How do you deal with people discouraging you?

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  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
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    aggelikik wrote:
    You could always start being rude first ;)
    - Oh Aunt Anna, you have put on sooo much weight since I last saw you, are you sure you have not developed diabetes? Put that pie down right now, you do not want to have a stroke right now do you?
    - Cousin John, NOOOO do not eat this! You already had so much, I am soooo worried about you, will you promise to get a check-up with your dr and discuss your cholesterol?

    It will not make you very popular but it might be fun ;) Limit the comments to your least favourite and most annoying relatives.
    I like this idea,
    but move it down in the list, after
    "no thanks, I'm fine"
    "thank you for your concern"
    "my appetite is satisfied"
    "my doctor is happy with my health"
    etc.

    If they object, you could point out that what you're doing is no more rude than what they're doing,
    and offer that you'll stop if they will.

    Also, realize that their actions say a lot more about them than about you.
    Admittedly, this does take a certain amount of detachment, which is hard to do with family, and hard
    to do when you're annoyed.
    They're all fat.
    They see you getting healthy.
    It's threatening to them & their self-image ("this is just the way I am, can't change it").
  • overw8gosk8
    overw8gosk8 Posts: 457 Member
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    robertw486 wrote: »
    I'm blunt. So it's a good thing the people I deal with don't act like that. I'd tell a family member to take a hike in a second if they were that rude, especially if they were the overweight ones doing it.

    I am also blunt. If you tell them what's up they usually leave you alone. If not, start giving them a nutritional break down of what's in that pie they're eating. :)
  • HippySkoppy
    HippySkoppy Posts: 725 Member
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    Ah this sounds familiar....family gatherings where suddenly someone who has broken from the norm ie "overweight family" comparing themselves to someone closer to a healthy weight...then unfortunately you become the centre of their attention for all the wrong reasons.

    There have been some awesome coping/deflecting strategies suggested on here and I hope that you get the chance to employ some or all at some stage and they work for you.

    For what it is worth I'll pop up my hand here and say that while my Mum was alive and I still had contact with my sibling, meals with them were always focused on me and what I was or was not eating at the time......I could NEVER please them no matter what....so eventually rather than tie myself in knots over the ordeal I stopped going there when eating was involved and limited contact in general.

    I realize that this is really a "last resort".....but if it is getting you down, it may be time to re-evaluate whether this is working for or against you and the goals you seek.

    It amazes me how common this problem is.....how common it is for others to really cross personal boundaries.....and if you still have contact with them maybe developing a thicker skin (I mean this with no disrespect to you), where you are prepared for this topic to be raised may help deflect some of the sting.

    I wish you all the best.....especially as you come into the season of festivities where a lot of focus is on food.
  • AnvilHead
    AnvilHead Posts: 18,344 Member
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    Just reply "If I wanted to look like you, I'd eat like you." That should cut it off pretty quickly.
  • OliverMol
    OliverMol Posts: 46 Member
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    My ex had this ting which seemed highly effective!
    It wasnt for ood as they were al sporty. But replyin with making an annoying mimicking voice and then immediately laughing it off, seemed to help in arguments. They fought less.
  • OliverMol
    OliverMol Posts: 46 Member
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    Ood=food
  • OliverMol
    OliverMol Posts: 46 Member
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    takingcareofus wrote: »
    Hi. How about "you've taken great care of me. It was so good and really so satisfying!"
    If someone keeps pushing, then you can start the broken record: "it was so satisfying."
    the next attempt:
    "I am so satisfied."
    Next attempt:
    "Thanks, but I'm really satisfied...."

    As for the comments, I hear you. How about hoping for the best while expecting and planning ahead anticipating the worst?

    While I use this as well I feel my descicion fatigue kicking in. People might tease you with this just to be right in other areas. I think, also add a question yourself. E.g. "wont you eat a little less?"

  • ginagee48
    ginagee48 Posts: 6 Member
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    ghouli wrote: »
    My entire family is all pretty much overweight or obese. At my lowest weight (around 140...I'm at 152 right now but the same size I was back then, go figure) I got a lot of comments from my family "oh you're too thin you need to eat more you're going to blow away in the wind" etc etc. I wasn't even thin, but anyone who isn't overweight is "too skinny" to them. We aren't having a big family thing for Thanksgiving, but we will be for Christmas and I'm dreading getting those kind of comments and them trying to shove food down my throat (I mean, I eat obviously lol but "portion control" isn't something they think highly of).

    If you have to deal with similar situations, how do you get people off your back without being super rude about it?

    Feel sorry for them because they arent going to reach thier goals discouraging you smile be happy because your achieving thier not x
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
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    Ignore and keep your distance. Remember if you stick around you enable them to continue.
  • ghouli
    ghouli Posts: 207 Member
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    Thanks everyone for your great replies, I'll keep an arsenal of all your ideas at the back of my mind when ye olde family gathering comes around. It's just so irritating that there are people, family or not, who will try to make you taking control of your body and getting healthy, into a negative thing. Wish everyone could just encourage each other to reach their goals instead. That's why I like the MFP community so much, encouragement around every corner and it feels really nice when you don't really have people IRL to offer that :)
  • Psychgrrl
    Psychgrrl Posts: 3,177 Member
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    It's about them and their issues, it's not really about you. It's always easier to take those frustrations out on someone else than admit you need to change yourself. Please try and keep that in mind. "It's not really about me." Chant that in your head, it'll make things easier. Don't make their issue your problem. :blush:
  • GaleHawkins
    GaleHawkins Posts: 8,160 Member
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    ghouli wrote: »
    My entire family is all pretty much overweight or obese. At my lowest weight (around 140...I'm at 152 right now but the same size I was back then, go figure) I got a lot of comments from my family "oh you're too thin you need to eat more you're going to blow away in the wind" etc etc. I wasn't even thin, but anyone who isn't overweight is "too skinny" to them. We aren't having a big family thing for Thanksgiving, but we will be for Christmas and I'm dreading getting those kind of comments and them trying to shove food down my throat (I mean, I eat obviously lol but "portion control" isn't something they think highly of).

    If you have to deal with similar situations, how do you get people off your back without being super rude about it?

    @ghouli being a much older guy I can relate to what @robertw486 stated. :)

    Keep up your good work to be healthy. I know people who did not manage diet when younger who will likely wind up in a nursing home obese with both feet sawed off, blind and without functioning mental capacity.

    I encourage everyone not to wait like I did and try to reverse health loss but to change eating lifestyles to prevent the loss of good health early in life.

    Best of success though the holiday season and all of 2016.

  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    When you grab a plate, make sure you spread out the food as much as possible to fill the plate (mash potatoes? spread them out, salad, meat, etc.) This makes it look like a lot of food, without literally "piling it on" your plate.

    Another technique I use is the 1st round, I grab a little bit of food, then I will go up again (which would total about 1 plate worth of food). This helps with the whole "Grab seconds!".

    Another technique is the "I am sick" technique. Make it appear like you are not feeling to well..or you have stomach pains, or you have a bad headache just before/during supper. If you are not well, usually people leave you a lone.

    Or you can just be straight up and tell them "no, I am full."

    Another option is to leave the room after your plate. Go to the bathroom and wait for like 10-15 mins. Usually then people are done supper and onto dessert. If you want dessert - go for it...or just say you are very full. You can also use the "maybe in a bit" technique. Basically just say "I am SOOoOoOo full right now, I will have a piece in a bit." Defer the conversation and then usually the relative will forget about it.

    I know around the holidays, food consumption is BRUTAL. Unfortunately, our culture designed celebrations around massive meals and eating in excess. Along with all the chocolate and desserts, which are a temptation in and of itself. Hosts tend to watch what/how much people are eating (I do not understand why?)...well at least that is true with my families.

    Make sure you workout the day of and the day after. Collect some alloted calories through out the week and ALWAYS drink as much water as you can! :D Remember though, that these techniques can help - dont be too harsh on yourself. It is the holidays, and usually a few days of "relaxed eating" can be helpful in the long run (dont deprive yourself!)
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    jgnatca wrote: »
    Pour yourself a glass of sparkling water and never let it leave your hand. Refill with tap water if necessary. "No, I'm good," can be a standard answer. I also position myself so I can't be cornered. Stay standing and know where the exits are.

    Ahhh this is a very good technique! I am a very fast consumer of food, so often while everyone else is eating - I am already done. If I slowed right down...and didnt finish until everyone else is on dessert..usually seconds wouldn't be offered. Also using water to fill in that time would be excellent!

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