Does anyone else not tell people that you're trying to lose weight?
kiela64
Posts: 1,447 Member
I've decided specifically not to mention it, at least right now because the "support" I would get from people would not be helpful.
As it is, I told my parents, and one day I got to the end of my day and I'd only had about 1000cal, and I was starving. By talking about that, my dad was like "why do you want to eat, what have you had today, that seems like enough don't eat more I thought you were watching what you're eating?!" and I just facepalmed. It was so frustrating, because there was a good reason for being hungry, and I could have another meal if I wanted to within my calories - but he didn't see it that way, and thought he was "helping".
Because other people aren't looking at my calories or my diary, I don't want their input. I don't want people rushing to knock an ice capp out of my hand because it's not "healthy" or telling me to order a salad (I hate lettuce with a passion). I don't want an "off day" to be visible to everyone around me. I figure that people will notice when I lose weight, and that's it. I don't want commentary or critique or "help" from people who don't know what I've eaten so far or how calories work.
This however does not include the dietician that I see every month, or my MFP friends who see exactly what I eat and my calories, and who can make informed suggestions or criticisms. (For example, bc I want to cut down on sugar someone suggested I lose the jam and maple syrup! I totally need to do that! That's helpful - because I asked for it, it fit my goals, and they have the info to back up their suggestion from my diary).
Does anyone else have this POV? It seems like a lot of ppl want support from their friends and family, and I just completely reject that lol. It might be that I'm just super contrary and someone telling me to do something (especially if I was going to do it anyway) usually just makes me angry, and not want to do it.
As it is, I told my parents, and one day I got to the end of my day and I'd only had about 1000cal, and I was starving. By talking about that, my dad was like "why do you want to eat, what have you had today, that seems like enough don't eat more I thought you were watching what you're eating?!" and I just facepalmed. It was so frustrating, because there was a good reason for being hungry, and I could have another meal if I wanted to within my calories - but he didn't see it that way, and thought he was "helping".
Because other people aren't looking at my calories or my diary, I don't want their input. I don't want people rushing to knock an ice capp out of my hand because it's not "healthy" or telling me to order a salad (I hate lettuce with a passion). I don't want an "off day" to be visible to everyone around me. I figure that people will notice when I lose weight, and that's it. I don't want commentary or critique or "help" from people who don't know what I've eaten so far or how calories work.
This however does not include the dietician that I see every month, or my MFP friends who see exactly what I eat and my calories, and who can make informed suggestions or criticisms. (For example, bc I want to cut down on sugar someone suggested I lose the jam and maple syrup! I totally need to do that! That's helpful - because I asked for it, it fit my goals, and they have the info to back up their suggestion from my diary).
Does anyone else have this POV? It seems like a lot of ppl want support from their friends and family, and I just completely reject that lol. It might be that I'm just super contrary and someone telling me to do something (especially if I was going to do it anyway) usually just makes me angry, and not want to do it.
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I didn't make it widely known that I was working on losing weight. My husband knew and my sister knew but that was it. Other people found out as I got smaller. My daughter, who is now 8, had no idea even though we live in the same house, eat together, etc.0
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I'm the same. I understand wanting support but I don't really think this needs to be a major endeavor with a big dramatic announcement. It's just making changes to your eating and exercise habits, and something you're theoretically doing for the rest of your life. Telling people about it makes it seem like it's an event or an ideal. It's not. It's just food.
I also want to punch other people in the throat when they tell me about their diet, so I'd prefer to avoid being that person.0 -
I hold off on telling people until they can start to see the difference because if I have some failure I don't want everyone to see them. I told my roommate and the support has been nothing. Herself being an overweight woman I tried to get her to start the life style change with me but she refused and now tries to get me to eat unhealthy. Telling people can sometimes be my biggest downfall.0
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This is a hard one and depends on the people around you. If you have positive people, it would be good. Just my immediate family knew at first, but now that people can see a difference, they know. I still sometimes don't make the best food decisions, but I don't want someone else telling me what I should and shouldn't do or eat, so I would say for people to not, unless you know they will respect you and leave you to make your own decisions. Sometimes I don't make the best food decision and after, it wasn't as good as it should of been and I realize wasn't worth the extra calories and make a better decision the next time.0
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If people notice me eating "differently", "I am just watching my intake for health reasons" like to get enough vitamin C or K. Only a few close people know my true agenda.0
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People tend to be very nosy and offer terrible advice, or actively try to sabotage you a lot of the time. I agree with your approach of saying nothing.0
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I only told my husband. I really don't bother telling anyone else because you then just end up with everyone offering you unsolicited advice about whichever ridiculous diet they're doing this week. As you're starting to realise!
I am one of those who eats anything as long as it fits in my calories, including McDonald's and chocolate. I can't be doing with people asking should I be eating this if I'm dieting.
Most people around me know I've lost weight, but don't specifically ask what I'm doing. I guess they assume after having a baby and running around after two kids, it's going to come off.
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I told a few people, but for the most part, kept quiet about it. Because I don't limit the actual foods I eat, just the amounts, most didn't notice. And those that did are people I haven't seen since I started losing weight, so it's kinda obvious that I've lost! XD The way I figure, I'm doing this for me, no one else. If someone asks how I lost weight, I will tell them (and have a couple of times), but since I'm not doing it for anyone's approval, there's no need to go talking about it all the time.0
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Me too, apart from my MFP pals who can see my diary, I've only told my boyfriend (so he can help me resist the temptations!) and a couple of people at work who are also dieting. Like you I don't want the constant "should you be eating that?" comments or the added pressure of how quickly I lose the weight.0
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I don't like to tell people because I get comments like - "You can have that on your diet?" "How much weight have you lost?" "What have you eaten today?" More stressful than helpful!0
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This happened to my friend. She worked at a company and did not have nice co-workers. She had recently joined weight watchers and a few other co-workers knew that. One day at a meeting, there was a tray of donuts, she reached for one and her co-worker said in a very loud voice "MARY! I thought you were on WW??" Talk about humiliating. Unfortunately, not everyone is supportive. Do what works for you. Some people want to help, but are just plain idiots. And others are just plain rude.0
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i told my mum and sister, then my sister joined me on mfp. my mum, who works for the same company as me, told basically everyone, so now my workmates keep asking about my 'diet' and i have to keep explaining that it isn't a diet, it's a lifestyle change. a couple of my workmates have been quite complimentary and encouraging about my weightloss, but others, for example my manager, have taken it as their cue to jump on the dieting bandwagon. she's now doing the 'dukan diet' which sounds like a fad. the most annoying thing has been people asking me how i've lost weight, and when i start explaining calorie deficits etc i can see them glaze over and switch off. it's like they all think i must have hit on some big secret magical solution and they're disappointed that i'm working hard to change.0
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I don't tell anyone, only hubby knows...my family is very judgemental and not very nice about this sort of thing. They say things like "Oh sure, you need to lose weight"..or "If everyone were fat like Tracy...blablabla"....very condescending and insulting from this end of the conversation, so I've learned to keep it to myself.0
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I didn't say anything about my 'diet', only my fitness goals. Once I'd lost about 40 pounds people started asking me about it though. I tell them about MFP and very briefly about Calories in-Calories out. Of course some want to tell me right then and there about how 'that doesn't work'. I just reply "It works for me".0
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I didn't really tell anyone, not even my bf who I live with! Now I definitely know he's noticed that I bought a Fitbit, or that my gym bag keeps moving location so I must be using it (I usually can get back home from gym and showered before he gets home), I haven't really been avoiding any food, with the exception of soda, so not much difference there other than I've been eating a lot more salads than normal.
Coworkers haven't noticed....I never really eat lunch in the office I usually always go out. Or I'm so picky anyway that if lunch is provided I've always just gotten a little taste.
Friends that I really hangout with or talk to might occasionally hear me say oh I can't do this or that because I'm going to a class at the gym. Or if we go out to eat I'm consciously trying to not overdo it on calories.
There's only one person that I've told that I'm actively trying to lose weight. Outside of MFP he's the only person I can talk/whine/complain to in my real life. I know if I told my bf about me trying to lose weight he would be on board with it, but it's more about how I feel about my weight than about how I think he will react. If that makes any sense?
I know that once I lose enough and it becomes noticeable, people will no doubt start asking....I'm ready for it to be noticeable, but not ready for the barrage of questions. Deal with it when it happens!0 -
I don't talk about it with friends and family. Only one friend and one family member knows - the friend because he's losing along with me, the family member because it was directly relevant to explain why I didn't want clothing for Christmas.0
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The only people I talk about losing weight with are my husband, my sister, and my best friend. They all are in the same boat as I am, so I don't feel like I'm being judged. I'm a private person anyway so I don't feel like everyone needs to know about everything I do.0
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I didn't tell anyone when I started. Not fond of the coworkers and I have an athletic brother and a thin sis-in-law. It finally got to the point where people started to notice, so I've said I'm working on the fat loss and NOT dieting, making lifestyle changes. I do tell people what I've lost, when they ask, because I'm proud of it, but no one knows where I started, how much is left, what I hope to end up at. I keep it off Facebook, other than some fitness related things, like me taking a HIIT class this morning (outside in the cold). My family has been really supportive, the coworkers, some of them, but most either try to hard (I don't need to hear how skinny I look every single shift), or are not supportive at all. I just try to say 'thanks' for the sincere and simple, 'you look nice' then change the subject quickly. For the ones who want to know what I'm doing, then tell me they don't have time to log food, walk a mile etc, I've started just ending the chat and moving on. If you want help/advice, then don't want to listen to it, I don't have the time or inclination to expend the energy.
I've been on vacation and go back to work Friday. The scale has been kind, but I'm dreading hearing about it en masse.
I will say that everyone I've "met" here on MFP are great, supportive, non-judgemental, helpful and fun. That is priceless to me. I just need to continue working on ways to set boundaries with people, accept compliments gracefully and do what is best for me.0 -
My husband was the only one who knew for a long time.
Why would I tell anyone else? It's none of their business.
After I lost about 10 kg, I mentioned it to a few others. No one where I live ... people like my parents who live halfway around the world from me.
When I had lost 15 kg, my coworkers started to notice. At that time I also travelled halfway around the world to see family, and they noticed. So then the cat was out of the bag.
But I don't talk about it unless someone asks me.0 -
I don't bring it up at all unless someone asks and then I just say it's taking me a long time, there's no special food I'm eating, and refer them to MFP if they ask. I had two embarrassing moments with two good friends. My sister in law is excited about losing weight, told me about her 20 pounds and pressed me to tell her about my weight loss. I told her about 70, and I could tell it knocked the wind out of her excitement. Another good friend said she dropped a dress size to a 16, also pressed me to tell her what size I'm wearing, and seemed taken aback and sort of uneasy when I told her. I don't know anybody rude enough to say something negative, I just feel like it's a personal, health related issue and can cause mixed feelings in people.0
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I've told my husband and child what I am doing but no one else. It has been almost a year now and I am about halfway to my goal weight.
I think I really didn't tell anyone initially because I've been trying to lose weight for 15 years. I've talked about it before. I wasn't confident and didn't feel like other people would believe I could do this either. I didn't want to publically fail again. Since I haven't made big dietary changes and don't spend hours exercising there isn't much for anyone to notice and comment on anyway.
I've found I don't need support or input from family or friends. I get what I need from the message board or MFP friends.
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I haven't made any big news about it. My mom, husband, best friend, and in-laws know about it because I am an open book with all of them. But I am not going to announce it or talk about it on facebook, or otherwise make it public because I am scared of scrutiny - I don't really want people looking at me and expecting changes, or looking at what I eat. Actually I am still scared enough of scrutiny that I even keep my journal on here private still (I'll open up when I feel more confident - still working on that).
Pretty much the "worst" comments I have received are people telling me "You don't need to lose weight, don't worry about it." And I guess this is true - I am still within a healthy BMI range, so we're not talking about an urgent health need just yet. I can't deny that I am definitely doing this for cosmetic reasons, but the bigger reason is that I think my metabolism is starting to slow down. That is, I noticed that now that I am in my late 20's, I gain weight when I eat like I did when I was 16. After gaining around 15 lbs that way over the last few years, I decided it was time for a lifestyle change before things got way out of control. Because I have very real reasons for wanting to make this lifestyle change, though, it bothers me when people tell me not to do it, even though I realize they are trying to be reassuring.
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Yeah, it can be a bother. I've told everyone though.0
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I think I understand where you're coming from quite a bit. I'm also the type to wanna do just the opposite when people tell me what I *should* do. Even when I was clearly 100+ lb overweight, I would only tell friends I was trying to be more active, eat more veggies, etc. I refused to engage in things like workplace "Biggest Loser" and even now, having lost a very large amount of weight and gotten within my goal range, I cringe at the idea of posting before/after shots and so on. I've done it a few times. But it kind of bugs me. I am proud of my progress but there's a big part of me that finds those things embarrassing or unseemly.0
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This is such an interesting thread. I'd actually never thought about it. But this time around (you know how that goes), I really haven't said much of anything to anyone. My husband and I have discussed that we need to get healthier and I have mentioned that I need to get my health back on track following three years of grad school. But otherwise, the word "diet" has not been uttered. I'm usually the first one to blab this sort of thing on FB, because social support is *supposed* to be so important. But I'm finding that I just need it to be part of life and not a big production for everyone to watch. I guess we'll see, but I feel pretty positive about this just being my thing.0
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My parents, s/o, and grandparents know. That's because I feel like if I tell them, then I'll stick to it. But... it can be annoying at the same time. My s/o in particular. He means so well, but I end up feeling like a little kid who's being told what and what not to eat.
But... anyone else? Nope. The way I see it, it's nobodies business.0 -
I ventured on my weight loss journey when my BP was high for the first time and I really felt bad about how I looked and uncomfortable bending, moving, etc. I did tell everyone - friends, family and coworkers - but I must say all of these people were supportive type and not nosy. Some of these stories have me aghast!
Now, on FB, I have only posted updates on my C25K workouts but I'm sure people are getting tired of them! But all of those are about accountability. I don't want anyone see me post the first 4 weeks and then nothing so it pushes me to complete each week. Same with lifestyle - coworkers see me grab my gym bag and change at work at the end of the day so they know I'm working out. It's more convenient (and private!) but it's also my way of staying accountable.
The downside? They never ask me to lunch anymore! I always have my lunch pre-planned and packed and seldom venture out so I can avoid temptation.0 -
It's more fun when their comments are unsolicited, like, "are you losing weight?", "have you lost weight?", or my favorite, "what did you do with the rest of you?"0
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Yah the last time around I kept it to myself but my reason for this was because I had previously lost and gained it all back many times. People were very skeptical of my weight loss attempts and it was embarrassing to admit I was doing it again especially when I wasn't confident that this time would be any different than every other time. That was 3 years and 100lbs ago; I finally kept it off!0
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Once before when I was attempting to lose weight I talked about it with coworkers BIG mistake. Every time I would eat something that wasn't a "diet" food I would get a look or be asked is that apart of your diet? Needless to say weight loss was unsuccessful for me. This time I am working on this in silence I've briefly mentioned it to one coworker, only once but no one else and I don't discuss it. I'll let my work show for itself this time around.0
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