Please help with advice...almost a beg yes.

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Squeaky_XO
Squeaky_XO Posts: 29 Member
in Motivation and Support
Feel like you tend to compare yourself to others (body wise) when you don't intend to? Like I'll admit, I do but I try not to but it can be a habit I try to break. I just feel like when friends I know (especially same sex) try to lose weight I don't know what it is, but it's like this competition for me to not let them become thinner than me. And I hate that habit I have because I want to break it but I don't know how. My boyfriend tells me no matter what he will love me whether I was underweight or overweight, doesn't matter and no woman compares to him. I love him and understand that. The thing is I had this habit since I was really young. I went to a school where the majority of girls primarily focused on achieving an impossibly skinny figure.

I don't know, I guess I'm posting this in hopes that people on here could possibly help me overcome this habit. Like I have been told I have a slim runner figure, and kind of curvy. My hips are just naturally always going to be an inch wider than my chest. I have small boobs, I embrace it. I'm 20 so I know I'm still around the "young age group".

Replies

  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
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    Perhaps seeing a professional would help.
  • CatherineHillin
    CatherineHillin Posts: 66 Member
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    Ninkyou wrote: »
    Perhaps seeing a professional would help.
    Agreed. This sounds like a psychological problem that a therapist could really help you with. It's not really about how you look, it's deeper than that. Plus, your body is going to change pretty soon (I just turned 23 and mine did at 22ish) so you need to be ok with you no matter how you look. I wish I could help, but trust me - I have a BA in psych, and I can guarantee that no one without a counseling license should even attempt to try and work this out with you. You owe it to yourself to see someone who knows what they're doing. Much love though...you are wonderful just how you are, and how you will be at any point in time, I promise <3
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
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    I agree.You should talk to someone. It's not about your looks.
  • zichab
    zichab Posts: 1,460 Member
    edited October 2015
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    I agree with the prior two posts-Admiring other women is wonderful, but feeling competitive as a habit is a problem that needs professional help to overcome. Please find a good therapist to help you OK because you are too young to go through life with this burden.
  • llpruitt22
    llpruitt22 Posts: 6 Member
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    My personal opinion - you don't have to see a professional about this. It's in (most) our nature to be competitive. It's sometimes our biggest motivator. As long as you keep your mind focused on you as for progress and goals
  • Squeaky_XO
    Squeaky_XO Posts: 29 Member
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    I know it may be better to see a professional on this. But I'm a college student as well, I can't afford that.
  • eliza8897
    eliza8897 Posts: 35 Member
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    Squeaky_XO wrote: »
    Feel like you tend to compare yourself to others (body wise) when you don't intend to? Like I'll admit, I do but I try not to but it can be a habit I try to break. I just feel like when friends I know (especially same sex) try to lose weight I don't know what it is, but it's like this competition for me to not let them become thinner than me. And I hate that habit I have because I want to break it but I don't know how. My boyfriend tells me no matter what he will love me whether I was underweight or overweight, doesn't matter and no woman compares to him. I love him and understand that. The thing is I had this habit since I was really young. I went to a school where the majority of girls primarily focused on achieving an impossibly skinny figure.

    I don't know, I guess I'm posting this in hopes that people on here could possibly help me overcome this habit. Like I have been told I have a slim runner figure, and kind of curvy. My hips are just naturally always going to be an inch wider than my chest. I have small boobs, I embrace it. I'm 20 so I know I'm still around the "young age group".

  • eliza8897
    eliza8897 Posts: 35 Member
    edited October 2015
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    I agree. I think women strive toward the impossible perfect body and I agree with you. My boyfriend thinks I'm perfect whether I'm skinny or overweight. Would love to help in your journey.
  • alicat1974
    alicat1974 Posts: 12 Member
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    I'm so glad you've recognized this as an issue and are taking steps to resolve it, awareness is key to getting over any bad thought process or behavior.

    Most colleges have in house counseling available, and they are often especially trained issues affecting body image. Please see what resources your school has available, or your health plan has got to have something.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 32,920 Member
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    alicat1974 wrote: »
    I'm so glad you've recognized this as an issue and are taking steps to resolve it, awareness is key to getting over any bad thought process or behavior.

    Most colleges have in house counseling available, and they are often especially trained issues affecting body image. Please see what resources your school has available, or your health plan has got to have something.

    Yes. Look for the in-house counseling center, or if you're at a very small school that doesn't have one, see if there's a local health/mental health help line that does referrals to community-based programs, or call your community mental health service for referrals to no/low-cost programs. Consider asking at your school's or a local free health clinic to see if they have referrals to no/low-cost programs. It's likely that there are resources out there.

    Dealing with this now, while you're young, is optimal. I wish you well!
  • Squeaky_XO
    Squeaky_XO Posts: 29 Member
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    newmeadow wrote: »
    It sounds like the habit you describe is a thought habit. You mentally take note of where you are weight wise in comparison to your female friends and think competitive thoughts about it.

    In your post, it's not clear whether you take action and whittle yourself into an overly thin idealized version of yourself in response to this. Do you?

    Your photo looks good. You appear fit and trim but not underweight. I don't know if it's current.

    Traditional psychotherapy is an option. But it's pretty standard for medication to be recommended if you do this. And it ain't cheap, as insurance often doesn't cover much of the costs associated with it. It also requires a lot of trust to put yourself in the hands of a shrink and you really don't know anything about the character of who you're dealing with.

    If you don't want to take pills, don't want to go broke, don't want to find out the hard way what a quack is and you don't want to be afraid of your thoughts - you might want to look into Zen practice. Zen groups are usually compatible with vegetarianism too. I notice your profile says you're animal free. You could check it out and get a practice going for a few months to see if it works for you :smile:

    I'm not Buddhist and never will be, but have been a student of Zen for a long time. You don't have to get involved in the religious beliefs associated with it, which are a carry over from Hinduism when it all began. You can just view it as a philosophical psychology - which it is IMO.

    I will have to look into that. And I should change some of my information on my profile. I currently put poultry and seafood back into my diet because I felt as if I was restricting myself too much. And restriction didn't seem like a good way through recovery.

    That picture is recent. And I am trying to take action. This would actually be going on my second week without laxatives. It's just I am trying to really train myself to stop thinking about competing with other women.
  • Squeaky_XO
    Squeaky_XO Posts: 29 Member
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    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    alicat1974 wrote: »
    I'm so glad you've recognized this as an issue and are taking steps to resolve it, awareness is key to getting over any bad thought process or behavior.

    Most colleges have in house counseling available, and they are often especially trained issues affecting body image. Please see what resources your school has available, or your health plan has got to have something.

    Yes. Look for the in-house counseling center, or if you're at a very small school that doesn't have one, see if there's a local health/mental health help line that does referrals to community-based programs, or call your community mental health service for referrals to no/low-cost programs. Consider asking at your school's or a local free health clinic to see if they have referrals to no/low-cost programs. It's likely that there are resources out there.

    Dealing with this now, while you're young, is optimal. I wish you well!

    I go to a community college and they don't have any programs like this. I already looked into that option on campus.
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,179 Member
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    Squeaky_XO wrote: »
    newmeadow wrote: »
    It sounds like the habit you describe is a thought habit. You mentally take note of where you are weight wise in comparison to your female friends and think competitive thoughts about it.

    In your post, it's not clear whether you take action and whittle yourself into an overly thin idealized version of yourself in response to this. Do you?

    Your photo looks good. You appear fit and trim but not underweight. I don't know if it's current.

    Traditional psychotherapy is an option. But it's pretty standard for medication to be recommended if you do this. And it ain't cheap, as insurance often doesn't cover much of the costs associated with it. It also requires a lot of trust to put yourself in the hands of a shrink and you really don't know anything about the character of who you're dealing with.

    If you don't want to take pills, don't want to go broke, don't want to find out the hard way what a quack is and you don't want to be afraid of your thoughts - you might want to look into Zen practice. Zen groups are usually compatible with vegetarianism too. I notice your profile says you're animal free. You could check it out and get a practice going for a few months to see if it works for you :smile:

    I'm not Buddhist and never will be, but have been a student of Zen for a long time. You don't have to get involved in the religious beliefs associated with it, which are a carry over from Hinduism when it all began. You can just view it as a philosophical psychology - which it is IMO.

    I will have to look into that. And I should change some of my information on my profile. I currently put poultry and seafood back into my diet because I felt as if I was restricting myself too much. And restriction didn't seem like a good way through recovery.

    That picture is recent. And I am trying to take action. This would actually be going on my second week without laxatives. It's just I am trying to really train myself to stop thinking about competing with other women.

    No, what you feel and do is not normal. And it is dangerous. You need to find a way to get professional help. If there is no help at school, talk to your parents or other relatives. Your diary indicates you are 1000-2000 below your goal daily and it looks like you are aiming at burning at least 1000 calories daily, with no intention of eating them back. Combined with how you feel and the laxatives, you need help from a professional and it cannot wait. Please talk to your family. Good luck.
  • Squeaky_XO
    Squeaky_XO Posts: 29 Member
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    I can't seem to eat anymore than I am though.
  • mysteps2beauty
    mysteps2beauty Posts: 493 Member
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    Squeaky_XO wrote: »
    I know it may be better to see a professional on this. But I'm a college student as well, I can't afford that.

    I know most good size colleges have a counseling department, and if you are in a good sized town, there are churches that have graduate counselors who work on a sliding scale based on your income.

    The thing is we all have had our own personal demons and when we don't care of them they haunt us for a long time until we become food addicts, anorexic, alcoholic, drug dependent, sexaholic, speedaholics, shopaholics, etc. People are hurting on the inside and we end up here cause we let food issues mask what we are not dealing with. It's okay to share with a complete stranger how you really feel. We all need each other. It's just the human condition... it's not like were born in isolation and left to our own devices.
  • Squeaky_XO
    Squeaky_XO Posts: 29 Member
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    mysteps2beauty wrote: »
    Squeaky_XO wrote: »
    I know it may be better to see a professional on this. But I'm a college student as well, I can't afford that.

    I know most good size colleges have a counseling department, and if you are in a good sized town, there are churches that have graduate counselors who work on a sliding scale based on your income.

    The thing is we all have had our own personal demons and when we don't care of them they haunt us for a long time until we become food addicts, anorexic, alcoholic, drug dependent, sexaholic, speedaholics, shopaholics, etc. People are hurting on the inside and we end up here cause we let food issues mask what we are not dealing with. It's okay to share with a complete stranger how you really feel. We all need each other. It's just the human condition... it's not like were born in isolation and left to our own devices.

    My grandma is honestly the only one from my family who is supportive and my boyfriend is also caring and helpful in pushing me through

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