what to do when spouse goes WAY off the wagon

You are right that talking and logic does not work. Let him do his thing for now. He might come back on board when he is ready.
Plan for the calories in the restaurant meal a head of time. Also, try to go to places that have good options for you. A steak place is good because you can order a small steak and veggies.

Congrats on losing 50 lbs and staying the course that you have chosen for yourself....it's nice when others close to you get on board with a program that you can share .....till they change their minds and that can leave one dangling.

I read that you are 'staying strong' which is very noble but if his change in behaviour is causing you angst maybe you would be best served at looking at this as something that you are doing for you and only for you....with or without his support/help etc.

As you have found no amount of logic and talking is going to dissuade him from making these choices and for him that's OK.....maybe he has found his happy weight and fitness spot and can 'afford' to have the appetizers etc and make it fit for his current goals.....it may no be your 'ideal' spot and acceptance of difference within individuals is important.

If you know that a night out with extras is on the cards could you pre-plan something calorie wise that helps make you feel a part of the enjoyment of extras.....maybe a bit longer workout or less lunch etc etc. Have a talk with SO and see if you can take turns picking out preferred places to eat and indulge that suit you both.

In the long run though.....if your goals are different to his you are going to have to come to a place where you are both content with the others choices and keep doing what makes you happy.

All the best.

My other half is always off the rails.
He eats and drinks what he wants, when he wants and I never stop him.
I love him but I would never openly dictate what he eats or drinks.
He always snacks in the evenings on biscuits, sweets, cakes or popcorn and when he is not on call, he drinks beer or bourbon and coke.
He offers, I decline and let him get on with it.

I do all the cooking in our house so when he is home for dinner (his job means he is not home for dinner every night, sometimes it means he isn't even home full stop) I make sure it is balanced and has plenty of vegetables or salad.

All you can do is concerate on yourself.

I have a similar problem, but little different. Me and my husband both started working out and making healthier choices . But he eats double sometimes triple what I eat. We went out the other day and he ate soooooo much! He is also losing more weight than I am. It is a little demotivateing but you have to find what drives and motivates you. We motivate eachother to work out but go our seperate ways when it comes to diet a lot. He can be more relaxed in that aspect and still get results. I never use to watch what I ate but now that I'm working out I know that fueling my body right helps me recover better, feel better, and get results however slow they are. Hang in there.

Congratulations on your efforts and having your spouse on board at least part of the time. Lots of great comments here. I would only add that by you being consistent and steadfast you will definitely have an effect on him in the long term, and that's the time frame that really matters, right? When you organize and prepare healthy foods, even if he doesnt always eat them as much as you like, you're taking away many of the obstacles to him getting back on track. I prepare healthy foods for my kids when I am not travelling, and though they may not always eat more than a spoonful, eventually they learn to like it - as I proved with the older ones. Obviously adults are different but I think the principle partly applies. Another thing we are trying to do is find healthy recreation to do together with the wife, she likes dancing so I am trying to overcome inertia and go out with her, we walk together, got her an elliptical, etc.

You can't control what other people do. It's hard to watch a spouse go down a less healthy path though. My husband was my #1 motivator and supporter as I lost 100 lb (lost my first 30 or so before we met) and had lost over 100 himself in the past. Now he has kind of fallen off the wagon and regained over 50 lb. He still cooks healthy food for us both which is awesome. But he overeats even if it's "healthy food". He still uses MFP too but now logs sporadically and I don't push him or question him - but he will often just copy my diary entry when he ate twice as much food, and he'll fail to log various snacks throughout the day. It is one of those things though, he will have to want to change and get serious about things again. He blamed his weight gain on a medication he was taking, but now his doctor has nixed that idea so I'm hoping it will bring him around again. If he experiences health issues, of course I'll talk to him more seriously about it but otherwise I just let him do what he will because it's his life and body as much as I adore him.

For now we've settled on a plan to cook/eat at home exclusively from Sunday through Friday and then go out on Saturdays. That's our biggest issue, dining out too often and especially on Sunday at lunchtime when we just indulged a bit on Saturdays. I really think it will help. It is just too easy to grab something not-that-satisfying in a restaurant that is loaded with calories.

Men can lose it faster than is women. Maybe focus on the bad effects on his health vs. going off the plan. Encourage him to go get a physical soon and get BMI, pre-diabetes and cholesterol checked. Once you are faced with the real consequences of your own actions it becomes a bit easier to refocus. Maybe you are not in the 40 age group yet but that is when it hit for me. It's now or never or you soon will be faced with some kind of serious health issue as you age.

Havasufalls wrote: »

I've lost almost 50 pounds from August by logging and working out consistently and the husband has done well also, but he has COMPLETELY gone off the program and I mean deliberately binging and eating whatever he can get his hands on. I've stayed strong but it's tempting when we go out and he orders beers and appetizers while I sit there and stare at it.. anyone else go through this ? No amount of talking or speaking logic has helped him. UGH!!!!!!!

That sucks. When you are out to eat have mfp ready at the table to log. Try not to smell his food and drink water. Do most of the talking so He will eat faster eliminating some of the temptation. Spill beer like its a hobby and he may try to drink it faster. Choose where he takes you so you can control most of the menu. Hope some of that helps. I unfortunately was the guy you are describing to my wife and I regret it. Im back on track now