Loosing weight & Relationships?
NFOM16
Posts: 35 Member
Anybody feel that since they started there weight loss journey Thier partner has been a bit funny about it?
Since having our second child 11 weeks ago I've been attempting to reduce calorie intake and workout a little each day until I have enough stamina to go full walk with it... At first my boyfriend woukd say how much weight I've lost & he can't believe how quickly it's dropping off. Since then he comes from work with bottles of huge bars of chocolate cooks fry ups on the weekends and doesn't want dinner I cook and orders takeaways, I know I don't have to eat these things but the temptation is too bloody much
I'm so weak it's a joke but it's really getting to me as during the day I do really good.
Now this may be too much info and I apologise but he's been watching porn a lot which I don't care but he's been searching skinny girls this & that ! I don't understand? He says he loves my thick thighs and bum and he loves that I have a hourglass figure (when I'm a few pounds lighter) so why isn't he more supporting? ?
I feel really strange with him like he wants me too loose weight but then he doesn't.
Since having our second child 11 weeks ago I've been attempting to reduce calorie intake and workout a little each day until I have enough stamina to go full walk with it... At first my boyfriend woukd say how much weight I've lost & he can't believe how quickly it's dropping off. Since then he comes from work with bottles of huge bars of chocolate cooks fry ups on the weekends and doesn't want dinner I cook and orders takeaways, I know I don't have to eat these things but the temptation is too bloody much
I'm so weak it's a joke but it's really getting to me as during the day I do really good.
Now this may be too much info and I apologise but he's been watching porn a lot which I don't care but he's been searching skinny girls this & that ! I don't understand? He says he loves my thick thighs and bum and he loves that I have a hourglass figure (when I'm a few pounds lighter) so why isn't he more supporting? ?
I feel really strange with him like he wants me too loose weight but then he doesn't.
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Replies
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I'm currently sat here drinking coffee and eating a dairy milk bar he bought the other daycthatcwas supposedly far him but he hasn't touched it God's sake 0
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Have you asked him what's going on and shared your feelings?
I'd be really pissed about him derailing my weight loss efforts AND looking for skinny girl porn.
I do know guys can get weird after childbirth so I'd start by trying to talk it out with him.0 -
(1) Is he bringing takeaways home to eat because you're making different things than he's used to?
(2) Is he being "funny" because what you talk about and how you act has changed?
(3) Did he used to bring chocolate bars home? or is this a new behavior?
(4) Did he always watch porn and you feel like his taste has changed? Or is the porn watching new behavior?0 -
The only person who can give you answers and resolution is your partner. You have to communicate with him how you are feeling. I advise not making it super confrontation (such as pointing fingers and saying you do this and that) but explain what you are doing and how you would love his support, etc.. As for buying chocolates and fry food, you can fit it into your goals. Just eat less of those as a treat, and more of the foods you prepare for yourself.0
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Man are so weird sometimes
I been through this a couple of months ago !
From my personal experience they get jealous , but mine got used to it now after a huuuuge fight we had he finally woke up and apologized for all his done
I feel sad thinking about it sometimes...but trust me
YOU DESERVE TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF
SPEACIALLY THAT YOU GAVE BIRTH TO 2 beautiful babies !
You rock ! Care about yourself and dont give up you should also be honest and just tell him all this that you feel
Take care0 -
Porn watching has nothing to do with you he has sexual fettishes that can get out of control or might be temporary sometimes men are scared of too many changes but dont show it the baby, healthy eating etc.
Assign a junk food cabinet just for him and dont open it and assign a healthy food cabinet just for you...
Don't ever try to loose weight for someone do it for yourself for your health and focus on a small area at first like toning arms good luck0 -
(1) Is he bringing takeaways home to eat because you're making different things than he's used to?
(2) Is he being "funny" because what you talk about and how you act has changed?
(3) Did he used to bring chocolate bars home? or is this a new behavior?
(4) Did he always watch porn and you feel like his taste has changed? Or is the porn watching new behavior?
No I run every recipe by him, or if it's a roast for example I just won't eat the roast potatoes. He likes healthy food he will happily eat as long as it not just salad based.
I'm not sure I don't think anything has changed I don't discuss working out or anything.
He woukd occasionally go shop and buy chocolate but never them huge sharing bars or big tubs.
He's always watched porn but I've noticed that he's constantly searching for skinny girls, or young teens I'm 25 he's 27
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(1) Is he bringing takeaways home to eat because you're making different things than he's used to?
(2) Is he being "funny" because what you talk about and how you act has changed?
(3) Did he used to bring chocolate bars home? or is this a new behavior?
(4) Did he always watch porn and you feel like his taste has changed? Or is the porn watching new behavior?
No I run every recipe by him, or if it's a roast for example I just won't eat the roast potatoes. He likes healthy food he will happily eat as long as it not just salad based.
I'm not sure I don't think anything has changed I don't discuss working out or anything.
He woukd occasionally go shop and buy chocolate but never them huge sharing bars or big tubs.
He's always watched porn but I've noticed that he's constantly searching for skinny girls, or young teens I'm 25 he's 27
I'm not too sure any of this has anything to do with you. I don't know him, though.0 -
The food thing? It's usually just paranoia.
Most folks never paid attention before, and now dieting, notice the food choices.
The porn thing? I can't comment on -- I have Freakishly Abnormal Porn Tastes, right?
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My guess is that he has some insecurities about you getting thinner -- like you'll be too hot for him, leave him, etc. I've definitely heard of this happening to others and a lot of times, the guy doesn't even realize that he's sabotaging his partner. I'd talk to him about it and see what's going on.0
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I like the idea of two separate cupboards thanks
We always end up arguing about it and then he makes feel like I'm mental and making it all up. Don't get me wrong I'll happily relax with him and have a glass or two of wine at the weekend but not every night... he drinks ale pretty much every night which I hate I think it's way to much alcohol but I can't force him not too.
Maybe I shoukd just ignore what he searches then? I just feel like it's a personal stab at me .0 -
We've been together for 10 years we have 2 babies together and live together for years also,0
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I like the idea of two separate cupboards thanks
We always end up arguing about it and then he makes feel like I'm mental and making it all up. Don't get me wrong I'll happily relax with him and have a glass or two of wine at the weekend but not every night... he drinks ale pretty much every night which I hate I think it's way to much alcohol but I can't force him not too.
Maybe I shoukd just ignore what he searches then? I just feel like it's a personal stab at me .
Don't take it personally at all. That's a recipe for disaster.0 -
I highly suggest you have a calm talk with him over a glass of wine.
Personally I couldn't suck it up or sweep it under the rug because it would constantly be on my mind and affect the relationship. But that doesn't mean you should be confrontational.0 -
As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.
If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.0 -
I'm a bit concerned that he's making you feel like you're imagining it, that's a very controlling behaviour.
The idea of having a special cupboard for his treats is a good one and making it explicit means you have something concrete to bring up if he leaves stuff around to tempt you.0 -
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The food thing is completely separate from the porn thing.
Talk to him about the food. Maybe he's just stressed with being a new dad and is stress eating. People do it. You need to talk to him about it.
Porn is fantasy. Unless he's choosing porn over sex with you (or actually cheating, which has nothing to do with porn), then the porn isn't a problem. Many people will watch things in porn that they would never do in real life. It's fantasy. Kind of like all the women who love "50 Shades of Grey" but would never try anything BDSM in real life. If they got spanked, they would just cry and not be turned on. They enjoy the fantasy, but would never enjoy the reality.0 -
As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.
If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.
Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing. Maybe it actually does bother me? I know the younger girls thing bothers me just as much as the skinny part does..
He owns his own business so works 50 plus hours so with a newborn and a toddler it's not exactly happening as often as I'd like.
Food wise I'm definable doing the cupboard this weekend and going to try not too eat the Jun food !0 -
are you both supposed to be dieting or just you? you can't really force your partner to diet with you. when i was losing weight, my wife still brought home all of her "goodies" that i was trying to not eat as much of...it allowed me to learn and practice self restraint. ultimately, as i lost weight and started getting pretty fit she joined in mostly because she saw how much happier and healthier I was becoming.
In RE to the porn thing...my wife and I like to watch together. it's fantasy...there are things we watch that we would never actually do...it's just fantasy.
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I think porn is pretty common, especially for men. I think women tend to opt more for novels (like romance novels, erotica, etc.) rather than the pictures because we're not as visually stimulated as men. But I think it's all pretty normal. Nothing to be concerned about unless the porn starts to get really extreme -- snuff video, children, animals, etc.0
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As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.
If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.
Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing. Maybe it actually does bother me? I know the younger girls thing bothers me just as much as the skinny part does..
He owns his own business so works 50 plus hours so with a newborn and a toddler it's not exactly happening as often as I'd like.
Food wise I'm definable doing the cupboard this weekend and going to try not too eat the Jun food !
If a Dude tells you he doesn't watch porn, he's lying.
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cwolfman13 wrote: »are you both supposed to be dieting or just you? you can't really force your partner to diet with you. when i was losing weight, my wife still brought home all of her "goodies" that i was trying to not eat as much of...it allowed me to learn and practice self restraint. ultimately, as i lost weight and started getting pretty fit she joined in mostly because she saw how much happier and healthier I was becoming.
In RE to the porn thing...my wife and I like to watch together. it's fantasy...there are things we watch that we would never actually do...it's just fantasy.
No I wouldn't force it on him I'll just say I'm going to make this for dinner do you want it or something else? Or we will have a look through stuff at the weekends.
I feel like I'm completely stuck between a rock and a hard place.
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I think I'm just going to speak tomorrow night that way he's had a decent sleep and we can try get a babysitter have a proper discussion, 10 years is a lot to walk away from.0
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As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.
If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.
Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing. Maybe it actually does bother me? I know the younger girls thing bothers me just as much as the skinny part does..
He owns his own business so works 50 plus hours so with a newborn and a toddler it's not exactly happening as often as I'd like.
Food wise I'm definable doing the cupboard this weekend and going to try not too eat the Jun food !
I will say this.... I think the majority of men have viewed porn, of course. I don't believe that all men are doing it on a regular basis. I think when it comes to porn and relationships there needs to be an element of respect, whether viewed separately, toegether or whatever. If porn is starting to have an effect on a relationship, it is time to look for solutions to the problems it is causing, whatever that may be. Clearly, it bothers you. Maybe not that he is watching, but the content.0 -
Your profile says you are 24. What do you mean by he is watching younger girls? Like, kids????0
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Tough one for you. Does he know what he's doing? Is he doing it deliberately? Is he a total wanker? If so, maybe tell him to piss off? If not, then talk to him, explain to him what you are doing and why, how important it is to you and mention that maybe he doesn't realize what he's doing but it's placing a lot of temptation in front of you and could potentially sabotage what you are trying to do. And reiterate how important losing the weight is to you.
Hope it works out for you. Cheers.0 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »are you both supposed to be dieting or just you? you can't really force your partner to diet with you. when i was losing weight, my wife still brought home all of her "goodies" that i was trying to not eat as much of...it allowed me to learn and practice self restraint. ultimately, as i lost weight and started getting pretty fit she joined in mostly because she saw how much happier and healthier I was becoming.
In RE to the porn thing...my wife and I like to watch together. it's fantasy...there are things we watch that we would never actually do...it's just fantasy.
No I wouldn't force it on him I'll just say I'm going to make this for dinner do you want it or something else? Or we will have a look through stuff at the weekends.
I feel like I'm completely stuck between a rock and a hard place.
So you make what you want, and then he makes what he wants if he doesn't want what you want? Is this new, or is this how things always were? Are you eating different things than before? You don't have to eat "diet" food, you can eat whatever he likes, too, if you want (you just would have to track the portions if it's something high-calorie).
We can tell you're upset, and I'm (being single and truly wishing I had someone to cook for) trying to understand what is really upsetting you. Is it you feel he doesn't support you losing weight? If that's the real issue, then ask him about it. Don't nag, don't point fingers, just ask.0 -
I think I'm just going to speak tomorrow night that way he's had a decent sleep and we can try get a babysitter have a proper discussion, 10 years is a lot to walk away from.
Yes it is. Eleven weeks postpartum can be a very stressful time. You, as a family, are still adjusting to your newly-expanded family. The dynamics have changed, you probably have less time alone with each other, etc. Sitting down to talk this out is a great idea. Best of luck to you.0 -
I think I'm just going to speak tomorrow night that way he's had a decent sleep and we can try get a babysitter have a proper discussion, 10 years is a lot to walk away from.
Agreed. Talking things out is a great idea. So many times we get ourselves worked up over the perception of a situation only to hear the other side and find ourselves being understanding. Regardless, don't get yourself stuck in a situation that you do not deserve.0
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