Upset at family photos.

Bella77007
Bella77007 Posts: 78 Member
edited November 27 in Goal: Maintaining Weight
Sorry if this is the wrong place but I have been maintaining so thought I'd ask here.

I am just over 5 ft 1(156 cm) and weigh 105.5 pounds, for a while friends and family have been saying I don't look well and look too thin, to be honest I thought they were just over fussing and lots of people get comments like that after weight loss.

Then today came the family photos and I was shocked by what I saw, I do look thin, my face is gaunt,my collar bone sticks out very badly and I look really unhealthy.

I have a healthy BMI but it upset me to see myself looking like that, looking back through pics I looked much better at about 112-113 pounds, I know lots of people around my height and weight who look great so I'm a bit lost as to why I look so dreadful.

Has anyone else felt this way? Healthy weight but not happy and thinking perhaps a slight gain would be better?

Obviously with it being Christmas day I have indulged a bit today but I'm thinking of a healthy increase back up to about 112 in the coming weeks, I did look better then, am I alone in this feeling?

Replies

  • 20yearsyounger
    20yearsyounger Posts: 1,630 Member
    112 is still healthy. At one point I thought I was too skinny and increased my weight goal.
  • AnvilHead
    AnvilHead Posts: 18,343 Member
    Everybody is different according to how they're built, how much muscle they carry (or don't carry), facial features, etc. You can't really compare yourself to anybody else because we're all built differently.

    I know that for me, I can't pay any attention to BMI. If I were to get down even to the middle of the "normal weight" range for BMI at my height/build, I'd look like a human skeleton. Even at the very bottom end of the "overweight" range, I start looking gaunt and sickly (I've been in both of those ranges before in years past, didn't like the look or how I felt).

    BMI was actually intended as a tool for comparing trends across populations, not for individual use to determine appropriate weight ranges. As you've seen, it doesn't necessarily compute to being optimal for everybody. If you're happier and feel you look better at 112, I'd put BMI aside and do what you're comfortable with.
  • Bella77007
    Bella77007 Posts: 78 Member
    Thank you, 112 would still have me at a healthy BMI but I know BMI isn't always the best way to assess yourself anyway, I lost weight to look and feel better and be healthier and right now I feel dreadful so going up a little feels like the right thing to do.

    My husband is like you AnvilHead, he is at the bottom end of overweight having lost a lot this year too and he looks a bit gaunt to be honest,if he aimed for the middle of the range he would look terribly unwell I think.

    I'll see what happens after the Christmas calories, I know I wont go up to 112 from them but I want to get settled then I will aim for 0.5 gain per week, get to 112 and maintain again, I know I'll look and feel better at that weight.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    Go to the weight you feel good at

    I don't let my BMI drop below 24...I look best around this level due to my frame, musculature and how I carry weight

    Sometimes I get caught up in a girly "oh I should weigh X" with x being 14-20lbs less than I am but that's a nominal weight for no realistic reason and it takes me a while to get back into a "feck that" frame of mind ...that's an annoying struggle because I know it's media / societal conditioning and not my reality
  • AnvilHead
    AnvilHead Posts: 18,343 Member
    Bella77007 wrote: »
    I'll see what happens after the Christmas calories, I know I wont go up to 112 from them but I want to get settled then I will aim for 0.5 gain per week, get to 112 and maintain again, I know I'll look and feel better at that weight.

    It sounds like you've got a good handle on it and will be going about it right!
  • nxd10
    nxd10 Posts: 4,570 Member
    I think photos give you some objective information. It's what made me lose - the mirror didn't. The key isn't how thin you are, it's that you say you look unhealthy. I have two kids with really really low BMI, but they usually look really healthy. At one point, one of them (who just come home from the Peace Corps) looked TOO thin - I could see all the bones in his face. BMI was the same, but all the fat was gone and put into lean muscle. I'd trust your gut and see how you are in a few weeks.
  • Adc7225
    Adc7225 Posts: 1,318 Member
    I think the line between being healthy and happy when it comes to weight and appearance can be wide and incredible deep. I know how you feel, I think I look better around 160-165, I am 153 and my goal was 144. Being active and somewhat toned makes a big difference as well. I am still hoping to lose about 5 more pounds and tone up as much as possible, but when someone commented that I look sucked in, I was devastated. But I still am continuing on because I am trying to find my happy place. BMI scales are old and outdated plus they do not take into account body types, etc.. Do what feels right for you but be reasonable and realistic.
  • grinning_chick
    grinning_chick Posts: 765 Member
    edited December 2015
    Unlike most college freshmen, I lost weight living in the dorms. Namely because back in the day, the cafeteria had very limited hours that I was always missing them despite having bought the unlimited meal card due to sleeping, classes, or studying/study groups/club meetings.

    I ended that year at 120 lbs. On a 5'7" medium-large frame. At the far end of it, but still technically optimal/healthy per pretty much any one of the BMI scales out there. I was very gaunt/skeletal and not healthy looking at all. Especially when you consider I hadn't weighed that little since middle school and *maybe* 5'3" or 5'4" at the time.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    I believe a bulk might do you well.
    Sometimes the numbers can be misleading. What looks great on you, may look too thin or too large on someone else. So going by pictures and the way you look is often more revealing then relying on the numbers. If you feel you look better a bit heavier, then do it !
    Try eating at a surplus and begin a strength training program. Build some muscle and you may like the way your body looks much better!
    Would you like me to tell you about some strength training programs ?

  • ForecasterJason
    ForecasterJason Posts: 2,577 Member
    Like several have said, a healthy weight for one person may not be for another person. For the first couple years of my adult life I had a BMI just below 18.5, which would put me in the underweight category. However, I don't think I looked unhealthy at that weight, as I have a small frame and that's how I grew.
  • Bella77007
    Bella77007 Posts: 78 Member
    Thanks again everyone, when I was younger I weighed what I do now and looked fine but years go by and things change so I guess you can't expect that number to fit you well forever, I don't even feel good either, I have anxiety anyway and since dropping below 112 it has been awful, I feel weak and unable to fight it as I normally would which may be nothing to do with my weight but I am suspicious about it.

    @thorsmom01 Yes please I would really like to know more about strength training, I do feel it would be a good idea and am a total novice, sadly I cannot afford to join a gym but if you have any advice on what I could do outside of one that would be greatly appreciated.
  • Sued0nim
    Sued0nim Posts: 17,456 Member
    edited December 2015
    Bella77007 wrote: »
    Thanks again everyone, when I was younger I weighed what I do now and looked fine but years go by and things change so I guess you can't expect that number to fit you well forever, I don't even feel good either, I have anxiety anyway and since dropping below 112 it has been awful, I feel weak and unable to fight it as I normally would which may be nothing to do with my weight but I am suspicious about it.

    @thorsmom01 Yes please I would really like to know more about strength training, I do feel it would be a good idea and am a total novice, sadly I cannot afford to join a gym but if you have any advice on what I could do outside of one that would be greatly appreciated.

    Bodyweight exercises at home

    http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2009/12/09/beginner-body-weight-workout-burn-fat-build-muscle/

    Or you are your own gym ...there's also an app

    Or convict conditioning

    Make sure you're eating sufficient protein (probably over 70g minimum) and hitting maintenance calories for you at least, if not 250 cals over
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    I second the convict conditioning, if you have no access to the gym.
    I would also eat at a surplus, like @rabbitjb mentioned 250 cal surplus would be a good start
  • Bella77007
    Bella77007 Posts: 78 Member
    Excellent, thank you for that :)
  • haydiz70
    haydiz70 Posts: 56 Member
    I came to the forums for the same reason. After seeing family Christmas photos if myself I was shocked at how old and gaunt I look. I've lost 50 pounds in the past year and though my body looks better, I think my face looked better before. I agree with others that BMI doesn't take into account individual differences. I don't want to gain because I'm not too thin for my build. I'm just hoping healthier eating and less stress on my body from no longer restricting calories will help my appearance. We'll see! But yes, it was a shock to see how much older I look but then the last time I was this weight was 20 years ago. It's unrealistic to think I'll ever look 25 again. Ha!
  • vanbrita
    vanbrita Posts: 14 Member
    Great advice and posts on here!
  • Gwen_44
    Gwen_44 Posts: 19 Member
    I'm 5'8" and I dropped down to 135lbs, everyone said I looked sickly and was too thin. I gained back to 150lbs and I look healthier and could no longer see my bones. You have to find the weight that works for your body. If at 112 you look and feel healthy, then that should be your goal. Good luck :-)
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    edited December 2015
    It really depends on your bone structure. I see women my height (5'5") go down to 110 pounds and they look great, but with my medium/large frame I would look horrible at that weight (not that I'd manage to go down so low). Heck 125 would probably be too low too. So I agree, great time to bulk.
  • Owlfan88
    Owlfan88 Posts: 187 Member
    I'm 5'7" and had a goal of 140, but even after I declared I was at maintenance, I still kept losing unintentionally. I am trying to watch my carbs due to a prediabetic diagnosis, but I found I was having trouble adding calories without a bunch of carbs. What I would really *like* to add calorie wise is sweets, but I've been trying not to (this past week aside, where I am still trying to moderate, but not trying too hard because... All the special Christmas treats!). I got as low as 128, which is lower than I want to be. I'm trying to get back up to around 135, but rather slowly.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    Owlfan88 wrote: »
    I'm 5'7" and had a goal of 140, but even after I declared I was at maintenance, I still kept losing unintentionally. I am trying to watch my carbs due to a prediabetic diagnosis, but I found I was having trouble adding calories without a bunch of carbs. What I would really *like* to add calorie wise is sweets, but I've been trying not to (this past week aside, where I am still trying to moderate, but not trying too hard because... All the special Christmas treats!). I got as low as 128, which is lower than I want to be. I'm trying to get back up to around 135, but rather slowly.

    Quite sure if I ended up being prediabetic and had to really limit sweets I would get to the bottom of my healthy weight pretty fast, as it's what I have the hardest time saying no to. I'm sorry, it sucks!
  • svts123
    svts123 Posts: 23 Member
    I'm 5'1" and am around 120 pounds. I have a large bone structure and am a naturally more muscular build, so my goal is to be around 115 - while I've never been lower, I'm fairly sure I'd look quite ill by 110. Bone structure and natural build has a lot to answer for and it's taken me ages to realise this!
  • PegMoffat
    PegMoffat Posts: 24 Member
    Congratulations on recognizing what is important. It looks like you are on the right track and will be looking fit and healthy before you know it.
  • brynnsmom
    brynnsmom Posts: 945 Member
    Do what feels best for you, everyone carries their weight differently. When I am at my target weight, my upper body tends to look thin BUT in the tummy area, not so much. 112 is still a great weight for your height.
  • areallycoolstory
    areallycoolstory Posts: 1,680 Member
    edited December 2015
    what if you went with the goal of 110 and then maintain at five pounds on either side of that? so your range would be from 105 to 115. the ideal would be 110, but you would not need to get stressed out if you were a pound or two on either side. then before the holidiays in future you could try to get to the low end of the range, so a bit of gain wouldn't take you over. i am not in maintenance yet, but this is what i am thinking of doing. i also agree with what others have said. go with the weight that feels best for you.
  • GsKiki
    GsKiki Posts: 392 Member
    Everyone is built differently. Aim for weight that makes you feel good. Also don't be too focused on BMI. BMI should only be used in the begginings when you need weight to lose because you are overweight or obese. When you're in the normal range it would be more helpful to look at muscle to fat ratio. I don't have too many information but from what I've read I think your problem is not weight specifically but bulking up a bit, which you can do with weight exercises. So I would say don't focus on just gaining more weight, focus on developing your muscles, and a bit of extra muscle weight will come with it. Good luck!
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    According to BMI I should be ok at 120ish, but if I go below 135 I look half dead. Just goes to show those BMI charts are VERY general and we should go for what is best for us individuals
  • 40mpw
    40mpw Posts: 75 Member
    edited December 2015
    About 10 years ago I dieted myself down to a BMI of 21. I wasn't crazy about the way I looked -- it's just a personal preference to look a little softer.
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