Spousal support - how to/what not to do?

nutmegoreo wrote: »

Worry about yourself, and if he asks, tell him what you are doing and how. Let him come to you, it needs to be his decision.

Agree with this, that's how my husband started (although I did semi-force him and the children out for walks). He's now lost 19lbs. We eat the same meals, mine are just a bit smaller (weighed and logged) although he occasionally indulges in cakes/crisps (but he has extra calories to consume).

One thing that helped at least open some conversations with my spouse was that we share a digital shopping list, and he does much of the shopping simply because it's on his way home from work. So, when I put something like "plain kefir" or "broccoli slaw mix" on the list for the first time he'll ask, "what are you going to do with that?" (and sometimes "uhhhhhh. . where is that in the grocery store"??!)

Another conversation starter was that my husband loves to cook. So at first, I simply asked if, when he made a meal, to please weigh and measure the ingredients and write it down so I could enter it in the recipe calculator. At first, he just wrote stuff down, and after I figured out the calorie count, I'd take a very small serving because it was all I could "afford." Then, when he figured out I wasn't eating much of what he cooked, he asked me why. I'd point out a few ingredients that raised the fat or carbs, and explain about my goals and limits. Now, he searches for "Cooking Light" recipes, and he's proud to show me what cool substitution he's found, or how he figured out to lighten a recipe.

Finally, I never demand that he eat what I eat or vice versa. We're both good cooks, and there are lots of things that we can eat together with just a few tweaks for our individual tastes. He'll make a burrito, I'll make a naked burrito salad sans tortilla and cheese; he'll make a delicious pot roast, and I'll fill up on the carrots and parsnips & gravy while he'll have much more of the meat. He loves bread or toast with every meal and a small side salad; I'll eschew the bread and have a huge salad (with that broccoli slaw that he won't touch.)