Can Your Relationship Affect Your Weight?
acgnyc123
Posts: 13 Member
This topic requires honesty and cuts deep, no matter how you slice it. I don't think I am alone when I share (with great reluctance:) ) that my relationship affects my weight. I want to draw healthy boundaries and to be able to focus on staying healthy while in a relationship. I hope this forum serves to give us all a chance to "let it out", deal with it, support one another and focus on what's important -ourselves as an individual.
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Of course relationships effect weight! Be conscious of other people, but dont let your own needs always go unanswered. That includes emotional and physical needs.0
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Most definitely! My husband is much heavier than I am - he is a bigger person at 6' 3" and a linebacker's build, but he has gained almost 100 lbs since we got married (23 years ago) I am only about 15 lbs heavier than when we got married, and he does not care. But I care. I care more about his health than he does, and I find myself loosing myself in the process..... I am back to focusing on ME so that I can be healthy and happier in my own skin again.0
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It certainly does. My husband is a stick person (he's gained 20 pounds in 15 years, is now a whopping 135). I have been 20 pounds less than when we met, I have been 50 pounds more than when we met. He is very supportive either way and will exercise with me, but he doesn't adjust his eating habits much, he's just not good at it and doesn't really need to. I have to work a lot harder and it is annoying sometimes, but I'm doing it for me.0
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MicheleGinVA wrote: »Most definitely! My husband is much heavier than I am - he is a bigger person at 6' 3" and a linebacker's build, but he has gained almost 100 lbs since we got married (23 years ago) I am only about 15 lbs heavier than when we got married, and he does not care. But I care. I care more about his health than he does, and I find myself loosing myself in the process..... I am back to focusing on ME so that I can be healthy and happier in my own skin again.
This is me too. My husband is well over 300lbs , he has Gained about 120 lbs since we've been married . I don't care about the weight, I'm concerned with his health !
It took lots of practice for me to turn down his McDonalds meals ( he loves getting fast foods ) and preparing my own food . ( there's nothing wrong with enjoying McDonald's in moderation though)
It can be done, it just takes a lot of practice.0 -
Yes - relationships can affect your weight. It takes a strong person to decide to 'break' the cycle and eat for YOU. My Hubby is morbidity obese - makes very poor food choices. I'm a Vegetarian - have been one for over 20 years - and make pretty healthy food choices - I also workout daily. I got sucked into his unhealthy lifestyle when we first got married - then realized I just couldn't continue down that road. Yes, it can sometimes be a struggle - he brings a lot of junk food into the house. I'm very good at resisting it though - it's too important to me to be healthy. Feel free to 'friend ' me!
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Oh yes, they definitely do in many ways. When I was with my ex, I was so depressed and anxious that over the course of 3-4 years I put on 50 pounds. Now that I'm married to a wonderful man, we are both so content and happy that we've gained 20-30! Lol I've been trying off and on to lose again but he only recently joined me so I'd be sitting around counting calories while he's chowing down on whatever he likes. It makes it hard to say no but now we are both committed to losing.0
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Not only your relationship with an SO, but also relationships with friends. Hate to say it, but sometimes friends help to influence behavior that may not be usual.
People also in relationships tend to worry less about weight because they aren't "competing" for affection anymore with others.
First thing I usually get with people who divorce is "I need to get back into shape now that I'm dating again."
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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This topic requires honesty and cuts deep, no matter how you slice it. I don't think I am alone when I share (with great reluctance:) ) that my relationship affects my weight. I want to draw healthy boundaries and to be able to focus on staying healthy while in a relationship. I hope this forum serves to give us all a chance to "let it out", deal with it, support one another and focus on what's important -ourselves as an individual.
What actually affects us is when we don't speak our mind when we don't talk with each other and when we hold on anger and frustration that can affect our mental and physical health. If you are with positive mind and you learn how to forgive people you would be a lot happier
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But the most important thing to realise is that if we set our mind that our future is in our hands no one can stop us. The more you blame other for things in your life the more unhappy you will be.0
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I think drawing healthy boundaries is really important. I have found that anytime I am in a relationship-- whether the guy is fit or heavy (I have dated both)--we gain weight as a couple. I often lose focus on what's important and begin to slack off on going to the gym. I am a vegan and when I am "in the zone" I cook great vegan meals. However, the minute I start to dine out, I indulge in too many carbs instead of tofu and veggies, all because I don't want to make a fuss about my food. My recent new health kick has me drawing the line in my relationship. I recently told my boyfriend that I appreciate his kindness in bringing me pastries, cakes etc., but that it's time to stop. He likes me curvy and frankly, that is both good and bad. Good because he accepts me with my curves, but bad because he does he want me to lose this excess weight. He says he's supportive but his actions say no. I showed him this site and told him, I need his support and not to bring stuff to the house when he visits. When I told him, I made sure he got lots of hugs kisses so he wouldn't take offense. It's not easy treading that fine line of healthy boundaries. Hopefully, he continues to support this new "umph" I have and when the time comes, I get to do the same for him in his life.0
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MicheleGinVA wrote: »Most definitely! My husband is much heavier than I am - he is a bigger person at 6' 3" and a linebacker's build, but he has gained almost 100 lbs since we got married (23 years ago) I am only about 15 lbs heavier than when we got married, and he does not care. But I care. I care more about his health than he does, and I find myself loosing myself in the process..... I am back to focusing on ME so that I can be healthy and happier in my own skin again.
Good for you! You never know, he might just get inspired by you. Hoping he will and that you both live a happy, healthy life together now and always.0 -
Relationships have played a big role in my weight issues. My first boyfriend and I met when we were both roughly a healthy weight but we both enjoyed cooking and going out and so we both gained weight until we both decided we weren't happy with this lifestyle anymore. So we went on a diet together and lost weight. Both before and after the weight loss we made sure the other one knew that we loved them heavier and lighter. Didn't matter.
The boyfriend after that always had had partners who were very petite and occasionally made disparaging remarks about other women being too heavy even though I was a lot heavier than them. He often said nice things to some mutual friends when they looked good but rarely commented on my look even when I'd really made an effort. So I lost weight but he only really said anything when I poked him. He didn't really understand nutrition and basically just stopped eating when he gained weight.
My current boyfriend met me when I was slightly less overweight than I am now and we have both gained weight in the past year. Even when I'm gaining weight I'm mostly eating healthy food while he relies heavily on take-out and eats a very carb-y meat-y diet but rarely eats veg and fruit unless I put them in front of him. We both want to lose weight but like spoiling each other. To be honest though: I'd rather have a boyfriend who likes me with extra fat and sometimes harms my progess than one who lets me know all the time that I'm fat and undesirable.0 -
Relationships have had a major impact on my weight. The one that comes to the of top of my mind is my husbands guilty pleasures. My husband, despite his excessive sodium intake, is very blessed with his health. Blood pressure, waistline, weight, he's golden, although I always stress to him that his family has a history of early heart issues and diabetes....anyway, off topic. I, on the other hand, have not been so fortunate. As somebody with epilepsy, I always have to be on top of my sleep, blood pressure, nutrients, dr appts, so on...totally different. When grocery shopping my husband will throw pure junk into the cart, when I was single, I simply just didn't have this stuff in my house, I knew it wasn't good for me, and know I struggle with self control. I made it so that if I had a craving I had to leave to get it, and the likelihood of me travelling two miles for a milky way was rare. Every time I tell him he needs to take it into work if he wants it, or he needs to keep it up high, stressing the importance to me...it is a weekly argument, let's be upfront, like you said....it's an additional exhaustion on top of the health to manage, really. Its very difficult for me to pass up an indulgence after working 11 hours...and it's there, that's why I never had it there before!
My doctor says that in order for us to have kids, she would like to remove me off one of my meds, I told him I think this would be easier if I weighed less (I have no proof of this...but with this he seemed more interested&concerned about my weight loss, although I know he will ask my doctor next time we go). After this discussion he STILL put the junk food in the cart today, a lady gave me a dirty look when I told him I would put the Hershey kisses (2 bags!) In the trash If they didn't make it to work, but, it's difficult for me. And why does somebody need 3 different kind of chips for the week?!? And cheesy bread...peanut clusters...it baffles me.
My past relationships, I was not on as much medication, so I was more active(epilepsy meds make you incredibly tired)...didn't have any junk food in my house, entirely different lifestyle. I was also often the more dominant person in the relationship so everything I said, is just how it went, if I said, we were not eating at a place that had French fries, because I didn't want to, we didn't...but I was horribly bored that nobody gave me any pushback.
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KayNowayJose, I could not agree with you more. As someone who is married to a junk food loving man, it is super hard to ignore everything in the house. I struggle between desperately wanting to eat healthy and not wanting to be a nag who controls what her husband eats.
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I'm going to be the odd man out here...no. I'm the one who controls what goes into my mouth. I do most of the cooking for my husband and I, and I portion out my own food. When we go out to eat, I choose what I want.
I'm not saying I don't understand emotional eating and the pressure to be social. But ultimately the only things that really affect our weight (aside from illness and/or medications) are the foods we eat and the exercise we do.
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I remember gaining weight in relationships when I was younger. Now I've been with my boyfriend 2 years and I lost 30+ pounds with him. I've learned how to eat during the week so that I can still go out to dinner or enjoy a nice dessert with him, and still lose or maintain.
I DID go through a tough time when I was trying to cut down to a low body fat % before bulking. Food and working out were all I could think of. I got kind of selfish. Not only that, my fat intake was low and I pretty much lost my libido completely. I'm lucky I am pretty self-aware and have a good head on my shoulders.0 -
My husband and I gained weight after we got married-morbidally obese. Over the last 2 yrs, he has lost over 120lbs. I have lost 35lbs. He now makes fun of people that are heavy. He has forgotten where he came from (so to speak). Now with this slim physique, he has decided that he doesn't want to be married anymore. He is constantly talking to other woman online. He praises other woman on their weight loss but he never says a word to me. I have no one to help encourage me with this journey.0
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My fiance and I met after both of us had lost a large amount of weight. He finished his loss of about 120 and I was continuing mine (140 lbs and still going). It is very difficult for us because we enjoy food and we "nest" and gain. Both of our attitudes play heavily into the others because when you're tight on grocery funds what one person eats so does the other for dinners. It's a struggle that we work with every day.0
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I'm lucky mine doesn't we both train different methods, and not together. Food is not a issue even though I'm vegan & he's diabetic. Both work full time & I work weekends while still looking after our children. I hope you all find a happy balance x0
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Mine made me so unhappy I ate my tears away for the last few years. Got fat. Ran out of tears so started to take control of my life with a set of food scales and MFP.
Drew a venn diagram on the fridge:- meals I like and and fit into my plans
- meals we both like that fit into my plans
- meals he likes that don't fit into my plans
- then the shared common treat ground once a week e.g. pizza, carbonara etc.
If he wants stuff that doesn't fit my plans or wants takeout more than once a week I just ask that he doesn't eat it in front of me and I do my own thing. It mostly works but I do get sick of saying quite often not to offer me things outside my goals, if I want it bad enough I will go find it0 -
lalabrucey wrote: »Mine made me so unhappy I ate my tears away for the last few years. Got fat. Ran out of tears so started to take control of my life with a set of food scales and MFP.
Drew a venn diagram on the fridge:- meals I like and and fit into my plans
- meals we both like that fit into my plans
- meals he likes that don't fit into my plans
- then the shared common treat ground once a week e.g. pizza, carbonara etc.
If he wants stuff that doesn't fit my plans or wants takeout more than once a week I just ask that he doesn't eat it in front of me and I do my own thing. It mostly works but I do get sick of saying quite often not to offer me things outside my goals, if I want it bad enough I will go find it
What a brilliant idea! I am vegetarian, working towards being vegan and my SO is a meat lover through and through. His idea of veggies is a caesar salad drenched in dressing and cheese. Needless to say it makes meal planning for us difficult. I may just have to employ this strategy0
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