I want my old self back

Hi,
I have just joined MFP yesterday, and I hope it help me to get out of the rut where I am right now in life. I have never been skinny Minnie, but I managed my weight at a normal range until my late 20's.

At that point my husband and I bought a house and started to discuss our future family. I quit smoking cold turkey, and gained 25 lb in a year. As I was approaching 30, we started to trying to conceive. Time passed by and nothing happened, which made me very stressed, desperate, and I am a stress eater... A year later I find myself another 10lb heavier sitting in a fertility doctor office. They run some tests, and the results were not promising, so we started to do fertility treatments. Well, the crazy hormones and an extreme amount of stress leaded additional weight gain.

Finally in 2008 I got pregnant. I was so scared to lose the pregnancy that I literally didn't lift a finger during my pregnancy.Well, I ended up gaining 70 lb with my son, and at least 30lb of that was pure fat. I was breastfeeding him almost 2 yr, during which time I was afraid of doing harsh diets / exercise. After I stopped nursing him last fall, we started to try for a sibling and I have done 4 more fertility treatments and no pregnancy. We spent a sickening amount of money on this, I now have hot flashes, my period became irregular and started to have facial hair where never used to be. After our last failed in-vitro in May, my husband and I decided, we need a break from this.

I haven't told my husband this, but this is not a just a bit of break, I am done. I have enough! My last 7-8 years was all about getting pregnant, keeping the pregnancy, and I still do not have the big family I wanted, and I may never have it. Now i am 220 lb for my 5'8" height and my husband clearly do not find me attractive anymore. I just can not take this anymore.
I want to stop this misery. I want my life back . I want my old self back, the positive , energetic , cheerful person i was before all this.

2 weeks ago I started to bike to work twice a week. It is a 9 km ride one way, so I am quite exhausted by the time I get into my office, but it is getting better. Probably from next week, I'll able to increase it to 3 times a week. It takes me 40 minutes one way, which is not bad since my alternative transportation would also take 30 minutes.

I also started the couch to 5K program last week, but I am not sure I'll able to stick to that one. My lung is not that strong, and I end up gasping after air very quickly. Also that actually need to make time for, which I find it very hard. We will see. I got myself a new phone and dowloaded MFP 2 days ago, and I try to eat better. I hope I 'll get the support I need here.