What do you think is the point of comments like this?
distinctlybeautiful
Posts: 1,041 Member
I was putting on rain pants over my pants, and my co-workers said something about them. I told them I'd gotten them from the lost and found when I used to work at a golf course, and one of them said, "yeah, that's what happens when you're small."
I started thinking about it later and have been wondering what was the point in saying it. I mean, I understand that she was saying it's unlikely for her to randomly come across clothes in her size, but the tone and inflection had the effect of making me feel slightly uncomfortable (and a little indignant - I shouldn't feel bad for being in a healthy weight range!).
What do you think? I think it may be relevant to say that she and the other co-worker are both very overweight.
I started thinking about it later and have been wondering what was the point in saying it. I mean, I understand that she was saying it's unlikely for her to randomly come across clothes in her size, but the tone and inflection had the effect of making me feel slightly uncomfortable (and a little indignant - I shouldn't feel bad for being in a healthy weight range!).
What do you think? I think it may be relevant to say that she and the other co-worker are both very overweight.
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Replies
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I think you may be hyper sensitive if you recently loss weight. I might not say something like that to a co-worker but I would to a friend or a family member. It actually is true. Either way, they called you small so it is a compliment. That is the way I would take it.0
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I think she's mad you got free clothes that they couldnt ... jealousy... not sure why that would make you feel bad... they were actually being complimentary I think0
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I'd either think nothing of it (it might be true) or feel complimented that she thought I was "small."0
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The tone is probably already because she is 'very overweight'. That's why she sounds bummed when she says that. It's not about you much at all, imho. It acknowledges you are small, but that's not a big deal by itself, surely.0
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distinctlybeautiful wrote: »I was putting on rain pants over my pants, and my co-workers said something about them. I told them I'd gotten them from the lost and found when I used to work at a golf course, and one of them said, "yeah, that's what happens when you're small."
I started thinking about it later and have been wondering what was the point in saying it. I mean, I understand that she was saying it's unlikely for her to randomly come across clothes in her size, but the tone and inflection had the effect of making me feel slightly uncomfortable (and a little indignant - I shouldn't feel bad for being in a healthy weight range!).
What do you think? I think it may be relevant to say that she and the other co-worker are both very overweight.
Maybe she was saying small people lose their clothes at golf courses and larger people don't.
It is a bizarre confusing comment.
I don't see why you would feel the slightest bit bad even if your co-workers are bitter about not finding random clothes in their size in lost and found boxes. Very few people of any size are going to go to a lost and found box and find pants that fit them perfectly. It has never happened to me at any size and probably never will. You were incredibly lucky I guess.0 -
Thanks, y'all. I'm not worried about it. I just think a lot and got curious about it. I guess it sounded more accusatory to me. And they're men's pants.. they're not cute, and they're way too long! They're rolled up and safety pinned at the bottom. Think a tamer version of parachute pants..0
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People say all kinds of stupid stuff to fill the silence. I wouldn't give it much thought.0
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I have always had smaller feet, when I was younger, I could get really cute shoes on clearance. Those with larger feet in a more common size 7 didn't have the same selection at the lower price. I never thought they were anything other than jealous.0
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Maybe she just meant that lots of us get too fat for our clothes and have to give them up, so people who stay an appropriate size luck out by getting to pick them up. It's not necessarily a hostile comment! Of course, I don't know what tone the remark was made in.0
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She's a debbie downer. I think I used to be like that.0
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distinctlybeautiful wrote: »I was putting on rain pants over my pants, and my co-workers said something about them. I told them I'd gotten them from the lost and found when I used to work at a golf course, and one of them said, "yeah, that's what happens when you're small."
I started thinking about it later and have been wondering what was the point in saying it. I mean, I understand that she was saying it's unlikely for her to randomly come across clothes in her size, but the tone and inflection had the effect of making me feel slightly uncomfortable (and a little indignant - I shouldn't feel bad for being in a healthy weight range!).
What do you think? I think it may be relevant to say that she and the other co-worker are both very overweight.
I don't know, I wasn't there. However, I've had people say similar things to me, and I usually just say thanks and change the conversation.0 -
i HATE when people tell me that I'm not fat too. i wish every rando I encounter would say how overweight i am.0
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I take every dumb thing as a compliment. Last summer I was at Ravinia and bummed a car ride home and was told "you're small, you can fit in the back" and felt really good about it even though I'm sure it was really because the person saying it wanted to ride in the front.0
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distinctlybeautiful wrote: »... and one of them said, "yeah, that's what happens when you're small."
I think I would have given them a great big grin and said, "Yep!"
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distinctlybeautiful wrote: »... and one of them said, "yeah, that's what happens when you're small."
I think I would have given them a great big grin and said, "Yep!"
I wish I had the nerve! It's like when people tell me I look tired.. my husband says I should say, "you too," but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet.
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Argggh she was using you to put herself down and maybe stick a little knife in while she did that.
Too many women think self-deprecation counts as conversation and/or needs to be heard by anyone. Everyone should just stop it.0 -
distinctlybeautiful wrote: »distinctlybeautiful wrote: »... and one of them said, "yeah, that's what happens when you're small."
I think I would have given them a great big grin and said, "Yep!"
I wish I had the nerve! It's like when people tell me I look tired.. my husband says I should say, "you too," but I haven't been able to bring myself to do it yet.
The ideal time to do it is just as you're walking out the door. Then they're the ones posting "What do you think is the point of comments like this?" on their favourite forum.
Anyway, their comment "yeah, that's what happens when you're small" just means, "I wish I were small". That's all. Another reply could be, "Thanks"
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You know what, next time she says something like that, just ask her - "Why would you say that?" Make her say it out loud.
Then, she has to either go on about herself - in which case you should say "You know, it sucks that you talk about yourself that way. I don't know if you're aware, but it's uncomfortable to hear." She can think whatever she wants, but why drag everyone into her internal monologue? Rude.
Or, she'll make a more explicitly jealous comment like "you're so [whatever, thin blah blah]". In which case you could say something like, "well, it's taken me a while to figure out what works for me, and it was the right time for me to do it". (Which is true for everyone who makes a big lifestyle change. Then maybe "Yes, I'm glad to have made progress, but you shouldn't let that bother you, it doesn't actually have anything to do with you. Everyone needs to do their own thing". Ok I've actually never said that to anyone but have wanted to many times, instead of gritting my teeth through a "thanks!" which also is ok.0 -
Argggh she was using you to put herself down and maybe stick a little knife in while she did that.
Too many women think self-deprecation counts as conversation and/or needs to be heard by anyone. Everyone should just stop it.
Wow. It seems to me you may be extrapolating your own experience onto the OP. Pretty intense.0 -
Argggh she was using you to put herself down and maybe stick a little knife in while she did that.
Too many women think self-deprecation counts as conversation and/or needs to be heard by anyone. Everyone should just stop it.
Wow. It seems to me you may be extrapolating your own experience onto the OP. Pretty intense.
No I'm just sick of hearing women put themselves down. It's a crappy way to talk to anyone and it's a crappy way to be.
http://gawker.com/amy-schumer-can-take-a-compliment-508230146
The video is no longer available anywhere, it's old. Or it's not available in my country, boo.0 -
Argggh she was using you to put herself down and maybe stick a little knife in while she did that.
Too many women think self-deprecation counts as conversation and/or needs to be heard by anyone. Everyone should just stop it.
Wow. It seems to me you may be extrapolating your own experience onto the OP. Pretty intense.
No I'm just sick of hearing women put themselves down. It's a crappy way to talk to anyone and it's a crappy way to be.
http://gawker.com/amy-schumer-can-take-a-compliment-508230146
The video is no longer available anywhere, it's old.
No thanks, don't care to read the link.
I don't see in this thread where any women are putting themselves down.
That said, You can't change other people's behavior, you can only choose how you will react and then choose whether to interact with them in the future (or not).
Unless we are totally closed off from the outside world, we will interact and sometimes people we (meaning if you're a normal person) say really dumb things. People aren't perfect. To me, the situation described by the OP sounds like one of those non-perfect moments where someone said something kind of dumb. 0 -
Argggh she was using you to put herself down and maybe stick a little knife in while she did that.
Too many women think self-deprecation counts as conversation and/or needs to be heard by anyone. Everyone should just stop it.
Wow. It seems to me you may be extrapolating your own experience onto the OP. Pretty intense.
No I'm just sick of hearing women put themselves down. It's a crappy way to talk to anyone and it's a crappy way to be.
http://gawker.com/amy-schumer-can-take-a-compliment-508230146
The video is no longer available anywhere, it's old.
No thanks, don't care to read the link.
I don't see in this thread where any women are putting themselves down.
That said, You can't change other people's behavior, you can only choose how you will react and then choose whether to interact with them in the future (or not).
Unless we are totally closed off from the outside world, we will interact and sometimes people we (meaning if you're a normal person) say really dumb things. People aren't perfect. To me, the situation described by the OP sounds like one of those non-perfect moments where someone said something kind of dumb.
Oh, ok, not interested, up to you.
Yeah, she said something dumb.
You can - I guess? - choose to *not* interact with your coworker, which would be strange, or you can ignore it and let them continue (which is what I usually do), or you can call their attention to their unthinking self-hatred and let them know it's not necessarily a suitable topic for public discussion, or particularly interesting (which is what I'd love to do).0 -
Because our culture thinks it's fine to skinny shame...it's all based in jealousy.0
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It's hard to tell without knowing the tone of voice. Like some people said: There are people who can't stand to say nothing.
Then there's also the possibility that they meant it in a flattering way. Or in a shaming way. Wow, 'how dare you have less weight than me!' or something.
Just forget about it. If they have a problem with you, they should tell you outright. A lot of times people who make snide comments only do it for your reaction. Usually this kind of people stop if they can't get anything out of you.0 -
I love my rain pants,,,, who cares what anyone thinks,,, do what you want....0
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jennifer_417 wrote: »Because our culture thinks it's fine to skinny shame...it's all based in jealousy.
How on earth is OP being shamed in this example?0 -
Argggh she was using you to put herself down and maybe stick a little knife in while she did that.
Too many women think self-deprecation counts as conversation and/or needs to be heard by anyone. Everyone should just stop it.
Wow. It seems to me you may be extrapolating your own experience onto the OP. Pretty intense.
No I'm just sick of hearing women put themselves down. It's a crappy way to talk to anyone and it's a crappy way to be.
http://gawker.com/amy-schumer-can-take-a-compliment-508230146
The video is no longer available anywhere, it's old.
No thanks, don't care to read the link.
I don't see in this thread where any women are putting themselves down.
That said, You can't change other people's behavior, you can only choose how you will react and then choose whether to interact with them in the future (or not).
Unless we are totally closed off from the outside world, we will interact and sometimes people we (meaning if you're a normal person) say really dumb things. People aren't perfect. To me, the situation described by the OP sounds like one of those non-perfect moments where someone said something kind of dumb.
Oh, ok, not interested, up to you.
Yeah, she said something dumb.
You can - I guess? - choose to *not* interact with your coworker, which would be strange, or you can ignore it and let them continue (which is what I usually do), or you can call their attention to their unthinking self-hatred and let them know it's not necessarily a suitable topic for public discussion, or particularly interesting (which is what I'd love to do).
I don't disagree that it's not okay to say things about other people's bodies, and calling someone one it might be the best course of action in some situations, but you're taking the OP's situation and projecting that the other person had self hatred. One silly comment by a person does not mean they hate themselves.
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jennifer_417 wrote: »Because our culture thinks it's fine to skinny shame...it's all based in jealousy.
Wow. That's what you got from the original posting?
The OP never said she is skinny, just small.
A simple comment about someone being small does not equal skinny shaming, but it could point to some jealousy.0
This discussion has been closed.
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