Husband is no help
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If it's super hard, go buy a pretty lock for his pantry door at the hardware store, install it, and give your hubby the only keys
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RaeBeeBaby wrote: »Stop looking for reasons outside your own will. You have to take control of your life and not expect him to get on board. It would be NICE if he did, but if you wait for him to join you, you may never take that first step. If you do the shopping, then stop buying junk at the grocery store and fill your cupboards and fridge with healthy foods. Let him purchase the junk if he wants, but you don't have to eat it. My (naturally) thin husband eats cookies and chips every single day at work, along with healthy meals that I prepare for both of us. After I started eating healthy I really didn't want any of the high calorie junky snacks anymore. Hubby eats less of them because he hates to shop and they're not around at home anymore.
You might be surprised. Once you start changing your habits, he may just get on board of his own accord!
This. my husband hasn't any need to reduce his weight (he's 5'8"/142 lbs). He has always had a sweet tooth, but I noticed this summer on his own initiative he's eating apples, oranges and now, pears. He still loves his cookies, but he doesn't choose them as often. In your husband's case, he'll come to terms with good health and weight management on his own terms and in his own time. In the meantime, you do what's in your best interest
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Your goal isn't his goal. If he doesn't want to be on board, then you do it on your own. Unfortunately family and relatives aren't always going to be supportive and sometimes will be the bane in your weight loss journey.mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I am trying to watch my caloric intake, and start exercising more. My husband SHOULD do the same but refuses. Our cupboards and fridge are full of items I shouldn't be eating. How do I get him to be more on board with earing healthier, snacking less, and generally being more supportive? We both have gained at least 30 lbs in the 5 years we've been married. Part of my weight gain is from the baby, but he was born 10 months ago. I just don't know what to do!!!
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MommyL2015 wrote: »You can only control what you do. It may be that he should get on board, but it's ultimately his choice. Just because he does what he does, doesn't mean you have to, either.
You can't change him, you can only change you. You make the best choices you can and let him do the same.
My husband also could stand to eat better and exercise more, but he doesn't. He keeps saying he wants to, but ultimately has not done anything. That's on him, not me. I choose to lead by example. I usually skip the snacks and stuff he has laying around but if I do eat something, I weigh/measure out a single portion and eat that and log it and move on. We still eat pizza and burgers and other things that we both love, but I limit my portions and almost always stay within my nutrition goals. I don't use his choices as an excuse to not take responsibility for myself. I continue to exercise regularly with or without (almost entirely without) him. I hope that one day soon, he will choose to join me, but if not, again, that's on him. So far, I have lost 100 pounds and he has gained about another 20. I will continue to do what I am doing and lead by example and hope that he will chose to join me, but until HE makes that choice, I won't say a word.0 -
SingRunTing wrote: »mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I'm definitely doing it without him. But how do you stick to a diet when they don't eat the good stuff and just bring all the bad stuff in?
I eat mostly the same foods I always did, just different portion sizes.
I actually have more "junk" in the house than we did before because I feel less guilty when I eat it now.
This too. We have a ton of "junk" in the house. His favorites, my favorites and our son's favorites. I just consciously chose when I want to have it, then measure a correct portion and log it. Like the poster I am quoting, I feel much less guilty eating it now because I plan for it and account for it and I'm not trying to sneak around and hide that I'm eating "junk." I also eat less of it. Since it's not forbidden, much of it has lost the allure. However, when I want some ice cream, there better be some around, d@mnit! :-)
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janejellyroll wrote: »You can have an opinion on what your spouse should do, but he has to WANT to do it. You can do it without him. Clear some space in the fridge and cupboard for the items you do want to eat and focus on those things.
Many of us here (including myself) lost weight without our spouses changing their habits.
ETA: About 6 months in, my husband came up to me and asked how many calories were in something he was about to eat. We got out the food scale and since that day he's been logging away.
I shall keep my fingers crossed for mine then! I think now that we are cohabitating this time around on my weight loss journey I may influence him over time. We already eat out and order in a lot less, and my cooking for him is reducing his intake. Before i moved in he bought his breakfast from Burger King and lunch from Panda Express or Whole Fooda daily. So he's not just saving on calories now!
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OP - so many wonderful suggestions on here.
Glad you are doing this for you - with or without outside support.....that independence and self motivation to keep going will stand you in good stead for success.
My experience was very much like @jgnatca ....in the beginning my Hubby just watched me go out for a slog along the streets etc etc...because I did all the cooking there were differences in our usual foods but none that he wasn't happy to indulge in.
During that time I started to ask would he like to come for a walk with me.....eventually he accepted (I learnt very quickly that nagging him was NOT the right way to go....He just dug his feet in further) and it became a really lovely time for us to chill out just together and talk all the while enjoying the scenery. Over time those walks became faster, longer and more challenging and surprise, surprise he noticed his tummy decreasing (which made him very happy)....and he found that his body just responds so well to exercise....and all the happy hormones.
Then bless him HE found MFP.....he's a dedicated, loveable nerd.....who thrives on data.....so we started tracking calories and that was the bomb moment for us.
Since then sadly he has regained some of his lost weight and lost the focus to exercise but he still has those skills and that knowledge and I have no doubt that when he is ready he'll take the plunge again....I just continue to help by weighing everything and writing it down for him, which he faithfully logs....this is all done at his request.
Funnily enough, MFP has given us somewhat of a new lease on life. We have so much more interest in nutrition, and are now able to weed out a lot of mis-information that is around about diet.....
I guess what I'm trying to say to you is....maybe like for me your 'new life' will inspire you Hubby too.....
All the best.0 -
mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I am trying to watch my caloric intake, and start exercising more. My husband SHOULD do the same but refuses. Our cupboards and fridge are full of items I shouldn't be eating. How do I get him to be more on board with earing healthier, snacking less, and generally being more supportive? We both have gained at least 30 lbs in the 5 years we've been married. Part of my weight gain is from the baby, but he was born 10 months ago. I just don't know what to do!!!
If you shouldn't be eating something, don't eat it.0 -
I dont pay much attention to what my husband does. I cook dinner, if he doesnt like it then he has to fix himself something else. I do the shopping, I do provide treats for him and the kids. Sometimes I have some, sometimes I dont. You cant eliminate all 'temptations' in your life. But I do tend to buy things that aren't my weakness eg I am not a huge chips person so I can easily leave them alone. I buy tim tams, I like chocolate but arent a huge biscuit eater so 1 is enough for me.
My husband is considerate enough not to wave it in my face and mostly doesnt ask if I want something he's having. My kids out of politeness do ask but they know sometimes I'll say no and sometimes I'll say yes. He can be a bit sabotaging on a Saturday as we usually have takeaway for dinner but then I've usually worked my butt off doing 2 workouts and also running around after kids so I am happy to splurge a little.0 -
You can only do this for yourself, you can not make him do anything he does not want to. Learn will power and keep other healthier foods stocked as well, also if you are the one in charge of dinners, do what I do. I cook what ever I want and if my family is hungry they eat. I do know people who will only cook for themselves and let their partner fend for themselves you can also do that. Best of luck in your journey.0
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mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I am trying to watch my caloric intake, and start exercising more. My husband SHOULD do the same but refuses. Our cupboards and fridge are full of items I shouldn't be eating. How do I get him to be more on board with earing healthier, snacking less, and generally being more supportive? We both have gained at least 30 lbs in the 5 years we've been married. Part of my weight gain is from the baby, but he was born 10 months ago. I just don't know what to do!!!
Wow! The only person you can control is yourself. If there's things in the refrigerator you shouldn't eat then DON'T EAT THEM! When you're an adult you get the right of self determination.0 -
My wife is the same so I do it alone. I do the cooking so I can control what i cook0
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mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I'm definitely doing it without him. But how do you stick to a diet when they don't eat the good stuff and just bring all the bad stuff in?
Losing weight is not about good and bad food, it's about eating at a calorie deficit. Eat what you love, just less of it.
Your husband has the right to eat what he chooses, just like you do. All you can do is set a good example. He will either follow or he wont.
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mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I am trying to watch my caloric intake, and start exercising more. My husband SHOULD do the same but refuses. Our cupboards and fridge are full of items I shouldn't be eating. How do I get him to be more on board with earing healthier, snacking less, and generally being more supportive? We both have gained at least 30 lbs in the 5 years we've been married. Part of my weight gain is from the baby, but he was born 10 months ago. I just don't know what to do!!!
If you think he needs to lose weight, talk with him about it. If you are concerned about his health, or if his weight stopping you two from doing activities you enjoy, be honest with him. Btu the decision in the end is his.
But, do not make his habits about you. Ask him to not leave tempting snacks everywhere, but do not try to control what he buys and eats.
Especially since you have a baby, this might also be a good time to discuss what you want your child to eat, so e.g. limiting treats to one place and not having them easily accessible can also be a good long term habit related to your kids eating habits too,0 -
HippySkoppy wrote: »OP - so many wonderful suggestions on here.
Glad you are doing this for you - with or without outside support.....that independence and self motivation to keep going will stand you in good stead for success.
My experience was very much like @jgnatca ....in the beginning my Hubby just watched me go out for a slog along the streets etc etc...because I did all the cooking there were differences in our usual foods but none that he wasn't happy to indulge in.
During that time I started to ask would he like to come for a walk with me.....eventually he accepted (I learnt very quickly that nagging him was NOT the right way to go....He just dug his feet in further) and it became a really lovely time for us to chill out just together and talk all the while enjoying the scenery. Over time those walks became faster, longer and more challenging and surprise, surprise he noticed his tummy decreasing (which made him very happy)....and he found that his body just responds so well to exercise....and all the happy hormones.
Then bless him HE found MFP.....he's a dedicated, loveable nerd.....who thrives on data.....so we started tracking calories and that was the bomb moment for us.
Since then sadly he has regained some of his lost weight and lost the focus to exercise but he still has those skills and that knowledge and I have no doubt that when he is ready he'll take the plunge again....I just continue to help by weighing everything and writing it down for him, which he faithfully logs....this is all done at his request.
Funnily enough, MFP has given us somewhat of a new lease on life. We have so much more interest in nutrition, and are now able to weed out a lot of mis-information that is around about diet.....
I guess what I'm trying to say to you is....maybe like for me your 'new life' will inspire you Hubby too.....
All the best.
That's awesome! Nice story.
I'm at the stage where I've nearly got hubby to go walking with me. Just treading carefully so I don't nag him.0 -
rankinsect wrote: »Bad foods don't make you overweight, bad portions do
So very much this.
I'm having lasagne and garlic bread for dinner, and I'm still under my calorie limit.0 -
I know that feeling I'm trying to lose weight myself but my Husband all the time. Soft drinks cakes and biscuits around me he says I'm fine just how i am but I don't feel fine and 105 kilos0
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Some great advice around the hubby but thought I'd chip in on a slightly different track. I think mothers are pressurised by the media to snap back to the body of a 20 year old within 2 weeks, and it's just not feasible for the overwhelming majority of people. Learning to eat healthy now will set a good example but don't beat yourself up about not having shed the baby weight 10 months in - you have a 10 month old baby to care for, and to my non - mother's eye that looks stressful enough!
Good luck :-)0 -
HippySkoppy wrote: »OP - so many wonderful suggestions on here.
Glad you are doing this for you - with or without outside support.....that independence and self motivation to keep going will stand you in good stead for success.
My experience was very much like @jgnatca ....in the beginning my Hubby just watched me go out for a slog along the streets etc etc...because I did all the cooking there were differences in our usual foods but none that he wasn't happy to indulge in.
During that time I started to ask would he like to come for a walk with me.....eventually he accepted (I learnt very quickly that nagging him was NOT the right way to go....He just dug his feet in further) and it became a really lovely time for us to chill out just together and talk all the while enjoying the scenery. Over time those walks became faster, longer and more challenging and surprise, surprise he noticed his tummy decreasing (which made him very happy)....and he found that his body just responds so well to exercise....and all the happy hormones.
Then bless him HE found MFP.....he's a dedicated, loveable nerd.....who thrives on data.....so we started tracking calories and that was the bomb moment for us.
Since then sadly he has regained some of his lost weight and lost the focus to exercise but he still has those skills and that knowledge and I have no doubt that when he is ready he'll take the plunge again....I just continue to help by weighing everything and writing it down for him, which he faithfully logs....this is all done at his request.
Funnily enough, MFP has given us somewhat of a new lease on life. We have so much more interest in nutrition, and are now able to weed out a lot of mis-information that is around about diet.....
I guess what I'm trying to say to you is....maybe like for me your 'new life' will inspire you Hubby too.....
All the best.
That's awesome! Nice story.
I'm at the stage where I've nearly got hubby to go walking with me. Just treading carefully so I don't nag him.
Well thank you @Orphia, that's really kind and it has been an awesome ride......that never ends, till you want it to.
Well I guess we won't think about that side of things ATM
.....eventually but not now....lol. 0 -
My boyfriend and I stay in a large home, half of which is devoted to his business, which is a geek gaming venue. 5 days a week there are tons of gamers taking over one half of our house. There is also a snack bar. Tons of chocolate bars, bags of chips, sweets and a takeaway menu. There is a fridge full of assorted soda cans. I pretty much live in a small snack store and I am allowed to grab anything I like for free.
How I cope: I allow myself to have it if I need it and find I very seldom do. Living right on top of all that junk has actually helped my self control. I feel strong and comfortable knowing the choice is mine and I choose not to have it or to eat it in moderation.
I have my own little fridge where I store food, mostly because I don't want my boyfriend or his staff eating my yogurts and fruit by accident (they have their own and for book-keeping reasons we keep store food separate). When I cook, I might make steak, and add a potato and veg to his dish and less steak, more veg and no potato to my dish.
I weigh everything and know exactly what I consume.
It can be done. Trust yourself and be resolved.0 -
My OH is counting calories but he's 6 ft tall and can eat 700 calories more than me to lose at the same rate plus he walks more at work, so he buys lots of treats to fit in to his calories. I must admit I've occasionally caved when he's brought out a bag of big cookies but I know my own goals so he'll have three and I'll have one, or half. The other day he had a packet of Reece's Pieces and I just had four of them because that's what I could fit in, while he was shovelling them in by the handful lol. Last night he had a 550 calorie ice cream roll, I had an 18 cal bowl of sugarfree jelly/jello. Still a nice pudding, just something that fits my calories. We do still have the odd row over how he's messing up my carefully planned calorie count by adding too much extra flour to the cheese sauce then having to add extra milk to thin it out again but like, that's my problem, I could have had a smaller portion or walked it off or cooked it myself. Oops
I make sure I have my own treats in so when I want to snack I can have something that makes me happy - I'm a cheese and meat fiend and to be honest a 70 cal Babybel is much more enjoyable for me than an ice cream, but there are so many options in small, single serving packets that you can still have treats, just make them fit. As others have said, weighing food and having reasonable portions is the best - I've lost 20 lbs since March (I don't have toooo much to lose) eating a takeaway most weekends and drinking beer. You can make it work without being ALL chicken breast and salad ALL the time 0 -
Yeah husband's are scum.
Wait
I am one.
And I am the one who is logging and losing.
Maybe it's more about choices. Now my wife is helpful. She usually prepares higher quality stuff when she . Now when I cook I usually do too. I avoid the chip drawer. I still get ice cream but eat half the portion size that I used to eat.0 -
cafeaulait7 wrote: »If it's super hard, go buy a pretty lock for his pantry door at the hardware store, install it, and give your hubby the only keys
Damn. You gotta love this forum, there's a solution for everyone! I mean I know this is drastic but I bet it could help someone at least in the short term. Like training wheels!!
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I know the feeling of hubby being no help. I've gained back the 20 pounds I had lost for our wedding in the almost 4 months we've been married. It's hard to get him on board. I have found just altering slightly what you have versus what he has can make a lot of difference.
For example: last night, he wanted chicken wraps for dinner (we do tortilla shells with chicken, romaine lettuce, cheese, and salad dressing). I opted to make it a salad instead (no tortilla) and I mix the salad dressing with vinegar to allow it to spread through the salad easier without the extra servings.0 -
It is so difficult doing this without the support of a spouse... I have been there.
I do all the shopping and cooking, so I refuse to buy a bunch of junk that can tempt us.
I got my husband on board with dieting by making a challenge out of it: we placed our bets and whoever lost the most weight at the end of the month won. I won the last challenge and my husband had to do all of the dishes for 2 weeks!0 -
My husband is actually trying to gain weight, while I have about 35 lbs left to lose. I consider him very supportive of my goal, but he will still buy the things he wants to eat. We have chips, brownies, ice cream, etc. in the house. I also have an 8 year old and she is entitled to have dessert if she wants after dinner. I am the one who is in charge of what goes into my mouth. If I want this weight loss to be sustainable, I need to learn how to control MYSELF around these foods and learn how to eat them in moderation. I cannot blame others for having/eating high calorie foods around me. If my husband and daughter make brownies, that does not mean they are not supporting me. Supporting me does not mean they have to eat what I am eating, and it does not mean that we have to keep all those other foods away from me. This is about me and my relationship with food. If I can't fix that relationship, then the weight I lost is going to come back. This is not easy for me as I am a social eater, as well as an emotional eater (sad, happy, angry, overwhelmed, I eat to help me cope!)
My husband supports me by taking over of some of the things I need to do each night so that I can get my time on the treadmill. He supports me by asking how I am doing on my goals and how I am feeling about them.0 -
Your husband's health is ultimately down to your husband. Of course, gentle encouragement is fine - but gentle encouragement can only go so far. I'd say, lead by example. Do what you need to do to reach your goals. Your results may give him that kick him he needs. You do you and do it well - if he isn't inspired into action, there isn't a lot you can really do. Congratulations to you for making the right choices 0
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In my household, my husbands says he eats what I cook. We do have some junk food in our house as well, but if I eat any of it, it would be just a serving and adjust my meal plan accordingly. I've got our pantry more "health friendly" than it has ever been before. If you do the shopping, incorporate more healthy options. You will notice that your spouse will gravitate more towards the healthy options with you. If he wants his snacks, let him buy it. Just remember, is more about moderation than anything else. I'm not an expert but I'm still a work in progress too.0
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Changing one person is hard enough. Maybe after awhile he may join you when he sees how well you are doing. Otherwise, just do your thing and good luck0
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mrsjmsrvrs wrote: »I am trying to watch my caloric intake, and start exercising more. My husband SHOULD do the same but refuses. Our cupboards and fridge are full of items I shouldn't be eating. How do I get him to be more on board with earing healthier, snacking less, and generally being more supportive? We both have gained at least 30 lbs in the 5 years we've been married. Part of my weight gain is from the baby, but he was born 10 months ago. I just don't know what to do!!!
whether or not your husband SHOULD be doing the same shouldn't effect your own efforts.
my boyfriend SHOULD be eating less garbage during the week, but he can get away with it and i can't. does this mean i don't allow him to keep chips or whatever it may be in our place? not at all. we have them in our cabinets all the time. i just don't eat them.
you don't need your husband to be doing it in order for you to succeed.
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