Loosing weight & Relationships?
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I think porn is pretty common, especially for men. I think women tend to opt more for novels (like romance novels, erotica, etc.) rather than the pictures because we're not as visually stimulated as men. But I think it's all pretty normal. Nothing to be concerned about unless the porn starts to get really extreme -- snuff video, children, animals, etc.0
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As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.
If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.
Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing. Maybe it actually does bother me? I know the younger girls thing bothers me just as much as the skinny part does..
He owns his own business so works 50 plus hours so with a newborn and a toddler it's not exactly happening as often as I'd like.
Food wise I'm definable doing the cupboard this weekend and going to try not too eat the Jun food !
If a Dude tells you he doesn't watch porn, he's lying.
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cwolfman13 wrote: »are you both supposed to be dieting or just you? you can't really force your partner to diet with you. when i was losing weight, my wife still brought home all of her "goodies" that i was trying to not eat as much of...it allowed me to learn and practice self restraint. ultimately, as i lost weight and started getting pretty fit she joined in mostly because she saw how much happier and healthier I was becoming.
In RE to the porn thing...my wife and I like to watch together. it's fantasy...there are things we watch that we would never actually do...it's just fantasy.
No I wouldn't force it on him I'll just say I'm going to make this for dinner do you want it or something else? Or we will have a look through stuff at the weekends.
I feel like I'm completely stuck between a rock and a hard place.
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I think I'm just going to speak tomorrow night that way he's had a decent sleep and we can try get a babysitter have a proper discussion, 10 years is a lot to walk away from.0
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As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.
If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.
Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing. Maybe it actually does bother me? I know the younger girls thing bothers me just as much as the skinny part does..
He owns his own business so works 50 plus hours so with a newborn and a toddler it's not exactly happening as often as I'd like.
Food wise I'm definable doing the cupboard this weekend and going to try not too eat the Jun food !
I will say this.... I think the majority of men have viewed porn, of course. I don't believe that all men are doing it on a regular basis. I think when it comes to porn and relationships there needs to be an element of respect, whether viewed separately, toegether or whatever. If porn is starting to have an effect on a relationship, it is time to look for solutions to the problems it is causing, whatever that may be. Clearly, it bothers you. Maybe not that he is watching, but the content.0 -
Your profile says you are 24. What do you mean by he is watching younger girls? Like, kids????0
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Tough one for you. Does he know what he's doing? Is he doing it deliberately? Is he a total wanker? If so, maybe tell him to piss off? If not, then talk to him, explain to him what you are doing and why, how important it is to you and mention that maybe he doesn't realize what he's doing but it's placing a lot of temptation in front of you and could potentially sabotage what you are trying to do. And reiterate how important losing the weight is to you.
Hope it works out for you. Cheers.0 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »are you both supposed to be dieting or just you? you can't really force your partner to diet with you. when i was losing weight, my wife still brought home all of her "goodies" that i was trying to not eat as much of...it allowed me to learn and practice self restraint. ultimately, as i lost weight and started getting pretty fit she joined in mostly because she saw how much happier and healthier I was becoming.
In RE to the porn thing...my wife and I like to watch together. it's fantasy...there are things we watch that we would never actually do...it's just fantasy.
No I wouldn't force it on him I'll just say I'm going to make this for dinner do you want it or something else? Or we will have a look through stuff at the weekends.
I feel like I'm completely stuck between a rock and a hard place.
So you make what you want, and then he makes what he wants if he doesn't want what you want? Is this new, or is this how things always were? Are you eating different things than before? You don't have to eat "diet" food, you can eat whatever he likes, too, if you want (you just would have to track the portions if it's something high-calorie).
We can tell you're upset, and I'm (being single and truly wishing I had someone to cook for) trying to understand what is really upsetting you. Is it you feel he doesn't support you losing weight? If that's the real issue, then ask him about it. Don't nag, don't point fingers, just ask.0 -
I think I'm just going to speak tomorrow night that way he's had a decent sleep and we can try get a babysitter have a proper discussion, 10 years is a lot to walk away from.
Yes it is. Eleven weeks postpartum can be a very stressful time. You, as a family, are still adjusting to your newly-expanded family. The dynamics have changed, you probably have less time alone with each other, etc. Sitting down to talk this out is a great idea. Best of luck to you.0 -
I think I'm just going to speak tomorrow night that way he's had a decent sleep and we can try get a babysitter have a proper discussion, 10 years is a lot to walk away from.
Agreed. Talking things out is a great idea. So many times we get ourselves worked up over the perception of a situation only to hear the other side and find ourselves being understanding. Regardless, don't get yourself stuck in a situation that you do not deserve.0 -
I think I'm just going to speak tomorrow night that way he's had a decent sleep and we can try get a babysitter have a proper discussion, 10 years is a lot to walk away from.
I saw a quote that said... Don't keep making a mistake just because you've spent a lot of time making it.
I'm not suggesting being brash and walking away... But don't let that be the thing to keep you in an unhappy situation.
I'm speaking from experience. I left a relationship that had abusive tendencies (not physical) when our twin daughters were 9 months old. 8 years later... I still know that was the best thing for me... And my little girls.0 -
Your profile says you are 24. What do you mean by he is watching younger girls? Like, kids????
Oh god no ! I mean there about 17/18. He's 27 .... His sister is 16 for gods sake. I just don't get it...
Definitely not supporting me is a problem to me, I didn't do it to him when he went through a health phase a few years ago.
No I'll cook a dinner say lemon and honey salmon with steamed veg but added potatoes to his.
My problem is I'm defo a hot head so I can see why he wouldn't tell me maybe he thought I'd just snap?0 -
Your profile says you are 24. What do you mean by he is watching younger girls? Like, kids????
Oh god no ! I mean there about 17/18. He's 27 .... His sister is 16 for gods sake. I just don't get it...
Definitely not supporting me is a problem to me, I didn't do it to him when he went through a health phase a few years ago.
No I'll cook a dinner say lemon and honey salmon with steamed veg but added potatoes to his.
My problem is I'm defo a hot head so I can see why he wouldn't tell me maybe he thought I'd just snap?
Yes that is a problem. Being a hothead isn't good for you, your partner, your kids, or for your relationships with them. Get it under control and learn to communicate calmly.0 -
It doesn't sound like it's about you. It sounds like it's about him. Either it's his way of showing love and affection by bringing home things he knows you like. Or maybe he's not comfortable with change. The only person who can tell you is him. In the end you have decide if you want to put up with the behavior. As far as the pornography is concerned again that is about self gratification. It isn't about whether or not you like your partner. Some people can enjoy pornography and be very effective in their real life relationships. Other people do not agree with it. If it's something you're uncomfortable with let him know. If he is unwilling to make any changes to accommodate you again it's a decision about what you feel comfortable with.0
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Do other people (your friends and family?) think you're hot-headed, or is it just your other half?0
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butterfli7o wrote: »
Me too. . If I caught my husband doing that His *kitten* along with his computer would be out the door quick smart!As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.
If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.
Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing.
Ummm No, it may be normal for teenage boys, but grown *kitten* men, no it's not. Your man is only 27 though, so still pretty young and immature at that age IMO.
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christinev297 wrote: »butterfli7o wrote: »
Me too. . If I caught my husband doing that His *kitten* along with his computer would be out the door quick smart!As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.
If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.
Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing.
Ummm No, it may be normal for teenage boys, but grown *kitten* men, no it's not. Your man is only 27 though, so still pretty young and immature at that age IMO.
It's pretty normal for grown men too.0 -
lindsey1979 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »butterfli7o wrote: »
Me too. . If I caught my husband doing that His *kitten* along with his computer would be out the door quick smart!As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.
If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.
Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing.
Ummm No, it may be normal for teenage boys, but grown *kitten* men, no it's not. Your man is only 27 though, so still pretty young and immature at that age IMO.
It's pretty normal for grown men too.
Maybe for singles... But for men in a healthy marriage, I don't understand why they would. In all fairness, my life wouldn't be worth living either if he caught me looking at porn, and especially teenage boys
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christinev297 wrote: »lindsey1979 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »butterfli7o wrote: »
Me too. . If I caught my husband doing that His *kitten* along with his computer would be out the door quick smart!As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.
If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.
Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing.
Ummm No, it may be normal for teenage boys, but grown *kitten* men, no it's not. Your man is only 27 though, so still pretty young and immature at that age IMO.
It's pretty normal for grown men too.
Maybe for singles... But for men in a healthy marriage, I don't understand why they would. In all fairness, my life wouldn't be worth living either if he caught me looking at porn, and especially teenage boys
Because guys like variety and stimulation. Perhaps they have a kink that they like to fantasize about but don't really want to tell their wives about. Maybe they're bored, their wife/gf is away, etc. There are a whole lot of reasons for it. And they're all pretty healthy/normal.
I think it's really sad that you value your life according to someone catching you watching porn. It's not my thing personally and it's also not many women's thing, but men are more visually stimulated than women (whereas women are more stimulated through touch), so it makes more sense that it would appeal more to men than women in general.
There are certain porn habits I would be worried about -- like watching young teenagers, animals, snuff videos, etc. But that's a very different thing than thinking that all porn is horrible, abnormal or not healthy. Different strokes for different folks.
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