I don't have any willpower, at all

lalalalalaurie
lalalalalaurie Posts: 80 Member
edited October 2015 in Health and Weight Loss
I keep overeating every day and I never seem to stop for long enough to make a difference.

I think I am depressed/stressed/bored/complacent/
despondent and trying to escape with food. I don't know what to do. I just caught a glimpse in the mirror and I see a beautiful lady trapped in layers of yuck.

I want to finally feel okay and happy without eating for pleasure. I want to finally like what I see in the mirror.

Should I do drugs?

I walk a ton, I have exercised and meditated with bouncing back to feeling bad.
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Replies

  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    Exercise works as well as anti-depressants for mild to moderate depression so maybe try that first.

    Also try filling up on satiating food to see if this makes you less likely to overeat: http://www.nutrition.org.uk/healthyliving/fuller/understanding-satiety-feeling-full-after-a-meal.html
  • ariana_eatsandlifts
    ariana_eatsandlifts Posts: 197 Member
    What are your stats? Age, height, weight, activity level, etc... and what is your current calorie goal? How long have you been at this?

    And drugs are never the answer, unless they're prescribed by a doctor for a medical reason. Do you have someone you can talk to about what is going on in your life?
  • lalalalalaurie
    lalalalalaurie Posts: 80 Member
    edited October 2015
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Exercise works as well as anti-depressants for mild to moderate depression so maybe try that first.

    Also try filling up on satiating food to see if this makes you less likely to overeat: http://www.nutrition.org.uk/healthyliving/fuller/understanding-satiety-feeling-full-after-a-meal.html

    Thanks for this.

    Maybe I can up my exercise from what I already do. I already get 10k plus steps and this morning I ran 45 minutes and meditated. I was okay for a bit. But the smallest crap throws me off and then I am off for the entire day after. For me it was seeing how fat I was in a mirror and I felt hopeless

    But I was eating crap anyway even if I started the day with good intentions I still ignored it later.
  • juggernaut1974
    juggernaut1974 Posts: 6,212 Member

    Should I do drugs?

    Ummmm...what???
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Sorry but you have to want it enough.
  • lalalalalaurie
    lalalalalaurie Posts: 80 Member
    edited October 2015

    Should I do drugs?

    Ummmm...what???
    What are your stats? Age, height, weight, activity level, etc... and what is your current calorie goal? How long have you been at this?

    And drugs are never the answer, unless they're prescribed by a doctor for a medical reason. Do you have someone you can talk to about what is going on in your life?

    I am 41, 5'3, 183 lbs, I walk daily at the very least 10k steps but usually more. I have just started running, starting today actually.

    My current calorie goal is 1200 but I go higher almost daily recently. I have been at it (counting calories) for about 4 months (not including the million times I went down to skinny and back to fat again in the past)

    At first I lost about 14 lbs and gained half of it back already.

    I talk to a counselor and it hasn't changed anything for me.

  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    Therapy might help you deal with your emotional issues. You might need medication though as well. Talk to your doctor.
    Meditation and exercise are good tools for managing stress but don't overlook seeking medical help or therapy.
  • lalalalalaurie
    lalalalalaurie Posts: 80 Member
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Sorry but you have to want it enough.

    You can't even comprehend how badly I want it. I suppose you have never experienced complacent and despondent depression before and that is what led to this comment.

    And btw, I have done this a million times already and ended up fat again. I am feeling helpless.
  • rankinsect
    rankinsect Posts: 2,238 Member
    edited October 2015
    Willpower is an exhaustible resource. If your diet requires you to constantly exert willpower, you will always fail. The trick is to use strategies so you're not constantly engaged in a battle against yourself.

    Here is a long post of mine about lessons I took from a book on change. I hope it has some strategies you can use.

    If your main problem is emotional eating, pay close attention to what triggers your eating, and see if you can replace eating with something else you enjoy in response to those same triggers. That's a primary technique used to break strong habits or addictions - provide a different response to the same trigger.
  • ariana_eatsandlifts
    ariana_eatsandlifts Posts: 197 Member
    1200 calories may be too low of a goal for you if you find yourself hungry often.
  • MarcyKirkton
    MarcyKirkton Posts: 507 Member
    Nor me. The key for me was to start a structured program. I just filled in my weight, height, age, activity level, and age and my goal.

    The next step was to see just what my recommended calorie goal actually felt like in real life. Once I did one day,then I thought....oh,shoot, try it another day.

    It's only 65 days later, and I sure haven't been perfect.....but I lost 15 lbs so far and am in a healthy BMI range. I am now not losing 2 lbs a week......just one, but it's OK.

    Along the way, I've changed some habits, eat better in terms of vegetables, do some zumba gold classes that are fun, and get that full feeling on far fewer calories.

    So just start with one step. Don't worry about willpower. I have none either, and it still worked.

  • vivmom2014
    vivmom2014 Posts: 1,649 Member
    I would go for more calories. You will lose at a slightly slower rate, but isn't a little more room to enjoy your food worth it? You sound so sad. :'(
  • oolou
    oolou Posts: 765 Member
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Sorry but you have to want it enough.

    You can't even comprehend how badly I want it. I suppose you have never experienced complacent and despondent depression before and that is what led to this comment.

    And btw, I have done this a million times already and ended up fat again. I am feeling helpless.

    I think you may be expecting too much from a message board in terms of answers/support.

  • Altagracia220
    Altagracia220 Posts: 876 Member
    No...you shouldn't do drugs.

    I have been where you have been, pretty recently too. Everyday for months I'd start off great and plan to eat well and exercise and work hard. Part of the day would pass and I'd give up and eat not so moderately. It was a terrible internal battle with myself. One day I just said to myself: I know what it feels like to fail everyday. Let's see what I can do if I actually put in the effort and stayed with it. I couldn't give up on something that I can't stop thinking about which was finally being at my goal weight and size. If it doesn't work out, I can go back to my bad habits after trying for a few months.

    The important lesson here is to not give up even if you've failed a billion times. One day you'll get there.

    Another thing that helped was not buying things I knew I'd binge on such as cookies, chips, and ice cream, for the time being anyway.

    Good luck, hope I helped.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member

    Should I do drugs?

    Ummmm...what???
    What are your stats? Age, height, weight, activity level, etc... and what is your current calorie goal? How long have you been at this?

    And drugs are never the answer, unless they're prescribed by a doctor for a medical reason. Do you have someone you can talk to about what is going on in your life?

    I am 41, 5'3, 183 lbs, I walk daily at the very least 10k steps but usually more. I have just started running, starting today actually.

    My current calorie goal is 1200 but I go higher almost daily recently. I have been at it (counting calories) for about 4 months (not including the million times I went down to skinny and back to fat again in the past)

    At first I lost about 14 lbs and gained half of it back already.

    I talk to a counselor and it hasn't changed anything for me.

    If you've been with this counselor for a while and it's not helping, maybe a different one would be a better fit for you. I've had a variety of therapists over the years and some were much better than others.

    I take Wellbutrin for depression. It's a little speedy, which I like. It doesn't have the sexual or other annoying side effects as other anti-depressants I've taken.

  • Lucille4444
    Lucille4444 Posts: 284 Member

    I talk to a counselor

    What has your counselor counseled you to do?
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,603 Member
    No matter how bad the situation is, drugs always make it worse. Smart people don't do drugs. Be smart.

    I suggest a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. That doesn't mean that I think you have one! They're just trained in emotional eating issues and would best be able to help you.

    Until you have some willpower, try not to worry too much about dieting. There is no reason to beat yourself up over and over for failing.

    I'm sure you'll get it all worked out with a counselor. Hang in there! :)
  • lalalalalaurie
    lalalalalaurie Posts: 80 Member
    oolou wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Sorry but you have to want it enough.

    You can't even comprehend how badly I want it. I suppose you have never experienced complacent and despondent depression before and that is what led to this comment.

    And btw, I have done this a million times already and ended up fat again. I am feeling helpless.

    I think you may be expecting too much from a message board in terms of answers/support.

    I am not sure what you mean exactly, but I will just ignore that advice since this is supposed to be a support forum and behind most weight loss issues is something very heavy and difficult. If it was easy, most of America would be thin.

    Noones issues should ever be disregarded as too much for this space (unless they are hurting others) it's just disrespectful to do so.

  • lalalalalaurie
    lalalalalaurie Posts: 80 Member
    vivmom2014 wrote: »
    I would go for more calories. You will lose at a slightly slower rate, but isn't a little more room to enjoy your food worth it? You sound so sad. :'(

    I think you may be right. Maybe I will up my calories to 1600 for a bit.

    Thank you.

    Yes, I am rather sad.
  • vivmom2014
    vivmom2014 Posts: 1,649 Member
    vivmom2014 wrote: »
    I would go for more calories. You will lose at a slightly slower rate, but isn't a little more room to enjoy your food worth it? You sound so sad. :'(

    I think you may be right. Maybe I will up my calories to 1600 for a bit.

    Thank you.

    Yes, I am rather sad.

    The sadness will pass. Up your calories and see if you feel a little fuller and thus able to resist a lot of over eating. It's trial and error. As many have said, don't focus on failing. Focus on getting right back in the saddle. It's what everyone has to do, too.

  • lalalalalaurie
    lalalalalaurie Posts: 80 Member
    jazmin220 wrote: »
    No...you shouldn't do drugs.

    I have been where you have been, pretty recently too. Everyday for months I'd start off great and plan to eat well and exercise and work hard. Part of the day would pass and I'd give up and eat not so moderately. It was a terrible internal battle with myself. One day I just said to myself: I know what it feels like to fail everyday. Let's see what I can do if I actually put in the effort and stayed with it. I couldn't give up on something that I can't stop thinking about which was finally being at my goal weight and size. If it doesn't work out, I can go back to my bad habits after trying for a few months.

    The important lesson here is to not give up even if you've failed a billion times. One day you'll get there.

    Another thing that helped was not buying things I knew I'd binge on such as cookies, chips, and ice cream, for the time being anyway.

    Good luck, hope I helped.

    Thank you. It helps to read that others can relate.

    It just is good to get it out, start over and move on. It can be such a difficult journey.

    Thanks for the words of encouragement.

    I will try again tomorrow.

  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    If you feel depressed, find a psychiatrist to be evaluated.
    Diet rarely works by motivation and determination alone.
    You need a specific plan.
    Also you need to make environmental and behavioral changers,
    Take pictures and measurements so you have a clear stating place to work from and so you can measure your progress in ways beside the scale.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Sorry but you have to want it enough.

    You can't even comprehend how badly I want it. I suppose you have never experienced complacent and despondent depression before and that is what led to this comment.

    And btw, I have done this a million times already and ended up fat again. I am feeling helpless.

    I've been having depression on and on for 15 years. It took me that long to want it enough that I was actually ready to make a change. So yeah, I get it. You have to want it enough to actually do something about it. And you're just not there yet. I suggest seeing a therapist as well.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Exercise works as well as anti-depressants for mild to moderate depression so maybe try that first.

    Also try filling up on satiating food to see if this makes you less likely to overeat: http://www.nutrition.org.uk/healthyliving/fuller/understanding-satiety-feeling-full-after-a-meal.html

    Thanks for this.

    Maybe I can up my exercise from what I already do. I already get 10k plus steps and this morning I ran 45 minutes and meditated. I was okay for a bit. But the smallest crap throws me off and then I am off for the entire day after. For me it was seeing how fat I was in a mirror and I felt hopeless

    But I was eating crap anyway even if I started the day with good intentions I still ignored it later.

    I self medicated with booze, food, etc. for decades and now can use exercise when I'm feeling low and need to get up. However, sounds like you're already getting plenty of exercise.

    Has your counselor been teaching you cognitive/behavioral skills to deal with these situations?
  • oolou
    oolou Posts: 765 Member
    oolou wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Sorry but you have to want it enough.

    You can't even comprehend how badly I want it. I suppose you have never experienced complacent and despondent depression before and that is what led to this comment.

    And btw, I have done this a million times already and ended up fat again. I am feeling helpless.

    I think you may be expecting too much from a message board in terms of answers/support.

    I am not sure what you mean exactly, but I will just ignore that advice since this is supposed to be a support forum and behind most weight loss issues is something very heavy and difficult. If it was easy, most of America would be thin.

    Noones issues should ever be disregarded as too much for this space (unless they are hurting others) it's just disrespectful to do so.

    I apologise if you found my post disrespectful, but when someone asks if they should do drugs when seeking solutions, I feel they should be seeking professional advice rather than asking such a serious question on a message board. While there may be those who are medically qualified who are members of MFP, on the whole you are gaining opinions of those who are not. That's all.

  • DeguelloTex
    DeguelloTex Posts: 6,652 Member
    rankinsect wrote: »
    Willpower is an exhaustible resource. If your diet requires you to constantly exert willpower, you will always fail.
    And, yet, I haven't failed, despite living in a home with three other people who aren't restricting calories, which means the house is full of food that I must decide against.

    It sounds like OP's issues are far beyond anything that can be resolved in an online forum. Some time with a professional, maybe one who can write prescriptions, sounds like it may be in order.

  • HippySkoppy
    HippySkoppy Posts: 725 Member
    Firstly I am sorry that you are in such a dark place, you have mentioned that you see a Therapist yet you are still struggling, I would suggest you make the break and find another Therapist/Psychologist that you can relate with and one that hopefully has experience/interest with disordered eating and together you can effectively tackle the emotional issues you are facing.

    I'm choosing to take your 'idea' of taking drugs to mean you are asking whether you need anti-depressants, perhaps it is time to take them, this is of course something that you need to take up with your Doctor as soon as you can, as you have been struggling for some time now, on your own and this is obviously not working for you, so Yeah, with good support and the help of anti-depressants you may well find that your issues around overeating and your feelings of failure and depression lessen.

    In the meantime, continue getting in your walking and other exercises they can help lift your mood. How about for the moment you eat at maintenance rather than adding in another stressor of losing weight and then bottoming out because you fall of the wagon. Get the other areas of your life together and where you feel happier and stronger then tackle your weight......

    Focus on nutritionally dense foods that you enjoy, add in treats that you enjoy in moderation make sure you stay well hydrated and just be you as you are for a while till you can get an effective handle on your depression and negative self-talk. Use this time to nurture yourself in as many ways as you can think of.....what ever brings you peace and joy indulge yourself with....maybe that is getting a massage, manicure, walking by the Sea, reading that book you have wanted to read but have put off....whatever.

    Use MFP to log your all foods too.....at least that way you know that during this 'taking a breath' time you aren't going to gain and thus add to your already large load of self deprecation.

    I wish you all the best.
  • lalalalalaurie
    lalalalalaurie Posts: 80 Member
    rankinsect wrote: »
    Willpower is an exhaustible resource. If your diet requires you to constantly exert willpower, you will always fail.
    And, yet, I haven't failed, despite living in a home with three other people who aren't restricting calories, which means the house is full of food that I must decide against.

    It sounds like OP's issues are far beyond anything that can be resolved in an online forum. Some time with a professional, maybe one who can write prescriptions, sounds like it may be in order.


    Since I am the one that made the post there is no need to refer to me in 3rd person.

    Everyone has down days and it is helpful to connect with those that can relate. For those of you who cannot, feel free to not chime in if you feel it is beyond your scope or comfort zone.
  • lalalalalaurie
    lalalalalaurie Posts: 80 Member
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Francl27 wrote: »
    Sorry but you have to want it enough.

    You can't even comprehend how badly I want it. I suppose you have never experienced complacent and despondent depression before and that is what led to this comment.

    And btw, I have done this a million times already and ended up fat again. I am feeling helpless.

    I've been having depression on and on for 15 years. It took me that long to want it enough that I was actually ready to make a change. So yeah, I get it. You have to want it enough to actually do something about it. And you're just not there yet. I suggest seeing a therapist as well.

    I am seeing a therapist.

    What have you done to move past complacent depression?


    I think ultimately my depression outside of life stress, is mostly my disappointment of this never ending yo yo with my weight.

    I have lost complete faith in my ability to ever keep it off.

  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    If you think you're depressed, start with a visit to your physician.