When other people comment on your "loss"
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Totally with you!0
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I had a coworker say my green juice looked "nasty" while she's over there in her 19 year old skin. You need to ignore people.0
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I just came out and told all of my friends through Facebook that I was working on losing weight and what I was doing. Now they don't have to guess and feel uncomfortable asking because they notice the change. They know. I don't get too many comments but the ones I do get are usually along the lines of wow you are doing great!
Yes if I "fail" they will know. But so will I. And IDK knowing the know and having their support and encouragement is just a little bit more incentive for me when things get hard.
We need to stop looking at failure as this horrible bad thing that we can never do or have people see. Failure is part of learning. If we never fail we never learn. The MFP plan is about learning how to better manage our food intake. There is no way we can be 100% perfect at it from the beginning, so why do we expect it of ourselves and give up the first time we have a setback?
"The difference between a beginner and a master is that the master has failed more times than the beginner has ever tried."
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Thanks for all the replies, it is quite interesting to read. Especially from those of you who have lost a significant amount of weight and how other people react to it - or hide their reaction for a while.
And @babybear760, I drink a green smoothie daily at work (which is currently red as I use raspberries) and people always say it looks nasty and disgusting. I think that's another reason for why I'm disliking their comments; though I have said again and again that it's the tastiest thing ever (and it really is) they don't believe me, and probably thinks I'm starving myself to lose weight or something.
I guess I worry that people at work are thinking I'm "doing it wrong" and not taking the well informed and bumpy road I actually am taking.
I guess it's part of the progress though - learning to just let go of thinking about (or worrying) about what other people are thinking about you!0 -
michael_jordan7 wrote: »Maybe I'm an oddball but I am really encouraged by people's comments on my weight loss. I think I will miss it when it "wears off".
That's how I feel too. It's a pick me up and it let's me know I am doing well.0 -
HappyCampr1 wrote: »I just say, Thanks or Thanks, I feel great.
This is good advice from @HappyCampr1. I lost 65 pounds, and I'm in my mid 40s, so sometimes my acquaintances have commented on my weight loss out of concern that it was due to illness. "Thanks, I feel great!" is an excellent way to reassure them that it's not due to cancer, depression, or some other disease.0 -
Today I finally had someone other than friends/family comment on my weight loss (54 pounds). It felt awesome!0
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I can see the discomfort if you actually haven't lost weight. That would just pile on to any frustration. Before I lost weight I certainly had some outfits more flattering than others and yes someone did ask if I lost weight, not knowing that I had been struggling with weight loss and hasn't actually lost anything.
It's a different situation once you actually HAVE lost weight. It sounds like you're not sure if you have indeed lost any weight? Are you weighing yourself ? Just because you still can't fit into old pants doesn't mean you aren't on your way. You don't owe us an answer but I think you could do a better Job of assessing if and how much weight you've actually lost. Then at least you'll know these are genuine compliments and not some reminder of failure.
If you ARE sure you've lost weight but still don't like to talk about , that's fine. Just have confidence that you're doing what you need to do. I've been there with these compliments and had the fleeting thought "oh I guess everyone noticed I was overweight. " try not to dwell on it. Good luck!0 -
@jaga13 I've lost 2 kg (like 4.5 pounds) so not a whole lot - nothing that would warrant the kind of comments I'm getting. (So yes, I'm weighing myself; the jeans thing was mainly because that particular co-worker said I looked smaller.)
I hope that once I actually do have a proper loss I will feel more comfortable about it, because I want to celebrate my success (even if I'm not at my goal weight) and I wouldn't be reminded of the fact that I'm starting over yet again, as that kind of makes me feel like I've been failing. And people commenting on it reminds me of that, probably.
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Got it and that makes sense. But you are still on the right path and I look forward to your continued success.0
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I've always had difficulties with compliments...similar to you but being aware of it this time helped me strategise better. Different scenario though ..as in I am a stay at home mum and I used this to my advantage...basically hibernated until it became essential I was out and about again (youngest started school). Then the comments flowed in because it had been a good six months of low visibility but I had traction by then. Whether the comments were positive or negative wouldn't have stopped what I wanted for myself.
The thing is too, I realised, is a lot of people are like us on that we don't know how to cope with that attention. So I decided to role model the coping. Graciously accept the comments and be an example of owning and acknowledging the work. Doing it in such a way that it actually shortened the curiousity too. And I also realised too that people use my loss as a way of initiating a conversation about their struggles. I've actually been surprised by how many people, who I thought were really comfortable/confident with who they are suddenly complaining left right and centre! I learnt from that as well... that no matter where you end up you always are unhappy with something. So I'm just there to listen in the end and I've learnt that I'm not the one who's going to solve it for them but at least I'm an example that it's possible.
When people comment to me now (it's more along the lines of "you still look good") - it makes me invest more in staying this way because I want people to see that's possible too. In the past any attention would unsettle me. I do think too though that the more certain you are of where you are headed and how thoroughly you have planned for it in a sustainable manner, the more likely you are to not care about what anyone else thinks. The day I started, I was already at the "end" in my head and nothing could derail that or was unsolvable obstacle.
The fact is weight loss is highly prized. It's in the media constantly on many levels. So it's not surprising that people are fascinated by someone who has done what they believe impossible for themselves.0 -
Huge sigh. I have lost 48 lbs. Live in a smaller town.
I am in the middle of my BMI healthy range.
One of my best friends decided I was "too skinny".
Enough of that crap. We did not talk for four months. Then she decided to apologize.
After several other mutual friends mentioned how good I look, she suddenly changed her mind.
And at least three times I have seen people ( not friends) that know me but now they don't recognize me.
Makes me smile. It is so strange how different you look to others after losing weight. And myself...
Some people ask how I did it. I say portion control mainly, weigh everything you eat, less carbs.
Last response too that ? Oh God no. I love my potatoes way too much.
Ending with a huge sigh.
You only get what your willing to work towards.0 -
HappyCampr1 wrote: »
When people comment to me now (it's more along the lines of "you still look good") - it makes me invest more in staying this way because I want people to see that's possible too.
The fact is weight loss is highly prized. It's in the media constantly on many levels. So it's not surprising that people are fascinated by someone who has done what they believe impossible for themselves.
This is true for me as well. I had an ex-coworker see me about six months after I reached my goal. Her exclamation of "Wow! You're still so tiny!" rubbed me the wrong way. I was feeling like "just how big did you think I was going to get in six months!" Of course, I didn't say that, but it made me think that I need to show people it is possible to lose weight and maintain it.
Yes. How often do you see in the media the message that most people fail? People expect that too.
When the compliments stop, it can be the more challenging period too because then the intrinsic reasons as to why it's worth the commitment really come to the fore. With no outside forces welcomed or not, influencing your desire, now you truly test the basis you profess/insist you began with - "doing it for good health" for example, something that may only be obvious to you and not easily discernable to others. The feedback loop, the reason for the investment has to adapt, change - dig deeper.0 -
Eh - my friends have all seen at least one failed attempt at weight loss, and my family has seen quite a few (some quite successful for a time, others not so much). I haven't gotten many comments this time around except for a "you look good". I don't really mind - as much as I would like to believe that nobody actually noticed when I was 330+ pounds, I have to say, if they didn't notice, they need a vision exam stat.0
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Commenting on weight loss in a positive way is intended as a compliment. I try to comment if I see someone is losing weight because I know how hard they must be working to do that. I'm thrilled if someone noticed I look more "fit" or have list weight.0
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I've always had difficulties with compliments...similar to you but being aware of it this time helped me strategise better. Different scenario though ..as in I am a stay at home mum and I used this to my advantage...basically hibernated until it became essential I was out and about again (youngest started school). Then the comments flowed in because it had been a good six months of low visibility but I had traction by then. Whether the comments were positive or negative wouldn't have stopped what I wanted for myself.
The thing is too, I realised, is a lot of people are like us on that we don't know how to cope with that attention. So I decided to role model the coping. Graciously accept the comments and be an example of owning and acknowledging the work. Doing it in such a way that it actually shortened the curiousity too. And I also realised too that people use my loss as a way of initiating a conversation about their struggles. I've actually been surprised by how many people, who I thought were really comfortable/confident with who they are suddenly complaining left right and centre! I learnt from that as well... that no matter where you end up you always are unhappy with something. So I'm just there to listen in the end and I've learnt that I'm not the one who's going to solve it for them but at least I'm an example that it's possible.
When people comment to me now (it's more along the lines of "you still look good") - it makes me invest more in staying this way because I want people to see that's possible too. In the past any attention would unsettle me. I do think too though that the more certain you are of where you are headed and how thoroughly you have planned for it in a sustainable manner, the more likely you are to not care about what anyone else thinks. The day I started, I was already at the "end" in my head and nothing could derail that or was unsolvable obstacle.
The fact is weight loss is highly prized. It's in the media constantly on many levels. So it's not surprising that people are fascinated by someone who has done what they believe impossible for themselves.
Well put. I've sometimes thought about what it would be like to quit my job (it's temporary anyway, so it's not as big of a deal as some people might think) and just focus on myself and working out. Although you obviously couldn't do that, being a mom, it is still time that you can, as you put it, hibernate and just take care of yourself.
I think I will be more comfortable with comments or questions about my weight loss when I actually feel like I have accomplished something, and I no longer feel like I'm just one binge day away from my original starting weight.0 -
HappyCampr1 wrote: »
When people comment to me now (it's more along the lines of "you still look good") - it makes me invest more in staying this way because I want people to see that's possible too.
The fact is weight loss is highly prized. It's in the media constantly on many levels. So it's not surprising that people are fascinated by someone who has done what they believe impossible for themselves.
This is true for me as well. I had an ex-coworker see me about six months after I reached my goal. Her exclamation of "Wow! You're still so tiny!" rubbed me the wrong way. I was feeling like "just how big did you think I was going to get in six months!" Of course, I didn't say that, but it made me think that I need to show people it is possible to lose weight and maintain it.
Good for you on staying on track! I sometimes think it takes a lot more dedication to staying in maintenance than losing, because with losing you have a goal to reach, which might make you work harder (I'm not saying you don't work out, but you might not work out as much as before?). And I think the reason why maintenance often fail is because people reach their weight loss goal, become complacent and, since they might not have changed their habits getting to that goal, they fall back into old patterns and gain weight back.0 -
rankinsect wrote: »Eh - my friends have all seen at least one failed attempt at weight loss, and my family has seen quite a few (some quite successful for a time, others not so much). I haven't gotten many comments this time around except for a "you look good". I don't really mind - as much as I would like to believe that nobody actually noticed when I was 330+ pounds, I have to say, if they didn't notice, they need a vision exam stat.
I've never lost a lot of weight before, so my friends and family haven't seen the evidence of me trying to lose weight (me joining a gym was probably the biggest indicator but I seem to go in spurts and then lose motivation and not go for ages, so I'm not sure if they would count that).0 -
Huge sigh. I have lost 48 lbs. Live in a smaller town.
I am in the middle of my BMI healthy range.
One of my best friends decided I was "too skinny".
Enough of that crap. We did not talk for four months. Then she decided to apologize.
After several other mutual friends mentioned how good I look, she suddenly changed her mind.
And at least three times I have seen people ( not friends) that know me but now they don't recognize me.
Makes me smile. It is so strange how different you look to others after losing weight. And myself...
Some people ask how I did it. I say portion control mainly, weigh everything you eat, less carbs.
Last response too that ? Oh God no. I love my potatoes way too much.
Ending with a huge sigh.
You only get what your willing to work towards.
Wow, good for you!
A lot of people I know, even if they aren't trying to lose weight but just be healthier, don't seem to grasp some very simple things, and one of the biggest misconceptions is about the food they are now no longer "allowed" to eat. Sigh.
I liken it to people eating meat and finding out I'm a vegetarian; even if I'm not trying to convert you, I might mention that you don't need to eat meat with ALL your meals (especially if you're not lifting). But, the meat lovers will anyway, and just the thought of "giving up meat" (even for just one meal per day) is horrible and off-putting.
Moderation and the realisation that I can have chocolate every day if I want to, so long as I work it into my plan, is something I've struggled with a lot, but am actively working with.0
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