Spouse Questioning Goals
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Do what makes you happy and don't worry about what your husband or anyone else have to say about it. It's your body, your health and your life and it's of no consequence to anyone else, nor is it really any of their business.0
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cushman5279 wrote: »Do what makes you happy and don't worry about what your husband or anyone else have to say about it. It's your body, your health and your life and it's of no consequence to anyone else, nor is it really any of their business.
I don't think OP should drop her goals, but I think that listening to a spouse's concerns is an important part of a healthy marriage. Telling your husband that his concerns about your weight loss is of "no consequence" and that is it none of his business seems really hostile and alienating.0 -
Healthy weight loss is about a lot more than just the final number. Have you talked through the rest of the goals? Timeframe? Approach? I understand and respect the hard work it takes to lose weight, but I have also been concerned for friends who lost a lot of weight. Not because of the final number- if I had to guess both were probably in a healthy range- but because of how fast they did it. There are visible (and not so visible) side effects of losing too fast. One of my friends lost a lot of her hair- I couldn't believe how thin and fragile it got. She was only in her mid-20s at the time, but I could see why people would be concerned she was going through more than just planned weight loss. Going from 185-135 can look a lot different to people in a year's time than it can in say 4 months time.
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ReeseG4350 wrote: »CoffeeNCardio wrote: »150 would put you at the TOP of your healthy BMI for your height.
Just as a point of order, BMI is as wholly flawed as just about any other "yardstick" by which people try to judge weight. It does not take into consideration the ration of muscle to fat. You can have a person (To borrow the OPs stat) 5'7" and weighing 185 and another weighing 150. The 150 could be soft and rounded and more than 25% bodyfat and with zero stamina, physically, basically unhealthy; whereas the 185 could be trim, solid, heart healthy and be a clothing size smaller than his/her counterpart. But they will both have the same BMI!
Now, while I realize that so many here are still in a 'cut the calories/cut the pounds' mode, there comes a time when you need to move on from that standard and just recognize that your body is more than what other people see of you. And, it's not really about what your spouse, friends, co-workers, people on the street see or think of you. It's how YOU feel in your body. And that, often as not, starts between the ears. (The ultimate concept of a 'fat head'?)
The thing is that if you are muscular enough to be at a healthy %BF and still be overweight by BMI, you're going to know it and your doctor is going to know it if they aren't blind or blindly dogmatic. For almost everyone else, BMI does a good job of providing an acceptable weight range.
I would think the bigger problem is very petite women who hover at the top of the healthy BMI range, but should go lower to get to a healthy %BF. I don't hear too much about athletic types starving themselves to get in the healthy BMI range, but there are plenty of people who are still overfat that stop trying to lose weight because they are just within the BMI deemed healthy for their height, gender, and age.0 -
I'm 5'7 and 164. My goal is 135. When I was 135, I looked amazing. Not too skinny, not too thick. As long as this is making you happy, and you aren't throwing up your food, he should be happy for you. Screw what other people think.0
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ReeseG4350 wrote: »CoffeeNCardio wrote: »150 would put you at the TOP of your healthy BMI for your height.
Just as a point of order, BMI is as wholly flawed as just about any other "yardstick" by which people try to judge weight. It does not take into consideration the ration of muscle to fat. You can have a person (To borrow the OPs stat) 5'7" and weighing 185 and another weighing 150. The 150 could be soft and rounded and more than 25% bodyfat and with zero stamina, physically, basically unhealthy; whereas the 185 could be trim, solid, heart healthy and be a clothing size smaller than his/her counterpart. But they will both have the same BMI!
Now, while I realize that so many here are still in a 'cut the calories/cut the pounds' mode, there comes a time when you need to move on from that standard and just recognize that your body is more than what other people see of you. And, it's not really about what your spouse, friends, co-workers, people on the street see or think of you. It's how YOU feel in your body. And that, often as not, starts between the ears. (The ultimate concept of a 'fat head'?)
The thing is that if you are muscular enough to be at a healthy %BF and still be overweight by BMI, you're going to know it and your doctor is going to know it if they aren't blind or blindly dogmatic. For almost everyone else, BMI does a good job of providing an acceptable weight range.
I would think the bigger problem is very petite women who hover at the top of the healthy BMI range, but should go lower to get to a healthy %BF. I don't hear too much about athletic types starving themselves to get in the healthy BMI range, but there are plenty of people who are still overfat that stop trying to lose weight because they are just within the BMI deemed healthy for their height, gender, and age.
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ReeseG4350 wrote: »CoffeeNCardio wrote: »150 would put you at the TOP of your healthy BMI for your height.
Just as a point of order, BMI is as wholly flawed as just about any other "yardstick" by which people try to judge weight. It does not take into consideration the ration of muscle to fat. You can have a person (To borrow the OPs stat) 5'7" and weighing 185 and another weighing 150. The 150 could be soft and rounded and more than 25% bodyfat and with zero stamina, physically, basically unhealthy; whereas the 185 could be trim, solid, heart healthy and be a clothing size smaller than his/her counterpart. But they will both have the same BMI!
Now, while I realize that so many here are still in a 'cut the calories/cut the pounds' mode, there comes a time when you need to move on from that standard and just recognize that your body is more than what other people see of you. And, it's not really about what your spouse, friends, co-workers, people on the street see or think of you. It's how YOU feel in your body. And that, often as not, starts between the ears. (The ultimate concept of a 'fat head'?)
The thing is that if you are muscular enough to be at a healthy %BF and still be overweight by BMI, you're going to know it and your doctor is going to know it if they aren't blind or blindly dogmatic. For almost everyone else, BMI does a good job of providing an acceptable weight range.
I would think the bigger problem is very petite women who hover at the top of the healthy BMI range, but should go lower to get to a healthy %BF. I don't hear too much about athletic types starving themselves to get in the healthy BMI range, but there are plenty of people who are still overfat that stop trying to lose weight because they are just within the BMI deemed healthy for their height, gender, and age.
Agreed.
Every time that BMI comes up, somebody will post that it isn't a good way to judge weight because people who are heavily muscled have high BMIs or people who are tall have high BMIs even at healthy weights. That's all true but the majority of people, the majority of MFPers, who have high BMIs have high BMIs because they are overfat, not because they are highly muscled or tall. Are there some who fall into those categories? Sure. But let's not kid ourselves into thinking that most of us are outliers. The healthy BMI range is a healthy place to aim for as a general goal. After that, play it by ear (or actually by eye as you'll use those to look in the mirror and determine whether or not you like what you see.)0 -
ReeseG4350 wrote: »CoffeeNCardio wrote: »150 would put you at the TOP of your healthy BMI for your height.
Just as a point of order, BMI is as wholly flawed as just about any other "yardstick" by which people try to judge weight. It does not take into consideration the ration of muscle to fat. You can have a person (To borrow the OPs stat) 5'7" and weighing 185 and another weighing 150. The 150 could be soft and rounded and more than 25% bodyfat and with zero stamina, physically, basically unhealthy; whereas the 185 could be trim, solid, heart healthy and be a clothing size smaller than his/her counterpart. But they will both have the same BMI!
Now, while I realize that so many here are still in a 'cut the calories/cut the pounds' mode, there comes a time when you need to move on from that standard and just recognize that your body is more than what other people see of you. And, it's not really about what your spouse, friends, co-workers, people on the street see or think of you. It's how YOU feel in your body. And that, often as not, starts between the ears. (The ultimate concept of a 'fat head'?)
The thing is that if you are muscular enough to be at a healthy %BF and still be overweight by BMI, you're going to know it and your doctor is going to know it if they aren't blind or blindly dogmatic. For almost everyone else, BMI does a good job of providing an acceptable weight range.
I would think the bigger problem is very petite women who hover at the top of the healthy BMI range, but should go lower to get to a healthy %BF. I don't hear too much about athletic types starving themselves to get in the healthy BMI range, but there are plenty of people who are still overfat that stop trying to lose weight because they are just within the BMI deemed healthy for their height, gender, and age.
and a lot of people also shoot for the lower end of BMI even though that may not be appropriate for their overall structural build and thus look sickly at those lower weights. i would look like death warmed over at the low end of my BMI and not so great even in the middle.
people need to understand that it's a range, not so that you can pick and choose within that range, but to accommodate a variety of body types. it seems to me that many people don't understand this and it seems to particularly be an issue with the female persuasion...especially young females.0 -
janejellyroll wrote: »cushman5279 wrote: »Do what makes you happy and don't worry about what your husband or anyone else have to say about it. It's your body, your health and your life and it's of no consequence to anyone else, nor is it really any of their business.
I don't think OP should drop her goals, but I think that listening to a spouse's concerns is an important part of a healthy marriage. Telling your husband that his concerns about your weight loss is of "no consequence" and that is it none of his business seems really hostile and alienating.
Seconded.
Mrs Jruzer didn't like how I looked at my original goal weight - she said I looked gaunt and unhealthy. She's happy that I've lost my weight, but honestly didn't like the way I looked at my original goal. So I've compromised and am hanging out at about 5 lbs heavier.0 -
I can't imagine asking someone flat out if they have cancer just because they've lost weight! It's none of my business and quite rude.0
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Ya, it is tricky. When I decided to lose weight (starting weight was 268 lbs) I had been big all my life... I have lost 70 lbs so far. For a long time my goal was really just to get under 200 lbs... and now I am just setting goals in 5lb increments. Spouse has been really supportive but some others have not been - even tho i am still in the obese category. At the end of the day I suppose you just have to do what you feel is right for you. It sounds tho that his concerns are out of love. Good luck!0
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cushman5279 wrote: »Do what makes you happy and don't worry about what your husband or anyone else have to say about it. It's your body, your health and your life and it's of no consequence to anyone else, nor is it really any of their business.
And that kind of thinking is why so many people get divorced. It's not just about her. She is part of a team. A marriage is about both people and as long as he's not asking her to be unhealthy then his thoughts should be considered and respected and a compromise should be found from both people in the marriage.
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blkandwhite77 wrote: »cushman5279 wrote: »Do what makes you happy and don't worry about what your husband or anyone else have to say about it. It's your body, your health and your life and it's of no consequence to anyone else, nor is it really any of their business.
And that kind of thinking is why so many people get divorced. It's not just about her. She is part of a team. A marriage is about both people and as long as he's not asking her to be unhealthy then his thoughts should be considered and respected and a compromise should be found from both people in the marriage.
Exactly.
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Thanks for the input! My spouse is always supportive and loves me no matter my weight, but wants us both healthy- we even walk together more! I cook the same foods for my family, but eat less. Elderly people at church voiced concern and I wasn't offended by it.
150 should be a healthy weight for me. If it isn't, I can lose more.0 -
Ask the doctor whether you are too thin when you get to where you want to be...or even before then. They'll give you the facts without any BS. They won't tell you you're healthy if you're too thin or fat.
Everyone else might lie for their own reasons (usually to be nice), but the doctor will give you the facts, health-wise.
Different people will look good at different weights. I'm an inch taller than you are, 152 (today) and can stand to drop about twenty more pounds, give or take. Someone else that is my height would be perfectly thin and healthy at 150. It just depends.0 -
ReeseG4350 wrote: »CoffeeNCardio wrote: »150 would put you at the TOP of your healthy BMI for your height.
Just as a point of order, BMI is as wholly flawed as just about any other "yardstick" by which people try to judge weight. It does not take into consideration the ration of muscle to fat. You can have a person (To borrow the OPs stat) 5'7" and weighing 185 and another weighing 150. The 150 could be soft and rounded and more than 25% bodyfat and with zero stamina, physically, basically unhealthy; whereas the 185 could be trim, solid, heart healthy and be a clothing size smaller than his/her counterpart. But they will both have the same BMI!
I'm 5'7. There is no way a lean, hard-looking 185 on a 5'7 woman is going to happen without significant effort and intention. Presumably, OP is not 185 because of that. 150 is more than reasonable for her, and the BMI is mostly reasonable for most people.0 -
Twice I have gotten the question.I can't imagine asking someone flat out if they have cancer just because they've lost weight! It's none of my business and quite rude.
They do not flat out ask the "cancer" question. They are slightly polite about it.
For example, when went to the jeweler to get two links removed from a watch band, I told the woman that I lost weight.
She asked me if I lost the weight "on purpose."
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HappyCampr1 wrote: »cwolfman13 wrote: »ReeseG4350 wrote: »CoffeeNCardio wrote: »150 would put you at the TOP of your healthy BMI for your height.
Just as a point of order, BMI is as wholly flawed as just about any other "yardstick" by which people try to judge weight. It does not take into consideration the ration of muscle to fat. You can have a person (To borrow the OPs stat) 5'7" and weighing 185 and another weighing 150. The 150 could be soft and rounded and more than 25% bodyfat and with zero stamina, physically, basically unhealthy; whereas the 185 could be trim, solid, heart healthy and be a clothing size smaller than his/her counterpart. But they will both have the same BMI!
Now, while I realize that so many here are still in a 'cut the calories/cut the pounds' mode, there comes a time when you need to move on from that standard and just recognize that your body is more than what other people see of you. And, it's not really about what your spouse, friends, co-workers, people on the street see or think of you. It's how YOU feel in your body. And that, often as not, starts between the ears. (The ultimate concept of a 'fat head'?)
The thing is that if you are muscular enough to be at a healthy %BF and still be overweight by BMI, you're going to know it and your doctor is going to know it if they aren't blind or blindly dogmatic. For almost everyone else, BMI does a good job of providing an acceptable weight range.
I would think the bigger problem is very petite women who hover at the top of the healthy BMI range, but should go lower to get to a healthy %BF. I don't hear too much about athletic types starving themselves to get in the healthy BMI range, but there are plenty of people who are still overfat that stop trying to lose weight because they are just within the BMI deemed healthy for their height, gender, and age.
and a lot of people also shoot for the lower end of BMI even though that may not be appropriate for their overall structural build and thus look sickly at those lower weights. i would look like death warmed over at the low end of my BMI and not so great even in the middle.
people need to understand that it's a range, not so that you can pick and choose within that range, but to accommodate a variety of body types. it seems to me that many people don't understand this and it seems to particularly be an issue with the female persuasion...especially young females.
I agree with this. I've always known I was larger framed and of a sturdy build. It's one of the reasons I used to laugh off BMI entirely. But, after going from second category obese to normal weight, I've discovered the the top of normal is where "sturdy" people like me belong. That there is a 30-pound range to "normal" for a reason. Yes, I might weigh 20 pounds more than someone else my height, but I'm within normal BMI. That's what the range is for...to accommodate younger and older, slight builds and heavy builds.
And before those who think that only out of shape, overly fat people belong at the upper end of the BMI range chime in, I just want to point out that my doctor told me to quit losing weight when I was still 8 pounds overweight. I went in for my checkup and she wanted reassurances that I wasn't planning to lose more. If that doesn't tell you that some people actually belong at the upper end of normal, I don't know what will.
Ah, thanks to whomever bumped this
I agree with you guys. Not to mention, person A's "lost a bunch of weight but still overfat" could have taken a significant amount of effort. And if that's where they're happy and have elected to actually successfully maintain, which we know maintenance is no trivial feat, then so be it. Besides I read that a lot of the health related ailments start at obese weights, not overweight. It seems only minimally risky to make things about aesthetics and preference once one is within the normal weight BMI range
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blkandwhite77 wrote: »Since it appears he's voicing his thoughts out of concern maybe set up a Doctor appt and have the doctor explain what is a healthy weight range for you. This may help ease his concern and then you can enjoy his full support. While yes, you are doing this for you, when you're married it's an us and we dynamic. Sounds like you have a keeper so why not help him not worry
I would listen to your husband and his concerns. He loves you and doesn't want the "cancer" comments again. Let him know what you are doing to lose weight and let him help you. that way, he knows you are being healthy and may not get quite as worried.0
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