I binge eat: Paraphrasing my story. I just need help.


When I was 16 my max weight was 150lbs and I was 5'2. I decided I wanted to change so it took me about 4 or 5 months to get down to 112lbs. I did a stationary bike along with other cardio and strength training. I started out by cutting soda completely out of my diet. Then the more I lost the more addicted I got to seeing the scale drop 1lbs-2lbs in a DAY (not everyday though).
Why was it dropping so fast? Well around 125lbs I started to starve myself and I ate myself 'thin' to 112lbs. I didn't continue this for a few reasons:
1) My family constantly picked on me for being 'too thin' and this hurt what little self esteem I had. It was mostly my mother's words that hurt me. I felt mocked for wanting to look good, be healthy and not eat crap.
2) I was getting sick around 115lbs because I refused to eat. But I knew I needed to change, so I stopped that foolishness.

So I stayed 112 for about a week and slowly over the next few years I began to pack on the weight again. In fact, it took only about a year to get back to around 145lbs. For the longest time I didn't care because I'm kind of a 'shut in'. But about 6 or 8 months ago I wanted to change AGAIN.

Here I am almost 21. My weight loss started out fine. I ate very low carbs, high fat and moderate protein. (The first time I started my weight loss journey when I was 16, I didn't do as strict of a diet. I still ate some fast food and was able to still really lose weight. Now I can't seem to even look at carbs without gaining.)
It was around 123lbs that I started to not care anymore. I'm VERY pear shape with large disgusting thighs, big butt that won't shape up no matter what I do, flabby arms, bloated/fatty stomach and love handles. I started to feel defeated because I had been doing extreme cardio and weight lifting but nothing made me look good. So I ate myself up to 130 again, and have since then lost a few pounds here and there but my weight stays around 130lbs because every time I lose, I end up gaining it back in a few days.

I binge eat like a starving child. I can't stop getting emotional comfort from food. I feel like the only way for me to lose weight is to either eat nothing (which I can't do because I learned the first time) or go back to eating low carbs which does work but only for a little while. Why? Because I start to feel anxiety like I'm not getting the food I want. Plus another good point for me to make is that I plain just hate my body. No matter how hard I work it just doesn't seem to make me look any better.
I have lost pretty much all motivation and I can't build up any because I don't feel I'm worth it. Especially when I feel like if I reach my goal of 100lbs it'll all be in vain because I won't look any better.


I'm tired of feeling like I need to eat constantly. I'm tired of not looking like I want to. Does anyone have any clue how to fix the mindset of binge eating? Or anything to suggest to help me to get started back on track?

Thanks.

Replies

  • achocolateaffair
    achocolateaffair Posts: 60 Member
    I would try Overeaters Anonymous if they have meetings in your area. The "one day at a time" has proven to be very effective in all kinds of areas and the program will address emotional eating! What have you got to lose?
  • fiddletime
    fiddletime Posts: 1,868 Member
    You might want to talk to your doctor about this. Since you never seem to like how you look that might be an issue that you could use some professional help to deal with, especially before you try to go to 100 pounds, which is a very low weight for 5'2".
  • nolta55
    nolta55 Posts: 3 Member
    Wow.... This sounds so much like my story. I am 22 and not happy with the weight I'm at. I go back and forth between wanting to lose it and be back around 110 where I feel comfortable and then feeling like I shouldn't restrict myself but then I end up binging. I don't know why I eat like I'm starving and I can't seem to slow down eating or figure out how to eat less or at least in moderation. Maybe we could try to keep each other accountable or something? It's so exhausting though... I wish i was one of those people that didn't think about eating and food all of the time!
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
    Work on self-comfort with DBT and Yoga.
    http://dbtselfhelp.com/html/holidays.html
  • Mallybear2020
    Mallybear2020 Posts: 82 Member
    I would try Overeaters Anonymous if they have meetings in your area. The "one day at a time" has proven to be very effective in all kinds of areas and the program will address emotional eating! What have you got to lose?

    Yeah, I thought about that. There's a deeper issue going on.
  • Mallybear2020
    Mallybear2020 Posts: 82 Member
    edited November 2015
    nolta55 wrote: »
    Wow.... This sounds so much like my story. I am 22 and not happy with the weight I'm at. I go back and forth between wanting to lose it and be back around 110 where I feel comfortable and then feeling like I shouldn't restrict myself but then I end up binging. I don't know why I eat like I'm starving and I can't seem to slow down eating or figure out how to eat less or at least in moderation. Maybe we could try to keep each other accountable or something? It's so exhausting though... I wish i was one of those people that didn't think about eating and food all of the time!

    Well maybe we could pm back and forth and talk about our issues. I really don't want to add a bunch of people atm.
  • fkwan
    fkwan Posts: 28 Member
    Here I am almost 21. My weight loss started out fine. I ate very low carbs, high fat and moderate protein. (The first time I started my weight loss journey when I was 16, I didn't do as strict of a diet. I still ate some fast food and was able to still really lose weight. Now I can't seem to even look at carbs without gaining.)
    It was around 123lbs that I started to not care anymore. I'm VERY pear shape with large disgusting thighs, big butt that won't shape up no matter what I do, flabby arms, bloated/fatty stomach and love handles. I started to feel defeated because I had been doing extreme cardio and weight lifting but nothing made me look good. So I ate myself up to 130 again, and have since then lost a few pounds here and there but my weight stays around 130lbs because every time I lose, I end up gaining it back in a few days.

    There's three issues here. The first is unfortunately the fact that carbs are addictive. They're not purely physiologically addictive like alcohol, but they are emotionally and trigger the reward center in the brain. You have to say goodbye to lots of carbs until you reach your goal weight, at least. Since you know that high carb foods are triggers, you can't "eat just one". That means, while you are losing weight, no triggers in the house. Get used to looking at the triggers elsewhere and say, "I can't eat that". As long as you keep away from the triggers, you will succeed.

    When you reach your goal weight, you will have to significantly reduce the portions of trigger foods or have one cheat day a week and log everything.
    I binge eat like a starving child. I can't stop getting emotional comfort from food. I feel like the only way for me to lose weight is to either eat nothing (which I can't do because I learned the first time) or go back to eating low carbs which does work but only for a little while. Why? Because I start to feel anxiety like I'm not getting the food I want. Plus another good point for me to make is that I plain just hate my body. No matter how hard I work it just doesn't seem to make me look any better.
    I have lost pretty much all motivation and I can't build up any because I don't feel I'm worth it. Especially when I feel like if I reach my goal of 100lbs it'll all be in vain because I won't look any better.

    Food is a drug. It's something from which most people DO obtain comfort. There's no getting around it. I binged all my life (I'm 60) and just recently stopped. I finally understood "the high was not worth the pain." For example, I had arthritis type joint pain for years. Since going low carb vegan, the pain completely stopped. (Obviously the weight loss helped with less pressure on the joints, but still.)
    I'm tired of feeling like I need to eat constantly. I'm tired of not looking like I want to. Does anyone have any clue how to fix the mindset of binge eating? Or anything to suggest to help me to get started back on track?

    Thanks.

    This is a psychological issue that will not be helped by diet. Unfortunately (that word again) it usually arrives, if ever, with maturity. It's just saying No to a culture that values the superficial, the thin and the beautiful. It's saying, I am who I am, I accept who I am, and the rest of the planet can go hang.

    This is me. Won't win any contests, but I'm healthier than I've ever been in my life. Begone, Tastykake Krimpets, hello salad. Because, as they used to say on TV, I'm worth it.
    jdt7bmoydnnd.jpg



  • Mallybear2020
    Mallybear2020 Posts: 82 Member
    @fkwan I have to say, your words are very inspirational. Why'd you go vegan?
    Btw your arms look killer awesome!
  • Mallybear2020
    Mallybear2020 Posts: 82 Member
    I'm also in a situation where all we can afford is pretty much carb heavy foods. Even with me trying to lose weight I'm still told that I shouldn't do this.
    My family isn't big on weight loss or eating healthy. So it makes it hard to be the only one that cares and to have myself as the only supporter.

    I've lost around 15lbs so far and maintained it for a while, I'm ready to lose more and maintain it one step at a time.
  • Howdoyoufeeltoday
    Howdoyoufeeltoday Posts: 481 Member
    Read "brain over binge" by Kathryn Hansen. Might help you get a better understanding of how the brain works after a long period of severe restriction.
  • Mallybear2020
    Mallybear2020 Posts: 82 Member
    Read "brain over binge" by Kathryn Hansen. Might help you get a better understanding of how the brain works after a long period of severe restriction.

    Oh that sounds like a really good idea. Thanks @Howdoyoufeeltoday
  • fkwan
    fkwan Posts: 28 Member
    @fkwan I have to say, your words are very inspirational. Why'd you go vegan?
    Btw your arms look killer awesome!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32IDVdgmzKA
    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/undercover-slaughterhouse-video-pigs_5643995be4b08cda348724c3

    Glad I could help. I have so been there.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    I couldn't read past the" carbs make you gain weight part" ( in order to gain weight ,one must be eating at a calorie surplus . it comes down to calories ) eat at a calorie surplus- gain weight
    Eat at a calorie deficit - lose weight
  • Mallybear2020
    Mallybear2020 Posts: 82 Member
    @fkwan Oh wow? Graphic video there. I know this is a weird question, but I'm honestly curious. If it's already dead....what's the issue? Is it just about not supporting how the meat was given to us because of animal cruelty?