I binge eat: Paraphrasing my story. I just need help.

When I was 16 my max weight was 150lbs and I was 5'2. I decided I wanted to change so it took me about 4 or 5 months to get down to 112lbs. I did a stationary bike along with other cardio and strength training. I started out by cutting soda completely out of my diet. Then the more I lost the more addicted I got to seeing the scale drop 1lbs-2lbs in a DAY (not everyday though).
Why was it dropping so fast? Well around 125lbs I started to starve myself and I ate myself 'thin' to 112lbs. I didn't continue this for a few reasons:
1) My family constantly picked on me for being 'too thin' and this hurt what little self esteem I had. It was mostly my mother's words that hurt me. I felt mocked for wanting to look good, be healthy and not eat crap.
2) I was getting sick around 115lbs because I refused to eat. But I knew I needed to change, so I stopped that foolishness.

So I stayed 112 for about a week and slowly over the next few years I began to pack on the weight again. In fact, it took only about a year to get back to around 145lbs. For the longest time I didn't care because I'm kind of a 'shut in'. But about 6 or 8 months ago I wanted to change AGAIN.

Here I am almost 21. My weight loss started out fine. I ate very low carbs, high fat and moderate protein. (The first time I started my weight loss journey when I was 16, I didn't do as strict of a diet. I still ate some fast food and was able to still really lose weight. Now I can't seem to even look at carbs without gaining.)
It was around 123lbs that I started to not care anymore. I'm VERY pear shape with large disgusting thighs, big butt that won't shape up no matter what I do, flabby arms, bloated/fatty stomach and love handles. I started to feel defeated because I had been doing extreme cardio and weight lifting but nothing made me look good. So I ate myself up to 130 again, and have since then lost a few pounds here and there but my weight stays around 130lbs because every time I lose, I end up gaining it back in a few days.

I binge eat like a starving child. I can't stop getting emotional comfort from food. I feel like the only way for me to lose weight is to either eat nothing (which I can't do because I learned the first time) or go back to eating low carbs which does work but only for a little while. Why? Because I start to feel anxiety like I'm not getting the food I want. Plus another good point for me to make is that I plain just hate my body. No matter how hard I work it just doesn't seem to make me look any better.
I have lost pretty much all motivation and I can't build up any because I don't feel I'm worth it. Especially when I feel like if I reach my goal of 100lbs it'll all be in vain because I won't look any better.


I'm tired of feeling like I need to eat constantly. I'm tired of not looking like I want to. Does anyone have any clue how to fix the mindset of binge eating? Or anything to suggest to help me to get started back on track?

Thanks.