The Grief of losing a parent

I haven't been through what you have been through but when I get go through tough times I just try to take it day by day. If I have a bad day I just try to make the next day better even if it isnt my best. I am sorry for your loss! I couldn't even imagine what your are going through! Feel free to add me!

I'm so sorry for your loss. I too lost my father this year, in April. He lived with us as well, and I was amazed at how hard it hit me. I truly didn't expect it to destroy my ability to look after myself properly. I started eating gallons of ice cream and skipping the gym. Right now, 6 months later, I am slowly getting some of myself back. I've started getting the regular gym trips done by committing to my MSP friends the day before that I will go, and asking them to check that I did. That way, I have to make excuses not to, which I don't like. As far as the overeating (another surprise, I really had my diet in hand by then), that will also just take time. It was only a few weeks ago for you. Be kind to yourself, and let what happens happen. You'll know when you are ready, and in the meantime, don't feel guilty about anything that you feel or do. Being alone would be tough. I think you need to conciously be your own best friend, and find some things you enjoy to do with any spare time you have. Small things, if you don't have much time. Deliberately stop to look at something pretty if you see something, or to savour a happy moment when one happens. I started a photo file of things that brought me joy, flowers, sunsets, the cat. Anything to bring the joy back to your world. Good luck, and message me also if you just want to talk.

I am so sorry for your loss...it is not easy I know. I lost both my parents and my older sister with in 4 years of each other. The only advice I can give is take care of yourself....the loss will try and consume you..and there will be days it succeeds and that's OK. But the days you manage better than others take care of you....

So sorry for your loss. I am no help advice wise. My mom is currently battling brain cancer. They have stopped her treatment and hospice has been referred. I am so lost. Ive dealt with emotional roller coaster of feelings and have put on a good 20 lbs. I am just getting back to mfp and trying to channel my crappy feelings into some sort of motivation to try and get back to a little bit of a healthy place myself. Wishing you the best of luck. Again sorry very sorry for your loss.

sorry for your loss...i lost my dad two years ago December 12 and i think about him every day. my dad had a myriad of health issues which started back when he was about my age and culminated in his untimely passing at the ripe old age of 62. some things that helped me...

- taking time for myself and giving myself a "break"...i.e. no need to beat myself up over things
- grief counseling...this helped big time
- letting myself cry and grieve and feel pain rather than suppressing it

as far as my health and fitness were concerned, my dad was really proud of what i had accomplished in tackling many of the same issues that were popping up for me at about the same age...when he was my age, he basically did nothing to address these issues...he was really proud that i had gotten my *kitten* together and was taking care of myself. one thing that really kept me going in this regard was not wanting to let him down...i knew that to keep on keepin' on would make him one proud papa and it was the least i could do in his memory.

many of his complications were due to his type II diabetes and i decided then and there that i would become an advocate for fighting this disease anyway i could. i had just started cycling a bit and decided to sign up for the american heart association tour de cure diabetes fund raiser ride...i trained for months and raised quite a bit of money and road in his memory and wore a picture of him on my jersey. i wept at various times throughout the ride...like i could feel him with me and i could feel his pride in what i was doing.

in training for the ride i developed a passion for cycling and have participated in a number of events since then...and i always think of dad when i'm on my bike...and he is always with me.

My mom died a few years ago from cancer right after Christmas. It was a huge blow and left a giant hole. It took time to start to feel okay/normal. During the first year I probably cried every day. I felt angry and guilty about continuing on as normal... lots of regrets. It changed my relationships with my dad completely and that was hard. My siblings became more distant. Other family members I got to know a bit better. I lost interest in some things. It was hard to think about my weight so I didn't for awhile.

Find someone you can talk to- friend, family member, support group or therapist. Don't eat your feelings or pretend you are fine. Plant a garden. Meditate. Clean. Do art. Exercise. Music was helpful to me when I was feeling bad. Do what you can and give yourself time to heal.

It has been 4 years. I think about my mom every day still. It doesn't hurt now when I think about her.
Last year I decided to lose weight and improve my health so I can enjoy the rest of my life better. My mom's health problems and the last few years of her life are a part of that new motivation.

Kelly_2013 wrote: »

My life has been rocked the past 2 months. Long story short in the beginning of October my father's doctor took blood work and it all unraveled. My father who was disabled (eye disease) and had been living with me for the past 10 or so years went into the ER with another infection is his foot... turns out he was then diagnosed with Leukemia. And within a month (on Nov 11th) my father took his last breath on earth. The time in the hospital wasn't good trying to get healthy along with the emotions of everything and now that he is gone I am utterly lost. I have good days and good moments but it's hard walking past his room and him not being there, my world has shifted and I'm not sure how to focus on getting healthy and losing the weight plus what I have gained during this time as well! I am driven to do so more so I can continue to live the life he would want me to have but I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that won't go away. My husband works the opposite schedule as me so being home alone and falling asleep alone gets to me. Being back to work and trying to get back into my normal routine hits me hard when I realize my "normal" routine will never be the same again... Anyone been through this that has any tips? Sorry if this seems long and confusing.

Yes...the "normal" of your routine will never be the same but that doesn't mean that you won't find a new "normal". After losing my husband...life changed for me and my children. It took a while but we finally found a new life...it wasn't bad...it was just different. We found newness in our lives and learned a new "normal".

Maybe finding a way to pay tribute to your dad through your daily life. Maybe during the holidays take socks or slippers to men in nursing homes. Find a way to honor how he led his life.

I lost my mother many years ago...I still miss her...I always will. Her memory stays alive however through how she led her life...her kindness, compassion and her sense of humor. Cherish your fathers memories...pass them on to future family members...

Just wanted to bump this up and say I'm thinking about you.

First of all, I am truly sorry to hear of your loss. Welcome to a club no one wants to be a member of

I lost my dad to RCC (kidney cancer) 5 years ago now, and I still think about him all the time. He was healthy, working full-time, a real social butterfly and then dead in three months. There was a huge simmering rift already within my family and he was the small bit of glue that kept us together. The family completely fractured after his death and I haven't spoken to most of them since.

That gnawing feeling in your stomach? It never goes away. But like a five pound weight strapped to your back, after a while it becomes such a part of you, you no longer remember what it felt like without it. I carry that weight with pride now; a small price to pay for having him as my dad

Definitely follow through with grief counselling, but don't be too hard on yourself right now. Sure, take some initiative to get healthy, enjoy life the way you know your father would want you too, but much like any advice you hear about making little changes and not just overhauling your whole life so you don't fall off the wagon that means evens more for you right now. Oh sure, it's not P90x or specifically for weight-loss/physical health but it's a huge lifestyle change nonetheless, so it counts, and you need to adapt to it first, take the other things you want to incorporate (or maintain them) in small doses, and increase only when you feel ready for another thing.
I'd say at this point focus on not turning to food for comfort, and try to keep movement a part of your day. I really wouldn't put much more on yourself just yet. You're working with a heart that has a flimsy scab at this point, give yourself some time to build a scar. (((hugs)))

I lost my mum unexpectedly ~6 years ago. It's the hardest thing I've ever been through. I can only recommend remembering that it does get better and easier to cope with as time goes on. Make sure you don't bottle up your feelings and emotions. Talking with other people helps a lot. And feel free to feel how you feel - don't feel bad for grieving differently to other people. It will be okay xxx

I can think of a few things that made his passing that much worse. You were close, he was part of your daily life and routine, and he was taken unexpectedly. There's a big hole where he was and that just doesn't just fade away in a month. What a privilege that he lived his life in such a way that he could be so missed.

Instead of weight loss, which may feel like just another burden right now, how about focusing on those things (love the suggestion up-thread to find joy in the little things!) that give you happiness, comfort, and joy?

My mom passed away from cancer on Thanksgiving; so it's been a little over 2 weeks. I've really pushed myself to "get back to normal" as quickly as possible. It isn't the same normal, but it is a new normal that will eventually feel normal (in time). Going to the gym helps keep my mind occupied.

I can totally relate to your grief. I lost my father in Feb 2014 because of Leukemia as well. The time he got his diagnosis, it was already too late and doctors advised us that we should not try for any Chemotherapy or anything else because it will only make things worse for him. He had literally turned into a skeleton. He had lost his eye vision earlier due to a cataract surgery (which went wrong due to a doctor's negligence).
I live in States and my family lives in Pakistan and I had plans to visit Pakistan in March 2014 and got the news of his death on 20th Feb, 2014. I'm still trying to overcome with the pain he went through.
I guess losing a parent is a loss that you can never get over with. It will be with you for the rest of your life. May God (Allah) give you patience ...