I forgot about the kids!!

To be honest, I do not think that she should be 'punished' for not eating what you give. At that age eating certain foods is a stage. My kids pediatrician said that we were to introduce healthy choices but if they wouldn't eat it to give them something that they would eat.

To not feed her what you want her to eat, or have her go hours without eating can be detrimental to their development. Think about how you feel if you go hours without eating... it's not a good feeling. Even if it is toast, crackers, a hot dog, the most important thing is that she eats SOMETHING ...

I know she is young but maybe have her help in the process of preparing her food?

IMO, forcing her to eat your food that you pick out or nothing is cruel. Again, just my opinion.

I completely disagree. If the child gets hungry enough she will eat what she is presented with. In the meantime it will not hurt her and will teach her lessons in A) healthy eating and B)respecting her parents. It is never too early to teach your children that the rules are the rules.
I am not a short order cook, if my kids don't like what is for dinner and they choose not to eat it then their consequence is that they are going to be hungry later.

I do agree with other posters about trying to give her the ability to make choices about what she is eating. Like which flavor of yogurt she wants. Or which fruit and veggie she wants to eat. Any choices that a toddler of that age can make helps them to feel like they have some control of their life.

I agree about giving choices, I am not talking about giving them cookies for meals. However, you cannot expect years of "bad" eating to diminish over night just because you say so. I also said about letting them be part of the process to make it more fun and give them the feeling of choices.

However, it is not about being all or nothing. We discussed this with our pediatrician when our kids were younger and she agreed and actually told us not to withhold food because "they disrespect us" or "won't listen to what we made".

My kids are now 8 and 5 and will pick fruit / healthy snacks over candy/cookies/chips. I just don't agree w/ them being made to go hungry because as a parent you made poor choices in their eating habits.

I respect all of your opinions, it just that I do not see what good is going to come from making kids go hungry because they don't like your food. As parents we create their eating habits, I think it's best to introduce it slowly then just suddenly take away everything that they had been given and like.

Please DO NOT punish this child for not wanting to eat her food. This is a stage that all toddlers go through. We as parents have to stop taking the easy way out thinking punishments is the answer. No we have to start using our learned parenting skills to out think our little mini me's. A child that age only knows what they are being punished for briefly at that age. The rule of thumb...time outs should only be for 3 minutes if they are 3 yrs old. Anything after that is not beneficial for the child.

I've got 4 kids ranging from 9 to 19 years old. 2 of them are picky eaters, 2 will eat anything. Over the years I've learnt that you have to start healthy eating habits as early as possible. My 19 year old is the fussiest eater, when she was small I would give in all the time and now I have no control of the rubbish she eats because although I don't buy her junk she can afford here own.

I've learnt to try not to let it turn into a battle, you'll only get frustrated and probably lose. With you daughter who is 3 you could try letting her help prepare food, she could probably cut up a banana and pour some yoghurt under supervision, I find that if the kids have made the effort to help prepare the food they get excited about trying their creation.

Another trick I use is to cut up vegetables that I know they don't like really small so they don't realise what they are eating. It's amazing what secret veg you can hide in a cottage pie if it's chopped small enough. Then when they tell me they don't like it I drop the bombshell that they've been eating it without knowing for months.

Please DO NOT punish this child for not wanting to eat her food. This is a stage that all toddlers go through. We as parents have to stop taking the easy way out thinking punishments is the answer. No we have to start using our learned parenting skills to out think our little mini me's. A child that age only knows what they are being punished for briefly at that age. The rule of thumb...time outs should only be for 3 minutes if they are 3 yrs old. Anything after that is not beneficial for the child.

That is exactly what I am saying. Our pedi said never use food (or lack there of in the case) as a reward nor punishment. My one kid ate nothing but grilled cheese sandwhiches for a week at that age. He's perfectly healthy and lean at 8.

By this logic should we punish ourselves and not eat if we eat something not healthy?

One thought is that around the ages of 3 and 4 is when a lot of her relationship with food is formed, and it's also an age of power struggles ... it's an important stage, which is why it's often a really challenging stage as well. I would personally be wary of setting up an adversarial relationship with her around the topic of food; I wouldn't want my kids carrying that into their lives. You're not trying to win a battle and bend her to your will, you're trying to help her learn to make a lifestyle change that is different than the one she started with. That's hard enough for adults who make a conscious decision to do it and who understand why they are doing it -- for a child who is dealing with someone else enforcing changes, with no ability to really understand WHY, it just becomes about control and power. It's the adults responsibility to keep it from being about control and power. I dont' think anyone actually wants food and eating to become something that their child associates with control and power. Which doesn't mean you make her a special meal, or that you give in and give her unhealthy foods, of course! That wouldn't help her either. But forcing a child to eat what's put in front of them is not healthy in the long run; forcing a child to eat something they don't want (or punishing them if they don't) might be a battle won, but looking at the long-run, may not teach what you actually want them to learn.

Another thing besides the development of their autonomy is that kids at that age have, in general, a stronger response to bitter tasted. That's not something they're putting on or being big babies about: they actually can taste bitter better than adults. Because of that, they are more picky and more wary of new foods, and more strongly drawn to sweeter foods. It's part of the normal biology, and not a sign that something is wrong, and it's not rebellion.

I would maybe try to, at least until she's out of this phase of pickiness/balking, offer choices. If there is at least one food she will eat that is healthy, offer that, along with other healthy choices, at each meal. That way even if she won't touch the broccoli, she got some chicken and brown rice (or whatever.) This way she's getting some nutritious food, and being exposed to other foods that she doesn't like yet but may in the future. Offering lots of choices is helpful, as well. Kids in that power/control stage love choices! Have her help plan the menu for the week, have her help decide what to have for breakfast, and maybe make something that has choices built in. Does she want strawberries, or blueberries, or both? Also, they often love being involved with meal preparation, and they feel a lot more open to eating foods they feel an ownership of; if she helps you dip out the yogurt, she might be more likely to want to at least give it a try. (And someone else mentioned this I believe, but it takes about a dozen tastes before a child feels comfortable with an unfamiliar food.) At every meal, I make sure that there is at least one item that each person is sure to enjoy, and we encourage them to try the other foods, even if they can only take one bite. Throwing out some "rules" for meal-specific foods can be helpful too - sometimes offering an orange as part of dinner is okay. It's more important that they get what they need and that they enjoy meals than it is that dinner look like what dinner is supposed to look like. I've also tried to modify favorite recipes to make them more nutritious - I switched to baking with whole wheat flour and less sugar, more added fruits and nuts, for instance. I made the transition gradually - first I used half white flour, half ww... once they were used to that I increased the amount of ww flour. It helps to make big changes in small steps, instead of one big overhaul.

In the case of refusing breakfast, I'd accept the refusal (not as a punishment, but because everyone has the right to say "I dont' want to eat that" and "I'm not hungry right now" ) and then I'd make a mid-morning snack of some kind. We generally have three snacks a day here, so it's never too long from one meal to the next. It keeps the blood sugar level, keeps anyone from getting to hungry, and makes a child skipping a meal not that big a deal.

And don't underestimate the power of the example you're setting by eating healthfully in front of your children. You're doing awesome there! That goes so much farther with them than anything else. If you eat nutritious foods, and enjoy the food and enjoy the health, and let that joy show, then your kids will pick up on that and eventually, it will color their choices as well. If they see you choke your food down because you hate it, if they hear you complain about your diet and how much you wish you were eating Krispy Kremes, then they'll pick up on that. What they're forced to eat or not is secondary to those messages. I try to be really mindful of how I talk about food, and the changes we're making. The other day I was drinking a glass of water and my 3 year old said, "But Mommy, you HATE water!" and I realized that that was the message I had sent him in the past, without meaning to. I told him that now I love water, it's so refreshing and so good for my body, and I feel so good when I drink it. I know there are probably a hundred messages I've sent them all about food, and I'll need to be aware of that if I want to give them the messages I actually would like them to internalize.

My goal with my children is to have them be open to new foods, have a taste for whole, nutritious foods, be able to sometimes enjoy foods that are not nutritious without having that rule their diets, and to be able to eat to a healthy satisfaction - not compulsively eat too much, or compulsively deny themselves food. So each meal, if there were issues, I'd refer to those goals. Each parent has to determine their own long-term goals for their children in each area, including food, and make choices that support those goals. Your goals may not be the same as mine, so YMMV. :-)

If you are going to give her three things to eat, then put 5 acceptable choices on the counter and let her pick the three that she wants to eat. THat way, she still feels like she is in control.

:flowerforyou: We had this problem with my daughter when she was 4 years old. While she was thin as a rail, I knew she wasn't eating a proper diet. Her pediatrician told us to ABSOLUTELY refuse to allow her anything to eat other than what was served. He said, "Eventually she'll learn that mom is not a short-order cook and she has to eat what is served. She won't starve to death, and skipping a few meals won't hurt her." It took a while to get my husband on board with this type of thinking but it worked and was absolutely worth it. Now she eats veggies and nutritious food that is good for her. She no longer has problems with constipation, and is healthier overall. It's a battle of the wills mom, and you're strong enough to win this fight! :flowerforyou:

the rule in this house is to eat what your given. My ds who is 4 HATES beans with a passion, they still go on his plate, when i make them, but i put an extra serving of vegetables on his plate too, because 98% of the time he doesnt eat the beans. Other than that hes not really a picky eater, so i lucked out in that parenting department.

I am not a parent yet, so maybe I just don't get it but I really don't understand the concept of picky eaters when you are a child. My coworkers talk about making separate meals for certain kids and to me it does not make sense. I grew up in a house hold where even though my mother worked she made dinner every night and we sat down as a family to eat whatever was on the table. I never even knew that there was the option to eat something else. I think if you are going through the trouble to make a healthy meal, then they should eat it. You are running a family, not a restaurant.

Even at 29, when I go home for a family dinner, I eat whatever is served, no questions asked.