How do you deal with people discouraging you?

ghouli
ghouli Posts: 207 Member
in Motivation and Support
My entire family is all pretty much overweight or obese. At my lowest weight (around 140...I'm at 152 right now but the same size I was back then, go figure) I got a lot of comments from my family "oh you're too thin you need to eat more you're going to blow away in the wind" etc etc. I wasn't even thin, but anyone who isn't overweight is "too skinny" to them. We aren't having a big family thing for Thanksgiving, but we will be for Christmas and I'm dreading getting those kind of comments and them trying to shove food down my throat (I mean, I eat obviously lol but "portion control" isn't something they think highly of).

If you have to deal with similar situations, how do you get people off your back without being super rude about it?
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Replies

  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    Just say no thank you, I have had plenty. Or I am full.
  • riffraff2112
    riffraff2112 Posts: 1,756 Member
    fortunate enough to not have too many people around me who pay attention to how much/little I am eating. It can be tough respectfully turning down food that someone prepared! I am Italian, and my Grandma was pretty bad for that, she would get insulted if I didn't eat like I usually did. Lately, everyone knows I am just taking better care of myself.
    Good luck. All you can do is smile, say "its great but I am so stuffed", or "I ate so much yesterday I feel so full today"...if that doesn't help, get angry and throw your plate :wink:
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    Pour yourself a glass of sparkling water and never let it leave your hand. Refill with tap water if necessary. "No, I'm good," can be a standard answer. I also position myself so I can't be cornered. Stay standing and know where the exits are.
  • Obnoxa
    Obnoxa Posts: 187 Member
    ghouli wrote: »
    how do you get people off your back without being super rude about it?

    Sadly, the reality is you really don't. Accusing you of "blowing away in the wind" is no less disrespectful than mocking someone for being fat, and neither of those types of disrespect are disarmed with polite responses. If they were, you wouldn't be asking. :(
  • robertw486
    robertw486 Posts: 2,399 Member
    I'm blunt. So it's a good thing the people I deal with don't act like that. I'd tell a family member to take a hike in a second if they were that rude, especially if they were the overweight ones doing it.

    If you prefer to be more tactful, you could arm yourself with some non judgmental replies, such as mentioning you are at a healthy BMR.
  • fiddletime
    fiddletime Posts: 1,868 Member
    I agree to keep sipping sparking water-slowly. Also, pile your plate high with veggies and salad and eat slowly. I just had a Thanksgiving dinner last night and that worked great. When the dessert got pushed on me I took a few bites and slowly pushed the rest around. That was hard.
  • lemmie177
    lemmie177 Posts: 479 Member
    jgnatca wrote: »
    Pour yourself a glass of sparkling water and never let it leave your hand. Refill with tap water if necessary. "No, I'm good," can be a standard answer. I also position myself so I can't be cornered. Stay standing and know where the exits are.

    This is great advice! Both my grandmothers love force feeding, and I've found having a drink in hand works wonders. IME, its when they see me taking a break that they get me! If they look over and see me already consuming something, even if its just water or tea, they'll leave me alone.
  • asltiffm
    asltiffm Posts: 521 Member
    Unfortunately, I was anorexic in high school. My family made a huge deal about it then as one would imagine. I come fr an overweight family as well. These days I eat, I'm just super picky about what I eat. No one says anything to me anymore.
  • KimmieCapone
    KimmieCapone Posts: 46 Member
    Punch them in the face.
  • fidangul
    fidangul Posts: 673 Member
    After a while I just ignore them. It gets to an irritating point. Especially my husband who thinks sharing is caring or filling my plate full with food he doesn't want to eat. So I'm quite blunt with him. But others like my mother in law I just stay quite and smile.

    However, if someone made a plain rude comment such as "blowing away in the wind" then it would depend on how offended I felt at that point. But in no case is it acceptable. And if you did reply back in a similar manner I wouldn't be made to feel bad. If they can't receive it then they shouldn't dish it out.
  • Lizzy622
    Lizzy622 Posts: 3,705 Member
    My mother and mother-in-law are food pushers. First for taking small portions, "I want to be sure I have room to try a bit of all the good food." When I am done, I simply say I am stuffed and cannot eat another bite without becoming ill. If they continue to push I agree to take home some leftovers "for later". I really do enjoy eating all the wonderful holiday treats but in proper reasonable portions.
  • ghouli
    ghouli Posts: 207 Member
    Thanks guys, I'll try the sipping-on-water thing. And if anyone makes rude comments, then I won't feel so bad if I get snappy haha.
  • LKArgh
    LKArgh Posts: 5,178 Member
    edited November 2015
    You could always start being rude first ;)

    - Oh Aunt Anna, you hace put on sooo much weight since I last saw you, are you sure you have not developed diabetes? Leave that pie down right now, you do not want getting a stroke right now do you?
    - Cousin John, NOOOO do not eat this! You already had so much, I am soooo worried about you, will you promise getting a check-up with your dr and discuss your cholesterol?

    It will not make you very popular but it might be fun ;) Limit the comments to your least favourite and most annoying relatives.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    queenliz99 wrote: »
    Just say no thank you, I have had plenty. Or I am full.

    This.

    I have to admit that I don't care at all if someone claims I'm too thin or don't need to lose more, though. (I also don't say that I'm trying to lose or comment as to my goal at all.) If someone says I'm too thin I just laugh and say I don't think so, but thanks for your opinion! As for pushing food on you, just be firm and say "oh, I have plenty, thanks" or "I'm saving room for dessert" (if you plan to eat some) or "I hate feeling overstuffed so am going to stop now." If they keep going just laugh and ask why they care.
  • Obnoxa
    Obnoxa Posts: 187 Member
    kimberlynolte wrote: »
    Punch them in the face.

    LMAO! I like the cut of your jib xD
  • Lourdesong
    Lourdesong Posts: 1,492 Member
    lemurcat12 wrote: »
    queenliz99 wrote: »
    Just say no thank you, I have had plenty. Or I am full.

    This.

    I have to admit that I don't care at all if someone claims I'm too thin or don't need to lose more, though. (I also don't say that I'm trying to lose or comment as to my goal at all.) If someone says I'm too thin I just laugh and say I don't think so, but thanks for your opinion! As for pushing food on you, just be firm and say "oh, I have plenty, thanks" or "I'm saving room for dessert" (if you plan to eat some) or "I hate feeling overstuffed so am going to stop now." If they keep going just laugh and ask why they care.

    I agree with all of this.

    Also I would add to give them something else to discuss about you and with you. Do you have anything else going on in your life that isn't weight or food related? If not, make other people the center of discussion. You'd be surprised how easy it is to get people to stop talking about you and start blathering on about themselves.

  • OkieFitness
    OkieFitness Posts: 43 Member
    Your response depends on your family, their collective and individual dispositions. Your temperment and how you deal with folks too - maybe even the day of the week! One part of me thinks you should say, "Better to blow away than ROLL away!"
  • takingcareofus
    takingcareofus Posts: 68 Member
    fiddletime wrote: »
    I agree to keep sipping sparking water-slowly. Also, pile your plate high with veggies and salad and eat slowly. I just had a Thanksgiving dinner last night and that worked great. When the dessert got pushed on me I took a few bites and slowly pushed the rest around. That was hard.
    fiddletime wrote: »
    I agree to keep sipping sparking water-slowly. Also, pile your plate high with veggies and salad and eat slowly. I just had a Thanksgiving dinner last night and that worked great. When the dessert got pushed on me I took a few bites and slowly pushed the rest around. That was hard.

  • takingcareofus
    takingcareofus Posts: 68 Member
    Hi. How about "you've taken great care of me. It was so good and really so satisfying!"
    If someone keeps pushing, then you can start the broken record: "it was so satisfying."
    the next attempt:
    "I am so satisfied."
    Next attempt:
    "Thanks, but I'm really satisfied...."

    As for the comments, I hear you. How about hoping for the best while expecting and planning ahead anticipating the worst?
  • ismailosman904
    ismailosman904 Posts: 4 Member
    The hardest thing I find being in a relationship is myself tracking calories and macros, and my partner wanting to go out to eat make dinner etc. In these situations I try to leave myself heaps of free cals If I know im going to families place for dinner but after you make your stance know the same discouragers should respect your eating habits.
  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
    aggelikik wrote:
    You could always start being rude first ;)
    - Oh Aunt Anna, you have put on sooo much weight since I last saw you, are you sure you have not developed diabetes? Put that pie down right now, you do not want to have a stroke right now do you?
    - Cousin John, NOOOO do not eat this! You already had so much, I am soooo worried about you, will you promise to get a check-up with your dr and discuss your cholesterol?

    It will not make you very popular but it might be fun ;) Limit the comments to your least favourite and most annoying relatives.
    I like this idea,
    but move it down in the list, after
    "no thanks, I'm fine"
    "thank you for your concern"
    "my appetite is satisfied"
    "my doctor is happy with my health"
    etc.

    If they object, you could point out that what you're doing is no more rude than what they're doing,
    and offer that you'll stop if they will.

    Also, realize that their actions say a lot more about them than about you.
    Admittedly, this does take a certain amount of detachment, which is hard to do with family, and hard
    to do when you're annoyed.
    They're all fat.
    They see you getting healthy.
    It's threatening to them & their self-image ("this is just the way I am, can't change it").
  • overw8gosk8
    overw8gosk8 Posts: 457 Member
    robertw486 wrote: »
    I'm blunt. So it's a good thing the people I deal with don't act like that. I'd tell a family member to take a hike in a second if they were that rude, especially if they were the overweight ones doing it.

    I am also blunt. If you tell them what's up they usually leave you alone. If not, start giving them a nutritional break down of what's in that pie they're eating. :)
  • HippySkoppy
    HippySkoppy Posts: 725 Member
    Ah this sounds familiar....family gatherings where suddenly someone who has broken from the norm ie "overweight family" comparing themselves to someone closer to a healthy weight...then unfortunately you become the centre of their attention for all the wrong reasons.

    There have been some awesome coping/deflecting strategies suggested on here and I hope that you get the chance to employ some or all at some stage and they work for you.

    For what it is worth I'll pop up my hand here and say that while my Mum was alive and I still had contact with my sibling, meals with them were always focused on me and what I was or was not eating at the time......I could NEVER please them no matter what....so eventually rather than tie myself in knots over the ordeal I stopped going there when eating was involved and limited contact in general.

    I realize that this is really a "last resort".....but if it is getting you down, it may be time to re-evaluate whether this is working for or against you and the goals you seek.

    It amazes me how common this problem is.....how common it is for others to really cross personal boundaries.....and if you still have contact with them maybe developing a thicker skin (I mean this with no disrespect to you), where you are prepared for this topic to be raised may help deflect some of the sting.

    I wish you all the best.....especially as you come into the season of festivities where a lot of focus is on food.
  • AnvilHead
    AnvilHead Posts: 18,343 Member
    Just reply "If I wanted to look like you, I'd eat like you." That should cut it off pretty quickly.
  • OliverMol
    OliverMol Posts: 46 Member
    My ex had this ting which seemed highly effective!
    It wasnt for ood as they were al sporty. But replyin with making an annoying mimicking voice and then immediately laughing it off, seemed to help in arguments. They fought less.
  • OliverMol
    OliverMol Posts: 46 Member
    Ood=food
  • OliverMol
    OliverMol Posts: 46 Member
    takingcareofus wrote: »
    Hi. How about "you've taken great care of me. It was so good and really so satisfying!"
    If someone keeps pushing, then you can start the broken record: "it was so satisfying."
    the next attempt:
    "I am so satisfied."
    Next attempt:
    "Thanks, but I'm really satisfied...."

    As for the comments, I hear you. How about hoping for the best while expecting and planning ahead anticipating the worst?

    While I use this as well I feel my descicion fatigue kicking in. People might tease you with this just to be right in other areas. I think, also add a question yourself. E.g. "wont you eat a little less?"

  • ginagee48
    ginagee48 Posts: 6 Member
    ghouli wrote: »
    My entire family is all pretty much overweight or obese. At my lowest weight (around 140...I'm at 152 right now but the same size I was back then, go figure) I got a lot of comments from my family "oh you're too thin you need to eat more you're going to blow away in the wind" etc etc. I wasn't even thin, but anyone who isn't overweight is "too skinny" to them. We aren't having a big family thing for Thanksgiving, but we will be for Christmas and I'm dreading getting those kind of comments and them trying to shove food down my throat (I mean, I eat obviously lol but "portion control" isn't something they think highly of).

    If you have to deal with similar situations, how do you get people off your back without being super rude about it?

    Feel sorry for them because they arent going to reach thier goals discouraging you smile be happy because your achieving thier not x
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
    Ignore and keep your distance. Remember if you stick around you enable them to continue.
  • ghouli
    ghouli Posts: 207 Member
    Thanks everyone for your great replies, I'll keep an arsenal of all your ideas at the back of my mind when ye olde family gathering comes around. It's just so irritating that there are people, family or not, who will try to make you taking control of your body and getting healthy, into a negative thing. Wish everyone could just encourage each other to reach their goals instead. That's why I like the MFP community so much, encouragement around every corner and it feels really nice when you don't really have people IRL to offer that :)

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