Families, do you eat every single meal together?
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Ok so this confirms that her opinions about 'the American way' are just completely inaccurate, and just because it's more convenient for us not to always have lunch together, it doesn't mean that everyone else doesn't.
Thanks for all the replies.0 -
Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »Ugh. Being an immigrant, I suddenly got an image in my mind where I feel like I know exactly how your Mom feels. Just watching my Mom eating lunch by herself at the dining table because everyone else in the house has either been grazing all day, or grabbed something quick and ate it while watching TV. Compare to visiting them at their home and everyone pauses for a half hour to eat the lovingly prepared lunch. Sits and smiles together, tells random stories and jokes and overall just makes everyone feel good. That was actually over a holiday period, though. Not sure how they really live when they're back to working 70 hour weeks (yes, the supposed retiree works more hours than all his kids)
OP, even if your kids aren't available, I suggest attempting a few lunches with just you and Mom (I'm assuming you're both available since she's there to nag you...lol)
Well when my mom is here we typically always have lunch together, but if I'm hungry and have a snack before lunch, or have an early lunch because I'm just starving but it's too early for lunch, there goes the nagging...
She's your visitor. You can wait to eat lunch with her for one week and forego a snack. Being a bit hungry for 7 days isn't going to kill you. My mom isn't able to visit me right now - I would give anything to have lunch with her. Be grateful you have the chance to sit and eat with her.
Ok I was expecting this kind of comment, but you don't know my history with my mom. We do NOT get along, and frankly, I don't want to.
Well if you don't get along and don't want to spend time with her at all why are you inviting her to come and stay 3 weeks a year?? presumably she feels the same way about you. It's sad but if you dislike each other so much it seems pointless for her to keep visiting0 -
my family basically sits in front of the TV for dinner, while I sit at the dining room table. We're apart for lunch and we eat breakfast at different times.0
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We typically eat breakfast alone (although the kids ask an adult to sit with them a lot), and lunch and dinner together. But lunch, like you said, is just leftovers, sandwiches, etc. We tend to do it all at once mainly to contain the mess and clean-up. If people are hungry before lunch, they have a small snack and wait to eat the meal.
That said, its important to me to have 1 meal a day together, and if that is all we manage, that iss fine. I don't kill myself to eat all meals together. We do tend to eat together more when there is company.0 -
Not us. My husband and I always have crazy opposite shifts. Plus we have 3 kids with usually 3 different sports, homework, tutoring etc. Plus im in school and work. When we can plan it, we do try to sit down together, but it rarely happens. I get grief from some extended family members about this; but I make sure to connect with my kids every day. I always know whats going on (which is amazing because i have a preteen and a teen in that mix). Sit down dinners are hard to coordinate with a lot of peoples schedules. I think the purpose of those sit down dinners is to make sure everyone is connected. If there are other ways to connect and check in with the kids I think that works too. I take my kids out on individual "dates"when we can. My teen loves going out for coffee and a walk. My preteen loves grabbing a cookie and chatting. My 8 year old still loves the park and loves to cuddle. I think whatever works for your family is great.0
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I takes me an hour to get to work, I get a half hour, sometimes an hour, lunch so.. unless I turn into Flash there's no way to eat lunch together during the week. Even if I lived closer it would be pointless to come home..just to eat?
We do eat dinner together as much as we can during the week and eat lunch together during the weekends. I don't see the point to make a huge deal about lunch during the weekdays- sounds like double the dishes and mess to clean up *shrugs* Different work/lifestyle across the pond...0 -
Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »Ugh. Being an immigrant, I suddenly got an image in my mind where I feel like I know exactly how your Mom feels. Just watching my Mom eating lunch by herself at the dining table because everyone else in the house has either been grazing all day, or grabbed something quick and ate it while watching TV. Compare to visiting them at their home and everyone pauses for a half hour to eat the lovingly prepared lunch. Sits and smiles together, tells random stories and jokes and overall just makes everyone feel good. That was actually over a holiday period, though. Not sure how they really live when they're back to working 70 hour weeks (yes, the supposed retiree works more hours than all his kids)
OP, even if your kids aren't available, I suggest attempting a few lunches with just you and Mom (I'm assuming you're both available since she's there to nag you...lol)
Well when my mom is here we typically always have lunch together, but if I'm hungry and have a snack before lunch, or have an early lunch because I'm just starving but it's too early for lunch, there goes the nagging...
She's your visitor. You can wait to eat lunch with her for one week and forego a snack. Being a bit hungry for 7 days isn't going to kill you. My mom isn't able to visit me right now - I would give anything to have lunch with her. Be grateful you have the chance to sit and eat with her.
Ok I was expecting this kind of comment, but you don't know my history with my mom. We do NOT get along, and frankly, I don't want to.
Well if you don't get along and don't want to spend time with her at all why are you inviting her to come and stay 3 weeks a year?? presumably she feels the same way about you. It's sad but if you dislike each other so much it seems pointless for her to keep visiting
I don't. She invites herself. She wants to see her only grandkids.0 -
Like others, we eat dinner together during the week but other meals are hit or miss. My husband is a lobster man and works on the ocean during the day. He is out of the house by 5 AM and not home until the evening. My teenager is in school during the week and eats both breakfast and lunch there. I work 45 minutes from my house. We make time for dinner but nothing else would be an option for us. On the weekends, it's a little different. We have a big breakfast together then plan the rest of the days out as they happen.0
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We eat meals together when we can - I have two kids in elementary school and starting to get busier with activities, husband is gone at least two nights a week so we maybe get one family dinner meal around the table with the four of us each week. Weekends we usually have a lot going on - we are eating together but maybe not at home. Sunday night I try to make a big family meal. Breakfasts most days everyone is on their own - maybe one weekend breakfast together but we are pretty casual about that meal.
I second the comment about not taking your mom for granted - I always thought my mother in law was too critical of me but I'd give anything to have her back asking me how long it's been since I washed my windows...
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WinoGelato wrote: »We eat meals together when we can - I have two kids in elementary school and starting to get busier with activities, husband is gone at least two nights a week so we maybe get one family dinner meal around the table with the four of us each week. Weekends we usually have a lot going on - we are eating together but maybe not at home. Sunday night I try to make a big family meal. Breakfasts most days everyone is on their own - maybe one weekend breakfast together but we are pretty casual about that meal.
I second the comment about not taking your mom for granted - I always thought my mother in law was too critical of me but I'd give anything to have her back asking me how long it's been since I washed my windows...
Did your mother in law hit you as a child and pinch you so badly that you were bleeding because you wanted to quit piano lessons that made you absolutely miserable? No? So please don't judge. My mom has done a lot for me but there are some things that I will never forget and that make it so that we'll never have a good relationship. Heck I'm probably ungrateful but there are things that money (the only kind of love she's ever shown me) will just never make up for.
You should never judge people's relationships with their family.0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »We eat meals together when we can - I have two kids in elementary school and starting to get busier with activities, husband is gone at least two nights a week so we maybe get one family dinner meal around the table with the four of us each week. Weekends we usually have a lot going on - we are eating together but maybe not at home. Sunday night I try to make a big family meal. Breakfasts most days everyone is on their own - maybe one weekend breakfast together but we are pretty casual about that meal.
I second the comment about not taking your mom for granted - I always thought my mother in law was too critical of me but I'd give anything to have her back asking me how long it's been since I washed my windows...
Did your mother in law hit you as a child and pinch you so badly that you were bleeding because you wanted to quit piano lessons that made you absolutely miserable? No? So please don't judge. My mom has done a lot for me but there are some things that I will never forget and that make it so that we'll never have a good relationship. Heck I'm probably ungrateful but there are things that money (the only kind of love she's ever shown me) will just never make up for.
You should never judge people's relationships with their family.
I am not sure how people suggesting you not take your mother for granted because she won't be around forever comes across as judging you. You posted a thread here asking questions about family meals, essentially looking for validation that you are right and your mom is wrong. Through the many responses you've gotten, the consensus is that families today are busier than maybe when we were growing up and it probably isn't so much of a cultural issue as a generational issue - but I really don't think people suggesting that you could spend extra time and eat lunch with your mother makes us horrible, judgmental people. That's a completely rational suggestion without knowing any of your personal family history.
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Hubs works nites, and both my kids are grown and moved out...but when they were here, we really only ate together on Sundays...everyone is always so busy, and has their own wants and needs. Now, Hubby and I eat our meals together on the weekend, but during the week, I do my own thing, which works GREAT for the whole counting/logging/weightlos thang. xo0
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When my kids are with me, we always sit down together for dinner. Its pretty much habit at this point and we rarely deviate from it. I can tell it upsets them if I have a babysitter coming and I don't sit down with them because I have a work dinner or later dinner plans.
As a kid, during the week we ate with our nanny. We ate in the breakfast room too where you could see the TV that was in the adjacent family room. On Sundays we ate dinner with our parents and it was in the dining room which kinda sucked. (I preferred the first obviously.)0 -
During the work/school week we eat breakfast & dinner together. On the weekends it's usually just dinner together. In fact, my 11 year old daughter insists we eat dinner together every night... mostly just for us to listen to her talk about her day.0
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When I was still living at home, my parents and I would eat every meal together if we were all home around mealtime. So, dinner during the week, and pretty much all meals on the weekends.
These days, I visit them on weekends and we still eat all meals together if we're all at home. Usually that's every meal but lunch (often skipped while we run errands).0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »We eat meals together when we can - I have two kids in elementary school and starting to get busier with activities, husband is gone at least two nights a week so we maybe get one family dinner meal around the table with the four of us each week. Weekends we usually have a lot going on - we are eating together but maybe not at home. Sunday night I try to make a big family meal. Breakfasts most days everyone is on their own - maybe one weekend breakfast together but we are pretty casual about that meal.
I second the comment about not taking your mom for granted - I always thought my mother in law was too critical of me but I'd give anything to have her back asking me how long it's been since I washed my windows...
Did your mother in law hit you as a child and pinch you so badly that you were bleeding because you wanted to quit piano lessons that made you absolutely miserable? No? So please don't judge. My mom has done a lot for me but there are some things that I will never forget and that make it so that we'll never have a good relationship. Heck I'm probably ungrateful but there are things that money (the only kind of love she's ever shown me) will just never make up for.
You should never judge people's relationships with their family.
I am not sure how people suggesting you not take your mother for granted because she won't be around forever comes across as judging you. You posted a thread here asking questions about family meals, essentially looking for validation that you are right and your mom is wrong. Through the many responses you've gotten, the consensus is that families today are busier than maybe when we were growing up and it probably isn't so much of a cultural issue as a generational issue - but I really don't think people suggesting that you could spend extra time and eat lunch with your mother makes us horrible, judgmental people. That's a completely rational suggestion without knowing any of your personal family history.
"She won't be around forever" is dismissive and irrelevant. As someone who was raised by her grandparents, I got that line a lot, and its design is to dismiss a person regardless if their gripe is legitimate or not. 'Cuz death happens, your complaints are invalid, oh, and you're an ingrate for not pretending every solitary second of their lives may be their last.'
My grandparents have passed away, but nevertheless I don't think I was wrong for getting agitated every time someone threw their mortality in my face to dismiss me.0 -
We all eat dinner together almost every night, my daughter is sometimes at work, then the rest of us eat together at the table. Breakfast, everyone is on a different schedule, son is not hungry to leave early on the bus to school, so he takes something with him for breakfast, hubby eats before work, and I wait to work out first so my tummy isn't icky. Lunch, everyone eats when they're hungry and heats up something, or makes a sandwich or something.
You have to do what's going to work best for your family. It is nice to eat together when you can, but I wouldn't want to plan and cook a big meal for lunch, no thanks... Not unless it's a special occasion or something.0 -
WinoGelato wrote: »We eat meals together when we can - I have two kids in elementary school and starting to get busier with activities, husband is gone at least two nights a week so we maybe get one family dinner meal around the table with the four of us each week. Weekends we usually have a lot going on - we are eating together but maybe not at home. Sunday night I try to make a big family meal. Breakfasts most days everyone is on their own - maybe one weekend breakfast together but we are pretty casual about that meal.
I second the comment about not taking your mom for granted - I always thought my mother in law was too critical of me but I'd give anything to have her back asking me how long it's been since I washed my windows...
Did your mother in law hit you as a child and pinch you so badly that you were bleeding because you wanted to quit piano lessons that made you absolutely miserable? No? So please don't judge. My mom has done a lot for me but there are some things that I will never forget and that make it so that we'll never have a good relationship. Heck I'm probably ungrateful but there are things that money (the only kind of love she's ever shown me) will just never make up for.
You should never judge people's relationships with their family.
Oh gosh. I won't pretend to get it but I will say that when I told my mom, "Hey, this is dumb. I'm a grown up and this is ridiculous..." things changed. You don't have to apologize for the way you do things. Moms grow too.
Edited to add: This conversation happened between my mom and me when I was 40. "MOM! I'm 40 years old!"0 -
rockmama72 wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »We eat meals together when we can - I have two kids in elementary school and starting to get busier with activities, husband is gone at least two nights a week so we maybe get one family dinner meal around the table with the four of us each week. Weekends we usually have a lot going on - we are eating together but maybe not at home. Sunday night I try to make a big family meal. Breakfasts most days everyone is on their own - maybe one weekend breakfast together but we are pretty casual about that meal.
I second the comment about not taking your mom for granted - I always thought my mother in law was too critical of me but I'd give anything to have her back asking me how long it's been since I washed my windows...
Did your mother in law hit you as a child and pinch you so badly that you were bleeding because you wanted to quit piano lessons that made you absolutely miserable? No? So please don't judge. My mom has done a lot for me but there are some things that I will never forget and that make it so that we'll never have a good relationship. Heck I'm probably ungrateful but there are things that money (the only kind of love she's ever shown me) will just never make up for.
You should never judge people's relationships with their family.
Oh gosh. I won't pretend to get it but I will say that when I told my mom, "Hey, this is dumb. I'm a grown up and this is ridiculous..." things changed. You don't have to apologize for the way you do things. Moms grow too.
Well said.0 -
With 2 super busy teenagers I decided that breakfast on the weekends (brunch) is easier than trying to eat dinner together. Wednesday's are a late start for my high schooler so I will sometimes try and make breakfast for us all to eat together then too. If we eat dinner together it has to be around 4:45pm on a weeknight.0
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