Stop making comments!
richtodd1976
Posts: 9 Member
Ok so I started loosing weight in July 2015. So far I've lost 4st with 1st to go. I've found MFP a very good "crutch" and a great way of logging my calories. I did it food alone for the first couple of stone then added some exercise in. People are really starting to annoy me as no one noticed anything for the first stone and a half lost, now people are coming up to me all the time commenting on my weightloss like they have the right to pass comment. I feel very guarded about it, and feel their comments are very prying. Has anyone else felt this way, throughout I've NEVER told anyone about it, its very sacred to me, and I've done alone. Is it normal to feel so protective over my loss?
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I understand how you'd rather have your privacy on this matter. However, people are well meaning and are curious and they don't take the time to realize you are sensitive about this and would rather not be asked.
Overall.. i never inquire about weight loss unless the person brings it up or if I know them very well. But most people can't help themselves.. try to let it not bother you.0 -
they are trying to be nice. It takes time for people to notice (a few months is normal). Now that they notice, you will hear about it. Most people aren't offended that people notice a weight loss...its usually what they strive to hear!
It doesn't make you a freak or anything, but it doesn't make people rude either. Now asking if someone is pregnant .....that is rude!
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Its normal to be protective. I've had a few out and out noisy people ask what Im doing and one just make a comment that made my jaw drop, but for the most part they just ask is that a new outfit or are you wearing your hair different. You can hold your head a little higher that someone is noticing your efforts and learn to take it accept the occasional compliment that comes your way.0
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I understand that this feels private to you. But we also have a side of us that goes out into the world.
I would prefer that people do not comment but when they do I just say something like "thank you" and change the subject.0 -
elisa123gal wrote: »I understand how you'd rather have your privacy on this matter. However, people are well meaning and are curious and they don't take the time to realize you are sensitive about this and would rather not be asked.
^ This. Especially people who feel they need to lose weight themselves and would be happy to be in your shoes. They don't get that it's a sensitive subject for some people. I dislike being asked if I've lost weight because it reminds me that I had let it creep up so high in the first place. I actually have a family-member who routinely asked me if I've lost weight when it had to be noticeable that I had *gained*; I suspect she just wanted me to shame me into talking about it. So yes, I tend to cringe when people comment, too.
It might be best to develop some coping skills around it because most people (my family-member aside) really do mean well. Many want to know is there's some magic secret so they can do it, too. I would be prepared to say "thank you" and be ready to change the subject quickly. To those who want to know what you are doing, so you might just say "diet and exercise" with a shrug and move on to the next thing.
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Wait, you lost 56 pounds in 4 months?0
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richtodd1976 wrote: »Ok so I started loosing weight in July 2015. So far I've lost 4st with 1st to go. I've found MFP a very good "crutch" and a great way of logging my calories. I did it food alone for the first couple of stone then added some exercise in. People are really starting to annoy me as no one noticed anything for the first stone and a half lost, now people are coming up to me all the time commenting on my weightloss like they have the right to pass comment. I feel very guarded about it, and feel their comments are very prying. Has anyone else felt this way, throughout I've NEVER told anyone about it, its very sacred to me, and I've done alone. Is it normal to feel so protective over my loss?
Is there a typo? Are you really saying you are losing 14 lbs per month? If yes, I am assuming you are getting comments expressing concern? Is there a reason you are trying to lose weight this fast?0 -
Yeah that's right 56lb in 4 months. I ain't trying to lose it so fast I eat 1400 cals a day and added a bit more exercise (walking) and basically cut out all the junk. It averages out at 2.85lb a week
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Well 4 and a half months
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You've lost a lot of weight quickly through significant under-eating, general bare minimum for a male is 1500cals per day but your daily calorie probably would have been higher given the higher than average weight loss per month.
I am not surprised people are asking or commenting.0 -
Amazing how you'd know when you don't know my age hight or activity level normally0
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I think it's just a matter of math to determine that you've been under eating. Your loss has been more rapid than recommended based on the numbers you've given, in the timeframe you stated. I don't think it's an *alarming* rate of loss, but it's quick enough that the changes might seem sudden.
Why the rush? Can you keep up with whatever you've been doing for the rest of your life? Would you want to?0 -
richtodd1976 wrote: »Amazing how you'd know when you don't know my age hight or activity level normally
Not really. I'm a petite old lady, and I would still lose weight eating significantly more than you do.
People are commenting because you're losing rapidly enough that they are concerned, but are scared to say it. I lost slowly, and I still had a few people asking me if I'd lost on purpose or if I was ill. When you lose a lot of weight, it startles people. Interpret that as you see fit.0 -
richtodd1976 wrote: »Yeah that's right 56lb in 4 months. I ain't trying to lose it so fast I eat 1400 cals a day and added a bit more exercise (walking) and basically cut out all the junk. It averages out at 2.85lb a week
3 lbs a week, unless you have A LOT of weight to lose (and your profile indicates you do not, unless this is an intermediate goal?) is too fast, especially when this is the average over several months.
It would have been extremely weird if people did not notice and were not concerned. Instead of seeing this as negative, see the positive side, which is people care about you and notice you.0 -
Comments are just one of those things you have to deal with if you lose weight.
I lost weight fairly quickly too ... 24 kg (53 lbs) in 7 months ... and did that because I would have lost interest in the process if I hadn't. But now, of course, I deal with comments just about every day. Everything from "you're looking great" to "are you sick?" and "you don't want to lose any more weight or you'll just look old".
The comments puzzled me at first. After all, I started gradually gaining weight in 2009, then lost some in 2011, and then gained up to my peak weight from then to January 2015. Prior to 2009, I was slender and I had been slender all my adult life. So all I've done is to return to my previous slender size. I feel like I'm "me" again. So why on earth would so many people comment?
And then it occurred to me that none of these people knew me when I was slender. I moved here 2 years ago, they've only known the heavier me. I figure I just have to give them time to get used to the slender me ... the me I'm familiar with.0 -
It's never easy to know the right thing to do when you someone you know is losing weight. I've read posts on here from people complaining that nobody comments and there are posts complaining when people do. I understand how being asked if you're sick or someone telling you to stop as you're "skinny enough" but if someone just asks if you've lost weight or they congratulate you just take it at face value. They usually mean well.0
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Don't get offended so easily. It just means they've noticed. You should be proud. Geesh. It's just like when a woman dyes her hair... Some women like the attention. Some women would rather pretend that it's their natural color and they aren't trying to color up gray hairs. Take it as a compliment. Don't be so sensitive.
Perhaps it is that some of the comments aren't so complimentary?
Twice now, I've had two different women tell me I look old ... and I'm only 48, not 97 or something. One worded it this way ... she looked me up and down, and then said, "You're not going to lose any more weight are you? You know that when older women lose weight they just look ....... really old." The other one told me that older women need extra padding in order to look young.
Some of other comments I'm getting are people who want to tell me I'm somehow doing it wrong.
Personally, I'm fine with the more complimentary or chatty comments ... but so far it has been about a 50/50 split.
Perhaps the OP is experiencing something similar?
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When I lost weight I loved hearing the comments. But after reading on here people getting angry about people commenting, I stopped commenting when people I knew were losing weight because I didn't know if it would upset them or not. IMO it's nice to hear because you know you're doing great!0
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Mixed feelings about people making comments....here. It feels like some sort of social pressure to me. I have struggled with maintenance before, so it is like they have seen me weight-cycle. I know it makes a couple feel more comfortable, when I'm heavier. Plus, I had a "cancer scare" a year and a half ago, so sometimes people have carefully asked me if I'm losing on purpose.....0
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YESSS!!!!
I've gone from 230 to 158 in the last 8 months and in the beginning didn't tell anyone anything until about losing 40 lbs then everyone started noticing and making comments and for the first month or two it wasn't much of a big deal but as soon as I hit about 50lbs lost, oh lord it's every time I see someone they comment about my weight,"you look great but you're getting too skinny" "you've lost enough don't lose anymore" " i think you looked better before you're turning into a stick figure now" on and on and on and if they were supportive and sweet comments maybe I wouldn't mind so much, but it's always a backhanded compliment. All of a sudden everyone has turned into a nutritionist and a doctor and they constantly tell me what's good and what isn't good to do or eat or how much to exercise, its just become insane. Recently though I figured the best way to get everyone off my back is To stop sharing any information about my weight and I've started avoiding topics of weight loss because It's the only way I get a sense of peace.0 -
It is how you feel. I notice that it also depends on the commenter and the comment-judgement that is being passed how it makes me feel and how I respond.richtodd1976 wrote: »its very sacred to me, and I've done alone. Is it normal to feel so protective over my loss?
Some commenters are able to packege the compliment in such a way that you feel that you were worthless to them when you weighed more. Those are the ones that sting. Others are siimply a compliment and I take them with grace.
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2bfit_2016 wrote: »YESSS!!!!
I've gone from 230 to 158 in the last 8 months and in the beginning didn't tell anyone anything until about losing 40 lbs then everyone started noticing and making comments and for the first month or two it wasn't much of a big deal but as soon as I hit about 50lbs lost, oh lord it's every time I see someone they comment about my weight,"you look great but you're getting too skinny" "you've lost enough don't lose anymore" " i think you looked better before you're turning into a stick figure now" on and on and on and if they were supportive and sweet comments maybe I wouldn't mind so much, but it's always a backhanded compliment. All of a sudden everyone has turned into a nutritionist and a doctor and they constantly tell me what's good and what isn't good to do or eat or how much to exercise, its just become insane. Recently though I figured the best way to get everyone off my back is To stop sharing any information about my weight and I've started avoiding topics of weight loss because It's the only way I get a sense of peace.
Exactly..I've had people give ne advice too!0 -
Don't get offended so easily. It just means they've noticed. You should be proud. Geesh. It's just like when a woman dyes her hair... Some women like the attention. Some women would rather pretend that it's their natural color and they aren't trying to color up gray hairs. Take it as a compliment. Don't be so sensitive.
Now this I like!0 -
So wait. You're saying that when someone compliments you on your weight loss you consider that "prying"? Yes you are too guarded. Unless they are asking you personal questions about how you lost the weight then I wouldn't say they are prying. Maybe you could go out and have a suit professionally made that makes you look exactly the same on the outside even though underneath you are losing weight.
Try to be less sensitive, the world will chew you up.0 -
I don't mind comments in general, but it does kind of piss me off to get the "you aren't going to lose any more are you?" or "you look too skinny" or "You've lost enough" comments. I am all for people being supportive, but unless I start looking dangerously underweight (I'm 5'9" and 175 lbs. I'm still slightly overweight, and I still have a bit of spare tire around the mid-section. I'm in absolutely no danger of being underweight at this point in time. Much less dangerously underweight.) those kinds of comments are neither warranted or appreciated.
So, as has been said by others, depending on the kinds of comments the OP has been getting, I can understand the annoyance.0 -
I think its great how people who know nothing about you but a couple of numbers can determine you are doing something wrong or harmful when obviously if we're here we have all had a weight issues at one point. Every person. Is different if we weren't losing weight would be easy.... My doc has me on a lower cal diet with exercise...because I have medical issues that make 1500 calories a day even hard to lose weight...keep on keeping on! And yes people are going to notice....I either just say TY and smile or say...nope still the same weight....and make them wonder what's different
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2bfit_2016 wrote: »Recently though I figured the best way to get everyone off my back is To stop sharing any information about my weight and I've started avoiding topics of weight loss because It's the only way I get a sense of peace.
I don't bring up the topic of weight loss at all. But I've started telling the people who give me the whole, "you look great but you're getting too skinny" "you've lost enough don't lose anymore" "I think you looked better before you're turning into a stick figure now" thing that I've reached my goal weight and haven't lost a thing in a month. Not quite true as I am close to my goal weight and have lost a couple kg in the past month, but it seems to calm them down and they leave me alone.
These sorts of comments usually come up at work morning teas at work when I'm standing there with a plate of fruit rather than all the cakes and things. Somehow that plate of fruit is a big red flag to a lot of people.
Fortunately, there are 3 or 4 people at work who have been quite supportive, and I appreciate them and their comments.
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I feel for you and totally agree with your comments. I seem to be left alone until I get under 200 and then the comments start flying. I try to ignore them but some of them really bug me a lot. I have always been the big fat one and no matter what I am the over weight Mother of 5. I am an emotional eater and eat my way back to my heaviest. This time I am doing it for myself because I did it to myself so I am fixing the issue within me. I don't care how fast I lose it. As a matter of fact do what works for you and raise it slowly to maintain. If you were doing certain Doctor prescribed diets you would be eating far less than what you are eating.0
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Be proud of your accomplishment and own it!0
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I think some people make snarky, backhanded comments because they have low self-esteem. Don't let them influence you! Others, may not realize that their comment may be insulting when percieved differently than they intended. Just keep your head up and and know you are doing for you. Congratulations on your progress so far!0
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