Anyone else have issues with their spouse and weight loss?
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I was simply asking for help in getting my wife into the gym with me. It turned into follks saying i was a drama coach... i guess i need to learn that you sometimes can't ask things without getting a few rash responses. Thanks to those that answered my question and gave advice based on their experience in the marter. I will be selective from now on. My apologies.
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Take ownership of YOU! That simple. Either you do or don't. OP Its irritating to read your post.
Noone here is going to hold your hand back because you reach for a cookie. Dig deep and find control for your own actions.0 -
Uh i did. .. read above. .. i saidBrocksterdanza wrote: »Again, completely not saying this isnt my fault at all.... I have to be able to say no.... but its almost like she wants me to fail sometimes...
I have to be more disciplined. .. i get that. .. I've said that. .. i would just love for us to do this together so that we are good healthy examples for our daughter.
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Brocksterdanza wrote: »Uh i did. .. read above. .. i saidBrocksterdanza wrote: »Again, completely not saying this isnt my fault at all.... I have to be able to say no.... but its almost like she wants me to fail sometimes...
I have to be more disciplined. .. i get that. .. I've said that. .. i would just love for us to do this together so that we are good healthy examples for our daughter.
Have you done any of the following:
- meal planned
- grocery shopped
- meal prepped
- asked your wife what exercise she enjoys
- arranged things to make it easir for her to fit in that exercise
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Welcome to MFP
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Brocksterdanza wrote: »Uh i did. .. read above. .. i saidBrocksterdanza wrote: »Again, completely not saying this isnt my fault at all.... I have to be able to say no.... but its almost like she wants me to fail sometimes...
I have to be more disciplined. .. i get that. .. I've said that. .. i would just love for us to do this together so that we are good healthy examples for our daughter.
The point that many people have made and you really haven't addressed is the fact that she may not be ready to join you at this point and you are going to have to accept that while continuing on with your weight loss. Learn how to be a good healthy example for her and as she watches you progress then she may decide to join you at the gym.0 -
certainly have jem... she enjoys the classes but finds it difficult to get to them... We have started meal planning since our season is over.... that is going better. I just wish she would get more involved with fitness aspect...0
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Brocksterdanza wrote: »Uh i did. .. read above. .. i saidBrocksterdanza wrote: »Again, completely not saying this isnt my fault at all.... I have to be able to say no.... but its almost like she wants me to fail sometimes...
I have to be more disciplined. .. i get that. .. I've said that. .. i would just love for us to do this together so that we are good healthy examples for our daughter.
Maybe she isn't interested in doing so just because you want to. Time for a heart to heart with your wife. Only you would know what you want. She might not want to. Then what? Give in to the oreos?
Most people in MFP, have been busting *kitten* to get to thier goal and or have done so on thier own. It takes will power and mindset to do that. Thats why it urks people off. When a grown man blames his wife for buying/ eating junk food.
Eat smaller portions and count calories. If you want some junk food its fine if it fits in your caloric goal. Dig deep you can do it.0 -
Brocksterdanza wrote: »certainly have jem... she enjoys the classes but finds it difficult to get to them... We have started meal planning since our season is over.... that is going better. I just wish she would get more involved with fitness aspect...
It takes time and there is merit to doing it in baby steps. How old is your daughter?0 -
I nagged my husband to death. He didn't appreciate it much. Then I just did it myself and ignored whether he followed. Then, by a crazy turn of events, he realized that in 10 years I'd probably be a widow if he kept it up and he saw how hard that is for a friend of ours and decided he couldn't do that to me. So now, he's losing weight too.
Don't assume she wants you to fail. Sometimes, even after nagging my husband, I'll put food in front of his face that he shouldn't have. It's not because I want him to fail, it's because I know he likes it and I want him to be happy and enjoy it. I'm really lucky that he's now more committed to being healthy and will remind me that he has a goal and that piece of cake, hushpuppy, fried fish, mashed potato, cookie, whatever it is...doesn't fit into his goals for that day.0 -
she is 30
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Thanks for all the info everyone. Sorry, this is just a touchy subject for me and i didnt see this going like it did tonight... I think im just hungry and stressed with a disney trip next week.... My apologies0
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Brocksterdanza wrote: »certainly have jem... she enjoys the classes but finds it difficult to get to them... We have started meal planning since our season is over.... that is going better. I just wish she would get more involved with fitness aspect...
My husband is losing weight but refuses to exercise past the occasional walk in the park. I don't let it bother me. If I want to exercise, I bank on the fact that he won't be joining me. Now I look at it as "me" time. She can still lose weight even if she decides not to join you with exercise.0 -
I started my weight loss journey 1.5 years ago. I slipped for a couple months and got back on track. My husband wanted to lose weight the whole time but wanted it to come off without making any changes. It was frustrating. Occasionally, I'd bring up us both losing weight for our children and us but I left it at that. Then 2 months ago he said he wanted to start doing something about his weight. We joined a gym with a family membership. I've lost a total of 70 pounds, he's lost 15 pounds and even my 18 year old son and 17 year old daughter joined and my sons lost 50lbs and my daughters lost the 20 pounds she wanted to lose. It all happened when each of us individually wanted to make a change. Now my husband, son, and I are all using MFP as well. None of us could be forced and we all had and have our own journey to take. Yes, we encourage one another but we know it's about personal choice and responsibility and we can't force someone to change their thinking.
Point is. Give her time. She may decide 1.5 years into your journey she wants to do it too! In the meantime love her like she deserves as your wife and don't think your better just because you started your journey on a different time table than she has. Good luck 0 -
You control you. Put food away in cabinets. Pre-log your food. Don't have such a restrictive diet that you give up everything you like. Leave the kitchen.
What you really need to work on is finding a better way to manage your stress. If you don't get new tools you will always use food no matter what your wife does. Exercise, meditation, deep breathing, journaling, therapy, making art, making music, listening to music, knitting, wood working, cleaning, talking could all be ways of dealing with stress. Find something that works for you.0 -
re gym: can you set up some pieces for a home gym for her /for the both of you?
Things will get easier when the little one is a year or two older.0 -
Does your wife work outside the home and if so, is it an active job? If yes to both, it could be that she's just tired and doesn't want to work out with you. And honestly, she probably doesn't need to. I would love for my husband to walk with me but he regularly logs well over 10K steps at work. In fact, he usually has that many even before noon. So he doesn't really need to walk with me and I totally understand why he doesn't want to.0
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Brocksterdanza wrote: »she is 3
You have a 3 year old
Seriously?
You are concerned that your wife can't be bothered to go to the gym. You're lucky she's a functioning adult who makes it to the shops ...pre-schoolers are hard work. Does your wife work? How many household tasks do you do? when was the last time she had a night out with friends, a weekend away? A night out with you? Do you appreciate how quickly you can lose "you" with young children?0 -
Coach I'm married we work I intermittent fast which is a bit hard cause I eat 2-8 but it keeps me from having bad things knowing I can't eat bad0
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sunandmoons wrote: »
Most people in MFP, have been busting *kitten* to get to thier goal and or have done so on thier own. It takes will power and mindset to do that. Thats why it urks people off. When a grown man blames his wife for buying/ eating junk food.
This! 0 -
Brocksterdanza wrote: »she is 3
You have a 3 year old
Seriously?
You are concerned that your wife can't be bothered to go to the gym. You're lucky she's a functioning adult who makes it to the shops ...pre-schoolers are hard work. Does your wife work? How many household tasks do you do? when was the last time she had a night out with friends, a weekend away? A night out with you? Do you appreciate how quickly you can lose "you" with young children?
Whoa. Someone really struck a nerve there!0 -
This was a fun thread to browse through!
I'd like to offer a character building outcome of this currently insurmountable issue you descreibe. If you can take full ownership of your own ability to monitor your own health and wellness while having to be so close to the edge of temptation, you'll just prove to yourself that you can get through some pretty hard times.
'Brocksterdanza wrote: »Uh i did. .. read above. .. i saidBrocksterdanza wrote: »Again, completely not saying this isnt my fault at all.... I have to be able to say no.... but its almost like she wants me to fail sometimes...
I have to be more disciplined. .. i get that. .. I've said that. .. i would just love for us to do this together so that we are good healthy examples for our daughter.
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I hear ya. My husband loves junk food and wine. Brings it out every evening to relax and brings me some too even though I've asked him not too. He thinks he is being sweet. Marriage is tricky and obviously no marriage is perfect! So yes. I understand. Good for you for making changes!!0
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Brocksterdanza wrote: »I was simply asking for help in getting my wife into the gym with me. It turned into follks saying i was a drama coach... i guess i need to learn that you sometimes can't ask things without getting a few rash responses. Thanks to those that answered my question and gave advice based on their experience in the marter. I will be selective from now on. My apologies.
Good luck with that (the bolded part). My wife is trying to lose weight also, but wants nothing to do with doing it my way. I've asked her to go to the gym with me or go for walks or whatever, but she's not interested so I do my own thing and let her do hers. She knows my way is more effective and she can see the results I'm getting, but it's not something she wants to do. Just as I won't let her coerce me into going to dance or yoga/pilates classes or whatever, I don't try to coerce her into lifting weights or doing cardio. There's nothing about it she enjoys and she wouldn't stick to it or put any effort into it, so why try to force her to do it?
As far as food goes, we both eat similarly, but I'm looser with the occasional candy, junk food, etc. I can do moderation, but she can't, so she asks that I keep them in a separate cupboard where they're out of sight and she can't reach them. Works for both of us.0 -
Brocksterdanza wrote: »It's really amazing how many just exist to cut you down on here. I have taken responsibility... see above... i simply asked if anyone else had issues like this. ... many have. I just don't get it. Whenever i respond to someone asking for help, the last thing i would ever do is start cutting them down... it would be different if i said it was all her. I have stated its my fault, just wondered if others had experienced this.
Hi, you have to understand that we don't know the exact details of your life, we are not your friends, we are WAY more than that. We are people who are or have been where you are and we will tell you how it is in our view/experience, we do not tell you what you WANT to hear. Some people sugar coat it, some go the tough love route. Be grateful for such a wide range of answers that cause you to think of things from a perspective you may not have ever considered. Don't resent it because its not what you expected to hear. If people have taken time out of their life to respond to your thread, it is coming from a good place.0 -
_Justinian_ wrote: »Brocksterdanza wrote: »she is 3
You have a 3 year old
Seriously?
You are concerned that your wife can't be bothered to go to the gym. You're lucky she's a functioning adult who makes it to the shops ...pre-schoolers are hard work. Does your wife work? How many household tasks do you do? when was the last time she had a night out with friends, a weekend away? A night out with you? Do you appreciate how quickly you can lose "you" with young children?
Whoa. Someone really struck a nerve there!
Been there - done that - got the t-shirt
I can assure you that most parents will recognise the issues of losing yourself in your children - the OP needs to recognise how he parents and supports his wife's self-actualisation
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Brocksterdanza wrote: »she is 3
You have a 3 year old
Seriously?
You are concerned that your wife can't be bothered to go to the gym. You're lucky she's a functioning adult who makes it to the shops ...pre-schoolers are hard work. Does your wife work? How many household tasks do you do? when was the last time she had a night out with friends, a weekend away? A night out with you? Do you appreciate how quickly you can lose "you" with young children?
^^^YES!!!
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If you want your wife to lose weight you better pamper her royally, compliment the hell out of her, make her feel special and cook for her healthy foods and take her on long romantic walks..... then she'll get skinny as hell! 0
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Happily married men do house work or pay for someone to come in for cleaning and laundry.0
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