong thing sometimes, that's all.
  • pootle1972
    pootle1972 Posts: 579 Member
    I got asked if I lost weight intentionally....same reasoning I must be ill just not as blunt.....i said i wasnt not Ill just sick of being fat.
  • FGTisme
    FGTisme Posts: 87 Member
    I have found, there are just some people who don't know what to say, and then, what they do say just comes out wrong. She may have just been surprised to see you look so skinny! I wouldn't take it so hard. Try not to see it as a personal insult, but just as a bad reaction.
  • lessismoreohio
    lessismoreohio Posts: 910 Member
    You look great. I've had some very similar comments / experiences. I just politely thanked the person for noticing that I'd lost weight, told them I was working hard to eat right and become healthy and promptly left the subject behind. I think some people are just clueless. I think other people are jealous. Who knows why people say hurtful things to other people. I honestly feel sorry for these people. I believe they are hurting far worse on the inside than we realize.
  • HippySkoppy
    HippySkoppy Posts: 725 Member
    Sounds as though the issue is with her style of communication.

    If your neighbour hasn't seen you in a while, she may have genuinely been shocked and or concerned and this was her way of communication....which is blunt and kinda brutal, which has now lead you to feel like you have had the wind knocked out of your wonderful changes.

    You don't say how old she is, but I have had similar comments like this that have come from older women (usually overweight)....it may be they are jealous, it may the generation or it may be that she just struggles to speak without coming across as rude.

    Try not to take HER issues onto yourself. You have had such success and you look wonderful. Don't let her ineptness take anything away from what you have achieved.

    All the best.
  • hiphop10
    hiphop10 Posts: 135 Member
    edited October 2015
    Thank you MFP people for your support...

    Pootle...thank you for sharing...guess people say things not right at times.

    I guess I get upset with myself because..... I never know how respond to people like that.

    yes this woman speaks to others in the same manor..she is considered a bully...in the neighborhood.
    I like the response to just smile and say why thank you for noticing then drop the subject or leave is best.





  • dinosaurparty
    dinosaurparty Posts: 185 Member
    edited October 2015
    I know that feeling so well :( Whenever people get loud, or accusatory, or confrontational around me I just clam up and get flustered. Its hard to know what to say in those situations, but it's not your fault! She's the one behaving rudely - technically you dont even owe her a coherent response.
  • HippySkoppy
    HippySkoppy Posts: 725 Member
    @hiphop10 think of it this way.....

    This lady is know to be a bully, you obviously are not....the fact you were taken by surprise and stumped for a return says more about how nice you are as a person and how out of touch she is with speaking in tones that come across positively and kindly.

    <3
  • StepB1987
    StepB1987 Posts: 30 Member
    hiphop10 wrote: »
    hey can someone help me out a little bit here please......

    I have lost 50 pounds and I feel great!.... :):) my doc is happy and I'm down to my proportionate weight.. :):)

    however a neighbor came up to me and said "What the he..ll happen to you! Are you sick? you lost weight!"

    I was so confronted and I felt I was being trespassed against...I don't know how to explain it.
    I did not want to argue with this overweight lady...she looks about nearly 100 over her weight.

    I felt she was pushing me to say something nasty to her...but I refrained myself

    and I said I lost weight because I was tired of being fat! So tired of the fat! so I did something about it.
    and my doc is happy with me. How do you speak up to such people who say things like that?

    this neighbor only knew me when I was 50 lbs over weight. so she never knew me in my skinny years.
    I get fumbled and don't know what to say to people who come outa the blue and say not nice things.
    ...her words were hurtful..why do people talk like that?
    I truly wanted to tell her she is overweight and it is unhealthy
    but I thought not to be rude...


    I worked very hard to be where I am now and I feel great. All my friends congratulate me even my kids. :):):):)

    I wouldn't have said anything. Only because people like that are just trying to start something. People do the same to me and stare often. Just ignore them and don't respond.
  • Ang108
    Ang108 Posts: 1,711 Member
    edited October 2015
    The comments, however well meant they are can go both ways. I also know that most people who comment have no bad intentions.
    I once mentioned to a co-worker ( who had dieted many times ) that she had lost weight and told her that I thought it was great. She did not answer, which at the time I thought was a bit rude. About six weeks later she stopped coming to work and within a year I went to her funeral. Lung cancer...
    Since that time, I no longer remark anything when anyone appears to have lost weight.,,,,,which btw some people have complained about also.
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,323 Member
    Oddly enough my children used to deal w the same rudeness about not having a father...one day I heard them simply say..."our father is dead" and the other person was flabbergasted and when I asked them they said...its their problem they feel weird they shouldn't be asking such personal questions. My older daughter said..."I love doing that"

    I understood what they were doing and why...I thought it was very smart of them.
  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
    hiphop10 wrote: »
    Thank you MFP people for your support...

    Pootle...thank you for sharing...guess people say things not right at times.

    I guess I get upset with myself because..... I never know how respond to people like that.

    yes this woman speaks to others in the same manor..she is considered a bully...in the neighborhood.
    I like the response to just smile and say why thank you for noticing then drop the subject or leave is best.

    She wants the attention of being a bully, so you could play it many ways and she still ends up in the wrong. I think I'd take the wind out of her sails by saying, 'No, thank God. It would be awful if I lost the weight from being sick! Nope, healthy and trim now.'

    But really, it's normal to be at a loss for words, too, when bullies do their thing. I can't stand people like that.

    My ex-almost-MIL was a terror to be around because she was like that, and my ex wouldn't let me have fun and bring out the claws right back at her :grin: That gets old very fast, too, though, so just don't bother with the rude, strange people like that!
  • Melwillbehealthy
    Melwillbehealthy Posts: 894 Member
    avoid rude people!
  • distinctlybeautiful
    distinctlybeautiful Posts: 1,041 Member
    It can be really difficult, but lately I've been trying to have compassion for people who are very pessimistic or, let's say, less-than-friendly. Not that there's any excuse for being nasty and disrespectful to anyone, but I find that if I remember that a person with that kind outlook probably isn't a very happy person in general, I can let their negativity slide off my back more easily. I don't take it personally. Like I said though, this isn't easy, but I'm giving it a shot!
  • Blackdawn_70631
    Blackdawn_70631 Posts: 283 Member
    Just say it how I say it. "I was fat." "I was a chunky monkey." "And I needed to lose weight."
  • Yi5hedr3
    Yi5hedr3 Posts: 2,696 Member
    Jealousy - I see it all the time.
  • NoIdea101NoIdea
    NoIdea101NoIdea Posts: 659 Member
    Don't rise to it, and be proud of your success! I would tell her that I was sick of being fat and my doctor recommended I lose some weight so I started watching what I was eating and viola! Now I feel great about myself, it's really been a life changer!

    And remember, you have the option to walk away. Even if you have to lie, and say that you have to rush to an appointment or something, you don't have to stand there whilst someone make you feel uncomfortable, especially with your achievement.
  • bigassmama77
    bigassmama77 Posts: 1 Member
    It sounds like your neighbor is a very jealous person... I had something kind of similar happen to me the last time I lost weight too before having two more babies and gaining it all back again lol... People even accused me of being on drug's... So yes I agree it's very hurtful to be critized when you have worked so hard to accomplish your goal's... Keep your head up, pray for her, and keep moving forward and let her keep right on noticing..
  • patrikc333
    patrikc333 Posts: 436 Member
    edited October 2015
    "oh look at the fitness fanatic" (and not during a 4 am half marathon, simply taking the rubbish bin back inside, after prob 1 months only I've started to run)

    this is what they told me

    I just ignored them, reminded myself how better I look/feel now than when I was overweight

    people enjoy your failure and cannot manage your success, so it is important to know and ignore it
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