How to deal with the haters!?
jenlayport
Posts: 154 Member
My mother-n-law rudely brought it to my attention the other day in front of everyone that both of my sister-n-laws think that I am getting 'too skinny' and even had the nerve to say I looked SICK! I was so offended and hurt that they would say that behind my back but then say how 'good' Im looking to my face. My BMI is still on the low end of overweight!! I am 5'3 150lbs, eat 5 healthy meals every day and workout. I really think its jealousy because they are both very overweight and do not have the motivation to learn or join me at the gym..Ive tried numerous times! I know I shouldn't let it bother me but it still HURTS! How do you deal with it?
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Replies
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I would say jealousy. You could try to educate them about BMI's but they probably won't get it. Or maybe you husband could say something to them about how hard you are working and how proud he is of you but you still have a few pounds to lose to be in a healthy BMI.0
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if they arent saying it to your face, that doesnt mean they are concerned, but jealous!0
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I doesnt have to necessarily be "hate"
My close friend lost of ton of weight and me not use to seeing him that way thought he looked sick. People even commented that they thought he had cancer because again we all werent use to seeing him look this way.
and we were not hating on him at all.
It could be out of pure concern, but you know them and I can only tell you my experience.
Just tell them, "thanks for your concern, but I have things under control" Its as simple as that. What else is there really to say after that.0 -
HUNNY BRUSH IT OFF SHE WISH SHE LOOKED AS GOOD AS YOU!!0
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Be Proud of what you have done! Brush the haters aside, cause they will always be there. Nobody can take away all the time and effort you put into changing your life. If they wanna be lazy, than that's on them!0
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Shake it off!! I'd say it is jealousy too! You look good from what I can see! Haters are motivation to me!! You stay on track and get to where u are comfortable. Don't worry about anyone else!0
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I've had relatives say I'm losing too much as well, but they're changing their tune when I explain how I going about things the right way and that my Blood Pressure in normal for the first time in years. Stick to your guns!0
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I wouldnt discuss anything with them and I would ignore what they say ...as long as you feel good and your Dr thinks your fine...continue to reach your goal and dont focus on them...its not their journey0
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Write it off as jealousy (which it clearly is) and feel good that you are so important they talk about you when you're not around!0
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They're in-laws. Be thankful that it isn't a lot worse.0
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Sometimes you just have to do what kids, and most men do, let it go in one ear and out the other. It could be to them, if they are over weight, you do look "sick" because they are used to you looking like the old you which to them may be their idea of healthy. They could be jealous because they can't or choose not to lose weight like you are. If you live near them, maybe see if they would like to go ona walk or do something healthy with you to get them some exercise. It would be a great time to air things out as well.0
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I have had family/friends/co-workers tell me that I am losing too much weight. I am 5'2" and currently 145lbs. So I am still at the low end of overweight too. I don't know if people are talking behind my back about it but, some have made comments to me personally. However, I don't think that it is all jealousy. I think depending on how much weight you have lost and how long you've been overweight, it may be that they are just used to the old you. A lot of people don't adjust well to change and they are not used to seeing this new thinner face & body
Hold her head high, and forget what others say. You are doing this for you. You are going about it the healthy way. Keep doing your thing girlfriend!!!! 0 -
LOL you guys are great! Im glad I have the support on here...its hard talking to my husband about it because its his sisters and his mom and I don't want to piss him off too. He is a great support though, and he did tell his mom they need to shut it because I've been working my *kitten* off and it shows! 0
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Hey....the more haters you have, THE BETTER!! It means they want what you have, and they are mad they don't / can't get it. look at it as validation sweetie. What you are doing is amazing, and no one can take that from you if you don't let them! keep pushin'. If you're lucky they'll learn from your actions, and get on board with you. If not, that's on them.0
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hmmm... inlaws....
I've been married 25 years, still respect & (pretend to) listen to what they have to say......0 -
of course it hurts when people say mean things and don't support your goals. BUT! the important thing to remember is it is not about them. it is about you maybe for the first time in your life. congrats on your new lifestyle and whether you believe it or not you are an inspiration to others. :drinker:0
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Oh hon when people say negative things to me it spurrs me on to get to my goal weight. I love haters they help to motivate me. Keep strong you can do this.0
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Don't worry too much...they see that you are dedicated and able to do something about it and they don't have the self dicipline to do it for theirself. Keep on keeping on and you will be the one benefiting and feeling better!0
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I'm having shirts made that say: I'm not too skinny - you're just fat
I'm going to be making a TON of friends at the gym. LOL
But it's for the people who feel the need to comment on my weight, when I would never dream of telling them that they need to lose a few pounds.
LOL
Passive agressive is the way I go.
LOL
(and I'm not joking - I should have the shirts later this week.....)0 -
That's because "Overweight" and "Fat" is the norm to her and anything less in her eyes (especially since she has known you in your heavier days). There's likely some jealousy mixed in there too!0
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:ohwell: funny that your mother in law said it, not your sisters in law. Perhaps she was saying it and they (rather than arguing with such a pleasant woman) just agreed to keep the peace. If they haven't said it or if you haven't heard it from any other source, I would ignore.
:flowerforyou:
Keep up the great work! Living well is the best revenge.0 -
My mom and brother tell me this too!! And it does hurt! I tried to explain to them why I'm still working at losing more weight, that my waist size is still unhealthy. I told my husband and he said they are jealous, my brother is trying to lose weight (I even set up an acct on here for him) my mom, is trying to gain weight but neither want to do anything about either issue. It's very hurtful though!
But just realize they are jealous!!! Your doing great!! :flowerforyou: 0 -
In laws are the worst. They want to try to make you feel like sh**. still cause they are just jealous. My sis in law was the same way when I first started. She use to tell me "why are you losing weight for?" oh cause my brother likes skinny girls. but I told her hey your brother loves me just the way I am, i am finally doing something for myself now, I am done with taking care of everyone else & done with what everyone else thinks too. as long as I feel good about myself & look good, I am content with that. My hubby has been by my side every step of the way & supportive too as well as my teen girls.... so yeah the only advice I can honestly give you is keep going, & flaunt it girl, especially in front of them. chica!!!1
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Your feelings are understandable. They were hurtful with their comments.
Remind yourself that they have a distorted view of what's healthy (due their own weight issues), and are probably jealous and don't know how to deal with watching you get healthy while they stay the same.
Remind yourself of how much you've achieved so far. Trust your body. You'd know if you were "sick" or "too skinny".0 -
I'm having shirts made that say: I'm not too skinny - you're just fat
I'm going to be making a TON of friends at the gym. LOL
But it's for the people who feel the need to comment on my weight, when I would never dream of telling them that they need to lose a few pounds.
LOL
Passive agressive is the way I go.
LOL
(and I'm not joking - I should have the shirts later this week.....)
OMG that is GREAT!!!! LMAO! You are very brave to wear that around...Kudos to you! 0 -
Food for thought....for every hater that you encounter, you will find 10 of us here to cheer you on and offer ongoing support! Brush it off, stand up and keep fighting the good fight! You're doing great!!! 0
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I've had relatives say I'm losing too much as well, but they're changing their tune when I explain how I going about things the right way and that my Blood Pressure in normal for the first time in years. Stick to your guns!
Yep, this.
I workout and watch my weight so that my heart can keep up with me. You have your reasons. They need to be supportive, but sadly you can't rely on that. Blow it off or tell your husband to kick their *kitten*. Ha!0 -
thank you ALL for the support and advice! I really needed this 0
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I would laugh it off and say something like, "oh yeah, I know what you mean, I'm going for the anorexic look!"
The best thing you can do to deal with in-laws is just smile and nod. If it continues, get hubby to talk to his sisters, and tell them to stop talking about it, it's none of their business.0 -
People try to bring you down to their level to make themselves feel better. You keep going!0
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