I'm a failure and disappointment to myself...
Kimbers330
Posts: 7 Member
Last year, I lost 33lbs in 4 months... Then I gained it all back and then some out of frustration of a plateau. I feel like a failure and am disappointed in myself. A part of me really wants to go all in and do this and then the other part tells me I'll just fail again and has no motivation. I don't know how to get myself out of this lonely rut. How do you keep your head up and just keep going? What keeps you on track?
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Replies
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Don't be so hard on yourself. You've had a set back but can fix this!
Here's what has helped me personally-
Don't be so strict - its a set up for failure! For long term success, pick a way of eating that is sustainable. I couldn't last on a LC diet, juicing, vlcd , so instead I have chosen moderation.
I eat a well balanced diet that includes treats. Instead of eating an entire cake, I have one serving ( or 2 if I have extra cals ) I use portion control and moderation. Not deprivation.
If I had to go on not having foods that I loved, I wouldn't make it long. So instead I've learned moderation so I can include these things into my day.
I lost all my weight and kept it off while still having ice cream daily ( one or two servings, not the entire gallon )
Lastly, I kept in mind that weight loss comes from a calorie deficit. As long as I eat at a deficit, I knew I would lose weight. There's no need to over complicate things when first starting out. After that, I made sure I hit my macros daily ( but that was way after I sorted out the calorie deficit thing and learned about how to weigh my foods properly on a food scale and logging accurately. The food scale is a very important tool ) I was still able to work my treats in , even while eating at a deficit and hitting my macros.
If this doesn't apply to you, that's fine. Maybe it will help somebody else lurking this thread , but that's what helped me have long term success. I have maintained my goal weight of 135lbs 5'8 tall for @ 2.5 yrs now .,0 -
thorsmom01 wrote: »Don't be so hard on yourself. You've had a set back but can fix this!
Here's what has helped me personally-
Don't be so strict - its a set up for failure! For long term success, pick a way of eating that is sustainable. I couldn't last on a LC diet, juicing, vlcd , so instead I have chosen moderation.
I eat a well balanced diet that includes treats. Instead of eating an entire cake, I have one serving ( or 2 if I have extra cals ) I use portion control and moderation. Not deprivation.
If I had to go on not having foods that I loved, I wouldn't make it long. So instead I've learned moderation so I can include these things into my day.
I lost all my weight and kept it off while still having ice cream daily ( one or two servings, not the entire gallon )
Lastly, I kept in mind that weight loss comes from a calorie deficit. As long as I eat at a deficit, I knew I would lose weight. There's no need to over complicate things when first starting out. After that, I made sure I hit my macros daily ( but that was way after I sorted out the calorie deficit thing and learned about how to weigh my foods properly on a food scale and logging accurately. The food scale is a very important tool ) I was still able to work my treats in , even while eating at a deficit and hitting my macros.
If this doesn't apply to you, that's fine. Maybe it will help somebody else lurking this thread , but that's what helped me have long term success. I have maintained my goal weight of 135lbs 5'8 tall for @ 2.5 yrs now .,
Excellent advice. I needed to read this:)
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Thank you. Good points!0
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thorsmom01 wrote: »Don't be so hard on yourself. You've had a set back but can fix this!
Here's what has helped me personally-
Don't be so strict - its a set up for failure! For long term success, pick a way of eating that is sustainable. I couldn't last on a LC diet, juicing, vlcd , so instead I have chosen moderation.
I eat a well balanced diet that includes treats. Instead of eating an entire cake, I have one serving ( or 2 if I have extra cals ) I use portion control and moderation. Not deprivation.
If I had to go on not having foods that I loved, I wouldn't make it long. So instead I've learned moderation so I can include these things into my day.
I lost all my weight and kept it off while still having ice cream daily ( one or two servings, not the entire gallon )
Lastly, I kept in mind that weight loss comes from a calorie deficit. As long as I eat at a deficit, I knew I would lose weight. There's no need to over complicate things when first starting out. After that, I made sure I hit my macros daily ( but that was way after I sorted out the calorie deficit thing and learned about how to weigh my foods properly on a food scale and logging accurately. The food scale is a very important tool ) I was still able to work my treats in , even while eating at a deficit and hitting my macros.
If this doesn't apply to you, that's fine. Maybe it will help somebody else lurking this thread , but that's what helped me have long term success. I have maintained my goal weight of 135lbs 5'8 tall for @ 2.5 yrs now .,
All of this 1000%0 -
^^Don't be so hard on yourself!
Rome was not built in a day.
If you hit a plateau when you are 10, 20, 30 pounds down, remind yourself that you are still healthier than you were. Even if you stay at that plateau for a year or two, you still achieved that!
What is helping me is just trying to remind myself to try to consistently make better choices. Don't throw yourself down the steps just because you slipped. Just get up and take another step!0 -
I agree. I just need to keep that in mind. I guess I keep looking at the past and re-disappointing myself instead of moving forward.0
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Love all the great advice ...... in fact, I'm adding some of it to MY daily routine.
Make healthy choices at each meal ...... and move more each day.
It will happen
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thorsmom01 wrote: »Don't be so hard on yourself. You've had a set back but can fix this!
Here's what has helped me personally-
Don't be so strict - its a set up for failure! For long term success, pick a way of eating that is sustainable. I couldn't last on a LC diet, juicing, vlcd , so instead I have chosen moderation.
I eat a well balanced diet that includes treats. Instead of eating an entire cake, I have one serving ( or 2 if I have extra cals ) I use portion control and moderation. Not deprivation.
If I had to go on not having foods that I loved, I wouldn't make it long. So instead I've learned moderation so I can include these things into my day.
I lost all my weight and kept it off while still having ice cream daily ( one or two servings, not the entire gallon )
Lastly, I kept in mind that weight loss comes from a calorie deficit. As long as I eat at a deficit, I knew I would lose weight. There's no need to over complicate things when first starting out. After that, I made sure I hit my macros daily ( but that was way after I sorted out the calorie deficit thing and learned about how to weigh my foods properly on a food scale and logging accurately. The food scale is a very important tool ) I was still able to work my treats in , even while eating at a deficit and hitting my macros.
If this doesn't apply to you, that's fine. Maybe it will help somebody else lurking this thread , but that's what helped me have long term success. I have maintained my goal weight of 135lbs 5'8 tall for @ 2.5 yrs now .,
All of this 1000%
YESSSSS. Totally this. Don't deprive yourself; that's SO important. Good luck! You can totally do this. You've had a setback, but you've got the whole rest of your life ahead of you to set it right and keep on doing it right.0 -
You guys have really helped me out here. I have recently been pushing to lose the weight I gained back off again, and I've succeeded in doing this. But sometimes in the middle of the night, I'm absolutely famished! I avoid night snacking...but I hate feeling so hungry!0
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One day at a time, one pound at a time. Drink lots of water to ward of the late night cravings.0
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My advice is make one tiny little change that you think you can stick with that will help meet your calorie deficit. My first one was stop eating after 7:30 pm, next I took out added sugar, next I added more veggies..those things have helped me control my calories, but they took 4 months before they were a habit, ugh! There was no way I could do all at once0
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You can do this!! Do it the right way by eating the right foods, exercising and logging everyday. You can do this!!!!0
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First of all, treat yourself at least as well as your best friend.
Then, look at this weight loss enterprise as something new, not a repeat.0 -
Keep logging. No matter what, keep logging. If you go over, acknowledge it, log it, and move on. Remember that EVERYONE screws up. We all have off days, unexpected dinners out, celebrations and holidays, and days we just don't give a crap. If you go over one day, just log it and start fresh the next. Going over doesn't make you a failure, just makes you human. Took me a LONG time to learn that, but it makes it much easier to not give up once I did!
Also, it's ok to start slow. Look at it this way: you're not going on a 'diet', you're learning to change your eating habits to lose weight and KEEP it off. You want your eating habits to be sustainable, so don't go about cutting out foods you love. Figure out what a single serving is, and just have that. It's hard, and honestly, I still have trouble. Which is why some foods aren't allowed in my house unless they're single serving size! ^_^; Identify your patterns, things you need to change, and work on slowly changing them. It's ok to start with one thing at a time and build on it. This does not have to be an all-or-nothing process!0 -
You cannot see this as short-term ... This whole process is a change of lifestyle rather than a diet. You proved to yourself you can do this, so do it again, but this time concentrate on changing your lifestyle, not how much weight you have to loose. The faster you shed weight the faster you will put it on as well. Small steps provides consistent result, as long as you stick with it. Set achievable goals with rewards, and change routines, otherwise you get bored and fall back into old habits again0
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Great advice throughout the comments, but I would add one more thing: creating fitness goals. When I hit my first plateau, being able to focus on something other than a static number on a scale helped keep me driving forward. Back then, my goals were simple; to walk x miles in a month and gradually stepping up that number. I liked the challenge and my fitness levels continued to increase (to the point that I just ran my first 10k last week). Seeing the scale stall is frustrating, having something else to focus on and being able to see progress outside that number can be very motivating. Good luck!0
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Be kind to yourself. No one is perfect. I've logged most of the past year and actually gained 10lbs. Mostly because I suck at weekends and had an injury that limited my exercise. I'm getting back on track now. Maybe take a little more time to lose it this time. 33lbs in 4 months is quite a lot. It would be hard to sustain that rate of loss for more than a couple of months and you might feel like you were failing if you couldn't keep it up.0
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Here is a saying that I nabbed from one of my MFP friends a while back that may help.... Your past dictates who you are today. But it does not have to dictate who you will be tomorrow. the only thing stopping you from being the person you dream of being is a simple choice. Make the choice to be that person. Meaning you may have put the weight back on... but you gotta stick with it.. just because you put on feel like a failure does not mean you are and you gotta get your mind back on getting active, watching what you eat .. and it will come. Just keep focusing on what it is going to be and not so much on what it was or has been.0
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What is making all the difference for me this time after a lifetime of yo-yoing is the motivation – it is not just about the size I am or what I look like. Now that I am in middle age, I realize that I do not want to be limited by my body as I get older. I want to live as active and vibrantly as possible for as long as possible. If I take better care of myself, it's going to put the odds in my favor.
Having been suffering through a plateau that has lasted over three months after having lost 100 pounds, I think I am a good authority on this. I am NOT giving up because I do not want to go back to how things were ever again. It might be taking me a long time to get all the weight I want to off (I have another 100 to go), but whatever – it is not a race. The slower it comes off, the more likely it will stay off. If I keep practicing new and better habits, the more likely they will stick and become just how I operate. I've been at this now for a year and a half, the longest I've gone without giving up, so I know that I have it in me to continue to do good for myself.
And I just really, really want it.
I've been trying to look at this plateau as practice for maintenance. That's pretty cool – a real game-changer for me.
What happens when you give up? You go back to how you were, which obviously didn't make you happy. And then you feel worse because you gave up. If you keep trying, you'll end up where you are, OR BETTER. Which fork in the road do I want to take? The road to better. Always.0 -
You just do it! Personally, I believe if you lose too quickly, you don't learn the lifestyle change that's needed to keep it off. Set yourself up for success, by setting a moderate deficit and don't over restrict yourself. You've got this!0
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I have been logging straight for 450 days and have only lost 10 pounds. All of the above are great advice points. The biggest acceptance is that your weight loss isn't "a project" and then it is over. Weight maintenance is a lifetime habit. And you can't see what is ahead of you if you keep looking back.0
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As others have said, don't be hard on yourself. I lost 120 lbs and gained almost all of it back during a nasty divorce. I realized I couldn't live like I was because I was miserable not being able to do the things I had learned to enjoy, like running and hiking, so I have started the journey again. It's something you have to want to do for you, not for anyone else. We all have set backs and failures, nobody is perfect! We all have to learn from our failures and just keep moving forward, no sense in beating yourself up over them.0
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Everyone wants motivation. I agree it's a great thing but discipline is more important in my opinion. When you discipline yourself to do it, you make no excuses. You just do it. If you don't want to log, you do it anyways. If you don't want to exercise, you do it... It's not easy. Motivation doesn't always last. Discipline does. Most choices we make are habits. Turn bad habits into good habits... Attitude is important. You have to decide you will do this. If you don't, you will give yourself permission to eat badly or quit or make excuses. Not trying to be rude by no means. I'm being completely honest.0
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I have not read through everything. But I am starting back today. In fact I was so tired yesterday, but I still managed to get pack my dinner for work tonight. I will be eating the same thing for 3 days, because I am lazy and do not want to cook something every day. I work full time- school full time but I weigh more than I ever have and if I don't do something now..the next step is 300 pounds. I am not to far from it. So I know I better get my butt going. I do know when I take classes next semester I am taking some type of work out class. I am also rearranging my schedule for water aerobics every Monday.
Thursday is my treat day. I take the 2 year old I babysit for to get gelatto. We walk there and back which is about 6 blocks. If I have her good stroller than we go for a nice walk weather permitting. We share the gelatto, and I think I feed her way more of it than me.
Add me as a friend if you would like.0 -
I have not read through everything. But I am starting back today. In fact I was so tired yesterday, but I still managed to get pack my dinner for work tonight. I will be eating the same thing for 3 days, because I am lazy and do not want to cook something every day. I work full time- school full time but I weigh more than I ever have and if I don't do something now..the next step is 300 pounds. I am not to far from it. So I know I better get my butt going. I do know when I take classes next semester I am taking some type of work out class. I am also rearranging my schedule for water aerobics every Monday.
Thursday is my treat day. I take the 2 year old I babysit for to get gelatto. We walk there and back which is about 6 blocks. If I have her good stroller than we go for a nice walk weather permitting. We share the gelatto, and I think I feed her way more of it than me.
Add me as a friend if you would like.
Nothing wrong with eating the same thing for one or two meals every day. That's what I do; I'm lazy and it makes logging easier! ^_^0 -
The biggest thing for me, this go around, has been not to even set long term goals. I have no idea how much weight I actually want to lose, or how long I want it to take. I just want to focus daily on what I'm putting in vs. what I'm burning. I am focusing on the reasons I eat, and trying to ask myself at the end of the day what I could have done differently/better and could I do more tomorrow? Trying to get to the gym every time I have a chance. I don't beat myself up if I didn't make it one day because I had an unplanned event, I just try to make it tomorrow. I'm averaging 4-5 times a week that way and the weight is coming off on it's own. Good luck doll!0
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What has helped me is realizing that "dieting" is an awful lot of habit changes that we're expected to make all at once. Suddenly from one day to the next we're supposed to acquire - and be good at - a lot of completely new behaviors. It's a setup for failure.
I started this time by adopting one new behavior at a time, usually one a week. Started with "log what you eat" and got used to that (no targets, just get used to logging). Then take a walk every day and log it. Then eat more vegetables. Then walk for 20 minutes a day. Then eat under a calorie target (after all the other changes this was pretty easy). I'm up to trying to hit targets for macros and average heart rate. And I'm down two sizes.
I'm not thinking of it as a diet, I'm thinking of it as acquiring good lifelong habits. One very small habit at a time.0 -
That's a good idea!0
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This is my 3rd time on MFP. I lost weight and gained it back three times. But each time I learned some new strategies that worked for me, new things to eat that I liked that were healthy and low-cal, new ways to exercise. I hit my highest weight ever when we came back from summer vacation this year, at the end of August. And that finally was the tipping point for me, the point where I said "No more." I've now been logging for eight weeks straight (56 days), have given up flour and sugar in my daily diet (with allowances for family birthdays), and I am exercising almost every single day. I'm down 16 lbs so far (with another 29 lbs to go), and it is NOT going to come back on even though I am over 50, and even though I still struggle with social eating situations. So don't give up! Use your recent setbacks as learning experiences. What triggered you? How can you make different choices in that situation? What's worked for you and what do you want to try next? What's worked for others that you might want to try?0
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This is also my 3rd time on MFP. I have lost 108 pounds now since January 2015 with still another 80 or so pounds to loose. I have been down this road so many times (lost around 150 pounds in 2009) that I also felt like I was destined for failure. You cant let that sorta negativity get you down! I still get "you did this on this date in 20xx" posts on facebook and some are reminders of my past failures, but you cant let that get you down!0
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