Anyone else have issues with their spouse and weight loss?

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  • sheermomentum
    sheermomentum Posts: 827 Member
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    As a coach, what would you say to your players if they told you that they weren't strong enough to resist drinking, partying or gaining fat due to overeating because their friends/parents/siblings insisted on bringing these things around them all the time? Would that fly with you?
  • blkandwhite77
    blkandwhite77 Posts: 281 Member
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    Or......... She could be thinking about things she knows you love and part of her showing you that she cares is buying the foods she knows you enjoy. I know when I go to the store I tend to want to buy a certain cookie I know my husband loves or make a meal I know is his favorite. Depending on how long you've been married it could be a kind habit she has done for years and breaking that habit is difficult for her as it may be how she expresses little gestures of showing you she thinks about yours likes and dislikes.

    Yes, you've changed your thinking but she may just not have caught up yet. So look at it from a different perspective and you may see she's not trying to make you fail. She's just loving you as she always has
  • scolaris
    scolaris Posts: 2,145 Member
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    You just do you. Don't eat her stuff. Take charge of your choices & feelings.
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
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    blkandwhite77 wrote: »
    Or......... She could be thinking about things she knows you love and part of her showing you that she cares is buying the foods she knows you enjoy. I know when I go to the store I tend to want to buy a certain cookie I know my husband loves or make a meal I know is his favorite. Depending on how long you've been married it could be a kind habit she has done for years and breaking that habit is difficult for her as it may be how she expresses little gestures of showing you she thinks about yours likes and dislikes.

    Yes, you've changed your thinking but she may just not have caught up yet. So look at it from a different perspective and you may see she's not trying to make you fail. She's just loving you as she always has

    Exactly. She could be on auto-pilot. "Oh, it's football season, Ralph needs his Oreos," not realizing that Ralph doesn't want his Oreos this year. I know I used to buy them all the time for my husband because they're his favorite. Then one day he said, "I eat too many of these, please don't buy me anymore unless I ask." Problem solved!
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    Just checking; do you get cranky when you are hungry? My guy does. There are days I won't have a serious conversation with him until he's eaten. Those snacks she is bringing in might be, you know, happy pills.

    My hubby also has loads of fitness intentions with not a lot of follow-through. If I want to go, I go alone. Sometimes he comes along.
  • Brocksterdanza
    Brocksterdanza Posts: 208 Member
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    It's really amazing how many just exist to cut you down on here. I have taken responsibility... see above... i simply asked if anyone else had issues like this. ... many have. I just don't get it. Whenever i respond to someone asking for help, the last thing i would ever do is start cutting them down... it would be different if i said it was all her. I have stated its my fault, just wondered if others had experienced this.




  • azulvioleta6
    azulvioleta6 Posts: 4,195 Member
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    If you were really, truly taking responsibility for your actions, you wouldn't have found the need to post the thread at all.

    I don't see anybody trying to cut you down--we are just telling you to fully own what your choices. You don't have a spouse problem, you have a YOU problem.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 27,996 Member
    edited November 2015
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    @Brocksterdanza in any thread you start, you're going to get posts that are useful and posts that are not. Best to focus on those that are. Since I'm not taking this personally, I saw all the posts as intending to be helpful, even the one that did have perhaps too much snark.
  • f8tnotfat
    f8tnotfat Posts: 9 Member
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    You got many good tips and many positive posts.....look at those posts and ignore the others.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    It's really amazing how many just exist to cut you down on here. I have taken responsibility... see above... i simply asked if anyone else had issues like this. ... many have. I just don't get it. Whenever i respond to someone asking for help, the last thing i would ever do is start cutting them down... it would be different if i said it was all her. I have stated its my fault, just wondered if others had experienced this.

    I guess I don't see the point of your post then.

    Your wife buys food you don't want to eat. You eat it anyway. You say you think she wants you to fail. Then you say you know it's all on you. So...yeah, it is. If you truly think your wife wants you to fail, you have a marriage problem and nothing you post on MFP is going to help with it.

    If the problem is that your wife is overweight and you want her to change that, nothing you post on MFP is going to help with it. Just like you are responsible for your body, she's responsible for hers. You can cook good meals or invite her to take a walk with you but you can't *make* her change.
  • Brocksterdanza
    Brocksterdanza Posts: 208 Member
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    I was simply asking for help in getting my wife into the gym with me. It turned into follks saying i was a drama coach... i guess i need to learn that you sometimes can't ask things without getting a few rash responses. Thanks to those that answered my question and gave advice based on their experience in the marter. I will be selective from now on. My apologies.


  • sunandmoons
    sunandmoons Posts: 415 Member
    edited November 2015
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    Take ownership of YOU! That simple. Either you do or don't. OP Its irritating to read your post.
    Noone here is going to hold your hand back because you reach for a cookie. Dig deep and find control for your own actions.
  • Brocksterdanza
    Brocksterdanza Posts: 208 Member
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    Uh i did. .. read above. .. i said
    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    Again, completely not saying this isnt my fault at all.... I have to be able to say no.... but its almost like she wants me to fail sometimes...

    I have to be more disciplined. .. i get that. .. I've said that. .. i would just love for us to do this together so that we are good healthy examples for our daughter.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    Uh i did. .. read above. .. i said
    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    Again, completely not saying this isnt my fault at all.... I have to be able to say no.... but its almost like she wants me to fail sometimes...

    I have to be more disciplined. .. i get that. .. I've said that. .. i would just love for us to do this together so that we are good healthy examples for our daughter.

    Have you done any of the following:

    - meal planned
    - grocery shopped
    - meal prepped
    - asked your wife what exercise she enjoys
    - arranged things to make it easir for her to fit in that exercise
  • sinbadfxdl
    sinbadfxdl Posts: 103 Member
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    Welcome to MFP :)
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
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    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    Uh i did. .. read above. .. i said
    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    Again, completely not saying this isnt my fault at all.... I have to be able to say no.... but its almost like she wants me to fail sometimes...

    I have to be more disciplined. .. i get that. .. I've said that. .. i would just love for us to do this together so that we are good healthy examples for our daughter.

    The point that many people have made and you really haven't addressed is the fact that she may not be ready to join you at this point and you are going to have to accept that while continuing on with your weight loss. Learn how to be a good healthy example for her and as she watches you progress then she may decide to join you at the gym.
  • Brocksterdanza
    Brocksterdanza Posts: 208 Member
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    certainly have jem... she enjoys the classes but finds it difficult to get to them... We have started meal planning since our season is over.... that is going better. I just wish she would get more involved with fitness aspect...
  • sunandmoons
    sunandmoons Posts: 415 Member
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    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    Uh i did. .. read above. .. i said
    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    Again, completely not saying this isnt my fault at all.... I have to be able to say no.... but its almost like she wants me to fail sometimes...

    I have to be more disciplined. .. i get that. .. I've said that. .. i would just love for us to do this together so that we are good healthy examples for our daughter.

    Maybe she isn't interested in doing so just because you want to. Time for a heart to heart with your wife. Only you would know what you want. She might not want to. Then what? Give in to the oreos?

    Most people in MFP, have been busting *kitten* to get to thier goal and or have done so on thier own. It takes will power and mindset to do that. Thats why it urks people off. When a grown man blames his wife for buying/ eating junk food.

    Eat smaller portions and count calories. If you want some junk food its fine if it fits in your caloric goal. Dig deep you can do it.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
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    Brocksterdanza wrote: »
    certainly have jem... she enjoys the classes but finds it difficult to get to them... We have started meal planning since our season is over.... that is going better. I just wish she would get more involved with fitness aspect...

    It takes time and there is merit to doing it in baby steps. How old is your daughter?
  • tara_means_star
    tara_means_star Posts: 957 Member
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    I nagged my husband to death. He didn't appreciate it much. Then I just did it myself and ignored whether he followed. Then, by a crazy turn of events, he realized that in 10 years I'd probably be a widow if he kept it up and he saw how hard that is for a friend of ours and decided he couldn't do that to me. So now, he's losing weight too.

    Don't assume she wants you to fail. Sometimes, even after nagging my husband, I'll put food in front of his face that he shouldn't have. It's not because I want him to fail, it's because I know he likes it and I want him to be happy and enjoy it. I'm really lucky that he's now more committed to being healthy and will remind me that he has a goal and that piece of cake, hushpuppy, fried fish, mashed potato, cookie, whatever it is...doesn't fit into his goals for that day.

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