Non Supportive Hubby

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GGMarie1501
GGMarie1501 Posts: 54
in Chit-Chat
What husband wouldn't be supportive of their wife losing weight?!?!? I lose 10 pounds and tell my hubby and all he says is you still look the same and I don't see it. The scales are messed up or something. They're not cause I used two different scales that roughly tell the same thing. I can fasten jeans that I could barely get up my hips a week ago AND others say they see a big difference. So what gives?? What does this mean?? Maybe the fact that there's a hole in the wall from our fight the other night will help in advice. He's so negative and hurtful all the time.. and I thought losing weight would make things better. I'm not doing it entirely for him though. Cause things are really looking down in our marriage so I'm re-inventing my image, and re-evaluating what I want out of life so it's for me and I'm gonna succeed... but I thought he'd be happy... I didn't even get a sarcastic 'good for you!!' So what do you all think??

Replies

  • rfcollins33
    rfcollins33 Posts: 630
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    " Cause things are really looking down in our marriage so I'm re-inventing my image, and re-evaluating what I want out of life so it's for me and I'm gonna succeed.."


    That's probably the reason. He may sense you are planning to leave and he's grasping now. He wants to lower your self-esteem so you don't think anyone else would want you. News flash for men like that: First off, women don't NEED to go directly to another man and secondly, any woman can find a good man who will treat her right, no matter what she looks like/weighs. So, good for you for getting healthy!!
  • Dizzle_65
    Dizzle_65 Posts: 249 Member
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    If you want an honest opinion - get the hell out of there.

    The guy sounds like a grade a pillock! He is probably having more influence on your emotions and even your weight than you realise.

    Leave him to drown in his own lake of despair
  • KatyE213
    KatyE213 Posts: 446 Member
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    Yup, definitely sounds like he is insecure and worried! If you want to stay with him you need to reassure him that you are not doing it to go out and get another man (as the previous poster said, women do not need to do this, it is a male perception!) If however you re-evaluate what you want and its not him, then its his loss! Either way, good luck x
  • kaytedawg05
    kaytedawg05 Posts: 209
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    well... i don't know u or the complexity of your situation.. i know that in 2 similar marriages... i said goodbye... it's one thing for you to sit idle in the sidelines... it's another for u to knock me down! You have to decide for yourself what the best thing is for YOU now & in the long run... maybe counseling... maybe a divorce. What's even the point of being healthy & living long if you're miserable??? best wishes to you. add me if you'd like
  • anu_6986
    anu_6986 Posts: 702 Member
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    Maybe he doesn;t wanna say anything positive or appreciate you on anything because of all the negative feelings pent up against you.

    And I agree with the above post too...

    Just don't tell him about your progress... He will notice in time! Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • heather1945
    heather1945 Posts: 117 Member
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    I think he's starting to feel insecure and jealous??.....but please, don't let his negative feelings stop you from doing and being what you want!!!! You will gain in your confidence and any decisions which are to made in the future you will make knowing that you have chosen what is best for you, and it is what you want. I wish you all the best. I know what it's like to live with negativity. I made the choice to no longer live that way. :-}
  • susiewusie
    susiewusie Posts: 432 Member
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    If you want an honest opinion - get the hell out of there.

    The guy sounds like a grade a pillock! He is probably having more influence on your emotions and even your weight than you realise.

    Leave him to drown in his own lake of despair

    Couldnt agree more .
  • jaded_rose
    jaded_rose Posts: 298 Member
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    That was just hurtful of him to say. that much weight is a big difference and if your clothes fit better then you've lost weight/mass and he's blinder then a bat with no sonar. I hope everything works out for the best for you, even if it's not with him.
  • rjlam
    rjlam Posts: 149
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    As posted before, I do not know the complexity of your situation, however you need to sit down with him and ask him why he said what he said. I also agree you must reassure him that you are doing this for YOURSELF and also to be a good role model for your children. Ask him if he would be interested in joining you in your journey. You may be surprised by his reaction and then again you may not. Include him by asking him to go for walks and helping you to achieve your goals. I agree he may feel insecure with his own body image but unable to discuss it with you. Hope this helps. Good Luck.
  • CodyD18
    CodyD18 Posts: 161 Member
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    Do what's best for you and don't worry so much about what he thinks. If he says hurtful things to you then maybe you shouldn't be with him? Is he overweight? He could be getting jealous if you're losing weight and he's not as well. Or like everyone else said, he might be worried that you're going to leave him for someone better if you better yourself. In the end though, you need to do what is best for YOU. Congrats on losing weight and I wish you luck in the future. You have plenty of support here. :)
  • jamaka1
    jamaka1 Posts: 412 Member
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    enough said already, I just want to say congrats & keep up the fantastic work. Dont ever!!!!!!! let anyone knock you down to nothing. Keep ur head up. Good luck:flowerforyou:
  • RubyA2011
    RubyA2011 Posts: 66
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    totally agree with all thats been said previously.

    having been in a marriage when the other party does nothing but put you down and ignore your achievements (and punched holes in walls/doors, smashed tv's & laptops etc etc during arguements), i would say re-evaluating your life is probably what is making him react this way.
    SOME men feel the need to keep women "down" because they feel insecure themselves and in their head if the woman ever picked herself up and got a life outside of his little world that they would lose her.

    im not saying some women dont lose weight and then run off with the first man who gives her a compliment as i am sure it happens occassionally, but i think your husband needs to realise that the more negative he is about everything the more likely he is going to push you away.

    Feel free to add me --- and dont put up with any of his C***. I did it for far too long and although i dont want to go into it on here PM me if you want to know how i got out.
  • juliecat1
    juliecat1 Posts: 3,455 Member
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    Im in a similar situation and Ive had to make a major shift in my thinking. This isnt about him. Im doing this FOR me, for my health, my happiness, my strength. I try not to involve him because then it inevitably ends up becoming about him and his insecurities. So do yourself a favor and charge ahead full speed. Be strong for you. Use anything negative he says as a motivator to push harder. And sometimes, the stronger you get, the harder they fight. So be prepared for that possibility. Keep up the great work!
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
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    There are a lot of good posts. You are doing an amazing job and should continue for yourself. It's great that you can have a support system like MFP when you don't have anyone at home supporting you. I do agree that he is probably feeling insecure and his words come from that insecurity and his own fears. But, no matter what he is feeling and why, there is no excuse for punching a wall. I would encourage you to learn more about verbal and mental abuse, which his not supporting you, telling you that he can't see the weight loss, etc. could be considered a form of, and warning signs for physical abuse. His violent behavior concerns me and should concern you too. I wish you the best of luck and you can add me and contact me anytime if you'd like to talk.

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