Personal trainer update!

I went for my first session on Tuesday. There were 6-8 people in the group. It's was extremely intense. I don't even know how to explain it. It was like 1000 crunches, 200 leg kicks, side abs, front abs, I don't even have names for the kinds of exercises they were. One of them , you lift your leg on the side, like a dog who's going to the bathroom. The session was for 2 hours . I barely lasted 1 hour and 25 minutes before I felt like I was going to throw up and she made me sit out. I tried really hard not to eat afterward. I felt so sick, I couldn't , but after the nausea abated, the hunger kicked in. It would have been fine, except that I had to prepare my meals for work the next day (standing on my feet for 9 hours after an intense work out, what fun!) and I couldn't help myself and ended up eating 2 string beans and 1/4 of a baby potato. I don't understand where those people get the will power and the strength to do what they do! The first 5 minutes of class , I just sat there, basically having a panic attack . I just sat there and watched. I couldn't figured out how to start. The trainer said she was proud of me that I'd gotten as far as I had. She said she was sure I'd run out in the first 3 minutes, but I didn't believe a word of it. I really felt it was just a gimmick to suck me in.

The women there were of various ages and in various stages of their 'journey' , I guess is the best thing I can call it. There was a girl there, who had a really small waist and her stomach was flat, but her arms looked out of proportion with the rest of her body and she had really nice , shapely legs. She was about 4'11' . On top of the 4 lbs. she lost she wore what she called a "sweat belt" so she could lose even more weight. I asked her why she was doing it if she was already losing so much weight and if she felt it wasn't too crazy or dangerous and she said something like: "You do what you have to if you want to see results. It's either that or shove a cake in your mouth." What the figging fig does that mean? Shove a cake in your mouth? It sounds like two polar extremes. I don't even know. I mean, I admire her determination. Everyone there, just wow! Even the girl who's second class only it was, I feel like she did 20 times better than me. I should have felt proud of myself for even doing as little as I did, but I felt like a failure. I wanted to push myself and push myself and I just physically couldn't. I didn't then, but I want to cry now; writing this.

Being in that class, reminded me of when I was in Israel recently and we had to go throw an obstacle course that involved climbing up a series of tires, walking on a tight rope , then switching to a log and then swinging through a series of little logs and then finally climbing down a set of connected tires. Everyone in my group was able to do it except me and 5 other girls. One of them couldn't walk, so she abstained from the day's activities. One of them just didn't feel like it , but the remaining three , me and two other girls couldn't even get up the god damned tires. All three of us were of a similar height and physical composition. I was so angry at myself. I tried three times to do it and on the third time I got up almost halfway and my arm got stuck in the metal chain and later I had a huge bruise. Despite that I wanted to keep going so badly, but my body started shaking and I felt my strength give out , like I couldn't go any further and I panicked and started climbing down, but then my sneaker got stuck on something sticking out of the tire. I kept yelling for the guy that worked there to help me, but he was being a creep. He kept telling me : " It's ok, just take your foot off the tire and climb down." I kept yelling: " My foot isn't stuck inside the tire. I need help" Eventually, I was able to get my foot loose and I barely made it down.

Yes, I am afraid of heights, but climbing up, mentally, at least, I didn't feel scared or panicked. I just wanted to get up there. They say that if you have a hard time on the tire climb, you won't be able to complete the rest of the obstacle course, but I felt like if I had just gotten past there , I would have been able to do it. I was told the obstacle course, has little to do with upper body strength, it's all about lower body and your legs. Having a job where I'm on my feet all day and I do a lot of walking, I thought I'd have no problem , but I felt like my lower body strength was non existent and I was so angry. I cried and I cried and I cried. I felt like If I had just stayed up there and breathed, maybe just maybe I could have continued.

I guess that's the reason why I want to continue with these insane classes. I feel like maybe , just maybe, if I'm able to do a 1000 crunches and crazy kicks and dog pisses and side kicks and side abs or whatever the hell you call all those things, maybe I could go back to Israel and kick that obstacle course's *kitten*.

This post wasn't even supposed to be about any of this. I'm trying to figure out how to log the exercises I did, but I don't know what they're called . I don't even know if it's cardio or strength-which come to think of it, really pisses me off that when you log strength training, it doesn't read as burning any calories, even though that's not true-so I just logged it as 'Pilates' .

Anyone else have this problem? How do you log something for exercise when you don't even know what it is?