Spouse Questioning Goals

cushman5279 wrote: »

Do what makes you happy and don't worry about what your husband or anyone else have to say about it. It's your body, your health and your life and it's of no consequence to anyone else, nor is it really any of their business.

And that kind of thinking is why so many people get divorced. It's not just about her. She is part of a team. A marriage is about both people and as long as he's not asking her to be unhealthy then his thoughts should be considered and respected and a compromise should be found from both people in the marriage.

blkandwhite77 wrote: »

cushman5279 wrote: »

Do what makes you happy and don't worry about what your husband or anyone else have to say about it. It's your body, your health and your life and it's of no consequence to anyone else, nor is it really any of their business.

And that kind of thinking is why so many people get divorced. It's not just about her. She is part of a team. A marriage is about both people and as long as he's not asking her to be unhealthy then his thoughts should be considered and respected and a compromise should be found from both people in the marriage.

Exactly.

Ask the doctor whether you are too thin when you get to where you want to be...or even before then. They'll give you the facts without any BS. They won't tell you you're healthy if you're too thin or fat.

Everyone else might lie for their own reasons (usually to be nice), but the doctor will give you the facts, health-wise.

Different people will look good at different weights. I'm an inch taller than you are, 152 (today) and can stand to drop about twenty more pounds, give or take. Someone else that is my height would be perfectly thin and healthy at 150. It just depends.

DKLI wrote: »

I can't imagine asking someone flat out if they have cancer just because they've lost weight! It's none of my business and quite rude.

Twice I have gotten the question.
They do not flat out ask the "cancer" question. They are slightly polite about it.
For example, when went to the jeweler to get two links removed from a watch band, I told the woman that I lost weight.

She asked me if I lost the weight "on purpose."

blkandwhite77 wrote: »

Since it appears he's voicing his thoughts out of concern maybe set up a Doctor appt and have the doctor explain what is a healthy weight range for you. This may help ease his concern and then you can enjoy his full support. While yes, you are doing this for you, when you're married it's an us and we dynamic. Sounds like you have a keeper so why not help him not worry

I would listen to your husband and his concerns. He loves you and doesn't want the "cancer" comments again. Let him know what you are doing to lose weight and let him help you. that way, he knows you are being healthy and may not get quite as worried.

juliekin wrote: »

Thanks for the input! My spouse is always supportive and loves me no matter my weight, but wants us both healthy- we even walk together more! I cook the same foods for my family, but eat less. Elderly people at church voiced concern and I wasn't offended by it.
150 should be a healthy weight for me. If it isn't, I can lose more.

There you go. You do what makes you happy and he'll follow suit.

vczk2t15 wrote: »

cushman5279 wrote: »

Do what makes you happy and don't worry about what your husband or anyone else have to say about it. It's your body, your health and your life and it's of no consequence to anyone else, nor is it really any of their business.

DO NOT LISTEN TO THIS! unless you DON'T love your husband and want to know his concerns.

THIS, is crap. Where did she say she didn't love her husband? Only someone insecure would state this opinion. She clearly loves him, since she's posted about his concerns of his reaction.

Jruzer wrote: »

RodaRose wrote: »

DKLI wrote: »

I can't imagine asking someone flat out if they have cancer just because they've lost weight! It's none of my business and quite rude.

Twice I have gotten the question.
They do not flat out ask the "cancer" question. They are slightly polite about it.
For example, when went to the jeweler to get two links removed from a watch band, I told the woman that I lost weight.

She asked me if I lost the weight "on purpose."

When I first lost my weight this happened to me once. Mrs Jruzer was asked about me a few times. It's not rude - it's friends and co-workers being genuinely concerned. It's part of the reason I decided my goal weight was too low.

Whether or not the concern is genuine, it's still rude. You don't just walk up to people and ask them if they have cancer. That's something you wait for someone to share with you.

It can make people uncomfortable or unhappy - especially if they do have cancer and weren't thinking about it just then...and didn't want to share it with you. You put them in a very awkward and possibly painful position. That's why it's rude.

Kalikel wrote: »

Jruzer wrote: »

RodaRose wrote: »

DKLI wrote: »

I can't imagine asking someone flat out if they have cancer just because they've lost weight! It's none of my business and quite rude.

Twice I have gotten the question.
They do not flat out ask the "cancer" question. They are slightly polite about it.
For example, when went to the jeweler to get two links removed from a watch band, I told the woman that I lost weight.

She asked me if I lost the weight "on purpose."

When I first lost my weight this happened to me once. Mrs Jruzer was asked about me a few times. It's not rude - it's friends and co-workers being genuinely concerned. It's part of the reason I decided my goal weight was too low.

Whether or not the concern is genuine, it's still rude. You don't just walk up to people and ask them if they have cancer. That's something you wait for someone to share with you.

It can make people uncomfortable or unhappy - especially if they do have cancer and weren't thinking about it just then...and didn't want to share it with you. You put them in a very awkward and possibly painful position. That's why it's rude.

I don't find it rude. Perhaps it's a difference in culture or mindset. In my case a co-worker and I were talking privately, and after a pause in the conversation he asked me if I was "doing all right." Honestly I was touched by his concern. This person wasn't a stranger, it was someone I worked with every day and interacted with on a personal level.

It was the same for the people who spoke with my wife. There were friends who cared about us and potentially wanted to help. For some reason, probably just statistical, we have had an unusually large number deaths among the parents in our kids' school, both from cancer and other causes. People are very sensitive to that, it's a question that has come up frequently, and perhaps the barriers are lower due to these circumstances.

To my mind rudeness and politeness have much more to do with intention and circumstance than they do with whether certain subjects are off-limits. I imagine that there are people who would hold that not checking in on a friend or co-worker who appears ill is what is actually rude.

catscats222 wrote: »

1. a large husband may want a large woman (to feel comfortable)
2. maybe he wants the dinners he used to have or wants to go out to eat like you used to

my husband was always a LOT bigger than me - though not quite as much at my largest LOL
we ate out all the time. i made it work for/with my calories.

down 75 pounds. maintaining right now to let my brain catch up, and deal with holidays easier but have more to go.


but then, im also getting divorced from aforementioned husband, so what the hell do i know? LOLOLOLOL

cwolfman13 wrote: »

stealthq wrote: »

ReeseG4350 wrote: »

CoffeeNCardio wrote: »

150 would put you at the TOP of your healthy BMI for your height.

Just as a point of order, BMI is as wholly flawed as just about any other "yardstick" by which people try to judge weight. It does not take into consideration the ration of muscle to fat. You can have a person (To borrow the OPs stat) 5'7" and weighing 185 and another weighing 150. The 150 could be soft and rounded and more than 25% bodyfat and with zero stamina, physically, basically unhealthy; whereas the 185 could be trim, solid, heart healthy and be a clothing size smaller than his/her counterpart. But they will both have the same BMI!

Now, while I realize that so many here are still in a 'cut the calories/cut the pounds' mode, there comes a time when you need to move on from that standard and just recognize that your body is more than what other people see of you. And, it's not really about what your spouse, friends, co-workers, people on the street see or think of you. It's how YOU feel in your body. And that, often as not, starts between the ears. (The ultimate concept of a 'fat head'?)

The thing is that if you are muscular enough to be at a healthy %BF and still be overweight by BMI, you're going to know it and your doctor is going to know it if they aren't blind or blindly dogmatic. For almost everyone else, BMI does a good job of providing an acceptable weight range.

I would think the bigger problem is very petite women who hover at the top of the healthy BMI range, but should go lower to get to a healthy %BF. I don't hear too much about athletic types starving themselves to get in the healthy BMI range, but there are plenty of people who are still overfat that stop trying to lose weight because they are just within the BMI deemed healthy for their height, gender, and age.

and a lot of people also shoot for the lower end of BMI even though that may not be appropriate for their overall structural build and thus look sickly at those lower weights. i would look like death warmed over at the low end of my BMI and not so great even in the middle.

people need to understand that it's a range, not so that you can pick and choose within that range, but to accommodate a variety of body types. it seems to me that many people don't understand this and it seems to particularly be an issue with the female persuasion...especially young females.

I'm not meaning to apply the following to your specific situation or anyone else's who's replied in this thread. There are people who belong at the higher end of the healthy BMI range. For me, %BF is the determining factor. Shame it's so difficult to measure accurately. Suffice it to say that if someone's in the obese range of %BF and in the healthy BMI range, they really should continue to lose if health is a consideration for them. And if losing more weight would cause them to drop to an unhealthy low %BF while still being healthy in regard to BMI, then they really need to maintain or gain a bit.

BTW - being obese %BF and healthy BMI is more commonly a problem with the very petite while being underweight %BF and healthy BMI is more commonly a problem with tall people.

But I did want to comment that looking sickly is not the same as not being healthy. Just as looking chunky is not the same as not being healthy. That is a highly subjective measure and opinions are subject to change.

stealthq wrote: »

cwolfman13 wrote: »

stealthq wrote: »

ReeseG4350 wrote: »

CoffeeNCardio wrote: »

150 would put you at the TOP of your healthy BMI for your height.

Just as a point of order, BMI is as wholly flawed as just about any other "yardstick" by which people try to judge weight. It does not take into consideration the ration of muscle to fat. You can have a person (To borrow the OPs stat) 5'7" and weighing 185 and another weighing 150. The 150 could be soft and rounded and more than 25% bodyfat and with zero stamina, physically, basically unhealthy; whereas the 185 could be trim, solid, heart healthy and be a clothing size smaller than his/her counterpart. But they will both have the same BMI!

Now, while I realize that so many here are still in a 'cut the calories/cut the pounds' mode, there comes a time when you need to move on from that standard and just recognize that your body is more than what other people see of you. And, it's not really about what your spouse, friends, co-workers, people on the street see or think of you. It's how YOU feel in your body. And that, often as not, starts between the ears. (The ultimate concept of a 'fat head'?)

The thing is that if you are muscular enough to be at a healthy %BF and still be overweight by BMI, you're going to know it and your doctor is going to know it if they aren't blind or blindly dogmatic. For almost everyone else, BMI does a good job of providing an acceptable weight range.

I would think the bigger problem is very petite women who hover at the top of the healthy BMI range, but should go lower to get to a healthy %BF. I don't hear too much about athletic types starving themselves to get in the healthy BMI range, but there are plenty of people who are still overfat that stop trying to lose weight because they are just within the BMI deemed healthy for their height, gender, and age.

and a lot of people also shoot for the lower end of BMI even though that may not be appropriate for their overall structural build and thus look sickly at those lower weights. i would look like death warmed over at the low end of my BMI and not so great even in the middle.

people need to understand that it's a range, not so that you can pick and choose within that range, but to accommodate a variety of body types. it seems to me that many people don't understand this and it seems to particularly be an issue with the female persuasion...especially young females.

I'm not meaning to apply the following to your specific situation or anyone else's who's replied in this thread. There are people who belong at the higher end of the healthy BMI range. For me, %BF is the determining factor. Shame it's so difficult to measure accurately. Suffice it to say that if someone's in the obese range of %BF and in the healthy BMI range, they really should continue to lose if health is a consideration for them. And if losing more weight would cause them to drop to an unhealthy low %BF while still being healthy in regard to BMI, then they really need to maintain or gain a bit.

BTW - being obese %BF and healthy BMI is more commonly a problem with the very petite while being underweight %BF and healthy BMI is more commonly a problem with tall people.

But I did want to comment that looking sickly is not the same as not being healthy. Just as looking chunky is not the same as not being healthy. That is a highly subjective measure and opinions are subject to change.

Obese body fat but normal BMI? How common is this?

HappyCampr1 wrote: »

I think people use it colloquially to mean that. But, it's a real thing. This article says that for American women with BMI's of below 25 (so BMI normal), the average bodyfat is 34%, which is obese on the bodyfat scale. http://ps.columbia.edu/news/are-normal-weight-americans-over-fat I'm sure others can find much better information on over-fat, normal BMI, but this was the first thing I saw. Off to bed now, so I can't research further. Sorry.

JaneiR36 wrote: »

HappyCampr1 wrote: »

JaneiR36 wrote: »

stealthq wrote: »

cwolfman13 wrote: »

stealthq wrote: »

ReeseG4350 wrote: »

CoffeeNCardio wrote: »

150 would put you at the TOP of your healthy BMI for your height.

Just as a point of order, BMI is as wholly flawed as just about any other "yardstick" by which people try to judge weight. It does not take into consideration the ration of muscle to fat. You can have a person (To borrow the OPs stat) 5'7" and weighing 185 and another weighing 150. The 150 could be soft and rounded and more than 25% bodyfat and with zero stamina, physically, basically unhealthy; whereas the 185 could be trim, solid, heart healthy and be a clothing size smaller than his/her counterpart. But they will both have the same BMI!

Now, while I realize that so many here are still in a 'cut the calories/cut the pounds' mode, there comes a time when you need to move on from that standard and just recognize that your body is more than what other people see of you. And, it's not really about what your spouse, friends, co-workers, people on the street see or think of you. It's how YOU feel in your body. And that, often as not, starts between the ears. (The ultimate concept of a 'fat head'?)

The thing is that if you are muscular enough to be at a healthy %BF and still be overweight by BMI, you're going to know it and your doctor is going to know it if they aren't blind or blindly dogmatic. For almost everyone else, BMI does a good job of providing an acceptable weight range.

I would think the bigger problem is very petite women who hover at the top of the healthy BMI range, but should go lower to get to a healthy %BF. I don't hear too much about athletic types starving themselves to get in the healthy BMI range, but there are plenty of people who are still overfat that stop trying to lose weight because they are just within the BMI deemed healthy for their height, gender, and age.

and a lot of people also shoot for the lower end of BMI even though that may not be appropriate for their overall structural build and thus look sickly at those lower weights. i would look like death warmed over at the low end of my BMI and not so great even in the middle.

people need to understand that it's a range, not so that you can pick and choose within that range, but to accommodate a variety of body types. it seems to me that many people don't understand this and it seems to particularly be an issue with the female persuasion...especially young females.

I'm not meaning to apply the following to your specific situation or anyone else's who's replied in this thread. There are people who belong at the higher end of the healthy BMI range. For me, %BF is the determining factor. Shame it's so difficult to measure accurately. Suffice it to say that if someone's in the obese range of %BF and in the healthy BMI range, they really should continue to lose if health is a consideration for them. And if losing more weight would cause them to drop to an unhealthy low %BF while still being healthy in regard to BMI, then they really need to maintain or gain a bit.

BTW - being obese %BF and healthy BMI is more commonly a problem with the very petite while being underweight %BF and healthy BMI is more commonly a problem with tall people.

But I did want to comment that looking sickly is not the same as not being healthy. Just as looking chunky is not the same as not being healthy. That is a highly subjective measure and opinions are subject to change.

Obese body fat but normal BMI? How common is this?

I think that's the definition of "skinny fat", so I assume a certain percentage of people fall into that category.

I always thought skinny fat was more of a look!

Interesting!

"It’s still unknown, however, how much body fat is healthy."

“We don’t have data about healthy body fat percentages,[...]