Annoyed. Sad. Hopefully motivated.

Hi All - I was just sitting here thinking to myself, I'm so annoyed I gained back nearly 20lbs in a few short months. Mind you, I've had some pretty terrible life events happen. It seems like every time I got back into my workout routine something bad happened. I sprained my ankle severely, had a sinus infection, then I got shingles (at the ripe age of 30), and then my 56 year old mom passed away suddenly - who was healthier and more active than I am. Makes you scratch your head and wonder what the point is to depriving yourself at times. She rarely drank, never smoked, and played tennis EVERYDAY on top of eating healthy.

My mom was so proud of me for getting back in shape. I used to be a college athlete - then life happened, but I somehow managed to lose 40lbs. I can't do it for anyone but myself, but man - am I ashamed of myself right now and filled with the overwhelming guilt that I failed.

I've been very slowly getting back at it. Been going to the gym at least once a week (I know, not nearly enough... but each week is a little better). I've been working harder at eating better, but not nearly good enough. I did finally add back the weight I gained to log - so that was pretty eye opening. I know how to do it. I just can't get back on the wagon.

Truthfully, I'm not in bad shape - I don't look bad, I just don't feel as good as I did before those 20lbs came back. I love lifting heavy, I enjoy healthy eating, but something in my head is telling me I can't do this again. I was sitting reading other peoples success and failures - and figured I'd share my own. I'm serious about it, there's no question - but how do you get yourself out the door to the gym when that is literally the last place you want to be? I have no idea what changed in my thinking, but it's really frustrating. It's like I'd rather do something more enjoyable than sweating in a gym, and I'm certain that's just from what I've been through recently, which is not a good excuse.

Anyways, just needed to vent - and say what I'm thinking out loud in hopes it'll get my mind back in the game.



  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    Stop being annoyed and just start loving yourself. You are worth the time and energy it takes to get to the gym and to eat well.
  • SarcasmIsMyLoveLanguage
    So sorry to hear about your mom. I can't even imagine.
    Once you heal emotionally, may I suggest you use your negative feelings to fuel yourself? I, for one, will accomplish much more when angry.
  • andrewjbaker1984
    andrewjbaker1984 Posts: 33 Member
    You didn't fail at anything. What do you feel guilty about?
  • revolucia78
    revolucia78 Posts: 196 Member
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with the above poster, I try to channel my energy (good or bad) into a workout. I find that going to the gym gives me added time to think and reflect, which relieves my stress. It also makes me less stressed to know that even though I may not like the way that I look/feel, I'm actively doing something to change it. Don't beat yourself up for going to the gym only once a week - try to focus on your eating and then may help you feel better, which may lead to more energy to go to the gym. I'm so sorry that you are going through what you are but try to rise above it and use the pride that I'm sure your mother has in you to fuel your changes. Good luck girl and stay strong!
  • kissedbythesunshine
    kissedbythesunshine Posts: 416 Member
    I'm sorry for your loss. Been there and it hurts. Looks like you're back on the right track and you should be proud of yourself for that. Good luck on your goals:)
  • brittyn3
    brittyn3 Posts: 481 Member
    Thanks for the suggestion to change my thinking or use the gym as a tool to work out anger/stress etc. I'll definitely remind myself of that when I can't seem to get my butt out the door.

    I honestly was not expecting any replies - I appreciate all your kind words. Life is really weird in both good ways and bad, makes it more livable when you remember that you're not the only one dealing with it.

    Good luck to you all, and on your goals as well :)
  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,338 Member
    I'm sorry it's been rough...good luck, remember every day is another day to make things better, and to fix what needs got this xo
  • brynnsmom
    brynnsmom Posts: 945 Member
    That's terrible about your mom, and your health issue. I'm so sorry. Workouts have become my outlet for negative energy and stress/frustration. Maybe you can find a way to channel that, too. Think how proud your mom would be if you could get back to fighting shape again. You CAN do it. Hugs.
  • Moonbaby779
    Moonbaby779 Posts: 42 Member
    I'm so sorry about your mom, I know how hard getting out that door and In to the gym is. I'm constantly battling my depression and bi polar (with a doctor's help of course) but we can do this! I know we can.
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
    I have a friend in her mid-30s who is right now getting over shingles. She says it's the most painful thing she's ever gone through and she has born 3 children (and has adopted 3 more). You have my sympathy.

    The thing about your weight... you can't really fail. There's always tomorrow. This isn't some sort of race or game, every day is another step and which direction you choose to take that step is completely up to you. You may have been generally moving in the wrong direction but you can always choose to make the next step one that is in the right direction.

    I have periods of time when I don't want to go to the gym and when I find excuses not to run. The thing is, I always feel lousy after I make that choice (guilt and regret, usually) and I've never regretted actually doing them once they're done. Over time I've learned that I'm always going to feel better if I get them done, so I do.
  • deescrafty
    deescrafty Posts: 174 Member
    There is a thread here called "Just for today", why not give it a try? It may help you ease back.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    Grief, my girl. You're missing your mom.

    I have my beloved stepmom's voice in my head every time I dress for success. She wanted me to be bold, wear color. Her memory and her gentle chiding I see as a way to have her visit me every day.

    Perhaps you can find a way to bring your mom along in memory when you work out. Do it as your special girl time.
  • CasperNaegle
    CasperNaegle Posts: 936 Member
    you have been through a lot and need to give yourself a break. Sometimes just getting back into the habit of the gym is hard to do.. Once you get in the habit, you hate to miss it. If you hate it all the time, maybe you should try a different routine to your exercise. The other side of the equation and really the most important is losing weight is all diet..maybe focus on that first and foremost. Good luck!!
  • bubbex2
    bubbex2 Posts: 51 Member
    I am so sorry about your mom. When I lost mine, a friend told me something I've never forgotten. " It doesn't get any easier, but you get used to it being hard."
    Get back into working out. It's something you obviously enjoy. It is great to fight depression. Your health issues in addition to your loss are devastating. But you can do this! 20 lbs. With exercise and proper eating, you can do it. Set your goal for next summer. That will give you plenty of time and if you have a bad day or so, you know your goal isn't immediate.
    Good luck and hugs!
  • StevefromMichigan
    StevefromMichigan Posts: 462 Member

    I often run into a similar issue. It seems once I get rolling, I fall into a pattern, and good things happen, but fall off the wagon and it can be awfully hard to climb back on. Best advice I can give is keeping pushing yourself until you get back into a routine. It is always easier from there.
  • brittyn3
    brittyn3 Posts: 481 Member
    Thank you all - I really appreciate you taking the time to listen and respond to me. I will definitely refer to your posts when I'm in need of an extra boost. For all of you that have experienced a similar tragedy - it breaks my heart so many people have. Just remember to hug your loved ones a little more. And I'll see you at the gym tonight! :)
  • susanmc31
    susanmc31 Posts: 287 Member
    bubbex2 wrote: »
    I am so sorry about your mom. When I lost mine, a friend told me something I've never forgotten. " It doesn't get any easier, but you get used to it being hard."

    That is so true, I lost my mom back in 1994 and dad in 2012. My condolences brittyn3, you will get back to the swing of things. Just remember to give yourself time to grieve.

  • red0801
    red0801 Posts: 283 Member
    So sorry for your loss. When I lost my Dad I suddenly found myself disengaged & questioning the purpose of things that I normally enjoyed. I hope you give yourself a chance to feel, find the joy she brought to your life & pass that joy onto others.

    When I have found myself struggling to get the gym (or a workout/run) back into my schedule, I make a commitment to drive to the gym everyday for a month. You don't HAVE to go in, if I have time I go, if I don't I move on, but I make the drive everyday for a month. More times than not I find myself going, but I give myself the option.

    Either way...((HUGS)) It'll get better.

  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,179 Member
    I am sorry for your loss.
    Have you considered trying something different as exercise? You might not be in the mood for what you used to do, so try something new ? I would think either something that would help express some frustration (maybe something like kick - boxing? I have friends who swear it made a difference in their lives when they were feeling fed up with what was happening to them) or the opposite, something to help you focus, like yoga?
  • leakarbacka
    leakarbacka Posts: 5 Member
    Lizzy622 wrote: »
    Stop being annoyed and just start loving yourself. You are worth the time and energy it takes to get to the gym and to eat well.

    Thank you Lizzie. Needed to see this today.

    B- I'm in a weird spot myself. I've lost 63 pounds in the past 9 months, and suddenly out of nowhere, I have zero motivation, I'm eating bad most days. Going to the gym once or twice a week.....I need help!!