I'm A Dieting Failure

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robingmurphy
robingmurphy Posts: 349 Member
in Motivation and Support
I fail at this all the time. I can read a couple message boards or diet books and really work up my enthusiasm for eating well and losing the extra weight, and I can get really into planning my meals, tracking what I'm eating, and adhering to a healthy 1600 diet. It feels great! My body feels better right away because I'm eating less crap and not overfeeding it. I start to feel really confident and light. I can go on like that for a while - as long as it's my normal schedule and I'm in control of my food. And then after a week or two, something happens - my boyfriend takes me out to dinner, or I go to a holiday party, or just something really stressful happens. And I want to be able to include fun dinners out with my boyfriend in my life! And I want to be able to eat some of the dessert he loves to share with me! I want to be able to sample the holiday cookies my friend brought to the party! Those things are important to me for emotional reasons, and I want them to be part of my life. But then I go off the rails and overeat. It's impossible to plan for what will be available, and I inevitably feel like that's an opportunity to indulge in the moment, and I eat way more than my calorie allowance. Every time. And then I feel awful. It's usually a weekend and I'm busy so I don't have time to plan my next day's meals and besides I feel like I've already messed it up, so I should just start again Monday. So then the next day is a dietary disaster too. I've reignited my sugar and overeating addiction, and lost my motivation. In that moment, I just don't WANT to figure out calories and stick to them again. I promise myself I'll fix it Monday. And then Monday comes (today!) and I'm a little stressed and maybe didn't prepare as well as I should, and I'm kind of on a sugar binge after the weekend, and I find myself eating some of those candies sitting out in a bowl - and they're kind of nice, giving me a little boost in the midafternoon slump on a cold, overcast day - so I eat a bunch more! But now I've had three days of overeating and I feel like I've blown it - AND Christmas is coming and next weekend I'll be baking cookies with the kids. I'm finding myself thinking "Maybe I should just wait until after New Years" to try again . . . . ugh, help! This is how I always fail! How do I regain that sense of motivation and dedication I had only a week ago!

Replies

  • cafeaulait7
    cafeaulait7 Posts: 2,459 Member
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    Take smaller steps and have them apply every moment, seriously. So always ask yourself if there is a lower-cal alternative or if you can do 10 minutes of jogging in place, etc. I don't really mean every moment of the day, but every time the question comes up, do it and don't put anything off, ever!

    If you eat one less candy than you normally do, that's a win. If you add 2 minutes of jogging, that's a win. And do that sort of thing all the time. Go out to dinner and take 1/4 of the food home for later, or leave a few bites on the plate. It doesn't have to be perfect, but remind yourself to make it be a bit better than what you usually do :) After that works for a while, you'll feel like doing a bit more, because it's really not very hard done like that. Good luck!
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
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    Read up on cognitive distortion and all-or-nothing thinking. I think an 80/20 application where you eat according to plan 80% of the time will help you feel less like a failure.
  • avatiach
    avatiach Posts: 291 Member
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    Just commit to ONE thing every day. Maybe it is tracking, or avoiding alcohol. It could be different things on different days. But then you know you are successful at something and can feel good about that.
  • WinoGelato
    WinoGelato Posts: 13,454 Member
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    Perhaps it is because you are approaching this as a diet and not a lifestyle change? Dinners with your boyfriend are not going away, nor are birthdays, holidays, and other special events. You need to figure out an approach that allows you to celebrate those days and won't totally derail your progress. All those things you mentioned? Cookies, dessert, dinners out? I still ate those things all the time I was losing weight and now that I'm maintaining. You can work them into your plan, this doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing.
  • fivethreeone
    fivethreeone Posts: 8,196 Member
    edited December 2015
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    When I was a kid, I made all kinds of plans to run away from home. But there was always something that came up -- birthday parties, gymnastics lessons, summer camp. I was so focused on the beach trip coming up that I never did manage to escape past the end of my block.


    I think we all know what the lesson is here.
  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
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    jgnatca wrote: »
    Read up on cognitive distortion and all-or-nothing thinking. I think an 80/20 application where you eat according to plan 80% of the time will help you feel less like a failure.

    This. I usually end up going over my goal about one day a week, for the type of reasons you mentioned. Sometimes you can't plan what food will be available or sometimes you just really want to enjoy something extra, like sharing dessert with your boyfriend. It happens! And it's totally okay. The only way it becomes not okay is when you decide you've ruined all your progress and just give up, which seems to be the problem you're having.

    This isn't a diet, it's a lifestyle change. You need to learn to eat healthy in a way that suits your lifestyle. That probably means not sticking to your plan 100% of the time. But you'll learn that as long as you stick to the plan most of the time, the little slip-ups don't matter in the long run.

    (And if you like numbers... remember that if you're set to lose 1lb a week, that's approximately a 3500 calorie weekly deficit. So say you go a few hundred over your goal one day... you're still far under your weekly deficit. You're still going to lose weight. You're fine.)
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    Welcome to humanity, and the great wonderful world of "You are NORMAL!" Unfortunately, what that means is: Humans are imperfect beings, and as such, will stumble. It is a certainty. It is not if, but when. Something happens at work that stresses you out, or you go to the holiday party that has the goodies you just can't pass up....

    The #1 thing in the "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" book is "Make Peace with Imperfection." There are always things you can do to reduce the damage that can come from going to parties. Before you go, have a lot of protein, since it's pretty much a certainty that whatever is served at the party will be carb's. Protein will fill you up and last longer, which would hopefully deter the amount of "damage done" at a party.

    Always focus on the protein. If you're going out to dinner, have a steak and something like green beans, that way you an afford a few bites of the dessert. I know the bread at Outback is great - but if you can limit to only one small slice or have the waiter not bring it to the table then all the better. I'll tell the people I'm with to move it to the opposite side of the table from where I am.

    There are ways to make things liveable for you and not seem like you're in a prison not able to eat anything yummy.
  • edean331
    edean331 Posts: 60 Member
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    Little steps is great advice! And think about it ahead of time, smaller portions, eat slower, don't take a serving of something you don't like just to be polite and you don't have to clean your plate!!! Clean your plate is a hard habit to break if you were raised like that, which I was. If someone offers you more say "no thanks, I'm already stuffed it was so delicious". One of the pressures of family holiday meals is that everyone is eating so much and you don't want to be rude. Also, pace yourself, know you'll possibly be eating for hours, so save some room
  • Derf_Smeggle
    Derf_Smeggle Posts: 611 Member
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    jgnatca wrote: »
    Read up on cognitive distortion and all-or-nothing thinking. I think an 80/20 application where you eat according to plan 80% of the time will help you feel less like a failure.
    This is the ticket. We are all human beings, and we all live in reality. This means we all have little ups and downs in life.

    Healthy eating and weight loss is all about the long game. You don't "mess up", or "fail", because you didn't hit your target for 1 or 2 days.

    My personal example is that I'm 8 weeks into keeping my good eating habits. The last week to 9 days of November I was fighting a cold. I ate over my goals by huge amounts for a week. Now I'm well, and eating near to my target again.

    Don't beat yourself up, OP.
  • michimcelroy
    michimcelroy Posts: 21 Member
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    Oh girl, you are not alone. I mean as you can see, many people jumped on this post. This just happened to me. I let all of the stresses in my life get to me at once and I just gave in. It is the worst thing you can do. That is what all of us are here for. We have to stick together and keep working hard. We have to think about our health and our families. Not only do we need to stay healthy for ourselves, we have to stay healthy for our families. They need us and we want to be able to stick around for a long time. I have high blood pressure in my kidneys. I am ok now, but what will happen if I continue the way I am now? I won't make it much past 30, I am sure of that. DON'T GIVE UP!!! You can do this! As difficult as it is, you have to.
  • Lovee_Dove7
    Lovee_Dove7 Posts: 742 Member
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    Check out my profile page and join my group. I can totally relate to what you just said! I did finally lose weight though and really changed my body.
  • scolaris
    scolaris Posts: 2,145 Member
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    Yeah, 80/20... It's the only thing that works for me. I lose weight slowly maybe, but I do lose weight. And I don't waste time beating myself up, which is tedious for everyone involved!
  • Highercalling
    Highercalling Posts: 15 Member
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    We have all failed at being healthy. And if you are like me you have made bad choices, BUT YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS. I have determined that I desire health more. I am tired of the hurting. I choose life and a healthy life at that. YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR WEIGHT!
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
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    Every time you fail, you are one step closer to success. This is because you have learned something more of what does not work for you. It's important to stop labeling your efforts good or bad. They are all experiments - some experiments work and some do not.

  • Soopatt
    Soopatt Posts: 563 Member
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    I have successfully lost weight all year and I go off the rails often. The big difference is how you view it. You just have to dust yourself off and get back on it. You would not quit a marriage after one fight and this is the same.

    Think of how resilient you used to be, when you trusted yourself more. Think of how as a child you learnt to walk, when the process required you to fall on your *kitten* over and over and over again before getting it right. It was the same with learning how to ride a bike or to swim. Kids keep at something, even if they are bad at it in the beginning. We forget how to do that as adults as we lose faith in our ability to learn a new skill. Eating properly for weight control is a new skill.

    Practical tips?
    Log ALL your excess calories and off days. ALL OF THEM. Hold yourself accountable and face up to it. You don't need to beat yourself up, but don't allow yourself to pretend it did not happen. Denial is not your friend.

    Keep an open diary on MFP. Just knowing that some people might glance at my diary and read that I ate a family size pizza often makes me choose not to have the pizza or to only have a small portion of it. If I do eat it, refer point 1 - I ALWAYS log it. Studies have shown that logging makes all the difference, which is why I keep on harping about it. This is key.

    When you are feeling tired, weak and demoralized - visit these forums. There are so many successful people here and many have faced the same challenges as you.

    Don't wait until the New Year - start now. There is no perfect time to start a new lifestyle and there will always be parties and celebrations. You can choose to maintain over December instead of lose - many are doing this - but I encourage you to embrace logging now and to not gloss over any excess eating in December. Pay attention to your body and see how it responds. Log for science and take the emotions out of it. Make it a non-negotiable habit.
  • scolaris
    scolaris Posts: 2,145 Member
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    All of the above is right on!
  • robingmurphy
    robingmurphy Posts: 349 Member
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    Thank you for all the advice! This is incredibly helpful. I am doing some research on cognitive dissonance now and how to counteract it. Thank you!

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