How to keep motivated on diet and exercise when your S.O has it, "easy"

You sound like you're making some excuses.

That said, I can relate because my husband's maintenance calories are my gain weight calories (he's 6'5, I'm 5'4) and I cook all of his food so I am constantly looking at things I could never eat. Every extra helping that you say "No" to is empowering and will just motivate you more. It sucks at first, there's really no way to get those first few "Nos" under your belt easily, you just have to force it.

By not comparing yourself to your SO. Your body is different, it will have different needs. Focus on doing what YOU need to do. If you need to cut back on certain foods, do so. She doesn't have to and don't insist that she follows your diet and what you're doing. Thing is, you have to find your OWN motivation. Take a good, honest look at why YOU want to lose weight. It doesn't have to be 'to get healthy' either. That wasn't a good enough reason for me and I kept backsliding. It wasn't until I found my own reason that I was able to make progress, even with everyone around me eating like I normally did. Once you find your own motivation, the naysayers won't bother you nearly as much anymore. External support is nice, but variable so don't rely on it. Rely on yourself to find your own motivation, that will carry you much further!

You also don't have to talk about your weight loss journey if you don't want to. I've found it easiest to just smile and nod and go about my business. If someone wants details on how I lost my weight, I will tell them, but I don't bring the subject up myself. And if someone becomes bothersome, tell them you're on a diet you and your doctor worked out. Very few people will keep going after that!

As for your SO, once you've got your plan for losing weight in hand, sit and talk with her. Tell her this is what you need to do, you don't expect her to follow it if she doesn't want to, and you'll support whatever she needs to do for weight management. Then, follow through on your plan. It's not about defending or excuses at that point, it's simply a discussion about your needs and her needs and working out a way to meet them both together. You can still find ways to do things together and eat meals together, but each of you knowing what the other needs, even if you don't understand it, will help you both. Understanding isn't as important as acceptance. I don't understand some of the things my husband does, but that doesn't mean I don't accept them as long as they're not harmful, and give him what support I can. He doesn't understand a lot of what I do and have to deal with internally, but he accepts them and helps when I need it. Just make sure you keep the lines of communication open so if needs change, you can both adjust.

susan_mcconnell wrote: »

Also, is there a difference between defending yourself and making excuses? Like am I right to remind her that we are very different physically and she cannot expect me to be like her? I'll admit, we have had a disconnect in understanding one another's difficulties. My family has trouble understanding too, and they are even in the same boat as me. How to fight the naysayers!

Are they telling you that you are wrong or hassling you about your diet?
Just quietly show them you are getting results your way.

You are different people. You can't help that. You have different calorie needs and goals. You need to be the best you that you can be and she needs to be the best for herself. Explain what you are doing and what you need. Respect each other even if you don't understand or feel a little frustrated some days. It is okay to look for more specific support from people who "get it" instead of your SO, family or friends. Welcome to the message boards! Add some friends with similar goals to yours.

My dh lost 30-40 lbs because a medication caused a loss of appetite. He never counted a calorie or did any exercise. Sigh. He is at a healthy weight now but struggles to eat enough calories to maintain. That is pretty different from my situation. I understand that he wants to be a healthy weight for him and does not want to lose more. I helped him figure out how many calories he needs to maintain his current weight. I have printed a list of calorie dense foods to add to his diet since his appetite is smaller. I've encouraged him to track his food to make sure he is getting enough calories.
Meanwhile, I'm slowly trudging toward my goal. I'm doing a lot more work to get there. I'm at my lowest weight in 5 years which is great progress for me. I have more energy, less pain, and can do more. So we have different challenges but basically I think we both want to feel good and be healthy.

I don't believe in the idea of people being a 'naturally skinny build'. I personally just think some people find it easier to do the things I find hard.

For example, my husband can eat pretty much whatever he wants. As well as being taller than I am and male, he also does a job where he's on his feet and walking for 9 hours a day. If I walked 9 hours a day, I'd find it easier to control my weight too.

My sisters are both super skinny whereas I was always the fat sister and I've always hated that they could eat what ever they wanted. But when I actually started looking at what they eat, they will have stuff like pizza and pringles, but will stop after a couple of slices and crisps. Me on the other hand would have the whole large pizza and tub and then be crying that it wasn't fair.

I remember going to an all you can eat buffet with my skinny friends and feeling very self conscious about the fact I was the only one who got up for food more than once.

The point I'm trying to make is that most people who are 'naturally' skinny and seemingly eat what ever they want are either unintentionally (or perhaps intentionally but just not advertising it) doing the things we have to really work at like portion control and exercise.

Ignore the naysayers. No one can travel your path. It's your path.