I know you don't know me but...

BekahC1980
BekahC1980 Posts: 474 Member
edited November 2015 in Motivation and Support
I could really use some mental support right now.. I lost my mother last Monday and we'll her funeral was yesterday. . Went to lunch with my brother today and he asked me how much I weigh now because my dad keeps calling me another family member (who is extremely overweight and doesn't care). So I told him I was 145 lbs now and he said oh? 145 tons? And even though I know that's not true I can't help but cry.i just needed someone to talk to and I don't have anyone.

Eta: I have lost a lot of weight 80 lbs since he saw me last. I used to weigh 225. My story is posted in the success stories.

Replies

  • ShrinkingKerrie
    ShrinkingKerrie Posts: 338 Member
    I'm so sorry to hear about your mother.
    Your brother sounds like an idiot, talk about supportive,jeez! Take some time to grieve then worry about how much you with, that's my opinion anyway. Working out might give you something to focus your mind on too. Take it easy on yourself!
  • agarana84
    agarana84 Posts: 3 Member
    I'm sorry for your loss. I know how it feels especially people that are close to you make comments like that. You have to stay strong and shake it off though. Don't let them get to you. And think about how strong your mom would like to see you. You know she's watching you.Keep your head up, and make her proud.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
    First, I'm very sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is never easy.
    Second, you're brother is a jerk. I'm sure you already knew that since you, I assume, grew up with him. I don't know if he thinks maybe he was being funny but it's really poor timing and just mean especially since you are still emotionally raw from the loss of your mother.
    Third, 145 isn't so bad and it's just a number. Everyone starts from somewhere. You're here on MFP so you must want it. You want to get where you want to be, to feel better about yourself. You have given yourself the tool so use it. No matter what anyone in your family or elsewhere says, you have to do it because you want it. Their words may hurt but in the end they are just words. Best wishes to you.
  • x_blackrainbow
    x_blackrainbow Posts: 439 Member
    I'm very sorry for your loss. I think you need to have a talk with your dad and brother and let them know that their comments are rude and hurtful and entirely uncalled for. I would ask why they feel the need to kick you when you are already down. You all need each other's love and support right now more than ever.
  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    JenAndSome wrote: »
    First, I'm very sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is never easy.
    Second, you're brother is a jerk. I'm sure you already knew that since you, I assume, grew up with him. I don't know if he thinks maybe he was being funny but it's really poor timing and just mean especially since you are still emotionally raw from the loss of your mother.
    Third, 145 isn't so bad and it's just a number. Everyone starts from somewhere. You're here on MFP so you must want it. You want to get where you want to be, to feel better about yourself. You have given yourself the tool so use it. No matter what anyone in your family or elsewhere says, you have to do it because you want it. Their words may hurt but in the end they are just words. Best wishes to you.

    Yes, all of this. Wow, you've lost 80 lbs.??? That is fantastic! I cannot fathom why your brother thought that was appropriate to say to you, but keep in mind that the comments from both he and your dad are unacceptable. They have no idea how they make you feel. I'd address it with them head-on and bluntly, but that's just me. First take care of yourself and address that other nonsense if and when you feel like it. Keep active here. You'll find the support your need.
  • KittyInBoots
    KittyInBoots Posts: 226 Member
    So sad to lose a loved one, losing your mother must feel awful and I am truly sorry. One would think you could have a nice visit with your brother after a sad time like this. I think one of the worst things a man can ask is asking a woman how much she weighs! It doesn't matter if you are related or not! And to make fun like that, how cold! It upsets me to realize people can be that cruel. Keep in mind it may be an odd way your brother is dealing with the loss, by avoiding it and joking around. Is he overweight? Maybe he is "jealous" that you lost so much weight? Congrats by the way! 145 is a decent weight! Anyways, there are a lot of nice people on here and lots of nice comments! Hope you are able to keep going strong!
  • alizesmom
    alizesmom Posts: 219 Member
    Sorry about your mom. That can be hard. As to your brother, ignore him. The numbers don't lie 80 pounds is amazing.
  • HippySkoppy
    HippySkoppy Posts: 725 Member
    @BekahC1980 I am so sorry that you have lost your beloved Mum, you have my sincerest condolences.

    In relation to the comments by your Brother and Father - Firstly they are unacceptable no matter what the circumstances and when you are grieving such a huge loss they are even more out of line. I don't know what they are generally like as people, whether they are usually polite and kind and this is an aberration on their part.....maybe partly to do with their grieving but none the less is is unacceptable....and when you feel stronger you will have to tackle this kind of abuse head on and make it clear that you won't tolerate it.

    I thought that it may be useful to share the experience I had with my older Sister after my Mother passed on - She made it her business to be as verbally cruel to me as possible in the days, weeks afterwards......but and this is the kicker she had always been awful towards me and our relationship was a always on very shaky ground. It was at this time that I finally realized that if we couldn't pull together at such an important time, then we never would, so I cut ties with her completely.....it was such a toxic relationship and sad as it was to do this, I did feel so much relief that it was over.

    Maybe if your relationship with your family has always been difficult, your Mum's death could be the catalyst and now is the time for you to assess whether continuing contact is in your best interest and if not, have a break....even if it isn't permanent. Just give yourself the best chance to heal without this kind of rubbish being said to you.

    My heart breaks for you at this time and I wish you <3 peace and healing. Take care of yourself.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    BekahC1980 wrote: »
    I could really use some mental support right now.. I lost my mother last Monday and we'll her funeral was yesterday. . Went to lunch with my brother today and he asked me how much I weigh now because my dad keeps calling me another family member (who is extremely overweight and doesn't care). So I told him I was 145 lbs now and he said oh? 145 tons? And even though I know that's not true I can't help but cry.i just needed someone to talk to and I don't have anyone.

    Eta: I have lost a lot of weight 80 lbs since he saw me last. I used to weigh 225. My story is posted in the success stories.

    I'm very sorry for your loss. That is a hard time.
    I don't know what you brother's problem is but it is his issue. Apparently he is not showing up as a kind, loving, sensitive or supportive person. I don't know if he has always been mean to you. You didn't deserve to be treated that way especially right after your mother's funeral.

    You've done great and 145 lbs is hardly a ton for any adult. Thank you for inspiring others with your success.
  • youngmomtaz
    youngmomtaz Posts: 1,075 Member
    So sorry for your loss! Losing a parent is so very life changing!!
    I must say, your brother and father are quite rude aren't they? Are they always like this or are they dealing with their own stress and loss by picking on others?? Honestly, if it were me, I would call them on it. You have obviously been workin your butt off and they have absolutely no right to treat you that way! Or anyone else for that matter! Your loss is highly motivating to me, and I am sure others here! Take care of yourself, remind yourself how awesome you are, and hopefully your positivity will rub off on those around you!
  • Nataliegetfit
    Nataliegetfit Posts: 395 Member
    I am so sorry for your loss. Your family should be nothing but supportive to you. 80 lbs is a huge difference and I am sure you look and feel so much better. I am about at your weight and only lost 37 lbs and for me that is a huge difference, and I feel so much better than I did. It is a huge accomplishment and for them to be nasty to you about your weight is ridiculous. Don't let them get you down. If they don't stop their ignorance, I would stay away from them. Good luck, and again, so sorry about your mom.
  • Psychgrrl
    Psychgrrl Posts: 3,177 Member
    So sorry about your mom. ((((Hug)))) As for your brother, unless he's 12, he's being a complete jerk-bag. You should be proud of all you've accomplished for your health! I am, and I just met you!

    I had a heart to heart with my sis a few years back. All her snide remarks and back-handed "compliments" finally got to me. I told her if she couldn't talk to me with respect, then we weren't going to talk until she could do that. Turns out, her remarks had way more to do with what she was feeling about herself than they did with me. She thought she could take it out on me because we're family and we'd be together no matter what. When she saw she was wrong about that, things changed.

    I don't know if you're in a place where you can tell them to stop with the insults, or give them an ultimatum, or just ignore it. You need to do whatever is right for you. I'm just sorry you're being treated this way by people who are supposed to love you.

    The one thing to take away is their attitude, comments and insults make reflect what the see in themselves--it's just easier to take it out on you than admit there's something they need to change about themselves. Doesn't make it right, but it does make them human.

    Stay strong! We're here for you!
  • fiddletime
    fiddletime Posts: 1,868 Member
    BekahC you lost 80 pounds. Do you get how big an accomplishment that is? There are very few people who can say they lost 80 pounds, and who would have the strength, determination, and will power to be able to make that commitment and to follow through. So, congratulations are definitely in order!

    As for your dad calling you another family members name, I do that to my kids all the time. As for your brother, he's an a**. I was always proud of my siblings when they lost weight. I'd confront him, tell him that what he said was rude and you deserve his respect. If he can't treat you like an adult, rather than a little sister, the relationship should end.

    Finally, and most importantly, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom. She was very proud of your accomplishments and you get to carry that light of warmth and love for you in your heart for forever, as she will always be with you.
  • klkarlen
    klkarlen Posts: 4,366 Member
    I'm very sorry for your loss. And for your brother and father to be that heartless is appalling.

    I agree with the other posters, it might be time to have a conversation with them and tell them how insensitive if not downright cruel their remarks have been and that you won't tolerate it. I know that is very easy for all of us to say, and much harder to actually do.

    You have made a major accomplishment in losing those 80 pounds, and we are all proud of you.
  • BekahC1980
    BekahC1980 Posts: 474 Member
    Thank you all for your kind words, reading them has helped me. I have 2 brothers, and 2 sisters and I've had to cut ties with all but this brother due to their insensitive attitudes towards me over the, years. while this brother and I don't have much contact, I thought we had a great relationship otherwise. But I'm not really sure now, it's something I will have to think on once my heart doesn't hurt as bad.

    Again I do, want to thank all of you for your kind words

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